Not gay!

[Username not found..]

I'm so sick of lads at school calling me gay! I'm quite a camp person, but I'm tired and sick of the taunts i get at school, I cant even make friends with boys because of it. What can I do to stop this stupid judgment carrying on??

[Gamma Male]

You could always try to start dating, if the taunting really bothers you.

[sqishy]

Dating aside,
you could try bouncing it back on them and seeing what happens, but if that doesn't stop them you can always go to a member of staff :/

[Menzis]

I'm so sick of lads at school calling me gay! I'm quite a camp person, but I'm tired and sick of the taunts i get at school, I cant even make friends with boys because of it. What can I do to stop this stupid judgment carrying on??

Wait.. what.. why do they call you gay?

[ksdnfkfr]

i looked up "camp" to see what you meant.
"a man who is camp behaves in a way that does not follow traditional ideas about male behavior, especially in order to attract attention"
so maybe you need to consider some behavior modification

[Horatio Nelson]

If you aren't gay, then why would someone saying something that isn't true bother you?

[Babs]

tbh I don't think you should care. it's extremely silly for them to stereotype gay people. It happens far too often.

[Aidoon123]

i looked up "camp" to see what you meant.
"a man who is camp behaves in a way that does not follow traditional ideas about male behavior, especially in order to attract attention"
so maybe you need to consider some behavior modification

Ehhh, no offence Ezra but that is a HORRIBLE idea, that is basically saying ''of other people don't like you, you should change and conform to their ideals'' which is just horrible! Man you be who you are, those guys are immature idiots who will get a hard smack across the face once they enter the big bad world and won't have their posse to back them up, don't EVER change who you are :) x

[ksdnfkfr]

Ehhh, no offence Ezra but that is a HORRIBLE idea, that is basically saying ''of other people don't like you, you should change and conform to their ideals'' which is just horrible! Man you be who you are, those guys are immature idiots who will get a hard smack across the face once they enter the big bad world and won't have their posse to back them up, don't EVER change who you are :) x

I get where you're coming from, but behavior modification isn't changing yourself. We do need to conform to a certain degree if we want to get along with others. We can't act any way we want and expect positive attention.

What if a person being themself meant going around and insulting others in a loud voice? Would you think that person should keep being himself? Or would you think maybe that behavior that should be worked on and toned down some?

[Aidoon123]

I get where you're coming from, but behavior modification isn't changing yourself. We do need to conform to a certain degree if we want to get along with others. We can't act any way we want and expect positive attention.

What if a person being themself meant going around and insulting others in a loud voice? Would you think that person should keep being himself? Or would you think maybe that behavior that should be worked on and toned down some?

Yes, but in this case we can't assume him being camp (acting girly) is going around insulting people, unless he tells us otherwise :P

[steellord321]

I get where you're coming from, but behavior modification isn't changing yourself. We do need to conform to a certain degree if we want to get along with others. We can't act any way we want and expect positive attention.

What if a person being themself meant going around and insulting others in a loud voice? Would you think that person should keep being himself? Or would you think maybe that behavior that should be worked on and toned down some?

Ive tried this. It only leads to depression. I'm naturally a "flaming gay" and started getting teased at age 4-5. I would even pee sitting down till like 6th grade and only stopped cause all the harassment.

But then i'm not into girls at all so they figured out i'm gay anyway, lost all friends, got bullied constantly and fell even more into depression.

Now when i got to college this year i came out fully and really worked on being myself again after i saw all the other camp guys on my floor and no one gave them shit. No more deep voice crap. I do the hand thing when i get excited, i'm alot more effeminate again and way happier now not hiding at all. Though i do piss standing still, maybe just grew out of that.

I dont see how someone like you that's gay (and autistic?) can be so critical of others for just being themselves and compare to harmful behavior like insulting others. The OP doesn't deserve to be treated that way at all. The bullies need to cut that shit out.

[Karkat]

Ive tried this. It only leads to depression. I'm naturally a "flaming gay" and started getting teased at age 4-5. I would even pee sitting down till like 6th grade and only stopped cause all the harassment.

But then i'm not into girls at all so they figured out i'm gay anyway, lost all friends, got bullied constantly and fell even more into depression.

Now when i got to college this year i came out fully and really worked on being myself again after i saw all the other camp guys on my floor and no one gave them shit. No more deep voice crap. I do the hand thing when i get excited, i'm alot more effeminate again and way happier now not hiding at all. Though i do piss standing still, maybe just grew out of that.

I dont see how someone like you that's gay (and autistic?) can be so critical of others for just being themselves and compare to harmful behavior like insulting others. The OP doesn't deserve to be treated that way at all. The bullies need to cut that shit out.

Hand flapping? That's not gay, that's autism related. Unless you mean the overly stereotypical "gay man hand placement" that's supposed to be sassy, which I tend to do, but once again, stereotypes.

Also, he's not being critical, he's trying to be helpful. There's a difference between being yourself because you should and can, and being so flamboyant that it is detrimental to every part of your life. I tend to be VERY flamboyant (When I'm not quiet as a house mouse, that is), and I've had even close friends get on my ass for it. "Bitch", "Drama queen", I've heard 'em all honey. I've managed to somewhat prune my personality into something that's slightly less crass and over the top, because I don't feel like I should be some queen bee. That's not me. I've always envied down-to-earth, approachable people. It's not that I'm trying to change who I am, it's that I'm trying to craft a better me. Hell, I'm probably on the autism spectrum as well as Ezra (as is the consensus of literally everyone on the spectrum that I know), and I always used to hide my quirks because they were "too abnormal". Like hand-flapping, etc. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and control myself- I'm practically an adult. If I can help not having meltdowns/shutdowns and inconveniencing others in public, I by all means will. It doesn't mean that I'm embarrassed to be myself anymore, or that I'm trying to hide myself, it just means I'm going to tone down certain things sometimes if they're going to be detrimental to others or even myself. As they say, there's a time and place for everything. ;) (Or at least, for the most part.)

[The Trendy Wolf]

I get where you're coming from, but behavior modification isn't changing yourself. We do need to conform to a certain degree if we want to get along with others. We can't act any way we want and expect positive attention.

What if a person being themself meant going around and insulting others in a loud voice? Would you think that person should keep being himself? Or would you think maybe that behavior that should be worked on and toned down some?

But the main difference is that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. His behavior is in no way inappropriate (I assume), so therefore it should be left alone. Being made fun of is just something you will have to get used to and ignore if it is not justly supported in some way, and eventually it will go away, most likely.

[steellord321]

Hand flapping? That's not gay, that's autism related. Unless you mean the overly stereotypical "gay man hand placement" that's supposed to be sassy, which I tend to do, but once again, stereotypes.

Also, he's not being critical, he's trying to be helpful. There's a difference between being yourself because you should and can, and being so flamboyant that it is detrimental to every part of your life. I tend to be VERY flamboyant (When I'm not quiet as a house mouse, that is), and I've had even close friends get on my ass for it. "Bitch", "Drama queen", I've heard 'em all honey. I've managed to somewhat prune my personality into something that's slightly less crass and over the top, because I don't feel like I should be some queen bee. That's not me. I've always envied down-to-earth, approachable people. It's not that I'm trying to change who I am, it's that I'm trying to craft a better me. Hell, I'm probably on the autism spectrum as well as Ezra (as is the consensus of literally everyone on the spectrum that I know), and I always used to hide my quirks because they were "too abnormal". Like hand-flapping, etc. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to try and control myself- I'm practically an adult. If I can help not having meltdowns/shutdowns and inconveniencing others in public, I by all means will. It doesn't mean that I'm embarrassed to be myself anymore, or that I'm trying to hide myself, it just means I'm going to tone down certain things sometimes if they're going to be detrimental to others or even myself. As they say, there's a time and place for everything. ;) (Or at least, for the most part.)

Yeah well thanks but i'm not autistic at all. I was referring to the stereotype gay behavior. And yeah it's a stereotype...and that's me, i fit it, always have. I don't think its a bad thing either, just contributes to diversity. I mean what you and Ezra expect is the stereotype, that we should all behave as "proper males". No thanks!

I've got enough friends that have no prob with how i behave and even joke along with me about being "flaming gay" and flirting. Why should i completely change who i am and sink back into depression just to try pick up a couple narrow minded friends that can't stand me doing the hand thing when i get excited or "laughing like a girl, crossing legs like a girl"? And that won't work anyway cause none wants a friend who hates themself like i did when acting as complete fraud.

[ksdnfkfr]

But the main difference is that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. His behavior is in no way inappropriate (I assume), so therefore it should be left alone. Being made fun of is just something you will have to get used to and ignore if it is not justly supported in some way, and eventually it will go away, most likely.

what i was addressing is him saying he was camp. i think that's more of a put on behavior like class clown or being flamboyant. it's something that can be overdone and have controls put on it.


I dont see how someone like you that's gay (and autistic?) can be so critical of others for just being themselves and compare to harmful behavior like insulting others. The OP doesn't deserve to be treated that way at all. The bullies need to cut that shit out.

i came up with insulting others as an example because its very common for people with autism to be insulting (as you seem to be insulted by me) and its something that needs to be worked on instead of the "oh don't change a thing, just be yourself" attitude. And the OP is not gay. he gets called gay because he acts camp. he obviously needs to modify acting camp. the keyword being acting
I've spent my whole life with kids with behavior problems, so i think i know a little something about it. i

[steellord321]

what i was addressing is him saying he was camp. i think that's more of a put on behavior like class clown or being flamboyant. it's something that can be overdone and have controls put on it.



i came up with insulting others as an example because its very common for people with autism to be insulting (as you seem to be insulted by me) and its something that needs to be worked on instead of the "oh don't change a thing, just be yourself" attitude. And the OP is not gay. he gets called gay because he acts camp. he obviously needs to modify acting camp. the keyword being acting
I've spent my whole life with kids with behavior problems, so i think i know a little something about it. i

read my last post, not repeating myself

[ksdnfkfr]

read my last post, not repeating myself

I've had to battle my behavior issues my whole life. there's nothing wrong with behavior modification. You do not get to act whatever the hell way you want in life and not get negative attention for it. it doesn't work that way. that's just reality.

[phuckphace]

Ezra is right.

[Gamma Male]

I've had to battle my behavior issues my whole life. there's nothing wrong with behavior modification. You do not get to act whatever the hell way you want in life and not get negative attention for it. it doesn't work that way. that's just reality.

Acting camp is not harmful behavior. If he wants to act like that(or even if he doesn't, but it's just in his nature) why should he have to modify it? It's not insulting, and it's not rude behavior. He shouldn't have to change who he is just because some people think are asses about it. Those people who make fun of him should stop being asses. Telling him to just conform and change who he is is unfair. He shouldn't have to change.

[ksdnfkfr]

Acting camp is not harmful behavior. If he wants to act like that(or even if he doesn't, but it's just in his nature) why should he have to modify it? It's not insulting, and it's not rude behavior. He shouldn't have to change who he is just because some people think are asses about it. Those people who make fun of him should stop being asses. Telling him to just conform and change who he is is unfair. He shouldn't have to change.

well it seems like maybe its harmful behavior to him personally. i agree that ideally its up to the asses to stop being asses, but that's never going to happen. he shouldn't have to modify - not change but modify - his behavior, but he might have to in order to cut down on negative reactions.

like i said, there's a lot of non harmful behavior i have that's there because of my neurological wiring. i work on modifying that behavior quite honestly to be more likable and acceptable. it doesn't hurt anyone for me to rock back and forth incessantly and make humming/growling sounds, but it is still a type of behavior that's going to get negative reactions, so i find ways to put controls on it at school.

