dad and mom did't married

[justJo]

I'm 14. Live only with my dad.
I very rarely met my mother.
I don't know why my dad doesn't like her. I never ask him, because I know my dad doesn't like me talking about mom.
off course they never married.

Sometimes I think about.... if they don't love each other, why did they make me?

I feel like I was born as a result of a pair of men and women who had a one-night-stand sex in the random cheap bar and they blame each other when I was born.

I'm afraid if I lose control, just like the other broken-home kids.
I've drunk my dad's beer when I was very angry with all of these thing. I don't want to do that anymore, or do the worst thing.

I don't know what will I ask, ... I just feel weird with my life.
Born without love, and unwanted.

[Body odah Man]

:( :( :(
that's sad man. You are CERTAINLY loved. never stop believing that shit man

[Left Now]

Even if you are unwanted,still you are innocent.Never think that it was just a mistake which caused me to be made even if it was.In fact,maybe it was your parents fault to give birth to you,but it doesn't mean that you are not supposed to live your life in this world.Have faith and be strong...World will need you a day,be sure about it!

[centropede]

I have the same, but i'm living with none of them, they dont like each other. My mom is showing interest in me, but my dad is like - meh.
The didnt marry, they didnt do anything, actually, i might be the unwanted one too, i have been thinking about it some days.
I dont even have a family, but i think i'm a really good result of that all.
I dont care if i was wanted or not, i am here with my own life, never had real mom and dad.
I'm okay with that, what does it change if i was wanted or not?
I have good, actually - excellent - grades, having 1st places in olympiads, i'm not so ugly but its not easy with me. Yeah, there are bad things too - i am gay (not so bad, pff, only if others would be more open-minded), i'm really sarcastic and i can be really really mean if im in bad mood, i dont have best friends because i dont trust anyone (it's hard, because im slowly breaking from inside), social life isnt easy.

[Dalcourt]

Um, just because your parents weren't married and don't like each other it doesn't mean that you end up doing bad things. Unwanted or not what you do, is still your decision not your parent's.

[plebble]

Even if I found out I had a kid from a one night stand. And if the baby was my responsibility and the mother didn't want it, I'd love it just as much as I should do and I'd still dedicate my life to it. I'm not saying that this made up scenario is your situation, I'm just saying that your dad does love you and you probably shouldn't worry about a thing.

[justJo]

thank you for all your opinions guys.

I've been trying to ignore about all of this thing and not to dramatize the situation.
but sometimes I feel shame seeing my father is still 32 right now.
anyone who could count must know that I am born from teen pregnancy problem. And absolutely unwanted.

My dad often goes home with different women, and it makes me sick to think that I've born from my dad's bad behaviour like that. It makes me sick to think that maybe any of these woman would give birth to the another 'me'.

I don't know my dad loves me or not. Maybe he took care of me just to make up for obligations and comply with the law.
he doesn't make many rules. He is not too much forbid me to do something. He doesn't scold me a lot. It encouraged me to try to do things that I shouldn't do.
more than once I drunk. more than once I ditching from my class and smoke with my friends. more than once I hook up with different girls who are not my girlfriend.
so pity, isn't? I disgust with my dad but I myself do that.
If my dad smart, he should know that his beer might not suddenly disappear by itself, he should know why my jacket smelled of cigarette and he should know well what happens if I'm in my room with a girl for more than an hour with the door locked.
but what did he do? just nothing.

I don't know, is he want to show me that he's a cool dad, is he afraid to make me hate him, or he just don't give a fuck.
that last option It's more sad than scolded,
It means my dad don't really care what I would be, he don't care about me.

[Dalcourt]

thank you for all your opinions guys.

I've been trying to ignore about all of this thing and not to dramatize the situation.
but sometimes I feel shame seeing my father is still 32 right now.
anyone who could count must know that I am born from teen pregnancy problem. And absolutely unwanted.

My dad often goes home with different women, and it makes me sick to think that I've born from my dad's bad behaviour like that. It makes me sick to think that maybe any of these woman would give birth to the another 'me'.

I don't know my dad loves me or not. Maybe he took care of me just to make up for obligations and comply with the law.
he doesn't make many rules. He is not too much forbid me to do something. He doesn't scold me a lot. It encouraged me to try to do things that I shouldn't do.
more than once I drunk. more than once I ditching from my class and smoke with my friends. more than once I hook up with different girls who are not my girlfriend.
so pity, isn't? I disgust with my dad but I myself do that.
If my dad smart, he should know that his beer might not suddenly disappear by itself, he should know why my jacket smelled of cigarette and he should know well what happens if I'm in my room with a girl for more than an hour with the door locked.
but what did he do? just nothing.

