Dealing with racist friends

[Babiole]

Last week, I had an argument with a fellow classmate who I normally get along with decently. He told me about his dealings with these Russian tourists and talked about how "cold" and "ugly" they are, and how he thinks that all Russian men are drunken racists. I was genuinely shocked at how he responded. I never thought Russians were all like that. I made friends with a Russian teenager at a resort in Greece last year, and he was NOTHING like that - he was actually very sweet and friendly (and he was far from ugly). I tried to explain to my friend that a bad experience with a few members of a culture should not affect your view of an entire culture. But he didn't care what I had to say.

I refuse to befriend people who are prejudiced against Muslims and blacks because one of my best friends is a Muslim and my dad's youngest brother is married to a black woman and they've got two biracial children who are my cousins.

Have you ever had to deal with racist friends? How should I handle my racist friend?

[DiamondsGirl]

My mom is heavily racist. I have to endure her judgmental opinions regarding a certain race every day. I thought one day my ears are gonna fall off, but hey they're still there. Here's the thing; he over-reacted by labeling the entire Russian population just because of the antics of a handful of folks, but you're over-reacting too IMO. You don't have to be so intolerant towards him to the point you don't wanna hang around him no more. After all, this is not the kind of racist that is destructive. He's just voicing his thoughts, right? It's not like he points at every random Russian and screams "RUSSIANS YOU'RE UGLY" or beating them with a stick. People will always be people. There are good sides and bad sides to them. Maybe he's intolerant towards a certain racial background, but it doesn't instantly mean he's a bad person.

I personally think the only racist folks we need to shun are the ones who bully/abuse people from a certain racial/religious background. Other than that, well... we do have freedom of speech.

[Croconaw]

I try not to involve myself with racist people. You can't really avoid them because everyone is racist to some degree. Although, he should've let you voice your opinion. If he had a right to his opinion, you should have a right to yours. I think it's nice that you don't want to befriend these types of people, but is it really necessary? People can be racist, but they can keep their opinion to themselves. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. It's common sense.

[CassnovA]

I think you have to take it with a pinch of salt. Everyone has their own views and a lot of the time they will differ from your own. The issue I have is with respect and general decency. If someone is racist, sexist etc - for whatever reason they have come to that opinion, however when they are openly doing it around those in question then that is extremely rude and disrespectful and I wouldnt associate with that person.

[Desuetude]

Seeing as I get racist insults thrown at me pretty often the way I deal with it probably isn't the best way. Either I just shut off and stay silent or I lash out and get told off by someone with authority who doesn't know why I'm angry. However when I'm hearing racism that's not about me I'm more than happy to stand up for that race. I tell them they're wrong. I get no one standing up for me when I'm picked on for being Indian so I try and stand up for those who aren't even there by attempting to change these ignorant assholes opinions.

I've never had a real friend be racist, not to my face anyway. If I did then I would definitely ditch them although it does depending on the severity of their dislike.

[Pulp501]

Where I'm from, and it seems like most places, anything you say about another race is racist, so I don't even care anymore if people are actually racist or not.

[CharlieHorse]

I had a friend from Texas.
He is really racist.
We're still friends sorta, but I avoid him. I can tolerate it.

[Camazotz]

That's a tough predicament. Is it a big enough problem to you that you wouldn't want to be friends with him anymore? For some people it is, and for some people it isn't. I think you should reflect on that and decide what's most comfortable for you.

I've had to deal with situations like this personally, and I chose the latter; certain friends were too racist for me to be comfortable with. That's perfectly acceptable. And the argument "they're allowed to have an opinion" is true, but if their opinion bothers you enough, you have every right not to be friends with them.

I think the best way to deal with the situation is to express your feelings; tell your friend when he makes racist comments, it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to hang out with him anymore. I understand your pain when you try to be the voice of reason and their own ignorant prejudices prevent them from seeing how stupid their own beliefs are; people like that refuse to accept logic and reason and decide it's okay to treat and think of people differently based on trivial things like race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

[ThatAsianGuyinHK]

Unluckily, alot of my friends or classmates (asians) are to some point racist to all races except their own race.
Some even hates their own race which are not from our city, specially tourists.

Sounds extreme, but I got used to it.

When my mates make mean comments about them, I usually ignore them. What I found useful was to smile at my friends gently and make an 'I understand' expression. A occasional 'mhm' helps. I just accept his view and move on.

Yes, it might seem right that you should defend the offended race, but you dont have the right to force people say otherwise, specially if its not said publicly. Well if he's racist in public then you should think about unfriending him.


Else, I don't think its worth an argument over. I did once said " Your such a racists" jokingly and follow up with a friendly punch, and luckily I never had to listen to such comments when we spend time together. Dont take the risk unless it does no harm.

I was lucky to defy the social norms and brought up the courage to talk to some Indians, Italians etc. I still have reservations about them honestly, since rumours of other races have reached my ears often since I was small, but I dare say that none of those are fully true.

- From personal experience.

[Babiole]

I try not to involve myself with racist people. You can't really avoid them because everyone is racist to some degree. Although, he should've let you voice your opinion. If he had a right to his opinion, you should have a right to yours. I think it's nice that you don't want to befriend these types of people, but is it really necessary? People can be racist, but they can keep their opinion to themselves. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. It's common sense.

I haven't talked to him in a while. I don't think I'm going to hang with him anymore.

I've noticed that people's views of other races, nationalities, and ethnic groups often has to do with their experiences with such groups. When I went to England, many of the people I encountered were rude and snotty and swore a lot. I realize, though, that not all English people are like that - most of them aren't. People who might have had a more positive experience when visiting England would probably think otherwise.