Can't take it anymore…

[Coolguy10890]

I can't take my parents anymore… they are super obsessed with our church and act like we'll die if we don't go to the services (AND VOLUNTEERING) so I've been volunteering at the church at a food pantry since Nov. 2012… and I was doing it for my High School Community Service hours requirement and so I did it, got my hours done in 2013, but they still want me to do it… "oh no, u only did it for your hours, now ur doing it for the real purpose!"

Ok I guess that's fine… I can agree with that but…
1. I knew the whole purpose of it even WHILE I was doing my hours?
And 2. It's April 2014 now… I'm almost 16, (In June) and I want more freedom,
I don't wanna go to church EVERY time for volunteering or service, I want to hang out with my friends and stuff or whatever, they think church is much more important than their child going out and having fun with friends.

I think this church obsession from them is going too far, we like go every weekend! And it's starting to get annoying! I don't get enough sleep, my parents are too committed to the church, the church is an hour away from our home… such a waste of gas money going to the same place every weekend, and I have to get up at 5 AM EVERY DAY, 7 days a week! (Mon-Friday, School and Sat-Sun to get ready for church, Saturday volunteering and Sunday service)

What do you guys think about this? I have tried talking to them calmly about it before but they didn't care what I said and said: "TOO BAD we are still going"

[Andrew2499]

Okay, maybe i can understand once a week. but not both days on the weekend. and i agree, a lot of growing up and part of your teenage years is hanging out with friends and having fun. They need to realize that life is about more than just church.

[conniption]

It seems like a huge burden. They should ease up. I understand they want to help, but sometimes you need to do stuff for yourself.

[Snydergate]

Stand up to you're parents. It takes guts, but If they love you, they should listen. If not, then they are truly nuts and you would have to rebel against them to do anything you wanted. In my opinion, rebelling against you're parents is only good in this situation.

[Melodic]

You're totally right. You're 16, you need to grow, have a life, have fun, wonder who you are. You can't do that when you're at church every single entire weekend. Most church goers don't even put that much effort into it.

I'd talk to your parents, calmly. Tell them what you're feeling, without blaming them or making them angry. Maybe they'll understand. Maybe compromise and ask for a day of the weekend to do what you love.

[Living For Love]

Going to church and volunteering can be a lot of fun, and it's quite self-rewarding. The only problem I see here is that you have to get up so early, and you don't have any free time. That doesn't seem healthy at all. Perhaps you can just show them you feel really tires and you need a break from all that stuff, temporarily. Maybe they will understand when they realise your health and happiness are at stake.

[DiamondsGirl]

I'm an Asian, so I'm gonna give you an Asian advice. Us Asians are raised to obey our parents no matter what. Our ultimate goal in life is to please our parents. I know that is not always applicable, but as somebody raised with that kind of mindset, I think you should try to fall in love with the volunteer job a little more. It's always so rewarding to help people and maybe that's what your parents are aiming for; the job to inspire you about how important it is to share what we have with those who don't have it. However if you think the hours are too burdening for you, talk to them (remember to stay calm and polite) and tell them that you'd still do the job just not every day. Tell them it's affecting your grades/study hours. That tactic always works :P

[ksdnfkfr]

It sounds like a discipline to build character thing. Just be glad you don't have to wake up at 5 am to do farm work.

[Dalcourt]

It's kinda difficult. I mean for your parents if they are that religious and believe in what they do it seems totally okay, so trying to talk about it could get difficult. You can just tell them again that you need some more personal freedom, that you don't want to give up volunteering completely and that you still go to church but maybe get "one day off" just ask them to maybe give this a try and see how it goes.

[Curious.kid]

My parents take me and my little brother to church and I even go to a catholic school so I go even more. It's takes a lot of time and sometimes it's hard to get up but in our house you better learn to get up or else. They make me dress in the nice cloths and shoes but I hate it. I can't wait to take the shoes off in the car. Basically I know how it feels and I have to wake up early as well.

[phuckphace]

since you're a minor who's still living under your parents' roof and eating their food, you're obligated to do what they ask (unless it's something illegal). unfortunately there's nothing much you can do until you turn 18 and move out on your own. but whatever you do, be respectful and grateful to your parents for providing for you - you could just as easily have been born on the receiving end of the food pantry donations and be living with a single mom who gave birth to you at 16 and can barely make ends meet even on food stamps.

