my bf is alot older then me

[kristie_meadows]

hi my name is kristie
i am 13
i am posting because i have a bf who is much older then me
he is 38
im ok with it but i dont tell people cuz i dont want them to judge
does anyone want to talk to me or have questions?
im just curios if i should be worried about people judging me
thanks

[Living For Love]

Well, it's not that you should care about what other people think about it or not. There will be always comments about it, of course, but it's your boyfriend, your happiness, not theirs. But, honestly, don't you think that's like a huge age gap? I mean, you're ok with it, he's ok with it as well, but how do you two build a relationship like that? You must trust him a lot, I believe...

[laurakitty]

how is ur relationship if its healthy then I guess its okay but over ten years is pushing it let alone 20....

[Hollywood]

Well, I'm not going to throw around judgement or tell you how to live your life, I just think that it would be awful hard for two people to connect with an age gap that large. I mean, every generation is radically different from the previous and he's at least a couple ahead of you. I have trouble connecting with people that are 5-10 years older than me, but this guy is a quarter-century older than you. I'm not saying you're wrong or anything, I just think that you're potentially putting yourself in a really complicated situation.

[kristie_meadows]

Well, I'm not going to throw around judgement or tell you how to live your life, I just think that it would be awful hard for two people to connect with an age gap that large. I mean, every generation is radically different from the previous and he's at least a couple ahead of you. I have trouble connecting with people that are 5-10 years older than me, but this guy is a quarter-century older than you. I'm not saying you're wrong or anything, I just think that you're potentially putting yourself in a really complicated situation.

we dont really share alot of interests
he likes to take me to boring places alot (but i pretend that they arent boring)
but we do have fun, movies and going out to eat, and making out

[Hollywood]

we dont really share alot of interests
he likes to take me to boring places alot (but i pretend that they arent boring)
but we do have fun, movies and going out to eat, and making out

But do you really think that's really a healthy relationship, if the two of you don't share any common interests and he only takes you places that you secretly find boring? Age gap or not, if there isn't much of a connection between two people it could make things really difficult. Do you see it as long-term relationship or just a short fling?

[Thatcarguy]

Im going to judge you a lot if you dont like it dont listen but 13-38 is 25 years thats really wrong you're a child compared to him, if you guys do anything hes considered a pedophile and could be sent to jail so if i were you i would get out of there in a heart beat thats extremely wrong. Everyones saying if youre happy then its fine well let me break this to you even if you guys are happy thats is very wrong on his part and he should get a life and find a girl his age and not a child.

[kristie_meadows]

But do you really think that's really a healthy relationship, if the two of you don't share any common interests and he only takes you places that you secretly find boring? Age gap or not, if there isn't much of a connection between two people it could make things really difficult. Do you see it as long-term relationship or just a short fling?

we do love each other alot tho :)

[Cook my Sock]

Im going to judge you a lot if you dont like it dont listen but 13-38 is 25 years thats really wrong you're a child compared to him, if you guys do anything hes considered a pedophile and could be sent to jail so if i were you i would get out of there in a heart beat thats extremely wrong. Everyones saying if youre happy then its fine well let me break this to you even if you guys are happy thats is very wrong on his part and he should get a life and find a girl his age and not a child.

I agree with this 110%. it's not right! and the guy should know better. c'mon people if you found out your 13 year old daughter was going out with a 38 year old man you wouldn't be saying its fine at all. If that was me I'd be calling the police on the guy.

[Elysium]

[-]Does the term "Lolita" mean anything to you?[/-]

I've been debating responding to this thread, but seriously... despite how happy you might be, I still think it's unhealthy for both of you. The two of you are on totally different maturity levels. It'd be one thing if you were an adult and he was still twenty five years your senior, but you're still a child. You're probably not even finished with puberty. It disturbs me to wonder what interest he might have in a thirteen year old girl, a child, though I suppose in the end it's your call. Just keep in mind, no matter how much you might hate to hear it, there's a reason you're still considered a minor - you can't quite look at things in retrospect.

[ksdnfkfr]

hi my name is kristie
i am 13 i am posting because i have a bf who is much older then me
he is 38

How is this different than a child molester? How is a 38 year old man who wants a 13 year old girlfriend not a pedophile?

If that was me I'd be calling the police on the guy.

Exactly!! I can't believe people are talking about age gaps and maturity levels like this guy was 17.

He is my dad's age for god sake. What does he have to be, 50 years old before people start becoming alarmed?!

[kristie_meadows]

[-]Does the term "Lolita" mean anything to you?[/-]

I've been debating responding to this thread, but seriously... despite how happy you might be, I still think it's unhealthy for both of you. The two of you are on totally different maturity levels. It'd be one thing if you were an adult and he was still twenty five years your senior, but you're still a child. You're probably not even finished with puberty. It disturbs me to wonder what interest he might have in a thirteen year old girl, a child, though I suppose in the end it's your call. Just keep in mind, no matter how much you might hate to hear it, there's a reason you're still considered a minor - you can't quite look at things in retrospect.

i understand
thats why im here, i love him and he loves me but we kinda both know its wrong and ive asked him why he likes me even tho im way younger than him and hes told me that he likes girls my age

[clairey]

Personally this would never work for me but I'm not going to judge your choices. Just be really really careful because there's so much that could go wrong with this...

