Spidey01
February 29th, 2008, 11:39 PM
Sorry for the length, but you guys sort of need to know exactly how complicated all this is... so here goes.
A couple of years ago, some people moved in next door. My mum was a bit like "Joel, there's a girl your age just moved in next door, you might like to get to know her?" and I was just like... the normal boy-meets-girl kind of uninterested. In truth, I was interested, because I was suffering from a long-term crush on a girl that I didn't have a chance with. I just couldn't tell my mum that.
So one afternoon, several, several months later, I'm walking home with my friend when suddenly this girl's mum steps out the front door as we walk past. It was a hot day, and she asked me and my friend to spend some time in the back garden on their trampoline. I was hesitant, but I accepted - but in my mind, I wasn't going to go. My friend and I had "important" stuff to get to on the computer, and back when I was so young and careless, I didn't think much outside of my own brain.
I learnt a lot in the two years since then.
So my friend and I went next door, and when we got to the garden I find this girl looking after her bunny rabbit. I still had eyes for this one girl, this one long-term-crush girl who I have previously written about, so I didn't pay much attention to her appearance. I just thought she was a nice, down-to-earth girl who kept her brain in one place and was quite shy.
She didn't take to my friend much, and it was strange in a way. We were all strangers, and yet the connection of us being neighbours seemed to bring us closer than her and my friend. Then again, my friend was a bit of a prick lol .
After time, I gave up on the long-term-crush girl, because she ignored me for three months so that my "creepy, borderline, obsessive crush" (her words) didn't continue. All in all, I'm not too upset. It was all for good cause. I couldn't restrict myself to this one girl for the rest of my life. I was angry and depressed for a long time, and all the time I had been thinking that if she loved me then I would be happy; yet it was obviously the other way around. As soon as I didn't have a crush on her, I felt truly alive for the first time in a long time.
But all of a sudden, I see this extremely pretty young girl - not pretty, beautiful. I was absolutely stunned at how gorgeous this girl looked - and then I realised that for months on end she had been a close friend, and I had been totally oblivious as to the obvious.
I looked at her differently, and it was so sudden that I'm not even sure how it happened these days. The earliest recollection of me having a crush on her was one day during school when I was setting something up for her class, as the school techie, and she looked at me in a way that no one had ever looked at me before. It had sent a surge of power through me, and I had felt amazingly light-headed at the same time.
So for ages, I had this crush on her, although I was thinking about her as if she actually was my girlfriend. That's where I screwed things up, I think. I found it too impossible that she didn't like me... we were so perfect for each other, and every time I thought about it, it made perfect sense. I regret making that mistake now, because it sort of... changed my ways of thinking. After months of liking her and running away from telling her how strong my feelings were, I settled on a (very poorly written, come to think of it) txt explaining that I had a crush on her.
(I know, bad move).
Well, she "didn't want a boyfriend" (her words), and I was heartbroken for a while, but I soon got over it. And I was extremely glad when she didn't press the matter, and treated me exactly the same as she had before.
But the problem is, I think, that the way she always treated me was in a way that just made me feel so... happy... she was, of course, only being friendly, but her immense beauty just shone out of her with every smile, and made me feel absolutely amazing. It's quite hard to explain.
But anyway, I got my first ever girlfriend soon afterwards, and almost forgot about her. In fact, I don't think I even saw her in the one and a half weeks that I had my first girlfriend.
When me and my gf split up, I got another crush on a girl in my new class, a girl who had always been nice to me. And all the while, there was this one other girl, the girl who, it had seemed, had always been the one looking on from the background.
So here's the thing. I like my neighbour again. And all things considered, I still feel as if there is some chance for her to like me at some point sometime. I look at her and she seems to be perfect in every way, and I can't picture myself with anyone other than her. It's almost selfish, in a way. And I'm ashamed at the immensity of my feelings, because I know I'm being overdramatic a bit, but it's just how I feel. It's hard to contain.
So while she only told me she didn't want a boyfriend, I believe there is still a chance that she could like me. If not now, then sometime. But the thing I'm worried about is how she'll take it when she hears I like her again... because (and I am aware that I previously explained it, but I cwant to give it some... depth ) I'm not sure if she'll get annoyed and find me to be impatient or something along those lines if I tell her how I feel. She might still not want a boyfriend - that's one of the things that's really worrying me. I know I'm still young, but you can't help who you fall for, right?
I don't know what to do. On the other hand, I'm too chicken to tell her in person, so I'm not sure what I'm ever going to do about that.
We see each other almost every day, walking up to the bus stop/on the bus, catching the bus home/walking from the bus stop home. And the walk from the bus stop to home isn't long, and every time I try and say the "right" thing but most of the time it comes out all wrong. The most recent "encounter" ended in disaster, and she was all awkward as she walked into her house and stuff...
Argh I feel like such an idiot.
CHECKLIST:
* Overcome fear of girls
* Figure out whether or not to tell the girl how I feel
* If I choose to, tell the girl.
One word: HELP.