I'm an Asian, so I'm gonna give you an Asian advice. Us Asians are raised to obey our parents no matter what. Our ultimate goal in life is to please our parents. I know that is not always applicable, but as somebody raised with that kind of mindset, I think you should try to fall in love with the volunteer job a little more. It's always so rewarding to help people and maybe that's what your parents are aiming for; the job to inspire you about how important it is to share what we have with those who don't have it. However if you think the hours are too burdening for you, talk to them (remember to stay calm and polite) and tell them that you'd still do the job just not every day. Tell them it's affecting your grades/study hours. That tactic always works :P

agreed 100%

[Coolguy10890]

It's kinda difficult. I mean for your parents if they are that religious and believe in what they do it seems totally okay, so trying to talk about it could get difficult. You can just tell them again that you need some more personal freedom, that you don't want to give up volunteering completely and that you still go to church but maybe get "one day off" just ask them to maybe give this a try and see how it goes.


I have asked them this before, but they were just like: "NO! What are you gonna do being home alone? Just relax and be lazy? THATS NOT RIGHT!"

If they left me home, they'd still be going and I'd have no where to go without a ride or anything so they think I'd be being lazy at home.

[Body odah Man]

They ARE going a bit Overboard on the church hours, like majorly, but I think you should stick with the Volunteering. Better for society if you do

[DiamondsGirl]

I have asked them this before, but they were just like: "NO! What are you gonna do being home alone? Just relax and be lazy? THATS NOT RIGHT!"

If they left me home, they'd still be going and I'd have no where to go without a ride or anything so they think I'd be being lazy at home.

can you not say "I need to study"? what about inviting friends over for a "group study"?

[Dalcourt]

can you not say "I need to study"? what about inviting friends over for a "group study"?

Good idea, that's what I thougt, too when you answered they'd be afraid you are just lazy at home. Telling parents you need "studying time" almost always works...but don't overdo it, I don't want to encourage you to lie to yor parents.

[DiamondsGirl]

seriously though your parents start to sound a little overbearing now. Surely people need some leisure time every now and then? =\

[Coolguy10890]

Good idea, that's what I thougt, too when you answered they'd be afraid you are just lazy at home. Telling parents you need "studying time" almost always works...but don't overdo it, I don't want to encourage you to lie to yor parents.

They don't want me home alone with friends.

I MUST have an Adult in the house, and on volunteering days both my parents go (and me too cuz I have to)

seriously though your parents start to sound a little overbearing now. Surely people need some leisure time every now and then? =\

They BARELY give me a break, also they don't reward me for anything either. Like I get A's and B's in School every Quarter and all they say is: "Good job!" And thats it.

Only my other family members really congratulate me with like a card and maybe $10. (Sometimes more) but like, really can't my parents reward me by maybe like, GIVING ME A BREAK? Not saying I NEED money to be rewarded but I'm saying like, maybe take me out somewhere or let me have a break from volunteering or something you know? But nope.

[DiamondsGirl]

I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now, especially after I said they're "a bit overbearing", but the fact that they did say "good job" shows that they care. The fact that they ask you to do this volunteer job instead of manual labor on some construction site also shows that they only want you to be the best person possible. They're just bad at expressing it.. and in the end it came across this way. I'm glad to hear your other family members do reward you for your achievements though at least there's still someone out there who does make you feel appreciated :)

Bit of a boring personal story:
I am one of those students you call "better than average". Not a straight-A, but never earns lower than B. I am often sent to represent my school on various national-level competitions and I often bring home trophies. No one, especially my parents, even asks how did I do on my latest competition. My parents couldn't care less about my scores; except in the rare occasion when I earn C/D so they could beat me down verbally. When I earned the highest TOEFL (test of English as a foreign language) a high school student has ever earned, they bragged to people but never said nothing to me. When I won four different scholarships on my university, all they say is "uh yeah so what's the tuition fee now?". None of my other family members, or friends, care either :) it's alright though, it's not like I won those stuffs for them.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't be too hard on your parents. Are they overbearing? Hell yeah. Do you need to be this angry towards them? Maybe, yes. Are they the worst parents ever? No, love, I don't think so. There's still some who are worse, mine for example. I'm not saying you hate your parents, but your posts sorta resonates that... at least for now. So I wrote this all because I want you to see it from a different perspective. Cheers xx