[Elysium]

i understand
thats why im here, i love him and he loves me but we kinda both know its wrong and ive asked him why he likes me even tho im way younger than him and hes told me that he likes girls my age
That's straight up pedophilia and even more disturbing. That's even more concerning.

But I shouldn't be so harsh. As long as you're safe and happy, I guess... just remember to keep a straight head.

[Croconaw]

I don't think anything good can come out of this. He sounds like he could be a child molester. He already said that he likes girls your age. I would get as far away from him as possible before you get hurt. I'm surprised your parents are unaware of this relationship. This guy is old enough to be your father. I don't see how you could be okay with this. I'm not saying it's wrong because you're old enough to make your own decisions. I don't think you're doing the right thing here, though. If he's not going to break this relationship, you have to. It's the best thing to do because I really don't want to see you getting hurt. Even if you're happy now, that doesn't mean you're going to be happy in the future. This relationship doesn't seem like it could last very long. It would definitely be better if you find someone your own age.

There is a child molester that lives in my neighborhood. He has developed this weird crush on my eighteen year old friend. This dude keeps telling me that because she is eighteen and legal, he has a right to screw around with her. This is certainly not okay. This child molester kind of scares me, and it doesn't help that he has a criminal record. He also finds a lot of my other female friends attractive. It really concerns me because it reminds me of your situation. My twelve year old friend and I went to a martial arts tournament together and when we were coming home, the child molester told my friend she was hot. He attempted to grab her, but I blocked it and told her to run away. I'd rather this not happen to you. Please find someone else because this is unhealthy for both of you. It's your choice if you decide to take my advice, and I'm certainly not forcing you to. I'm just telling you what would be best! I wish you luck!

[Karkat]

[-]Does the term "Lolita" mean anything to you?[/-]

I've been debating responding to this thread, but seriously... despite how happy you might be, I still think it's unhealthy for both of you. The two of you are on totally different maturity levels. It'd be one thing if you were an adult and he was still twenty five years your senior, but you're still a child. You're probably not even finished with puberty. It disturbs me to wonder what interest he might have in a thirteen year old girl, a child, though I suppose in the end it's your call. Just keep in mind, no matter how much you might hate to hear it, there's a reason you're still considered a minor - you can't quite look at things in retrospect.

[-](Oy, my thoughts exactly)[/-]

Exactly.

How is this different than a child molester? How is a 38 year old man who wants a 13 year old girlfriend not a pedophile?



Exactly!! I can't believe people are talking about age gaps and maturity levels like this guy was 17.

He is my dad's age for god sake. What does he have to be, 50 years old before people start becoming alarmed?!

It would be- but you also have to understand that not every 13 year old is wise beyond their years like you, m'dear. :P This girl is being taken advantage of,and she is innocent, young, naive... I agree that it's not right, but she is not to blame here. Her "boyfriend", and whomever was supposed to be teaching her how to correctly respond to these situations (I don't like saying it outright, but you damn know which roles I am referring to) are. And maybe she's been warned about it before and she's done this anyways- when you're young, you don't always understand the gravity of these things, and while I know that you do- and that's a good thing- she does not.

I'm not saying you're wrong, or that this sort of thing should be allowed, I'm just saying that this sounds a little like you're blaming her for it...And that doesn't help anyone.

---

(@OP) (Lil miss you should be glad this is not GovTeen :rolleyes: )

I know that you are happy with him, but he isn't good for you. It's ok to be friends with someone who is older- to friendships, age is just a number.

Relationships are different. When you're this young, you can't be the 'other half' to someone. It just doesn't work. It doesn't matter if you're wise beyond your years or done with puberty- 13 years is a very small amount of time to be alive. Can you remember 5 years ago? Probably yes. Can you remember something you said five years ago? Maybe, but it sounds a lot different than what you'd say now, right? How about ten? You probably can't remember a word you said ten years ago, and that's ok at your age. And my age, even. I can't remember much that I said ten years ago, I was half your age. And yeah, at 13, you're becoming a young adult. It's great that you're interested in growing up and having mature relationships, and that you somewhat understand that relationships are self-sacrificing. It's good that you know that not everything you're gonna do with a boyfriend is going to be 'fun', but at your age, it should be. You're a kid. Have fun while you can! Believe me, when you hit your age, time flies by. You're an adult before you know it, and then you don't always get to choose whether or not to have fun.

It's ok to want a boyfriend when you're 13. I'm sure everyone around you does. But to be honest, they don't know the first thing about relationships either! It's ok to be a little behind at your age. It's stupid and silly to think that having a boyfriend or wearing makeup or having a cellphone is going to change your life somehow. Sure, it's cool to have all those things- I definitely appreciate my cellphone (sometimes- it's a piece of crap to be honest with ya.), and I like wearing makeup sometimes because it makes me feel pretty, and I love my boyfriend- but honestly, at 13, these weren't the things that mattered. Sure, I got my first cellphone at 12. That was fun for me. Sure I started wearing a little makeup behind my mom's back, and I liked that it made me look pretty and mature- like a supermodel. And it was nice to not always feel left out when people talked about their boyfriends. These things were SO IMPORTANT to me at 13.

