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View Full Version : Really getting me down...


Xandle
April 20th, 2014, 12:02 PM
Hey, so I really hope this won't be moany, I've just gotta get this out.
So, I'm an 18 year old straight guy. I'm probably around average looking - I certainly wouldn't call myself ugly but I'm hardly 'hot'. I'm generally fairly outgoing, although can be a little held back with people I don't know too well. For all intensive purposes, I'm a fairly normal teenager, even if not typically 'cool'. So my issue is simple; I have absolutely no love life. Never have. I've never had a proper girlfriend, I've never 'done anything' with anyone, meaningful or not. I've never even hugged someone in a way that could be conceived as a potential advance from either party (minus a pretty timid game of spin the bottle).
I just... I despair. I've wanted a girlfriend since I could remember, and it always felt frustrating seeing people around find people to be with, but I was younger, and not everyone had found someone else, but now I'm older and the vast, vast majority of my friends have had some sort of sexual experience. I'm getting worried that I'm going to be left behind. That I'll be in my 20s having not even had a first kiss, and then I'll just be laughed at if I ever find someone. I'm almost at the end of the time where it's maybe reasonable to have never been with anyone. I have friends who think it's odd that some people are still virgins let alone whatever I am. I hear people talking about how they have no love life, when I know they got out of a year and a half long relationship about a year ago. I know to them it feels like they're a bit lonely but it makes me feel as if I'm stranded on an island. It's embarrassing to have never been with someone, and I feel I'm craving that human affection. I just don't know what to do, I feel like my parents are starting to wonder when they're going to meet a girlfriend and I just feel really embarrassed and annoyed whenever they make a 'subtle' hint. I have plenty of friends, many of which are girls, and keep relationships well. Admittedly, I have no idea how to make a move, it usually just goes the same as when I try to make friends, but I think that's partly now because I feel so self-conscience about it. I just feel like no-one wants me in that way. Everyone says it'll work out, but does it have to? I know you'll say I'm only 18, but that's still fairly old to have never had any experience. I'm just starting to really worry about it, and feeling quite down and lonely when thinking about it. Going to parties and seeing all these couples/people hooking up just isn't helping at all either. I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. I just had to get it all out. So thanks for listening and any help you may be able to give :)

Brice
April 20th, 2014, 12:25 PM
Oh my. That does sound really lonely. I can practically feel the loneliness oozing out of this post. I'm sorry, this might not be helpful, but you just have to keep looking. If you like one of your friends that are girls, I suggest getting closer to them. Listen to their rants. Be there when they have boyfriend issues. Just be there. Patience is painful but its very rewarding. Being best friends is only a short way from romance. Stick it out and remain hopeful. And anyway, I kind of like that your so physically innocent. Makes me think there are still good people in the world. Don't be ashamed of it. Hoping the best for you!!!

Xandle
April 20th, 2014, 12:47 PM
Thanks :) I think one of the main problems is that it's been ages since I've found someone who I really like and connect with. A really long time. Maybe part of it is that I'm having a hard time finding someone who I like in the first place? I just don't want to be that guy that latches on, texts everyday and annoys the girl if they don't really like you that much. I've heard so many people talk about how so and so are texting them endlessly and they feel mean telling them they don't like them like that and are annoying them. I'd hate to be that guy. I just don't even know what to do - do I go all out and risk being the clingy annoying guy that gets irritating after a while even though you may need to see her every week or wait to get a sign that she may like me too before letting her catch on you like her? I'm just so bad at this and time is making it so much harder.

Living For Love
April 20th, 2014, 02:14 PM
I'm almost at the end of the time where it's maybe reasonable to have never been with anyone.

Sorry to disagree with you in this point. There's no such thing as a specific time to have a girlfriend, or when it is acceptable that you should have already had one before. I haven't had as well anything you can consider a relationship, and I'm not too worried about it, but I guess it all comes down to confidence and humour. Basically, you need to make sure people feel good when they are with you. And you don't need to be like a stalker, you just need to be sensible enough to know when you're pleasing someone with your company or when you're being too much. And, to be honest, I think you can perfectly distinguish that. Just one more thing: don't wait for the opportunity to come to you. It should be you the one to go after the person you like. Maybe you haven't already met your ideal girl, and that's totally fine, but if you just keep being social as you are, and keep making friends, I'm sure you'll develop feelings for someone, and that person will also be interested in you as well.

Xandle
April 20th, 2014, 02:19 PM
Thank you so much :) you're absolutely right, it just kind of feels nice to let it out and talk about it a bit. Thank you both

highschool
April 20th, 2014, 02:42 PM
I think maybe you're so consumed with your loneliness that you don't even realize that there are a ton of other people in similar situations. Maybe your group of friends are experienced, but so many other people aren't. And there's no right age to start being in relationships, if it comes it comes, whatever age that may be. And if a girl mocks you for never have kissed anyone, she's honestly not worth a second of your time.

Xandle
April 20th, 2014, 03:36 PM
I think maybe you're so consumed with your loneliness that you don't even realize that there are a ton of other people in similar situations. Maybe your group of friends are experienced, but so many other people aren't. And there's no right age to start being in relationships, if it comes it comes, whatever age that may be. And if a girl mocks you for never have kissed anyone, she's honestly not worth a second of your time.

I mean, of course there are others in my situation, but I'm pretty sure that mine is in the vast minority. It's just that when it's all around you, you have to wonder why you're the one left alone time and time again. Like you're just a little inadequate. Don't get me wrong, I don't want this to turn into a "Oh my life's so terrible", because it's not. I'm very fortunate and I know there are many who have situations much bigger and harder to deal with than mine. I just feel kind of alone right now and that as I get older it only looks to potentially get harder. I agree, though, any girl who laughs at that wouldn't be my type anyway. I think this thread was partly just me thinking out loud to myself. Thanks for all your comments :)

churris
April 20th, 2014, 08:11 PM
You may be a minority but it's really normal, and ok, and it may sound silly but it'll really work out :)

Maybe you're not meeting new people and the ones you do know, don't really like that way? I had my first boyfriend (kiss and everything else) at 19, so I'm with you :) All my "experience" was just a guy I flirted for a while, but we were both too shy and nothing ever happened at the end. Also, that happened in college because in there was no one I liked in high school, and didn't meet new people anywhere. So yeah, it sucks maybe, and you may feel lonely and left behind by your friends but you'll really meet somebody you like and it'll be wonderful.

Best of luck to you, don't worry too much about it and see if you can find a way to meet new people, I think that's my advice :)

Xandle
April 24th, 2014, 03:59 PM
You may be a minority but it's really normal, and ok, and it may sound silly but it'll really work out :)

Maybe you're not meeting new people and the ones you do know, don't really like that way? I had my first boyfriend (kiss and everything else) at 19, so I'm with you :) All my "experience" was just a guy I flirted for a while, but we were both too shy and nothing ever happened at the end. Also, that happened in college because in there was no one I liked in high school, and didn't meet new people anywhere. So yeah, it sucks maybe, and you may feel lonely and left behind by your friends but you'll really meet somebody you like and it'll be wonderful.

Best of luck to you, don't worry too much about it and see if you can find a way to meet new people, I think that's my advice :)

Thank you so much :) It sounds silly but it's really so nice to hear reassurance like that. I tend to not tell my friends about it because I don't want to sound like I'm just moaning. So, yeah. It's kinda nice to talk about it. Thank you!