I kind of need a mans insight

[Ashleigh]

Ok so about 2 years ago I broke off my engagement with the man I love because I felt I was too young and it was too soon. since then things got really rocky and we split up. Thing is I still love him and we still meet up and that usually ends up with us having sex (like 9.99% of the time)
He says he doesn't love me anymore but he says little things occasionally like "I wanna make love to you" instead of his usual vulgar "hey do you wanna fuck?" Also it's not like when we are finished being intimate he just ups and leaves. He will often cuddle for an hour or two and even fall asleep on occasion.
He also complains that he is lonely and is getting bored of being single but when I suggest giving it another go he gets really funny about it.
I just don't know what to think anymore. I love him so much and part of me is hoping that I may have a chance at getting back with him but he's always said he doesn't love me anymore and yea :/

[Karkat]

He's probably just scared about putting himself out there like that again. I think he probably feels like he can't trust you, or that things have changed between the two of you, and he's scared to go back to the way things were before.

[Ashleigh]

Why would he be scared though? Our relationship was perfect. Well it was before I told him I wanted to wait :/

[Karkat]

That's exactly it though, clearly he felt that the relationship was going in one direction. He thought you felt the same way, and suddenly, he finds out that you don't.

It's like being rejected, but when you least expect it.

[Ashleigh]

I did feel the same way but I was sixteen. It was different for him he was eighteen. I had a ton of pressure from my parents about it telling me I was being stupid and ridiculous

[Karkat]

I did feel the same way but I was sixteen. It was different for him he was eighteen. I had a ton of pressure from my parents about it telling me I was being stupid and ridiculous

As parents will do.

He's probably just confused about where he stands, like I said. Maybe even a little hurt over it. He might be trying to get over you, but can't. He might just be afraid to go back into a relationship with you again.

[Ashleigh]

I just don't know how to be with anyone but him anymore

[FullyAlive]

I agree with what was said above, imagine if you'd expected the proposal only to find out that he wasn't there yet in the relationship, it would hurt. And now he probably likes the comfort and familiarity you offer but doesn't want to risk getting involved again because he thinks something similar will happen he'll get attached again and find out you aren't as attached.

To be honest I'm not sure what you can do other than ask him to talk it out with you but in that case you'd have to be prepared for him to say no. But I do think you either need to talk or you need to stop seeing him, stop having sex with him and give yourself the chance to move on from him.

[Karkat]

I just don't know how to be with anyone but him anymore

I know the feeling. It seems like you at least have a somewhat healthy relationship as it is now, maybe time will help things. Maybe, once you spend more time together, things won't be as strained as they are right now.

[Ashleigh]

To be honest I'm not sure what you can do other than ask him to talk it out with you but in that case you'd have to be prepared for him to say no. But I do think you either need to talk or you need to stop seeing him, stop having sex with him and give yourself the chance to move on from him.

I've tried doing both of these things. He refuses to talk about it and we always end up having to talk to each other as we have mutual friends so it's virtually impossible to not see him

[DiamondsGirl]

Maybe give him some time alone to really think about what he wants to do. I think seeing you every day and the fact that he still has access to do romantic/sexual stuffs with you only confuses him more. Unfortunately I have to agree with your parents on this one though. I personally think you are too young to be married. Don't you think you want to enjoy your youthful freedom a little more? I'm not trying to be mean... but I assume you don't want to end up regretting stuffs.

[Ashleigh]

Maybe give him some time alone to really think about what he wants to do. I think seeing you every day and the fact that he still has access to do romantic/sexual stuffs with you only confuses him more. Unfortunately I have to agree with your parents on this one though. I personally think you are too young to be married. Don't you think you want to enjoy your youthful freedom a little more? I'm not trying to be mean... but I assume you don't want to end up regretting stuffs.

No no I totally agree now that I was too young. We don't even see each other once a week never mind each day though :/

[DiamondsGirl]

I am a very pragmatic person when it comes down to romance. You DO know that you deserve so much better than this do you not? If this situation is doing you no good, then IMO you should move on.

[Saint]

There are two probable answers to this,from what I understand anyway. Either hes insecure and unsure on how to actually "restart" the relationship again,or he's just really looking to be a FWB and just wants to fill in the void of being single. (seems more to the latter)

It honestly just seems like you need to move on. Fill your day with stuff to do, and just focus on other things. It isn't a healthy relationship from what I can see,since you're basically confused & unhappy on where things stand between both of you,and the other party isn't willing to fix it either.

[Ashleigh]

@DiamondsGirl it's him who deserves better not me. I deserve to be treated like this after what I did.
@Saint the problem is I try to move on but I really can't. I honestly can't imagine my life without him in it.

[Saint]

@DiamondsGirl it's him who deserves better not me. I deserve to be treated like this after what I did.
@Saint the problem is I try to move on but I really can't. I honestly can't imagine my life without him in it.

No,you really don't deserve to be treated like that because you broke off an engagement that you were psychologically incapable of dealing with unanticipatedly. (you were 16)

Moving on on the other hand takes time. Sure,you probably feel like he's the only one for you right now,but you'll look back in the future and know that what you did was totally right. An unhealthy relationship where one is just confused and can't seek answers isn't good in anyway. Forgetting about someone is a process that can't be totally neglected in terms of feeling okay all the time,but the feeling of sadness can be diminished as time passes. You need to know that you need to help yourself,that's a great start.by acknowledging that you have to stay away from an unhealthy relationship. Then proceed to slowly take your mind off of him and do the things that you like doing. Exercising,writing,etc.

Again,you'll probably feel like what I've said is impossible while reading this,but give yourself time to think and go about on it. :)

[DiamondsGirl]

@DiamondsGirl it's him who deserves better not me. I deserve to be treated like this after what I did.
@Saint the problem is I try to move on but I really can't. I honestly can't imagine my life without him in it.

Saint said it all. You are suffering right now and nobody deserves to suffer. Listen to post above ^^^ :)

[Ashleigh]

I just miss him so much :'( the time I do get to spend with him is all I have to actually look forward to now

[DiamondsGirl]

I just miss him so much :'( the time I do get to spend with him is all I have to actually look forward to now

then find something to do to get your mind off him. Any youth clubs near you? Music clubs? Sports clubs? Failing that, why not spend the extra time to study?You deserve more than this, and IMO right now the only way for you to get what you really deserve is to move on. It's not gonna be easy, but it's not impossible.

[Ashleigh]

then find something to do to get your mind off him. Any youth clubs near you? Music clubs? Sports clubs? Failing that, why not spend the extra time to study?You deserve more than this, and IMO right now the only way for you to get what you really deserve is to move on. It's not gonna be easy, but it's not impossible.

I work full time 8-5 so its tea then bed when I get in

[DiamondsGirl]

well there you go. Now all you need is will power :)