But here's the deal. In retrospect? They're really not important. My phone? It was nice, but it didn't make me memories. I got into trouble over it a few times. The makeup? Wasted a lot of lunch money, hardly wore it at all. Made me anxious to try and take it off before I got on the bus, and I missed the bus a few times. I wish I'd just waited a year until I was 14 and my mom let me wear it. The boyfriend/s?

Flakes. Got cheated on by all of the people I dated in middle school. The last one beat me a lot, touched me inappropriately a lot- even when I told him to stop, and eventually raped me and nearly killed me.

And I'm glad that it sounds like 'making out' is the extent of your relationship. I'm glad that it sounds like he hasn't made you scared of him, or made you uncomfortable. But he's almost 40 years old. After you're done with puberty (and for a little while during it), you have a thing called 'libido'. Your sex drive. Most adults feel like they need to have sex, and that's probably not something you feel ready for, or that you SHOULD feel ready for.

If you've had your period already before- even once, you can get pregnant. And even if you haven't, you might. You're at the right age for that to start, and periods only come AFTER your ovaries put an egg in your uterus to be fertilized- in other words, you can even get pregnant a few weeks before your first period. Isn't that terrifying? Someday, you might want to get pregnant and have kids, but you shouldn't have to worry about that at your age! And even if pregnancy doesn't seem like a big deal now, it is. Believe me. At your age, if you got pregnant, you'd probably lose the baby, or get very sick, and maybe even die. Your body is still small, and still developing- it's no place for a baby to grow! I was pregnant at 16, and that's still dangerous. I ended up losing the baby, and it really hurt me for a long time.

Not to mention that you almost definitely don't know what sex is all about at your age. I sure didn't. None of my friends did. Some of my friends still don't, and they're years older than you.

And ok, maybe you don't want to have sex with him yet, and he doesn't pressure you, but where is this going to lead? By the time you are able to drink alcohol, he'll be almost 50 years old. Sure, it won't seem so bad then, but you still won't be able to relate to a lot of what he is going through- and this is nearly ten years in the future. And let's say this is only short-term, what are you going to do if the police take you away from him? What if your parents find out? Are you ready to accept that he might go to jail or be put on a sex offender list for being with you? If you love someone, you don't put them through that. I know that love, especially romantic love is still kind of a weird idea for someone your age, but if you love him, staying with him isn't the right thing to do. And even if you didn't love him, this is not what's best for you, period.

I know you probably won't read this, and if you do, you're going to get mad at me, and become defensive, and tell me how much I sound like your parents (I do, don't I? :rolleyes:) or that I don't know what you're going through or how you feel, that I don't understand and I'm just trying to pick on you, but I'm not. Even though I don't know you, and you don't know me, I still want you to be safe. And while I know that you feel safe, sometimes even things that are unsafe can feel safe if you trust the wrong people. You don't have to agree with me, you don't really even have to listen to me, but PLEASE, at least think a little bit about why this might not be a good idea. Because you need to do what's best for you, and frankly, I don't see this being what's best. Ok hun?

Be safe, and good luck.

[ksdnfkfr]

It would be- but you also have to understand that not every 13 year old is wise beyond their years like you, m'dear. :P This girl is being taken advantage of,and she is innocent, young, naive... I agree that it's not right, but she is not to blame her

I'm not talking about her. Of course she is naive, that's why she is being taken advantage of. I'm talking about whatever older bystanders who are hemming and hawing over this. It's not even close to being a debatable subject. It's not up to her to decide if it's right or wrong.

i understand
thats why im here, i love him and he loves me but we kinda both know its wrong and ive asked him why he likes me even tho im way younger than him and hes told me that he likes girls my age

Kristie - GET AWAY FROM THIS CREEP. TELL YOUR FOLKS OR TELL A TEACHER OR TELL THE POLICE WHAT IS GOING ON.

[MechaSniper]

hi my name is kristie
i am 13
i am posting because i have a bf who is much older then me
he is 38
im ok with it but i dont tell people cuz i dont want them to judge
does anyone want to talk to me or have questions?
im just curios if i should be worried about people judging me
thanks

I'm not going to rant i just have one question. does your parents know about him? if not why?

[kristie_meadows]

[-](Oy, my thoughts exactly)[/-]

Exactly.



It would be- but you also have to understand that not every 13 year old is wise beyond their years like you, m'dear. :P This girl is being taken advantage of,and she is innocent, young, naive... I agree that it's not right, but she is not to blame here. Her "boyfriend", and whomever was supposed to be teaching her how to correctly respond to these situations (I don't like saying it outright, but you damn know which roles I am referring to) are. And maybe she's been warned about it before and she's done this anyways- when you're young, you don't always understand the gravity of these things, and while I know that you do- and that's a good thing- she does not.

