Confused

[AnonPerson]

Hi
I find people confusing, particularly relationships. I don't really understand what the point is and how they come about. Can someone explain them to me? Also I have noticed that people don't seem to accept two people of opposite genders to be friends and assume that they are in a relationship. Is this correct or are they just being bullies?

[Horatio Nelson]

I can't think of the right way to answer your first question.....But I do know that guys and girls can totally be in non-romantic relationships.

[ksdnfkfr]

Well i don't understand much of it myself. i am kinda by way of fluke in a friendship/relationship. the point is having someone who cares about you and you care about them. its a basic human instinct, but not all people like you or me have it, so its hard to understand. As for how people view relationships of others, many tend to be busybodies and like to make stuff up and gossip. i have no idea why. that's just the way a lot operate.

[backjruton]

Hi
I find people confusing, particularly relationships. I don't really understand what the point is and how they come about. Can someone explain them to me? Also I have noticed that people don't seem to accept two people of opposite genders to be friends and assume that they are in a relationship. Is this correct or are they just being bullies?

Exactly how I feel a lot of the time. I don't see the point in relationships when you can just be close friends and then be like you're in a relationship but with less chance of offending eachother and generally more friendly towards eachother because you accept your own limits more. Even our tutor in college thinks me and my best friend are in a relationship, but it's more that we both have the same disability, it's easier for us to connect to eachother than to other people and a lot of the time we know exactly what is going too far because we're so much like eachother.

I would never consider a relationship no matter how friendly I am with someone and luckily she's the same there, we haven't spoke in 2 weeks because of spring break but we will soon and I'm happy about that we just both need the peace I guess. We've been accused of having sex behind one of the big fences before, accused of snogging, but in reality I won't even touch her because I know I don't like physical contact and don't expect other people to either. Especially because once again this seems like a combination of aspergers/autism and ADHD; I have autism atleast and I'm thinking about the other. I feel this way and I've always suspected it with her too, and from reading up the symptoms or whatever of it I know people like us generally don't like to be touched and sometimes it can make things worse.

[DiamondsGirl]

I don't really understand your question either, but in case this is your question:

"What is the point of having relationships?"

Then this is my answer:

You'll know when you have fallen in love :)

[Gumleaf]

As humans we are designed to be loved and feel love for other people. As we enter puberty, our emotions and feelings to be romantically involved with someone develops and you'll start to find other people attractive and so forth. It's at that point when most of us start wanting to be in a relationship with someone.

For the part about the assumptions, I can tell you that never changes. I'm friends with a female at my church and we are only friends now and will only ever be just friends. but the rumours of our 'relationship' are annoying because it causes complications with the girl I actually do like.

[AnonPerson]

So the only difference between being friends and being in a relationship is hugging, kissing and sex?

[Synyster Shadows]

Well those could be things friends do or even friends with benefits. With a relationship, you'd do anything for that significant other to make them happy and you get this warm happiness just by being with them.

[DiamondsGirl]

So the only difference between being friends and being in a relationship is hugging, kissing and sex?

Being in a relationship means you are experiencing eros love. When you are in a friendship, you are experiencing philia love. Hugging, kissing and sex is mere expressions of the eros type of love.

[Menzis]

I do have a female friend and we don't have a relationship or anything, but people just instantly assume, because you have a female friend you are together.. it's just the way society thinks.

[Pensive]

Hi
I find people confusing, particularly relationships. I don't really understand what the point is and how they come about. Can someone explain them to me? Also I have noticed that people don't seem to accept two people of opposite genders to be friends and assume that they are in a relationship. Is this correct or are they just being bullies?

You clearly think in a different way to the general populous, If you are under the age of 16 then I'd just not worry about any of this.

However it may be worth a visit to the mental health section of this site. In terms of lacking feeling and empathy towards others, you may be a psychopath. Being a 'psychopath' isn't like the movies portray, it's not something to be 'ashamed' of for example. But I would definitely recommend some googling on the subject.

[AnonPerson]

I am not lacking feeling and empathy towards others and i am not a psychopath ( I googled it and understand the meaning). I am just trying to understand the difference between a relationship and a friendship.

[DiamondsGirl]

I am not lacking feeling and empathy towards others and i am not a psychopath ( I googled it and understand the meaning). I am just trying to understand the difference between a relationship and a friendship.

in all honesty I understand where Pensive comes from. It is uncanny for someone to not understand the difference between friendship and a relationship. It's good to hear that you are not apathetic (because I am) but I also wonder why would you not understand.

