Suicidal Thoughts, or something like that?

[maddogmj77]

I was just wondering, why people honestly feel they need to die? Like, I've read some threads and people with not nearly as worse a life as me, tried to commit suicide. I just wonder what it's like to be in the mindset of someone who actually wants to die. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of any thoughts of death whatsoever. Like, I don't even like the fact that I'm going to die eventually. Whenever I start to think about that I get really nervous and just start breathing really heavy, my throat swells up, my heart starts going really fast, and I just need to take a minute to calm down. I'd probably cut off my own arm with a butter knife before I kill myself.

[Living For Love]

I once read a quote that stated: "Saying someone can't be sad because other people have it worse is just like saying someone can't be happy because others might have it better." Just because you're in a more difficult position, and you're not contemplating suicide (which is really good), it doesn't mean that other people who are in less difficult situations don't think about doing it, because they are also suffering. When someone actually reaches that mindset of wanting to commit suicide, I guess that they've just lost hope in everything, it's like there's no reason to get up in the morning because you have no goals, no objectives, no one who cares, no future opportunities ahead, and the pain has become too unbearable to even keep going. They're just totally lost, unable to find a solution to their problems. That's why they think about suicide.

[maddogmj77]

I once read a quote that stated: "Saying someone can't be sad because other people have it worse is just like saying someone can't be happy because others might have it better." Just because you're in a more difficult position, and you're not contemplating suicide (which is really good), it doesn't mean that other people who are in less difficult situations don't think about doing it, because they are also suffering. When someone actually reaches that mindset of wanting to commit suicide, I guess that they've just lost hope in everything, it's like there's no reason to get up in the morning because you have no goals, no objectives, no one who cares, no future opportunities ahead, and the pain has become too unbearable to even keep going. They're just totally lost, unable to find a solution to their problems. That's why they think about suicide.

I never said I was mad at anybody for being sad when they have better lives than me. It would be ignorant to think that only the saddest person can be sad, and the happiest person, happy. I just didn't understand how someone could possibly even have the tiniest little thought of ever truly wanting to die. I've felt exactly like the last sentences, but I'd still much rather just wait everything out, even if it will never get better. I'm too scared to die.

[Harley Quinn]

For me personally, I never did think I would want to die. I used to be scared of death, like terribly afraid of it but there's some kind of idealistic idea that everything gets much better if you were to commit suicide. Being in the mindset is a very difficult place to be in, it's hard to get out of that mindset, everything you think about death makes so much more sense to you when you're there. It feels like a heavy weight on your chest, for me anyway, it feels like only way out is to kill yourself. Fighting is a lot harder said than actually done, you don't want to fight when you're in that mindset, you want everything to disappear, you want the world to actually make sense again. It was more because I lost myself, that I wanted to die, it wasn't an instinctive 'I want to kill myself', it's more of a 'this seems like the only thing right now that would help' and it sucks to be in that mindset.

[Rabiid]

Coming from a person who just got out of the hospital for attempting suicide, I can honestly say that my mind was just working differently, I guess i didn't feel like myself.

The feeling is very difficult to explain. I was afraid of death too, but when you are depressed you just don't think about it. It sorta just happens. For me it was just a way to ease the pain.

People have different reasons for doing it but i do want to say one thing, i regret doing it, life is to important to just throw away.

[maddogmj77]

Coming from a person who just got out of the hospital for attempting suicide, I can honestly say that my mind was just working differently, I guess i didn't feel like myself.

The feeling is very difficult to explain. I was afraid of death too, but when you are depressed you just don't think about it. It sorta just happens. For me it was just a way to ease the pain.

People have different reasons for doing it but i do want to say one thing, i regret doing it, life is to important to just throw away.

I saw both your threads before. I think anybody would just wanna give up after going through that. I'm glad your attempt failed (That sounds mean for some reason, but I'm not trying to be. lol), I'm also glad you see how important life is. :)

[Rabiid]

I saw both your threads before. I think anybody would just wanna give up after going through that. I'm glad your attempt failed (That sounds mean for some reason, but I'm not trying to be. lol), I'm also glad you see how important life is. :)

Believe me, I'm glad it failed too. I'm Fortunate to be here today, Like i said above, people have different reasons for doing it but at the end of the day life is to precious to give up.