I'm not saying you're wrong, or that this sort of thing should be allowed, I'm just saying that this sounds a little like you're blaming her for it...And that doesn't help anyone.

---

(@OP) (Lil miss you should be glad this is not GovTeen :rolleyes: )

I know that you are happy with him, but he isn't good for you. It's ok to be friends with someone who is older- to friendships, age is just a number.

Relationships are different. When you're this young, you can't be the 'other half' to someone. It just doesn't work. It doesn't matter if you're wise beyond your years or done with puberty- 13 years is a very small amount of time to be alive. Can you remember 5 years ago? Probably yes. Can you remember something you said five years ago? Maybe, but it sounds a lot different than what you'd say now, right? How about ten? You probably can't remember a word you said ten years ago, and that's ok at your age. And my age, even. I can't remember much that I said ten years ago, I was half your age. And yeah, at 13, you're becoming a young adult. It's great that you're interested in growing up and having mature relationships, and that you somewhat understand that relationships are self-sacrificing. It's good that you know that not everything you're gonna do with a boyfriend is going to be 'fun', but at your age, it should be. You're a kid. Have fun while you can! Believe me, when you hit your age, time flies by. You're an adult before you know it, and then you don't always get to choose whether or not to have fun.

It's ok to want a boyfriend when you're 13. I'm sure everyone around you does. But to be honest, they don't know the first thing about relationships either! It's ok to be a little behind at your age. It's stupid and silly to think that having a boyfriend or wearing makeup or having a cellphone is going to change your life somehow. Sure, it's cool to have all those things- I definitely appreciate my cellphone (sometimes- it's a piece of crap to be honest with ya.), and I like wearing makeup sometimes because it makes me feel pretty, and I love my boyfriend- but honestly, at 13, these weren't the things that mattered. Sure, I got my first cellphone at 12. That was fun for me. Sure I started wearing a little makeup behind my mom's back, and I liked that it made me look pretty and mature- like a supermodel. And it was nice to not always feel left out when people talked about their boyfriends. These things were SO IMPORTANT to me at 13.

But here's the deal. In retrospect? They're really not important. My phone? It was nice, but it didn't make me memories. I got into trouble over it a few times. The makeup? Wasted a lot of lunch money, hardly wore it at all. Made me anxious to try and take it off before I got on the bus, and I missed the bus a few times. I wish I'd just waited a year until I was 14 and my mom let me wear it. The boyfriend/s?

Flakes. Got cheated on by all of the people I dated in middle school. The last one beat me a lot, touched me inappropriately a lot- even when I told him to stop, and eventually raped me and nearly killed me.

And I'm glad that it sounds like 'making out' is the extent of your relationship. I'm glad that it sounds like he hasn't made you scared of him, or made you uncomfortable. But he's almost 40 years old. After you're done with puberty (and for a little while during it), you have a thing called 'libido'. Your sex drive. Most adults feel like they need to have sex, and that's probably not something you feel ready for, or that you SHOULD feel ready for.

If you've had your period already before- even once, you can get pregnant. And even if you haven't, you might. You're at the right age for that to start, and periods only come AFTER your ovaries put an egg in your uterus to be fertilized- in other words, you can even get pregnant a few weeks before your first period. Isn't that terrifying? Someday, you might want to get pregnant and have kids, but you shouldn't have to worry about that at your age! And even if pregnancy doesn't seem like a big deal now, it is. Believe me. At your age, if you got pregnant, you'd probably lose the baby, or get very sick, and maybe even die. Your body is still small, and still developing- it's no place for a baby to grow! I was pregnant at 16, and that's still dangerous. I ended up losing the baby, and it really hurt me for a long time.

Not to mention that you almost definitely don't know what sex is all about at your age. I sure didn't. None of my friends did. Some of my friends still don't, and they're years older than you.

And ok, maybe you don't want to have sex with him yet, and he doesn't pressure you, but where is this going to lead? By the time you are able to drink alcohol, he'll be almost 50 years old. Sure, it won't seem so bad then, but you still won't be able to relate to a lot of what he is going through- and this is nearly ten years in the future. And let's say this is only short-term, what are you going to do if the police take you away from him? What if your parents find out? Are you ready to accept that he might go to jail or be put on a sex offender list for being with you? If you love someone, you don't put them through that. I know that love, especially romantic love is still kind of a weird idea for someone your age, but if you love him, staying with him isn't the right thing to do. And even if you didn't love him, this is not what's best for you, period.

I know you probably won't read this, and if you do, you're going to get mad at me, and become defensive, and tell me how much I sound like your parents (I do, don't I? :rolleyes:) or that I don't know what you're going through or how you feel, that I don't understand and I'm just trying to pick on you, but I'm not. Even though I don't know you, and you don't know me, I still want you to be safe. And while I know that you feel safe, sometimes even things that are unsafe can feel safe if you trust the wrong people. You don't have to agree with me, you don't really even have to listen to me, but PLEASE, at least think a little bit about why this might not be a good idea. Because you need to do what's best for you, and frankly, I don't see this being what's best. Ok hun?

Be safe, and good luck.

hi, im not sure what to do then :(
:what:

[Karkat]

hi, im not sure what to do then :(
:what:

Well, first off, don't talk to him about this- tell someone you trust who is older, like one of your parents, or maybe a grandparent, or a teacher, or call the police. I'd say 911 isn't an appropriate number because you're not in immediate danger, but if someone you tell doesn't listen to you, or if he tries to do anything to you that you are not comfortable with, call 911.

Here are a few numbers you can call if you feel uncomfortable with talking to someone in person.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/tollfree.cfm

The first two will probably help you the most.

[Thatcarguy]

tell me where this guy lives im going to lay a beating on his ass so wrong

I agree with this 110%. it's not right! and the guy should know better. c'mon people if you found out your 13 year old daughter was going out with a 38 year old man you wouldn't be saying its fine at all. If that was me I'd be calling the police on the guy.

This man knows

[DiamondsGirl]

Everyone has stolen everything that I wanted to say, but I do know one thing they haven't said:

Run.

[Star Wolf]

hi, im not sure what to do then :(
:what:

Hi Kristie. I understand your boyfriend is 38, but what qualities made you attracted to someone so much older than you? What has he promised you?

I feel you have gotten yourself into a dangerous situation, especially considering he told you he was attracted to children. If he has already made-out with you, there is a great likelihood he is going to want to push you to do more, and take advantage of you sexually.

It would be a good idea to tell an adult in your life what is going on, and get some more experienced insight, and if you ever feel scared or threatened, to call the police. I cannot tell you to break off this relationship, but I can tell you how important it is to protect yourself.

Your boyfriend being 38, he is an adult, and fully well knows what he is doing is pedophilia. It would be a smart decision to look him up on the public records and see if he is registered as such.

I am asking you to consider the situation, the dangers, the consequences, and think from a logical place what will be the result of this relationship. How will it effect you? How will it effect your relationship with your family members? How will it effect your future?

Best of luck, and stay safe.

- Keira

[Blood]

Sweetheart you are 13. He is 38. I don't care how much you love each other or how much you think you love each other, this is not a normal relationship at all. You may think it is, but I've been 13 and if there is one thing I know it's that you don't know what a real relationship is at that age. You need to reevaluate the situation you're in...because I assure you, it's not healthy at all.

[Remora]

He's not your boyfriend. You can't call a 38-year old man a boy, and you shouldn't behave as if he is one either.

He's most definitely a pedophile. If he hasn't taken advantage of you then he's GOING to anytime soon. Were these "boring places" overcrowded? I think they weren't. It might just be me but i'm having heavy suspicions on him. Just find professional help, or tell your parents you have "a boyfriend", without giving any further details, then ask them for help.

[ChrisTJ]

I have always been very understanding of relationships where there is an age gap that's maybe a little push. Two of my friends who are 15 are in relationships with guys who are 19 and 21. I can see these two relationships are really good and strong. This relationship worries me quite a bit though. I mean this relationship has a huge age and maturity gap and the guy has said he has a thing for girls your age. I really fear you are being taken for a ride on this one. Just take care!

[DiamondsGirl]

I have always been very understanding of relationships where there is an age gap that's maybe a little push. Two of my friends who are 15 are in relationships with guys who are 19 and 21. I can see these two relationships are really good and strong. This relationship worries me quite a bit though. I mean this relationship has a huge age and maturity gap and the guy has said he has a thing for girls your age. I really fear you are being taken for a ride on this one. Just take care!

Err.. actually, I still find it "not quite right" when a 21 year old dates a 15 year old. Especially if the 21 year old is the boy. We all know that when we're 15, the moment we hear "love" all we see is sunshine and sparkles. But when we're older we learn that love has the potential to be turned into a game AND we know who would play. I'm not saying your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, but that kind of relationship should be taken with a whole lot of precautions. 21 is a legal adult age in most places. Should he do anything sexual in nature with your friend, he could get arrested.

[ChrisTJ]

Err.. actually, I still find it "not quite right" when a 21 year old dates a 15 year old. Especially if the 21 year old is the boy. We all know that when we're 15, the moment we hear "love" all we see is sunshine and sparkles. But when we're older we learn that love has the potential to be turned into a game AND we know who would play. I'm not saying your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, but that kind of relationship should be taken with a whole lot of precautions. 21 is a legal adult age in most places. Should he do anything sexual in nature with your friend, he could get arrested.

Well I guess I know everyone involved and I guess it's not that bad. I have warned the girl involved to be careful and not to do anything they are not 100% comfortable with. Yes I think most 21/15 relationships would be dodgy but I guess knowing the folks involved I'm a bit more understanding. 13/38 though, I can see very little redeeming features with this, just lots of shades of wrong :(

[DarkOmega]

Sweetheart you are 13. He is 38. I don't care how much you love each other or how much you think you love each other, this is not a normal relationship at all. You may think it is, but I've been 13 and if there is one thing I know it's that you don't know what a real relationship is at that age. You need to reevaluate the situation you're in...because I assure you, it's not healthy at all.
this .what the hell she's 13 the dude is 38 . 25 years older! and believe me , he doesn't love you . he's just using u most likely .. how can u be so naive .. I mean that's the most basic common sense .

