More Confused than ever

[agirl555]

Ok so this is kind of embarressing and nerve racking because I dont know if any of my classmates go on this website, so here I go...

So I was always attracted to boysnlike any normal girl, and always daydreamed that way and stuff like that. But then I started thinking wierd about sexuality in 6th grade, that my friends were attracted to me just because some of them randomly began calling me cute snd stuff. So I know I was extremely paranoid back then so I began to avoid them and stuff.

In 7th grade, I developed feelings for my friend, who I am not close to but we laugh together a lot and hang out but only get along if we are in a specific group. I know this because when we were fordibly partnered up, everything was dead silent and wierd. My friends would chase me around and stuff, and she joined in, and now I feel kind of intimidated by her so I stay away a lot but well liked her a little. She was just like me, in somewhat appearances and almost same exact humor. Well today I still avoid her but she stares at me back in a certain class (I know this because I can literally feel it, and sometimes turned around to see it.).
However I dont know if she was staring at me if
A. I was kind of sweaty and turn red sometimes when that happens.
B. I was looking really depressed and kept staring at the ground so maybe she pities me.

We have a wierd relationship and stuff and I daydream a lot and try to push images away.
I also watch lesbian porn a few times and found that afterwards, regular porn just stopped appealing to me.

However I still have feelings for my guy friends and classmates who like me back, and well, regular "girl stuff".

Another thing that I really hate, is throughout my entire childhood when I lived with my brother, he would call me and my sister lesbians and for some reason Jews, and insult us a lot and stuff. Basically im mentally scarred, and if I turned out to actually be one, he would always make fun of me forever and stuff. Also I cant stand it when other people are more right about me than I am if I argue against it. My friends say that im extremely stubborn and a lot of times, I personally know, that I deny a LOT of things.

Am I just curious, or bi, and what should I do? I absolutely hate my brother because he ruined my childhood and dont want him to be right either.

[Karkat]

I think your brother's harassment is part of what's holding you back. It sounds like you could/do have some attraction to girls, but you're going to have to either make peace with your brother, block him out, or accept that he'll do what he'll do before you can really understand yourself, in my opinion.

[backjruton]

Well... this sounds like one of the reasons I've been put off getting together with a girl.

My mum can be so annoying sometimes; she didn't do too much to me myself and it turned out a lot of my reactions were from sensory overload ... but the way she speaks to my dad sometimes is really pissing me off. She recently saw a bracelet behind the sofa, immediately accused him of cheating. On Sunday, she shouted at him for taking one of his female friends to meet her in the shop she works at and made him delete her off facebook because she thought he was cheating. She keeps asking him to do things, quite annoying things that she could easily do herself - I understand the cooking dinner, but making hot drinks when she makes them nicer and getting him to take her everywhere because she's too scared to take her driving test after being in a car she was driving and getting stuck behind someone who broke down. A lot of other things. Gives me the impression that girls and women are too needy, I don't want anyone to be like that with me. She recently mentioned that he's only ever going to get sex again is with this other woman because she doesn't want him that way. A lot of the time they get along but I seriously think SHE has bipolar unlike what I'm currently wondering with me...

I know in a way we're different because you're worried you might make your brother right and you don't want to do that, but you are your own person and you shouldn't be trying to go by what other people think. Maybe in a way you've been put off guys because of what your brother has been like, that seems like what has gone on with me. Romantic attraction and sexual are different, that's the main thing I've learned in my 3 months on here, so maybe you have the romantic feeling for those other guys but not the other thing. I feel I could start a relationship with my best friend but I wouldn't be able to have sex with her or even any proper physical contact. I'm one of the only people in college to keep my hands all to myself. 3 friends keep touching me, 2 guys and a girl; rubbing my hair because it "feels like a hedgehog" or rubbing my leg, grabbing my cheek or... something... to give me a boner because I not-very-stupidly told them it works that well.

Me and my friend are far too alike, the only difference is our sexual attractions are by far opposite to eachother with me guys vs girls. You shouldn't avoid anyone you're like, the best kind of friendship is when you're a lot like eachother and completely understand eachother. That's why I did extremely good making friends with someone else who's autistic; and I think my whole group of 10 or so friends in high school were autistic/ADHD/dyslexic anyway and we had that kind of connection together. If you think you'd do well together; don't let anyone else tell you different, because it's your life and not theirs, and you should be able to do what you want with it. :rolleyes: