Pretty good; tired.

[SonOfSeven]

Ok, so, to cut ama long story short, I suffer from on again off again bouts of depression. I have done since I was about 14. When I’m depressed I don’t do any schoolwork, writing, I don’t even play games. I feel like it’s all pointless. I also occasionally suffer from paranoia and self destructive behaviour. The Imp of the Perverse (written by Edgar Allen Poe, about his own self destructive tendencies) is the best example I can give of how that operates with me.

So about a year ago I had s revaluation: everything is meaningless, so why worry about it; why worry about something that in itself doesn’t matter. And that’s worked for a while, but I can feel the mood of depression still coming back.

Recently I’ve been answering the question of “how are you” with: “I’m good.” Followed immediately by: “I’m tired.” If I say I’m depressed I get asked why, and the truth is I don’t know. I used to know why; I used to have intellectual reasons, philosophical reasons.. now I have nothing but a feeling.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, other than to get it out there. Because I’m sick of saying:
“I’m fine.
Tired.”

[HighVamp913]

Yea I feel you. It does get tiring masking. Keep your chin up.

[BJade]

Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so :what:

[SonOfSeven]

Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so :what:

Yeah.. like all I want is a normal convo but I feel like the only way I can get it is by being honest, but by being honest I never get it.
God, people are weird

[HighVamp913]

Yeah.. like all I want is a normal convo but I feel like the only way I can get it is by being honest, but by being honest I never get it.
God, people are weird


Yeah tbh people make less sense than animals.

[HighVamp913]

Yeah I'm always saying "I'm alright" when I'm asked how I am. Nobody really want the honest answer that I'm feeling terribly sad, and just want to cry. But when I'm really down and do be honest, it's just like "oh dear, what a shame" then nothing changes, so :what:

Then parents ask why we don't open up.

[Second Chance]

Ok, so, to cut ama long story short, I suffer from on again off again bouts of depression. I have done since I was about 14. When I’m depressed I don’t do any schoolwork, writing, I don’t even play games. I feel like it’s all pointless. I also occasionally suffer from paranoia and self destructive behaviour. The Imp of the Perverse (written by Edgar Allen Poe, about his own self destructive tendencies) is the best example I can give of how that operates with me.

So about a year ago I had s revaluation: everything is meaningless, so why worry about it; why worry about something that in itself doesn’t matter. And that’s worked for a while, but I can feel the mood of depression still coming back.

Recently I’ve been answering the question of “how are you” with: “I’m good.” Followed immediately by: “I’m tired.” If I say I’m depressed I get asked why, and the truth is I don’t know. I used to know why; I used to have intellectual reasons, philosophical reasons.. now I have nothing but a feeling.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, other than to get it out there. Because I’m sick of saying:
“I’m fine.
Tired.”

I can see where you are coming from if you feel by opening up you are going nowhere fast.

Just so I understand your perspective, what do you feel your biggest problems are? What caused your problem to start at 14, and were you a happy person before that point?

[Maxfun]

This may sound cheesy, but it's OK to say you are not OK. If the people asking you are genuinely concerned on how you are, they would try and help you if you turned round and said now bad things were. Even the rant itself could help you feel better

[Mainjake]

I have problems with depression too. I feel like theres not always something you can do about it. Sometimes I can distract myself from it and times I feel alot better but then it just creeps back for no reason whatsoever. I dont know how to help you but you're not alone.

[Ali.Cat]

♥️ I hope your brain rests soon and you can stop being tired. I know what that's like

[SonOfSeven]

I can see where you are coming from if you feel by opening up you are going nowhere fast.

Just so I understand your perspective, what do you feel your biggest problems are? What caused your problem to start at 14, and were you a happy person before that point?

It wasn’t that I was perfectly happy before 14, but 14 is the youngest age in which I can recognise the symptoms of my depression.

My biggest problems are... the expectations and unrealistic demands of my mother encroaching upon my life and being made to feel like a piece of shit for rejecting them. The general lack of interest from the rest of my family, the lack of action, the passive, flaccid, you know that I’m here right? The idea that just because she’s my mum no direct action should be taken; that everything should be appeased.

I have this anxiety about my life, about how the direction I want to take won’t work out, that I’ll never get anything done, never accomplish anything, never intact any long lasting change, never matter; never exist.

Ultimately I don’t know what caused my problem to start. I don’t think any one thing caused it.

[MaximalGuardian]

If I say I’m depressed I get asked why, and the truth is I don’t know
I feel you, lying you're fine is way easier than explaining the truth.

When I’m depressed I don’t do any schoolwork, writing,...
When I feel down, I push myself to study and do homework. It makes me get my mind off the problems at least for a while.