Err.. actually, I still find it "not quite right" when a 21 year old dates a 15 year old. Especially if the 21 year old is the boy. We all know that when we're 15, the moment we hear "love" all we see is sunshine and sparkles. But when we're older we learn that love has the potential to be turned into a game AND we know who would play. I'm not saying your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, but that kind of relationship should be taken with a whole lot of precautions. 21 is a legal adult age in most places. Should he do anything sexual in nature with your friend, he could get arrested.

this doesn't matter if its a boy or a girl , but 21 15 .. ehh not so bad .. but still a big difference. I mean if u r 30 and ur dating an 36 y/o is not that bad .but when ur young .. it kinda makes a big difference ..and probably stay close 2 3 years younger or older .. just my opinion .but this .. 38 y/o cmon that's insane

[DiamondsGirl]

Well I guess I know everyone involved and I guess it's not that bad. I have warned the girl involved to be careful and not to do anything they are not 100% comfortable with. Yes I think most 21/15 relationships would be dodgy but I guess knowing the folks involved I'm a bit more understanding. 13/38 though, I can see very little redeeming features with this, just lots of shades of wrong :(

yeah in all honesty if I was OP's friend/parent, the first thing I'm gonna do if I hear this is deliver a tough love in the form of a good ol' slap. I second Dark Omega here, how naive can people be? =\

EDIT to everyone else about to reply, the first few commenters, and OP:

I am very sorry for hijacking this thread to rant, but the first few comments in this post seriously annoys me. It's almost like people are far more concerned about being labelled "judgmental" than the well-being of Kristie. The term "judging" is insanely over-used in our society today. Do realize that nowadays, whenever people advise you to do something you don't like, you quickly label them as "judgmental". We are social animals, folks. Without our ability to judge others, we would not survive. Is it wrong to judge a guy that carries a knife walking towards you in some dark alley? Would you say "maybe he's selling that knife"? Really? NO. You would say "gosh a psychopath" and RUN. People, OP is dealing with a pedophile. Said person has admitted it himself that "he likes girls OP's age". It is much more important to protect OP right now than walking around eggshells with our comment, fearing that we would sound judgmental. Who cares I'm judgmental in this particular subject? I am saying what I'm saying because I'm interested in OP's safety and well-being. Had you no bravery to state what you had in mind, let others say it for you. Better that than sounding as if you support this kind of relationship.

[CharlieHorse]

it sounds very unusual.
i would avoid large age differences like this, especially since you're only 13.

[ninja789]

I'm pretty sure there was a case in Italy a couple of months ago between a guy that was like 60 and a girl who was like 9. They were allowed to carry on because the judge "saw love between them". This also thing you are doing also seems weird to me. How did you guys end up doing that? Why has he chosen a 13 year old over someone his own age? Honestly I don't think you are very safe.

[ksdnfkfr]

this .what the hell she's 13 the dude is 38 . 25 years older! and believe me , he doesn't love you . he's just using u most likely .. how can u be so naive .. I mean that's the most basic common sense .

I get the idea these kinds of guys are experts at seriously clouding the judgement of kids and that's how they get away with it.

[highschool]

i'm almost 17 and my boyfriend is 24 and that's pushing it for me...I really think you should re-think your relationship with him. But hey, as long as it's a healthy relationship

[DiamondsGirl]

i'm almost 17 and my boyfriend is 24 and that's pushing it for me...I really think you should re-think your relationship with him. But hey, as long as it's a healthy relationship

I hate to be this kind of person but seriously. HOW is this relationship healthy?? Why are you people supporting this??

[Melodic]

Age doesn't matter. What matters is what the guy is like.

My uncle is like 36, and is dating a 20 year old. Guess who's controlling? Heh not him.

(But, Please tell me he at least looks like Channing Tatum or something along the lines..)

[BaeballCharlie]

He needs to be put in jail. Enough said

[Karkat]

Err.. actually, I still find it "not quite right" when a 21 year old dates a 15 year old. Especially if the 21 year old is the boy. We all know that when we're 15, the moment we hear "love" all we see is sunshine and sparkles. But when we're older we learn that love has the potential to be turned into a game AND we know who would play. I'm not saying your friend is in an unhealthy relationship, but that kind of relationship should be taken with a whole lot of precautions. 21 is a legal adult age in most places. Should he do anything sexual in nature with your friend, he could get arrested.

Why only when the boy is 21? It's just as wrong if the girl is. Even then, I wouldn't say 'wrong' necessarily- is it pushing it? Oh, absolutely. But wrong is a matter of how mature the younger one is compared to how mature the older one is. I wouldn't be ok with being either end of that sort of a relationship, but that's me personally. At 15, you're getting to the age where you need to figure what's 'right' out for yourself. Sure, you're young, but you're very close to an age where you can make a lot of bad decisions and have every single one of them bite you in the ass because you didn't learn your lesson while you were young. Including dating someone underage.

Well I guess I know everyone involved and I guess it's not that bad. I have warned the girl involved to be careful and not to do anything they are not 100% comfortable with. Yes I think most 21/15 relationships would be dodgy but I guess knowing the folks involved I'm a bit more understanding. 13/38 though, I can see very little redeeming features with this, just lots of shades of wrong :(

I understand why you'd feel that way. I get a lot of crap for being with a 21 year old, but we're pretty close in maturity and all that. We're good together.

Absolutely agree with that last sentence.

I get the idea these kinds of guys are experts at seriously clouding the judgement of kids and that's how they get away with it.

That's exactly how it goes.

[highschool]

I hate to be this kind of person but seriously. HOW is this relationship healthy?? Why are you people supporting this??

to be honest, i also doubt that is. But it's not in our place to tell her what to do. So in the off chance that it is healthy, she can do what she wants

[sprinter]

If he "touched" or did anything to you in a sexual way. He probably is and I'll say this with kindness, a child molester. IF he asked to have sex with you he's soliciting for sex with a minor. That's illegal in all 50 states. If he had sex with you,


he's a monster.

[Karkat]

If he "touched" or did anything to you in a sexual way. He probably is and I'll say this with kindness, a child molester. IF he asked to have sex with you he's soliciting for sex with a minor. That's illegal in all 50 states. If he had sex with you,


he's a monster.

I would like to point out that soliciting sex from a minor is a wee bit different if they're at/above the age of consent. (Which is not 18 across America, believe it or not.)

However, at her age, it is very much illegal. I think the youngest AOC in America is 14, but even that seems too young, I could be wrong. Usually it's at least 16.

I mean, this is assuming that she lives in America, sure, but even in most places 13 is illegal.

That being said, this man could be mentally ill. Does that make his actions ok? No, but regardless, he might have a legitimate medical problem. There's the chance that he's "just a monster", but typically even "monster" boils down to "chemical imbalance in the brain". Some people are just evil, but the scary thing is that more often than not, they aren't.

However, I don't really give two shits about the guy. I hope OP is safe...

[DiamondsGirl]

to be honest, i also doubt that is. But it's not in our place to tell her what to do. So in the off chance that it is healthy, she can do what she wants

love, it is illegal.

[kristie_meadows]

if anyone is wondering now, me and him have broken up and wont be seeing each other anymore

[DarkOmega]

if anyone is wondering now, me and him have broken up and wont be seeing each other anymore

good.that was the right thing to do..

[kristie_meadows]

good.that was the right thing to do..
yup, now i can focus on other boys :D

[Saint]

yup, now i can focus on other boys :D

Hopefully you'll focus on boys instead of men until you've grown up at least,lol.

But glad that you took the right steps,that relationship wasn't right in any way. Plus him saying that he likes girls your age is just way,way creepy.

And something a lot of people need to understand is that the age of consent isn't only there to protect kids & young teens,but it's also there because when you're 13,14 or even 15,you're just not able to give consent from a psychological point of view when it comes to any sexual activity. And the age of consent is a way to protect you from anyone who's older from soliciting you.

Hence why when you're 21 and the guy is 35 or vice versa,it's pretty okay because you do know that the age is/was a factor there,and you went with the relationship anyway.

[Body odah Man]

hi my name is kristie
i am 13
i am posting because i have a bf who is much older then me
he is 38
im ok with it but i dont tell people cuz i dont want them to judge
does anyone want to talk to me or have questions?
im just curios if i should be worried about people judging me
thanks

um..you DO realize that the age gap is too much in a legal standpoint. He's almost 3x older than you! I REALLY don't think that that's a valid relationship.

[DiamondsGirl]

if anyone is wondering now, me and him have broken up and wont be seeing each other anymore

Yes we are ALL wondering. Thank you for updating us on your decision. I applaud you for making that choice AND I hope you do not fall to the same hole in the future :)

[highschool]

love, it is illegal.

yeah we know it's illegal, but it's not our place to force her to break up with her. A lot of people have given her great advice, enforcing your opinion is a bit too much.

[tmack1908]

If this isn't messed up, I don't know what is. To put this in perspective, this guy is old enough to be you dad and was 25 years old when you were born. Does that not make you think about this situation Krisite?

Your "boyfriend" is by law a pedophile and by moral standards a creep. Get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible before something bad happens.

[Babiole]

Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't approve of this kind of relationship. In most jurisdictions, 13 is below the age of consent. In France, it's 15 (at least I think it is). I know 13-year-olds whose parents aren't even as old as your boyfriend.

I don't really like May-December relationships. My mom has a cousin who is married to a man 27 years her senior and believe me, he's a real pain in the rear end. I feel bad for their son - he's only 16 and he's so sweet, and it's hard for him to accept that he's got a niece who's three years older than him.

