Child of Abuse

[Ali.Cat]

My parents recently divorced. I saw my mom get beat alot by my dad. They would argue alot then the arguing would turn into my dad harming my mom. Not enough to hospitalize her or leave marks where anyone would notice but I can tell some pretty scary stories. The worst part is everyone thinks he's a good guy even now they are divorced people still think he's so nice. I hate him but I don't want to hate him because he has always been good as a dad he just wasn't a good husband to my mom. She didn't deserve what he did. Some nights I can't stop thinking about it and it keeps me awake like tonight. It makes me scared to date anyone or trust that anyone is really who they appear to be. I don't know how to get over it.

[Maxfun]

My parents recently divorced. I saw my mom get beat alot by my dad. They would argue alot then the arguing would turn into my dad harming my mom. Not enough to hospitalize her or leave marks where anyone would notice but I can tell some pretty scary stories. The worst part is everyone thinks he's a good guy even now they are divorced people still think he's so nice. I hate him but I don't want to hate him because he has always been good as a dad he just wasn't a good husband to my mom. She didn't deserve what he did. Some nights I can't stop thinking about it and it keeps me awake like tonight. It makes me scared to date anyone or trust that anyone is really who they appear to be. I don't know how to get over it.

First off, sorry for what you have went through. Real life is often far removed from the perfect world of happy families.
First off, none of this is on you, What happened between then is between them.
secondly it is good that you have stared to open up here. That is the first step into dealing with this.
Is there someone that you could talk to? It may be that you are too close to your mum directly, so an aunt, teacher, friend or counselor. Talking about it, even here is good road to recovery. Even just rant on here if it help.
Remember it's OK to be not OK. Stand up and ask for help

[ska8er]

My parents recently divorced. I saw my mom get beat alot by my dad. They would argue alot then the arguing would turn into my dad harming my mom. Not enough to hospitalize her or leave marks where anyone would notice but I can tell some pretty scary stories. The worst part is everyone thinks he's a good guy even now they are divorced people still think he's so nice. I hate him but I don't want to hate him because he has always been good as a dad he just wasn't a good husband to my mom. She didn't deserve what he did. Some nights I can't stop thinking about it and it keeps me awake like tonight. It makes me scared to date anyone or trust that anyone is really who they appear to be. I don't know how to get over it.

You have to tell someone else in authority
of what you are experiencing. i know you
do not want to get anyone in trouble but
its time for you to speak up before some
of these scary stories you speak of get
out of hand and become a tragedy.

[Ben7]

So I guess if you say your parents are now divorced, it means your mom is no longer in that dangerous situation, which is good. Presumably you are living with her? I guess something you can try is just talking to your mom about it - about how you feel and what you're afraid of, and I'd imagine your own mom might be the first person to talk to. If this type of fear continue you could try to talk to a counselor of some sort (maybe at your school?) - while I personally haven't found doing this very helpful (though my own past situation is different), I do know of many where this has helped a lot. So maybe a counselor can help you past your fears/worries/stress, or to come to grips with it and to help you find a way to better handle it. Or maybe even both you and your mom could go see someone (a counselor or therapist of some sort) together, and that might make it a little bit easier to get through.

For my own part I'd just add that I understand why you would definitely be scared, but it's important to keep in mind that many - or dare I say, most - guys will probably not be that bad. In any case, you can take it slowly, such as dating every now and then, and really getting to know the guy you are with. And you can take your time to really try to learn who he is and what he is like, and you can ask him about more personal stuff, like his family because his responses on how he regards his family, acts around them, speaks about them will give you very good clues as to what type of person he is.

Either way, I think you just need time. Take it day by day, the process is bound to be slow. But slowly I think if you let yourself, it will definitely be possible to get past this. Good luck.

[Ali.Cat]

Thanks for the advice.

[Sevven]

I’m so sorry you had to grow up with that :(
It’s good they’re apart now
I hope you are all safer

[Eivor]

I’m so sorry
Maybe any time you hear someone compliment him with how nice he is just tell the truth about what he did

[Uniquemind]

My parents recently divorced. I saw my mom get beat alot by my dad. They would argue alot then the arguing would turn into my dad harming my mom. Not enough to hospitalize her or leave marks where anyone would notice but I can tell some pretty scary stories. The worst part is everyone thinks he's a good guy even now they are divorced people still think he's so nice. I hate him but I don't want to hate him because he has always been good as a dad he just wasn't a good husband to my mom. She didn't deserve what he did. Some nights I can't stop thinking about it and it keeps me awake like tonight. It makes me scared to date anyone or trust that anyone is really who they appear to be. I don't know how to get over it.

I think the first step is to acknowledge your feelings are valid, but also to be aware that your brain is probably overgeneralizing behavior upon an entire “boxed group” of people. In this case guys, in your brain the closest association is your dad’s example you see/saw growing up.


So I think the first step is to observe people on a deeper level, and kinda study what makes relationships good versus what makes them bad, and play in that headspace for a bit until you can make sense of it.

As you go through school you’ll have health class that cover “relationships and communication” strategies that couples should practice down to how things should be phrased to assertively but respectfully exchange points of view in a disagreement.

There is also value and also moments of being aware of what personality qualities you’re attracted to in a partner, and to understand why that is. It can help you be aware of certain personality types to avoid in partners as you begin your dating life and can give you a sense of empowerment to either continue or walk away from relationship.


Hope this advice helps.