What would you have done? PS long post

[Snydergate]

Sorry long post, but it needs to be long.

So, when I was 12 my parents split. Fast forward to three years ago (I am now 19). My father, whom I refer to as Dick now, began to date again and introduced me to this woman, she was nice, but the most antisocial person I had ever met. She barely speaks to anyone except my dad. So fast forward two months and my dad moves in with her. I would spend 2 weeks with my mother and every other weekend with my father, it was a good setup until he moved in with her. And he didn't even tell he he was going to move in until the day i came to spend the weekend with him, he is notorious for telling people things at the last possible second. So I forced him to take me back to my mothers house because I was outraged. Fast forward a year and things are the same, he lives with his new girlfriend and I come over and am supposed to spend the weekend, but I demand he take me back to my mothers since I am uncomfortable sleeping at her house, since I didnt know her. Fast forward a few months he says he is going to marry her (none of my family on my fathers side really knows her either and were not very fond of her, nonetheless they supported it). I was not going to attend the wedding but my grandmother and brother convinced me otherwise. I was pretty miserable the whole time. Its funny, one of the wedding photos is of my dad hugging me and you can clearly see my face and I look very pissed. They got married in october and now fast forward 2 months to xmas eve 2012. Oh happy times....wrong. That xmas I was supposed to be with my dad and was very unhappy and demanded to go home, he said no and calmy sat me down and said I have no friends and thats my fault (I have many friends), and then he said I would go nowhere living with my mother and I would live with him full time and expell her from my life (my mother is the greatest person in my life), and then (keep in mind he is explaining this to me in a calm and happy manner) he tells me I am mentally ill, and I asked if he thought I was literally crazy, he nodded and asked that I give me a hug, I sat shocked and silent. He left and I went upstairs hours later and told him to take me home very calmly but very furiously at the same time. That scared him and he took me home. I atteded the xmas celebration at his house the next day, but did not speak not thank him for any gifts he gave me, and gave big thanks to everyone else who gave me gifts that was there. After that day I expelled him from me life and told him that I was not interested in seeing him or his new wife any longer. I have barely seen him since, the last time we did talk was a month or two after he called me crazy and I tried to make peace and asked for an apology. He said he never said any of those things and said that he was sorry that I thought he said those things to me. That infuriated me and I left, we have not spoken since.

Thanks for reading, so what would you have done in my situation?
PS I know this is considered a story, but I am not sure if we are just not allowed to put up stories that are sexual, which this is not. But feel free to take this down moderators if this goes against any rules for the site. I just needed to share this.

[Dalcourt]

Calling you mentally ill for nothing seems rather weird. If you tried to reason with your father and he's not interested in making peace with you, I guess you did the right thing with leaving and not talking to him anymore.

[DiamondsGirl]

Jacob, before you read my post, please keep in mind that I am not the kind of person that sugarcoats my two-cents. I am going to be very direct with you, assuming that's what you're here for: advice and opinions. You are older than me, so I believe--strongly--that you have the ability to receive critics and think of them open-mindedly. Here goes:

Although it is very wrong for your father to call you mentally ill and attempt to take your mother away from your life, you have no right to hate his new wife so much. You simply don't know her. It's not like she's threatening or abusing you. As a parent, it must be heartbreaking for your father to have you act like this for such a long time. Excuse me if I misread, but you didn't seem to mention that you have spoken to your father about the reason why you kept asking to be brought home. Without you telling him your reasons, your father would then understandably resort to guessing your problem himself. His happy, calm tone is just probably an attempt to keep the conversation light-hearted. From the way I see it, your father is just worried and a tad heartbroken. The fact that he offers you to stay in his place until (what he believes) your "mental illness" is cured shows that he really cares. I strongly recommend you to at least talk to your father and explain your feelings so that there would be no further misunderstandings. You should also include how much your mother means to you and there is no way you'd allow him take her away from your life. I'm sure only good things could come out of that. Good luck x

[Snydergate]

Jacob, before you read my post, please keep in mind that I am not the kind of person that sugarcoats my two-cents. I am going to be very direct with you, assuming that's what you're here for: advice and opinions. You are older than me, so I believe--strongly--that you have the ability to receive critics and think of them open-mindedly. Here goes:

Although it is very wrong for your father to call you mentally ill and attempt to take your mother away from your life, you have no right to hate his new wife so much. You simply don't know her. It's not like she's threatening or abusing you. As a parent, it must be heartbreaking for your father to have you act like this for such a long time. Excuse me if I misread, but you didn't seem to mention that you have spoken to your father about the reason why you kept asking to be brought home. Without you telling him your reasons, your father would then understandably resort to guessing your problem himself. His happy, calm tone is just probably an attempt to keep the conversation light-hearted. From the way I see it, your father is just worried and a tad heartbroken. The fact that he offers you to stay in his place until (what he believes) your "mental illness" is cured shows that he really cares. I strongly recommend you to at least talk to your father and explain your feelings so that there would be no further misunderstandings. You should also include how much your mother means to you and there is no way you'd allow him take her away from your life. I'm sure only good things could come out of that. Good luck x

I do agree with were you are coming from, but I did leave out a hell of a lot of things; this whole issue took place over four years. I don't hate my dads wife, i just don't like her, and same with the rest of my family since she has never made any attempt to get to know us, and the most she ever spoke to me is when she badgered me that I was a rude person (she copied what my father said). I had tried talking to my father about my issues over those years, but he has a very thick head and never thinks he's wrong, and always convinces himself that things are happy happy joy joy. Thank you for your thoughts.:)

[DiamondsGirl]

doh.. I have just read down on your signature that you're antisocial. Sorry!

Well, as someone who is also very picky regarding the kind of individual I socialize with, I think I can understand a bit how uneasy you must feel spending the weekend under the same roof with a stranger that acts like you're not there. But the good thing is you're above 18 and by law should be considered an adult. Can you find somewhere else to live by yourself so that you'd be a neutral party; instead of siding with either your mom or your dad?

[KidKing]

I'd have reasoned that if my dad was in a relationship with this woman, I'd have to make an effort with her. His moving in with her on the same day he knew you were visiting (without telling you) was rude but I don't think I'd have left to go back home.

If his now wife is as unassailable as you say, I'd have probably stopped bothering trying to talk to her too. It seems strange that she'd not talk to or even make an effort with her husband's kids really, so I can see how you wouldn't like her.

I think you maybe could have tried a little bit to pretend at their wedding - I do get that you didn't agree with it but it was perhaps a big occasion for them. On the other hand, you said you didn't want to go and you were effectively made to go. So it's sort of understandable.

This bit is the game changer. I'd have been outraged. He's clearly out of touch with your life and saying things like that would do you no good even if you were a lunatic; they would only serve to alienate you. I don't know how he dares to presume to tell you who you can have in your life especially your mother. I'd have been really, really angry too, and would have left also.

It's great you tried to make up with him, and also really annoying that he pretended nothing happened. If he's not going to take responsibility for being so -whatever- then I wouldn't even try after that, though I'd be open to apologies or attempts at reconciliation.

Please do note that my parents are still together, so my take on things isn't as well informed as yours.Good luck with whatever happens :)

[Snydergate]

doh.. I have just read down on your signature that you're antisocial. Sorry!

Well, as someone who is also very picky regarding the kind of individual I socialize with, I think I can understand a bit how uneasy you must feel spending the weekend under the same roof with a stranger that acts like you're not there. But the good thing is you're above 18 and by law should be considered an adult. Can you find somewhere else to live by yourself so that you'd be a neutral party; instead of siding with either your mom or your dad?

I actually haven't had to spend anytime over there for over a year. I have been living with my mom and my stepfather, both great people. After my father verbally insulted me I never went back. I was done trying to rekindle what was left of our relationship. He ruined it with one foul swoop, so I figured it was over forever, or for a very, very long time.

I'd have reasoned that if my dad was in a relationship with this woman, I'd have to make an effort with her. His moving in with her on the same day he knew you were visiting (without telling you) was rude but I don't think I'd have left to go back home.

If his now wife is as unassailable as you say, I'd have probably stopped bothering trying to talk to her too. It seems strange that she'd not talk to or even make an effort with her husband's kids really, so I can see how you wouldn't like her.

I think you maybe could have tried a little bit to pretend at their wedding - I do get that you didn't agree with it but it was perhaps a big occasion for them. On the other hand, you said you didn't want to go and you were effectively made to go. So it's sort of understandable.

This bit is the game changer. I'd have been outraged. He's clearly out of touch with your life and saying things like that would do you no good even if you were a lunatic; they would only serve to alienate you. I don't know how he dares to presume to tell you who you can have in your life especially your mother. I'd have been really, really angry too, and would have left also.

It's great you tried to make up with him, and also really annoying that he pretended nothing happened. If he's not going to take responsibility for being so -whatever- then I wouldn't even try after that, though I'd be open to apologies or attempts at reconciliation.

Please do note that my parents are still together, so my take on things isn't as well informed as yours.Good luck with whatever happens :)

I totally agree with you. When my I came over that day and my father said I was going to be staying at his new wife's house I did attempt to leave with all my stuff. He stopped me as I was going out the door, but I demanded he take me home. He did, I think I scared him.

At the wedding, I did talk to people. But only people I knew, I made no effort to get to know my father's wife's family. Even though only 2 of them came. I even asked around and the people I talked with said the wedding was really sub-par and weird. Plus it rained. I just sat around until it was time to go.

Its been about a year and a half since he called me crazy and I am still waiting for that apology.