[DiamondsGirl]

yeah we know it's illegal, but it's not our place to force her to break up with her. A lot of people have given her great advice, enforcing your opinion is a bit too much.

If this isn't messed up, I don't know what is. To put this in perspective, this guy is old enough to be you dad and was 25 years old when you were born. Does that not make you think about this situation Krisite?

Your "boyfriend" is by law a pedophile and by moral standards a creep. Get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible before something bad happens.

Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't approve of this kind of relationship. In most jurisdictions, 13 is below the age of consent. In France, it's 15 (at least I think it is). I know 13-year-olds whose parents aren't even as old as your boyfriend.

I don't really like May-December relationships. My mom has a cousin who is married to a man 27 years her senior and believe me, he's a real pain in the rear end. I feel bad for their son - he's only 16 and he's so sweet, and it's hard for him to accept that he's got a niece who's three years older than him.

I just have to do this. Guys, this problem is resolved. Kristie is no longer with this guy and will not be in contact with him no more.

[tmack1908]

I just have to do this. Guys, this problem is resolved. Kristie is no longer with this guy and will not be in contact with him no more.

Sorry to bother you DiamondsGirl.

[Croconaw]

Thank you for making the right decision. You did the right thing. Try and stick with guys more your age.

[centropede]

Don't want to be mean or anything but he is pedophile.
Does your parents know?
you are 13, puberty has just started, hormones raging. He is 38 way over puberty, he is way stronger than you.
You think he is nice? Do you even know what pedophiles are ready to do just to make their victims think they are in love? He can just take you with violence (I think you know what i mean with this) and probably not even get out alive.
In your place i would stay away from him, if he is so stupid that he doesnt understand that 13 if way too young for 38, then you have to be the smart one. Focus on lessons , on friendship with classmates.

Oh, sorry, didnt see that you already broke up with him, thats good :)

Posts merged. Next time, please use the "Edit" button. ~Elysium

[Bmble_B]

[-]Does the term "Lolita" mean anything to you?[/-]

I've been debating responding to this thread, but seriously... despite how happy you might be, I still think it's unhealthy for both of you. The two of you are on totally different maturity levels. It'd be one thing if you were an adult and he was still twenty five years your senior, but you're still a child. You're probably not even finished with puberty. It disturbs me to wonder what interest he might have in a thirteen year old girl, a child, though I suppose in the end it's your call. Just keep in mind, no matter how much you might hate to hear it, there's a reason you're still considered a minor - you can't quite look at things in retrospect.

I too have been debating on responding to this. Ahem, OMG a frikkin 38 year-old! :what: WOW, I find that to be seriously disturbing, and he could (and should) go to jail for this in my opinion...

[hithere14]

maybe too old

[Lovelife090994]

My dear I won't judge but whenever a 38 year old man wants a relationship beyond friendship or teacher with a 13 year old girl then I must see an issue. You two are on two different planes of life and maturity. He is taking advantage of you and technically a relationship between a minor and adult even if consensual and never sexual is still illegal or should be. I feel this is dangerous.

[Menzis]

It could be a pedophile I think you should tell your parents..

if anyone is wondering now, me and him have broken up and wont be seeing each other anymore

I am seriously soooooooo happy to see this response, please from now on date boys your age, you are still so young and so vulnerable and an 38 year old man shouldn't take advantage of that.

[Karkat]

if anyone is wondering now, me and him have broken up and wont be seeing each other anymore

yup, now i can focus on other boys :D

Good. Stay safe, hun. Even if by some miracle your relationship would've worked out, you're just in two entirely different parts of your life, you wouldn't be able to understand each other. You need someone you can relate to. :) Best of luck~

[Body odah Man]

hi my name is kristie
i am 13
i am posting because i have a bf who is much older then me
he is 38
im ok with it but i dont tell people cuz i dont want them to judge
does anyone want to talk to me or have questions?
im just curios if i should be worried about people judging me
thanks

Isn't that wayyyyyy too old for you? I'm pretty sure this shit counts as sexual abuse these days jdging by the 25 year age difference. This isn't Ancient Greece anymore babe-BREAK UP WITH HIM. How the fuck r ur parents ok with this?

[plebble]

Just stating an educated opinion (if that's a thing) here... but isn't that illegal? And doesn't that make him a pedophile? You're under the age of consent and he's above it, by a lot.

[JayDilla]

hey at least she made a wise decision and i applaud her. Like she said she's gonna focus on talking to boys around her age group now

[Karkat]

Isn't that wayyyyyy too old for you? I'm pretty sure this shit counts as sexual abuse these days jdging by the 25 year age difference. This isn't Ancient Greece anymore babe-BREAK UP WITH HIM. How the fuck r ur parents ok with this?

Just stating an educated opinion (if that's a thing) here... but isn't that illegal? And doesn't that make him a pedophile? You're under the age of consent and he's above it, by a lot.

Like has been said earlier, she has broken up with him. The issue here is resolved. Maybe this thread should be locked?

[Living For Love]

I agree. This thread has already run its course. :locked2: