ryan_
April 29th, 2014, 12:30 AM
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, It's probably just be a bunch of rambling and ranting...
okay, so these thoughts have really been making me down and depressed lately .
*sat here for a while trying to figure out where to start lol*
I don't think this has anything to do with going through puberty because i'm turning 20 later this year but anyways...
I am emotionally attracted to girls, for sure. But I find it hard to be sexually attracted to them. Like, I could watch straight or lesbian porn, and MAYBE, 1 or 2 out of 10 times I will be aroused by it, but for the most part it does nothing for me. Don't get me wrong, when I see a naked woman, it doesn't gross me out, it looks normal to me, so that makes me think i'm not gay.
But... that whole situation is opposite for how i feel about guys. I am way more attracted to males sexually, but I am only mildly emotionally attracted to them, and i feel like a relationship with a guy would just be a little weird to me. And when i'm horny or something, I will always go to gay porn. Also, I am very picky about guys that I find attractive, they have to look a certain way (probably due to a lack of emotional feelings), where when it comes to woman, i'm a lot more laid back, and feel like there are a lot of different looks on a girl that are attractive to me.
Now... another dilemma. I'm a virgin so I don't know for sure, like i'm talking to a girl right now, and i like her, but i'm absolutely terrified that when i go to have sex with her, i won't be able to be turned on even though I really like her, maybe by the time that happens i will be in love with her, who knows (IF it ever happens).
Anyways, my main concern is that i've been thinking more and more about this everyday, and i've been getting more and more confused/frustrated/and upset.
And lately I don't even feel the need to try and talk to people, or carry a conversation. I'm a lot more quieter than I used to be. And my sex drive has absolutely plummeted, about a couple of months ago I would probably masturbated at least 0-2 times a day, now it's very rare, and i find it harder to do, and i think it's because i'm ashamed, but i can't be too sure.
I would really appreciate to hear what you think.
I just want the confusion to go away. When I picture myself happy in life, I picture myself with a beautiful wife, and 2 kids. But how come I can't get more sexually excited for woman! it's so frustrating...
This whole thing is probably incomprehensible, and annoying, and seems stupid to all of you, but writing this out I feel was the best way to figure it out. It finally had to be done, and dealt with. I know I was all over the map with this post, but again, I would love a little advice right now. thank you :)
okay, so these thoughts have really been making me down and depressed lately .
*sat here for a while trying to figure out where to start lol*
I don't think this has anything to do with going through puberty because i'm turning 20 later this year but anyways...
I am emotionally attracted to girls, for sure. But I find it hard to be sexually attracted to them. Like, I could watch straight or lesbian porn, and MAYBE, 1 or 2 out of 10 times I will be aroused by it, but for the most part it does nothing for me. Don't get me wrong, when I see a naked woman, it doesn't gross me out, it looks normal to me, so that makes me think i'm not gay.
But... that whole situation is opposite for how i feel about guys. I am way more attracted to males sexually, but I am only mildly emotionally attracted to them, and i feel like a relationship with a guy would just be a little weird to me. And when i'm horny or something, I will always go to gay porn. Also, I am very picky about guys that I find attractive, they have to look a certain way (probably due to a lack of emotional feelings), where when it comes to woman, i'm a lot more laid back, and feel like there are a lot of different looks on a girl that are attractive to me.
Now... another dilemma. I'm a virgin so I don't know for sure, like i'm talking to a girl right now, and i like her, but i'm absolutely terrified that when i go to have sex with her, i won't be able to be turned on even though I really like her, maybe by the time that happens i will be in love with her, who knows (IF it ever happens).
Anyways, my main concern is that i've been thinking more and more about this everyday, and i've been getting more and more confused/frustrated/and upset.
And lately I don't even feel the need to try and talk to people, or carry a conversation. I'm a lot more quieter than I used to be. And my sex drive has absolutely plummeted, about a couple of months ago I would probably masturbated at least 0-2 times a day, now it's very rare, and i find it harder to do, and i think it's because i'm ashamed, but i can't be too sure.
I would really appreciate to hear what you think.
I just want the confusion to go away. When I picture myself happy in life, I picture myself with a beautiful wife, and 2 kids. But how come I can't get more sexually excited for woman! it's so frustrating...
This whole thing is probably incomprehensible, and annoying, and seems stupid to all of you, but writing this out I feel was the best way to figure it out. It finally had to be done, and dealt with. I know I was all over the map with this post, but again, I would love a little advice right now. thank you :)