If someone is acting out in a way that they get teased for, then they are going to have to modify that way of acting to cut down on getting teased. there's just no other way around it as i see it. i'm not saying that's the way it should be, i'm saying that's the way it is.

[phuckphace]

i'm not saying that's the way it should be, i'm saying that's the way it is.

he has a hard time differentiating the two, I think.

anyway 5/5 post would rate again

[Gamma Male]

well it seems like maybe its harmful behavior to him personally. i agree that ideally its up to the asses to stop being asses, but that's never going to happen. he shouldn't have to modify - not change but modify - his behavior, but he might have to in order to cut down on negative reactions.

like i said, there's a lot of non harmful behavior i have that's there because of my neurological wiring. i work on modifying that behavior quite honestly to be more likable and acceptable. it doesn't hurt anyone for me to rock back and forth incessantly and make humming/growling sounds, but it is still a type of behavior that's going to get negative reactions, so i find ways to put controls on it at school.

If someone is acting out in a way that they get teased for, then they are going to have to modify that way of acting to cut down on getting teased. there's just no other way around it as i see it. i'm not saying that's the way it should be, i'm saying that's the way it is.
But that isn't just how it is. There are better ways to make things better than by modifying your behavior. Like hanging around nicer people, learning to ignore what other people think, and finding some non-judgmental friends to back you up when people make fun of you. Not being yourself(and yes, modifying your behavior and not being yourself are the same thing) isn't the only solution. There are better alternatives.

[ksdnfkfr]

But that isn't just how it is. There are better ways to make things better than by modifying your behavior. Like hanging around nicer people, learning to ignore what other people think, and finding some non-judgmental friends to back you up when people make fun of you. Not being yourself(and yes, modifying your behavior and not being yourself are the same thing) isn't the only solution. There are better alternatives.

i'll agree with that. i'm good at narrow points of view and that what i was focusing on. but i still don't understand why improving on your behavior is being viewed as such a bad thing.

[Gamma Male]

i'll agree with that. i'm good at narrow points of view and that what i was focusing on. but i still don't understand why improving on your behavior is being viewed as such a bad thing.
There's a difference between improving yourself because you want to be a better person or get rid of a bad habit, and changing your(harmless) behavior because you occasionally get negative reactions from people who you aren't actually doing anything to offend. He doesn't want to change because he's unhappy with himself, he wants to change because of what other people think. But there are better ways to deal with jerks. Campiness isn't some bad habit, it's an integeral personality aspect.

[steellord321]

I've had to battle my behavior issues my whole life. there's nothing wrong with behavior modification. You do not get to act whatever the hell way you want in life and not get negative attention for it. it doesn't work that way. that's just reality.

no kidding, i addressed this to "Wisen"

So why don't you "behavior modify" your way into hetero? Your post is like comparing that to stopping yourself from going on a violent rampage. One is behavior mod, the other is trying to change something you've no control over.

Again, read where i attempted this and fell into depression/self hate and lost friends and kept getting bullied (to the point i had to transfer schools) even still. The OP can try all that or at least be himself and be happy with that.

i'll agree with that. i'm good at narrow points of view and that what i was focusing on. but i still don't understand why improving on your behavior is being viewed as such a bad thing.

Because his behavior in this particular case is harmless

It's not biting his nails till they fall off or being an ass at dinner table or attacking someone.

[ksdnfkfr]

He doesn't want to change because he's unhappy with himself, he wants to change because of what other people think.

But that's why everyone puts controls on the way they act in public. everyone alters they way they act in public then from how they act at home, especially how they act when alone.

How about that i suck my thumb? Would anyone actually encourage me to start sucking my thumb in front of everyone at school?

[steellord321]

like i said, there's a lot of non harmful behavior i have that's there because of my neurological wiring. i work on modifying that behavior quite honestly to be more likable and acceptable. it doesn't hurt anyone for me to rock back and forth incessantly and make humming/growling sounds, but it is still a type of behavior that's going to get negative reactions, so i find ways to put controls on it at school.

If someone is acting out in a way that they get teased for, then they are going to have to modify that way of acting to cut down on getting teased. there's just no other way around it as i see it. i'm not saying that's the way it should be, i'm saying that's the way it is.

Fair enough but at what cost to modify that behavior? If you can stop rocking easily go ahead and do it. If you fall into crying fits, become very bitter, so on maybe its not worth it. And no, you don't deserve to get teased for crap you can't control.

But that's why everyone puts controls on the way they act in public. everyone alters they way they act in public then from how they act at home, especially how they act when alone.

How about that i suck my thumb? Would anyone actually encourage me to start sucking my thumb in front of everyone at school?

If you started sucking thumb then i'd guess its a choice and not a birth trait so no.

[ksdnfkfr]

Fair enough but at what cost to modify that behavior? If you can stop rocking easily go ahead and do it. If you fall into crying fits, become very bitter, so on maybe its not worth it. And no, you don't deserve to get teased for crap you can't control.

believe me i'm not saying the teasing is deserved and am worried that's how i might be making it sound. maybe i'm not the person to talk about this because my whole life has been about modifying, changing, whatever, who i am. going against what i'm supposed to be, which is a lot more autistic then i am these day. and my progress has come with a lot of crying fits and bitterness believe me. And i still don't see how the OP acting camp is something that can't be controlled to some extent.

If you started sucking thumb then i'd guess its a choice and not a birth trait so no.

I saw a documentary thing once where you could see a fetus sucking its thumb. i'm pretty certain i've been doing it since before i was born too.

so would you encourage me instead of resiting the urge, to start sucking my thumb at school?

[Karkat]

Thanks for the thoughts again but some is just opinion and some simply wrong. We all get hormone blasts in the womb. I probly got too much estrogen, a feminizing hormone and *that* is why i'm like this, not out of choice i can fucking assure you of that. Why in god's name would i choose to be like this and get my ass kicked growing up and lose all friends? Did you even listen to the part where i tried to change and it caused severe depression? You need to wake the fuck up yourself

It has nothing to do with self centered or me first either. Fucking hand flapping or talking with lisp seriously? How are these harmful at all? If you ask me others need to learn to just accept it. It's not being polite at dinner table or to customers or shit. That's learning to function and this isn't my "worst" as if i'm jerking off in public or on violent rampage. I'll tell you for the last time. I cannot help my mannerisms, i was born this way, and if OP talks with a lisp or whatever i bet its the same for him.

I play IM hockey, major in accounting, volunteer at the FIA (social services) and work as researcher interviewing ex cons on parole. If talking with lisp gives some homophobic jackass excuse to hate me so be it.

That is not what I was referring to. Yes, hormones do affect some things, however, most of it is environment and just what's happened in your life so far. Because that's what shapes personality. I never said all of it was something you could help, in fact, personality is in large something you can't just 'change', so if you could kindly refrain from doing exactly what I asked you not to.

Mannerisms are not even close to what I was talking about. Certain quirks and idiosyncrasies are ok to some extent, so long as it's not detrimental to yourself or others.

-edited. Completely unnecessary. -Emerald Dream

[NeuroTiger]

Ezra is saying BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION...not a radical change in your lifestyle.
I'll advise a behaviour modification too...that's the best you can do to feel accepted.

Btw...do you always pee standing? What's the relationship between peeing sitting and being effeminate? (I want a concrete explanation not just a plain answer as: "men have dicks and so they can pee standing unlike females")

[ksdnfkfr]

Shea>Me

He seems to have a hard time understanding that. [-]Thankfully I do to some extent or my above post to him probably would've gotten me banned like I was pretty fucking mad. I was shaking.[/-]

i think the problem is seeing the situation from different points of view from personal experiences. i'm not mad at anyone myself for not seeing things the way i do about this. i'm just trying to get a better grasp.

[steellord321]

Ezra is saying BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION...not a radical change in your lifestyle.
I'll advise a behaviour modification too...that's the best you can do to feel accepted.

Btw...do you always pee standing? What's the relationship between peeing sitting and being effeminate? (I want a concrete explanation not just a plain answer as: "men have dicks and so they can pee standing unlike females")

He can call it "behavior modification" till the cows come home, its actually radical change in lifestyle.

You don't see how piss sitting every time is effeminate? Unlike my friend who in i think it was 2nd grade just whipped his dick out right in front of me to piss on the playground.

Look you can ask every guy (and it was always the guys) who made fun of me for it for years. I suppose its easier and faster to pee standing and so if you can do it why the hell wouldnt you unless sitting felt right? Well i feel/felt more like a girl in a lot of ways and thats one of em.

[ksdnfkfr]

He can call it "behavior modification" till the cows come home, its actually radical change in lifestyle.

Nope, an adjustment is not a radical change.

If my dad makes a few tweaks to his motorcycle, that's a modification. If he gets out is power saw and blow torch and chops it down into a bobber, that's a radical change.

[NeuroTiger]

Nope, an adjustment is not a radical change.

If my dad makes a few tweaks to his motorcycle, that's a modification. If he gets out is power saw and blow torch and chops it down into a bobber, that's a radical change.

An awesome illustration between adjustment and radical change.

Adjustment is change a bit.
Radical change is total transformation.

[steellord321]

Nope, an adjustment is not a radical change.

If my dad makes a few tweaks to his motorcycle, that's a modification. If he gets out is power saw and blow torch and chops it down into a bobber, that's a radical change.

Is that why it makes you bitter and cry? Just a tweak? Sorry that its difficult for you though and its your decision in the end. I just want OP to know what can happen.

[ksdnfkfr]

Is that why it makes you bitter and cry? Just a tweak? Sorry that its difficult for you though and its your decision in the end. I just want OP to know what can happen.

what makes me cry and bitter at times mostly is my speech therapy, which is tweaking my speech impediment, as no one is expecting me to do a radical change and become an auctioneer overnight. all i suggested was to try toning down acting camp some, not to make a radical change.

I also apologize if the way i said something caused problems in this thread. i have a hard time sometimes with the it's not what you say but how you say it thing. I should have posted something more like "have you tried toning down being camp?". i'll try to be more careful about how i word things i.e. modify my style.

[Harley Quinn]

Mod Note: Yo, if you can't get on with each other without arguing, just don't post. Take it up with the person in private if you have that need. This will be your only warning, after that, warnings and infractions could be handed out.

[steellord321]

what makes me cry and bitter at times mostly is my speech therapy, which is tweaking my speech impediment, as no one is expecting me to do a radical change and become an auctioneer overnight. all i suggested was to try toning down acting camp some, not to make a radical change.

I also apologize if the way i said something caused problems in this thread. i have a hard time sometimes with the it's not what you say but how you say it thing. I should have posted something more like "have you tried toning down being camp?". i'll try to be more careful about how i word things i.e. modify my style.

Well i have tried and it didn't work, asked and answered. Think we can move on from that

My friend had speech stutters. Even the teacher (a real bitch) would say "stop stuttering". I don't know how but from 2nd grade to some time later he managed to talk completely normal. What i find sad is he stutters never bothered me even though we went everywhere together yet people that rarely had to hear it gave him hell.

So its his choice to "fix" the problem but i still blame them

[Bull]

:)I get where you're coming from, but behavior modification isn't changing yourself. We do need to conform to a certain degree if we want to get along with others. We can't act any way we want and expect positive attention.

What if a person being themself meant going around and insulting others in a loud voice? Would you think that person should keep being himself? Or would you think maybe that behavior that should be worked on and toned down some?

First: You ARE special! You are somebody that has feelings and that cares. I would be glad to have friend like you.

Second: I like your thinking here. We all need to modify our behavior from time to time and place to place in order to be perceived in a positive light. Perceptions ARE important.

[ksdnfkfr]

Well i have tried and it didn't work, asked and answered. Think we can move on from that

okay yeah. different points of view that we can't merge. hopefully us hashing them out was a helpful debate instead of just derailing the thread.