[AnonPerson]

I have a social disability and have previously avoided everything related to relationships due to finding it awkward and a fear of the opposite gender (I mean actual fear, not just shyness).
After reading the above posts it would appear that everyone has a slightly different meaning. So is it just when you formally call yourselves in a relationship and start calling "hanging out" a "date".

[DiamondsGirl]

If you exclude the love feeling involved, then yes.

[Pensive]

I have a social disability and have previously avoided everything related to relationships due to finding it awkward and a fear of the opposite gender (I mean actual fear, not just shyness).
After reading the above posts it would appear that everyone has a slightly different meaning. So is it just when you formally call yourselves in a relationship and start calling "hanging out" a "date".

How did you not think this information was highly relevant? Should havw been the first thing you said!

Why does it matter so much to you?

I think if you don't understand the point of romantic relationships, you should avoid them until you do. There's no point acting how you think is normal, if it's not normal for you.

[AnonPerson]

Sorry I should have posted this at the start of this thread (I will post more information in future threads). I was trying to avoid people in real life from identifying me as they will probably confront me about it and I will feel awkward. I used to be afraid of girls, not just nervous but afraid they would hurt me (This is the result of a traumatic experience and general observation (Most people at my school are not "decent")). I don't like most boys either, mainly because of the topics they like discussing and the way they act. A few months ago I started to realise that I can't judge all girls based on the actions of a few. Not long after that I met a girl who was not too different from me and we are now friends. After one of my friends had a lot of people assume him and his friend (who is female) are in a relationship I am worried that people would think the same about me. I thought that I didn't want to be in a relationship and then realised that I am not really sure why you would be in one. The most I know of them is from observing people at school; hugging,kissing, and sex (I have not seen this (thankfully) but they talk about it a lot) I don't like the idea of any of this and decided that it would be pointless but I am unsure whether this is the case.

[DiamondsGirl]

Sorry I should have posted this at the start of this thread (I will post more information in future threads). I was trying to avoid people in real life from identifying me as they will probably confront me about it and I will feel awkward. I used to be afraid of girls, not just nervous but afraid they would hurt me (This is the result of a traumatic experience and general observation (Most people at my school are not "decent")). I don't like most boys either, mainly because of the topics they like discussing and the way they act. A few months ago I started to realise that I can't judge all girls based on the actions of a few. Not long after that I met a girl who was not too different from me and we are now friends. After one of my friends had a lot of people assume him and his friend (who is female) are in a relationship I am worried that people would think the same about me. I thought that I didn't want to be in a relationship and then realised that I am not really sure why you would be in one. The most I know of them is from observing people at school; hugging,kissing, and sex (I have not seen this (thankfully) but they talk about it a lot) I don't like the idea of any of this and decided that it would be pointless but I am unsure whether this is the case.

yeah school gossips are the worst. They don't happen no more once you're out of school though. The way you are now, I'd say work your way over that fear first. Relationships, and the understanding of it, should come later. You did state that you are not apathetic. If that's the case, then I'd say just sit back and wait. The day you fall in love, you wouldn't need to ask us this :)

[Melodic]

I met a girl who was not too different from me and we are now friends. After one of my friends had a lot of people assume him and his friend (who is female) are in a relationship I am worried that people would think the same about me.

Oh yes they probably will.. When a guy and a girl are hanging out, people always try to assume stuff like that because they got nothing better to do.

Best thing to do is not let that get in the way of your friendship and don't care what they think. I mean if it's not true, why should it matter? Anyone close to you guys will know the truth. :)

[Body odah Man]

Hi
I find people confusing, particularly relationships. I don't really understand what the point is and how they come about. Can someone explain them to me? Also I have noticed that people don't seem to accept two people of opposite genders to be friends and assume that they are in a relationship. Is this correct or are they just being bullies?

The second point is just people being bullies. I am friends with many girls and we sure as heck aren't in a relationship.
As for point one-I feel sorry for you that you can't understand the point of relationships as they are the bonuses for each of us in our lives. Relationships basically occur when a girl and a boy really have a 'chemistry' together and feel joy and respect for one another and love to be around each other. The point is hard to explain but it involves them having joy being together I believe, never bene in a relationship either

[AnonPerson]

Thanks for your help.
I guess I will know when/if it happens.