School Struggles

[Horatio Nelson]

I've been homeschooled my whole life. This year I started "independent studies" which is "homeschool" that has a campus. So definitely a change of pace for me. I had A's and B's the first semester. But in this second semester, my grades have plunged. I am the worlds worst procrastinator and have no self control when it comes to distractions. School is not hard per-say, but not turning in enough work is my problem. Because I do a little bit, check my phone, read something not school related, bam, next thing you know, a whole hour has gone by and I've gotten nothing done. This makes me so mad because I am my own worst enemy in this situation and I know I need to get work done, but I can't push myself to do it. I tell myself "Oh, well I can finish it tomorrow l." This has created a snowball effect and I have gotten behind several weeks. With the school year coming to a close, I'm running out of time, I don't want to go to summer school.

Not to make an excuse for myself, but I am not good at teaching myself (which has become painfully apparent with the start of highschool) I am more likely than not going to go to a regular public highschool next year. But in the mean time, I don't know what to do to get myself to sit my lazy ass down and do something. I work best at gun point, or so to speak.

(I hope that made an inkling of sense to someone.)

[Karkat]

This is exactly how I am. ;_; School is a painful topic for me right now, heh.

Best of luck

[Horatio Nelson]

This is exactly how I am. ;_; School is a painful topic for me right now, heh.

Best of luck

Whaaaaat?? You're just gonna leave me in the black pit of despair?


( :P )

[Karkat]

Whaaaaat?? You're just gonna leave me in the black pit of despair?


( :P )

LOL If I had any advice, you wouldn't be reading what I just wrote :P

[unknownuser]

Well, this is coming from a fellow procrastinator... wish I was able to myself practice what I preach, but alas, it just doesn't work that way... :P

What I say is go cold-turkey. When doing homework and school related stuff, put your phone away, turn it off, or go put it in another room, if you must (same goes for computer/videogames/ other distractions). Don't even think about it... Start slow and set small goals for yourself... tell yourself that you'll work on homework for 5 minutes, then you can check your phone or computer for a minute... then work up to 10 minutes of doing work, then a 2 minute break and so on.

You're conditioning yourself to work for your reward and the only way it'll work and pay off is if you stick with it. You have to be strong and dedicated (unlike me) but my grades don't really suffer as a result of my procrastination, so I consider myself lucky. :P

[Horatio Nelson]

Well, this is coming from a fellow procrastinator... wish I was able to myself practice what I preach, but alas, it just doesn't work that way... :P

What I say is go cold-turkey. When doing homework and school related stuff, put your phone away, turn it off, or go put it in another room, if you must (same goes for computer/videogames/ other distractions). Don't even think about it... Start slow and set small goals for yourself... tell yourself that you'll work on homework for 5 minutes, then you can check your phone or computer for a minute... then work up to 10 minutes of doing work, then a 2 minute break and so on.

You're conditioning yourself to work for your reward and the only way it'll work and pay off is if you stick with it. You have to be strong and dedicated (unlike me) but my grades don't really suffer as a result of my procrastination, so I consider myself lucky. :P


I wish it was that easy. I've been trying to do that, but it really is a lot harder than it sounds when you're left to your own devices. It's also somewhat comforting to know I'm not the only person who has this kind of a struggle, as stupid as it may seem.

[CharlieHorse]

I do something similar.
I procrastinate because I don't feel like doing work. I'm either feeling bad so I can't work on it, or I'm feeling happy (for the first time in the day) so I don't want to ruin it with doing homework. I occasionally feel some small happiness.
So I don't do it that often.

And when I do try to do it, I get SO distracted SO easily. Not just by objects, or the internet, or anything physical, I will get lost in my mind. I will fall into my thoughts. I will end up thinking about ANYTHING other than what I should be thinking of. I feel like I can't gather the right thoughts and put them to work on the homework without being pulled away by another thought.
I also have found that I have a hard time in general with forming my non-verbal mental thoughts into verbal mental thoughts. Or turning emotions and feelings into your voice you hear in your head when you consciously think about things. If not difficult, then definitely slower than a lot of other people. But sometimes I feel like it acts faster than I can consciously recognize, and in ways I don't expect.
In the end, I have no real control over my mind. I can however, keep it occupied.