(Oh and sorry if this sounded a bit weird, I copied and pasted it from another forum that I posted on ages ago)
A couple of years ago, some people moved in next door. My mum was a bit like "Joel, there's a girl your age just moved in next door, you might like to get to know her?" and I was just like... the normal boy-meets-girl kind of uninterested. In truth, I was interested, because I was suffering from a long-term crush on a girl that I didn't have a chance with. I just couldn't tell my mum that.
So one afternoon, several, several months later, I'm walking home with my friend when suddenly this girl's mum steps out the front door as we walk past. It was a hot day, and she asked me and my friend to spend some time in the back garden on their trampoline. I was hesitant, but I accepted - but in my mind, I wasn't going to go. My friend and I had "important" stuff to get to on the computer, and back when I was so young and careless, I didn't think much outside of my own brain.
I learnt a lot in the two years since then.
So my friend and I went next door, and when we got to the garden I find this girl looking after her bunny rabbit. I still had eyes for this one girl, this one long-term-crush girl who I have previously written about, so I didn't pay much attention to her appearance. I just thought she was a nice, down-to-earth girl who kept her brain in one place and was quite shy.
She didn't take to my friend much, and it was strange in a way. We were all strangers, and yet the connection of us being neighbours seemed to bring us closer than her and my friend. Then again, my friend was a bit of a prick lol .
After time, I gave up on the long-term-crush girl, because she ignored me for three months so that my "creepy, borderline, obsessive crush" (her words) didn't continue. All in all, I'm not too upset. It was all for good cause. I couldn't restrict myself to this one girl for the rest of my life. I was angry and depressed for a long time, and all the time I had been thinking that if she loved me then I would be happy; yet it was obviously the other way around. As soon as I didn't have a crush on her, I felt truly alive for the first time in a long time.
But all of a sudden, I see this extremely pretty young girl - not pretty, beautiful. I was absolutely stunned at how gorgeous this girl looked - and then I realised that for months on end she had been a close friend, and I had been totally oblivious as to the obvious.
I looked at her differently, and it was so sudden that I'm not even sure how it happened these days. The earliest recollection of me having a crush on her was one day during school when I was setting something up for her class, as the school techie, and she looked at me in a way that no one had ever looked at me before. It had sent a surge of power through me, and I had felt amazingly light-headed at the same time.
So for ages, I had this crush on her, although I was thinking about her as if she actually was my girlfriend. That's where I screwed things up, I think. I found it too impossible that she didn't like me... we were so perfect for each other, and every time I thought about it, it made perfect sense. I regret making that mistake now, because it sort of... changed my ways of thinking. After months of liking her and running away from telling her how strong my feelings were, I settled on a (very poorly written, come to think of it) txt explaining that I had a crush on her.
(I know, bad move).
Well, she "didn't want a boyfriend" (her words), and I was heartbroken for a while, but I soon got over it. And I was extremely glad when she didn't press the matter, and treated me exactly the same as she had before.
But the problem is, I think, that the way she always treated me was in a way that just made me feel so... happy... she was, of course, only being friendly, but her immense beauty just shone out of her with every smile, and made me feel absolutely amazing. It's quite hard to explain.
But anyway, I got my first ever girlfriend soon afterwards, and almost forgot about her. In fact, I don't think I even saw her in the one and a half weeks that I had my first girlfriend.
When me and my gf split up, I got another crush on a girl in my new class, a girl who had always been nice to me. And all the while, there was this one other girl, the girl who, it had seemed, had always been the one looking on from the background.
So here's the thing. I like my neighbour again. And all things considered, I still feel as if there is some chance for her to like me at some point sometime. I look at her and she seems to be perfect in every way, and I can't picture myself with anyone other than her. It's almost selfish, in a way. And I'm ashamed at the immensity of my feelings, because I know I'm being overdramatic a bit, but it's just how I feel. It's hard to contain.
So while she only told me she didn't want a boyfriend, I believe there is still a chance that she could like me. If not now, then sometime. But the thing I'm worried about is how she'll take it when she hears I like her again... because (and I am aware that I previously explained it, but I cwant to give it some... depth ) I'm not sure if she'll get annoyed and find me to be impatient or something along those lines if I tell her how I feel. She might still not want a boyfriend - that's one of the things that's really worrying me. I know I'm still young, but you can't help who you fall for, right?
I don't know what to do. On the other hand, I'm too chicken to tell her in person, so I'm not sure what I'm ever going to do about that.
We see each other almost every day, walking up to the bus stop/on the bus, catching the bus home/walking from the bus stop home. And the walk from the bus stop to home isn't long, and every time I try and say the "right" thing but most of the time it comes out all wrong. The most recent "encounter" ended in disaster, and she was all awkward as she walked into her house and stuff...
Argh I feel like such an idiot.
CHECKLIST:
* Overcome fear of girls
* Figure out whether or not to tell the girl how I feel
* If I choose to, tell the girl.
One word: HELP.
(Oh and sorry if this sounded a bit weird, I copied and pasted it from another forum that I posted on ages ago)