[Living For Love]

I never said I was mad at anybody for being sad when they have better lives than me. It would be ignorant to think that only the saddest person can be sad, and the happiest person, happy. I just didn't understand how someone could possibly even have the tiniest little thought of ever truly wanting to die. I've felt exactly like the last sentences, but I'd still much rather just wait everything out, even if it will never get better. I'm too scared to die.

Ok, sorry if I seemed rude in my first response, it wasn't my intention. The fact that despite having some problems you still see your life as a precious gift, it only speaks highly of you. I'm Christian and I believe there's another life after this one (you can call me crazy, but that's just what I believe in). But I also believe that our purpose here on Earth, whichever it is, should be fulfilled. And there are so many things we can do here... Suicide is never the answer, the problem is that sometimes, we're so desperate, it seems the only way out of our problems, but it never is in fact.

[Karkat]

For me personally, it's bordering on the mentality of an addict. It's so hard to fight the thoughts once they're there. (I'd quote Siobahn, because she words it much better, but this is long :/) Usually the thoughts start out with negativity about myself. I'll think "I'm so stupid", or "God, I'm really not funny. I need to shut up forever." "My singing sucks, my vocal cords should be ripped out." "My laugh is disgusting and stupid." "I'm pathetic." "Everyone would be so much better without me."

See, a bit of backstory for me, I'm an addict. I've made- and still make, on a somewhat regular basis- a LOT of bad decisions. I'm also Bipolar; I have extreme difficulty with Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, OCD/OCD tendencies; PTSD; ADHD; and most likely Autism. High functioning, but there are a lot of things that still affect me tremendously. I struggle to make it through the day. I have extreme personality defects. (I'm not trying to sound self-depricative here- I've literally been told this. I have a horribly warped self-perspective, and a warped personality to match.) I struggled with self-harm in my early teens, was clean for quite a while, then had a major relapse since becoming a member here. I'm still struggling.

So basically, mentally, nothing is as it should be. My idiosyncrasies that come with each little part that's wrong with me can be just irritating or quirky some days, but some days they make it impossible to remember that tomorrow is only ever a few hours away.

The major things that make me suicidal have to do with Bipolar Disorder, addiction, personality defects, and anxiety.

Usually, it's "I'm a horrible person, I've fucked up seriously, I should die. I should have never been born."

Sometimes, it's "What's the point? Life is worthless. This is all so boring and worthless."

Occasionally, it's "The future terrifies me. I'm more afraid of what's to come than death." (Which is a bit ironic, really, but it most certainly runs through my mind. Petrifying fear. If I don't feel like I'm going to die, I feel like I'd rather die than see what's next.)

And sadly, every once in a great while, it's "I'm a complete fuckup. Please let me die so I don't have to go through this again." when I relapse.

I think that one hits me the hardest, because the other three are fairly routine for me. They definitely hurt like you can't imagine, but I can bounce back from them. Bouncing back from relapse is one of the hardest things in the world. Like bouncing back from a major suicide attempt (as opposed to a spur of the moment one, which is what usually happens to me.), but even more unexpected. I mean, when you plan out your death, you know it's coming at least a little bit in advance. When you relapse, you probably woke up that morning expecting another day of sobriety/etc.

I mean, when I really think about it, I've had a rough life. I'm not going to go much further into detail as I feel this is already more than you want to know/read, but I've actually been hit with quite a lot.

It's weird for me, to think about it. Most days I have moments where I can be so obliviously happy for short periods of time. I will still have struggles, but sometimes I forget that I'm not some regular, plucky 17 year old. I think that's good. I think if I was constantly, actively reminded of what I actually have to go through, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I mean, as it is, I've attempted suicide at least five times in 2014. My last major attempt was under 6 months ago. I still get suicidal thoughts all the time- exactly a week ago, I was feeling completely numb, when I saw that my best friend deactivated his Facebook and deleted his Tumblr. He'd spoken about being suicidal a few days to a couple weeks or so before that, and I was scared that he'd gone through with it. Turns out it was just really bad anxiety and depression (which was both a relief and not), but it snapped me the fuck out of that mentality pretty quickly. But here I am again tonight, fighting against it. I'm on medication. I just barely started like a little over a month ago, I think, and they have only upped the dose twice. I can't tell them the extent of my problems for a few reasons, and accordingly, it's almost impossible for me to get the help I need. I'm thankful that I'm on medication now- it is helping, but I can't help but feel it's too little too late. I hope I can hold on long enough to get to a better place mentally.

I mean, I am afraid of death to some degree- but it's more a fear of being unfulfilled. Wasting my life. Leaving a void behind in my place. Death itself doesn't affect me. As in the thought of it. I don't really see it as good or bad inherently, it just is. Kind of like life.

[maddogmj77]

Ok, sorry if I seemed rude in my first response, it wasn't my intention. The fact that despite having some problems you still see your life as a precious gift, it only speaks highly of you. I'm Christian and I believe there's another life after this one (you can call me crazy, but that's just what I believe in). But I also believe that our purpose here on Earth, whichever it is, should be fulfilled. And there are so many things we can do here... Suicide is never the answer, the problem is that sometimes, we're so desperate, it seems the only way out of our problems, but it never is in fact.

It's alright, lol. I believe that when you die, it's basically just the most simple and absolute form of nothingness. You wouldn't even be able to comprehend the nothingness, because your dead. Those are just my thoughts.

[Dalcourt]

There are so many different reasons why someone doesn't think life isn't worth living anymore...I never actually tried to commit suicide in the way most people think about suicide...but I have severely injured myself a few times. During a manic episode I can almost completely lose control and then trying do die seems the only real thing for me. It is hard to explain...I feel like I'm not able to control my body and my mind anymore...in a phase like that I feel like I'm becoming some kind of monster...and I'm afraid I could hurt anyone...and well before I hurt others I feel like I have to do this to myself, it's kind of an anchor for me.

it is more a severe form of self-harming than actually suicide, so I'm not sure if my thoughts count here and well, as I said before it is hard to describe these feelings...

[Celtics]

I was just wondering, why people honestly feel they need to die? Like, I've read some threads and people with not nearly as worse a life as me, tried to commit suicide. I just wonder what it's like to be in the mindset of someone who actually wants to die. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of any thoughts of death whatsoever. Like, I don't even like the fact that I'm going to die eventually. Whenever I start to think about that I get really nervous and just start breathing really heavy, my throat swells up, my heart starts going really fast, and I just need to take a minute to calm down. I'd probably cut off my own arm with a butter knife before I kill myself.

For me I live middle class everything "seems fine". I've been depressed for over 3 years and living a lie since I can remember. My family constantly drives me crazy to a point where I know if I don't get away later I will have to kill myself or I will do something awful. Thats just a summary and yeah I get blamed for everything that happens not even lying.

[CosmicNoodle]

I was just wondering, why people honestly feel they need to die? Like, I've read some threads and people with not nearly as worse a life as me, tried to commit suicide. I just wonder what it's like to be in the mindset of someone who actually wants to die. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of any thoughts of death whatsoever. Like, I don't even like the fact that I'm going to die eventually. Whenever I start to think about that I get really nervous and just start breathing really heavy, my throat swells up, my heart starts going really fast, and I just need to take a minute to calm down. I'd probably cut off my own arm with a butter knife before I kill myself.

I have....a few....emotional issues.
I've spent the last year, and some time before that wishing I was dead, every moment of every day. After a while you don't question why you want to, you just dd. With every river of your being.
Bit every day you get up and get shot done like every other human being because people, for some reason, want you alive.

Being suicidal truely is a fate worse than death.

As for why? For me it was depression, I don't know if you suffer with anything, but if you have depression every colour, every ounce of happiness, every laugh and shout is removed from the world. Basically you just live life hating it, and hating yourself.
If you lice that, suddenly just no longer having to live it, not even conprihending nothingness, seems quite tempting.

[maddogmj77]

Well, I actually did try to die like 5 months ago. I didn't eat for like 3 days straight, but when you have a closet full of food........ You give up pretty quickly. I'm not exactly sure why I did that, seems pretty stupid now. But, my life has gotten much worse from then.

[Jack russell dad]

Suicide... the ultimate stress reliever. People want to kill themselves because they feel they have no one to count on. Me? I couldn't kill myself, and like u hate thinking about it, but eventually we gotta realize were gonna die in the end, no matter what. We just gotta enjoy life and Dodge the punches the bitch swings at us.