I can put my attention into any form of other reality. A movie, a video game, a book, even music. I can focus on these other things and become completely engrossed in them. I don't have to think about myself, or my own existence. All I have to do is put myself in the characters place and live as them for the length of the show, episode, storyline, whatever.
This is why I turn to my computer a lot when I feel mentally screwed up. I can watch Dr Who, or Breaking Bad, and escape reality for some time, and experience some other world besides the one in my head.

I feel tired ALL THE TIME. TWICE in my WHOLE LIFE I woke up feeling rested. I don't remember those two days that well, other than the fact that I didn't feel depressed, and life felt worth living. I didn't think about killing myself.

I can't stay focused on the essay for long, or the worksheet, or even the lesson, and so I end up putting it off, or not learning it at all.
Then I get stressed about having not done it, or learned it.
And when I get stressed, I get overwhelmed really easily, to the point where my mind, my emotion-to-thought conversion, and my thoughts get screwed up more than they are normally. And I just can't do it.

I also feel like if I don't think about things, then I forget them soon. Maybe my memory is screwed up.

I'll get really depressed from all the failure. And I can only blame myself. I can't blame my school, or my teachers, or anyone else. My own mind failed my conscious being.

And I lay awake at night, my screwed up mind too tired to think about anything except where I'm going, and I see myself going nowhere. I see no point in going on. I get really depressed, and I think about suicide, but I'm too tired to do anything about it. I can't sleep without letting all the stress and feelings out. I somehow managed to get into the bad habit of making myself cry. I might be addicted to crying out everything.
It's hard to make myself cry, so I have to think about bad things, and I blame myself, and I think about how I'll never be happy, and how I'll never find the right girl. It's enough to make me cry it out, and my mind is finally empty enough to fall into sleep. The side effect is that I now have severely damaged self esteem, and I've become exceptionally good at putting myself down. It's become a bad habit, and I'm constantly feeling depressed from it.


___
Repeat

Sorry if this was huge. I've been waiting a long time for my mind to stay on course like this when I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

I have found some easy ways to break the depression chain temporarily, but it's not so easy. Doing something I love, hobbies and whatnot, but I have to have the energy for it, which rarely comes.
And being in love, and being loved back is the easiest way for me to feel happy. Apparently, studies have shown that being in love actually causes your brain to stop some cognitive function, which explains why some people can act stupid when in love. Maybe this feeling makes my mind calm, and quiet, and focused on one thing, the most important thing in my whole life, the one person that I love so much, and would give anything for.
I haven't found that person yet. I sometimes think I never will. This makes me severely depressed sometimes, and fuels the self hate chain. And also makes it harder to find that one person, because what type of girl would want a guy who is screwed up like this?


I have also found that every day, my mind works a little differently, because each day something different happens. This has led me to be confused about my condition. It's not just depression, because I'm not always depressed, and It's not just adhd because sometimes i can focus on something else, and lots of other things. This has led me to think there's nothing that I can do. No one simple solution. No simple happy pill that will work.

[DiamondsGirl]

I haven't read all of the above posts yet so I'm sorry if I repeat something, but I'm a procrastinator too. If going "cold turkey" like somebody up there has suggested is too hard to do for you, then drag someone to help. A family member would be best, since they live in the same house with you. Share your study room with siblings so that when they caught you checking your phone or anything they can quickly remind you to go back to work.

Seriously though when it comes to procrastination, no external source could help. I mean, yes they could, but they won't be able to get into the root of the problem. You gotta... uh, I hate to re-emphasize what you already know but... you gotta be stern with yourself. Tell yourself NO I can NOT do this tomorrow. Sit down and have a mental battle with yourself for several minutes if you must.

Are self-hate statements triggering for you? If the answer is "no" or "not really", I'd go there. Personally, I like to put myself in a mental boot camp. Unless I tell myself stuffs like "go study you lazy ass bitch" I wouldn't get anything done. It's not a one-size-fits-all solution though. Whatever you chose to do in the end, I wish you the best of luck x