I don't know, is he want to show me that he's a cool dad, is he afraid to make me hate him, or he just don't give a fuck.
that last option It's more sad than scolded,
It means my dad don't really care what I would be, he don't care about me.

It may be true that your Dad isn't very responsible as a father figure. But still, you obviously know that some of the things you and he do are wrong.....I ask you why do you do them if you know they are wrong? Just because you don't have to be afraid to be punished for them? It seems to me that you really don't like your Dad as you talk very disrespectful about his lifestyle...does everyone have to live in a monogamous relationship to be a respected parent?
Just because he's young and may do things that are not as you want them to be doesn't mean that he's a bad parent. Did he harm you in any way? Is he abusive mentally or physically?
A lot of young parents are unsure how to treat their kids, so did you ever talk to him about his parenting style? Did you ask him if he loves you?

I guess talking to him calmly and respecting him even if he's not your dream dad could probably solve a lot of your issued.

[justJo]

off course I do them for my pleasure. But maybe there's little sense of want to make my dad repay for making me to be in this situation. I just want him overwhelmed with my deliquency, and then he realizes that he was wrong. he has made mistakes.
I feel that he never felt guilty, he never felt that there's something wrong in my life as a result of his actions, just like he thought that I'm better life without my mom.

no, he never harm me. In fact, he always tried to be "a kind of parent that being friend with his kid", although sometimes end up awkward because he's trying too much. Maybe that's why he is not restrain me with a lot of rules. he's afraid I will hate him. he's afraid I will going to my mom.
But I don't like his silence about many question from me. Off course I've tried to talk with him, about mom, about their past, about why they separate, why do they hate each other, but he never answer me.

when I was little I thought if he was overwhelmed , he would call my mom back, but now I realize that is ridiculous and impossible.
Now I don't want it anymore, it's too late to hope for an intact family....

[Dalcourt]

off course I do them for my pleasure. But maybe there's little sense of want to make my dad repay for making me to be in this situation. I just want him overwhelmed with my deliquency, and then he realizes that he was wrong. he has made mistakes.
I feel that he never felt guilty, he never felt that there's something wrong in my life as a result of his actions, just like he thought that I'm better life without my mom.

no, he never harm me. In fact, he always tried to be "a kind of parent that being friend with his kid", although sometimes end up awkward because he's trying too much. Maybe that's why he is not restrain me with a lot of rules. he's afraid I will hate him. he's afraid I will going to my mom.
But I don't like his silence about many question from me. Off course I've tried to talk with him, about mom, about their past, about why they separate, why do they hate each other, but he never answer me.

when I was little I thought if he was overwhelmed , he would call my mom back, but now I realize that is ridiculous and impossible.
Now I don't want it anymore, it's too late to hope for an intact family....

Well, it's just I don't see for what your Dad should feel guilty for? For trying to be a good parent and it not working out as you want it to be...for not liking your Mom and instead of staying for her for the sake of the child and making everyone miserable try to raise you on his own? I mean nobody's perfect, so you blame your Dad for not being perfect. Your attitude makes me kinda sad, you know.

I mean, my family situation is kinda similar. I live with my Dad, my Mom, who was taking drugs at the time she was pregnant with me took off after giving birth and I haven't heard from her since. My Dad's a drug addict, too...he's abusive sometimes and was in and out of jail when I was younger so I spent my early years at several foster families and institutions. A few years ago he regained custody and I live with him now.

He doesn't make any rules either I could do whatever I want, but still...I don't do any bad things just for the sake of it. And if I do something that is wrong I don't blame it on my family or upbringing.

I love my Dad no matter what and don't blame him for not having given me the perfect family.

[DiamondsGirl]

Haven't read the posts above me to be honest but... without trying to trivialize your feelings... I think this is just the hormones speaking right now. You do know deep inside that your background doesn't make you less of a person than you are now. Right? :) who cares if your parents aren't married? Just because you feel like your dad does not care, it doesn't mean the whole world doesn't care either. Stay strong x



P.S: I don't make this offer to everyone, but seriously if you need somebody to talk to, you know where that PM button is.

[justJo]

Well, it's just I don't see for what your Dad should feel guilty for?


do you really think that making babies without thinking and then make it have a deficiency in his life was not a mistake to feel guilty?

Ok, why they didn't try to live together as the responsibility for their mistakes? hell if they did not like each other, it's a risk for their actions. they must be willing to bear.
and what did they do? concerned with their egos and let others suffer the consequences.
Who is selfish now?


Haven't read the posts above me to be honest but... without trying to trivialize your feelings... I think this is just the hormones speaking right now. You do know deep inside that your background doesn't make you less of a person than you are now. Right? :) who cares if your parents aren't married? Just because you feel like your dad does not care, it doesn't mean the whole world doesn't care either. Stay strong x

Okay, thank you

[ninja789]

it is down to your determination how your life ends up really
Its tough but I know what it is like to be an accident too. If you really want to make something of your life then it is you who has to get past the obstructions in your life

[Hope Is Here]

Jo, thank you for sharing your story and I'm sorry to hear about ur family. I just want to tell you that you are 14 y/o and all what can you do it is watching and accept (or not) your mom and dad acts. Only you can decide what kind of person you want to be. Ask your father don't be scared if it is bother you and kick out from your thoughts. Yes, it can be painful, but you will cope with it, cboz it is true. IT IS the LOVE that you are in this world.

Bless and hugs.

[Dalcourt]

do you really think that making babies without thinking and then make it have a deficiency in his life was not a mistake to feel guilty?

Ok, why they didn't try to live together as the responsibility for their mistakes? hell if they did not like each other, it's a risk for their actions. they must be willing to bear.
and what did they do? concerned with their egos and let others suffer the consequences.
Who is selfish now?





Please you have to understand that I really don't have the intention to hurt you or insult you.

As I said before I know how it is to grow up in a so-called broken home, to know you are a kid nobody wanted.
My Dad told me to my face that his main reason for taking me in was more welfare money for him if he has a kid, more food stamps and stuff. That's really what a kid wants to hear, believe me.
And when I was little I also dreamed about a happy family.
You stated in your first post that you are 14, as DiamondsGirl said maybe it's your hormones speaking...I'm always told that I'm acting grown-up for my age, so maybe you need another year or two to understand that you could be off way worse.

As I already offered you I'm here to listen and help you if you want.

[NeuroTiger]

There comes a time in life where you start questioning your life; so many why and why not.
It's totally ok, Jo Sandy, to look for their answers (that's part of teenage life after all and our purpose in life!)
BUT you should not, at any cost, let these interrogations haunt your life.
Whatever be your past and your background, if you want a better future you should make a move right now. I mean, be strong dude...think positive and make the most of what you have today!
You can make it! :D

One question: so your dad was 18 when you were born...but ever since you were a baby, who took care of you?

[justJo]

okay, thank you guys.



One question: so your dad was 18 when you were born...but ever since you were a baby, who took care of you?

I'm not sure, but I heard that daddy's mother (my grandma) took care of me till I was 3 yo, because mom's family didn't want to, and my dad had to go to college. Then grandma's health was getting worse and had to move to my aunt's house in Richmond.
I don't know why I didn't go with grandma.
I just remember after that my dad brought me to San Fransisco. He lived with 2 friends. He often left me wherever he could ask for help to take care of me while he went to campus , like cafe where he worked, a woman in next door, or just paid some girl to keep me until he came home from campus and then took me to the cafe where he worked.
After he graduated and I started to school, mom came to us, she lived with us for about a year, maybe more, but then mom and dad split up again, they fought over me. but I still ended up with dad (I don't know why).
I allowed to go to mom at any time, but dad doesn't like it.
One day dad scolded me hard, and then I ran away to mom's house, I asked her to pick me up. After that incident, dad rarely yell at me, he afraid if I go back to mom.

[NeuroTiger]

I'm not sure, but I heard that daddy's mom (my grandma) took care of me till I was 3 yo, because mom's family didn't want to, and my dad had to go to college. Then grandma's health was getting worse and had to move to my aunt's house in Richmond.
I don't know why I didn't go with grandma.
I just remember after that my dad brought me to San Fransisco. He lived with 2 friends. He often left me wherever he could ask for help to take care of me while he went to campus , like cafe where he worked, a woman in next door, or just paid some girl to keep me until he came home from campus and then took me to the cafe where he worked.
After he graduated and I started to school, mom came to us, she lived with us for about a year, maybe more, but then mom and dad split up again, they fought over me. but I still ended up with dad (I don't know why).
I allowed to go to mom at any time, but dad doesn't like it.
One day dad scolded me hard, and then I ran away to mom's house, I asked her to pick me up. After that incident, dad rarely yell at me, he afraid if I go back to mom.

Apparently you are a very strong guy.
Going through all these and yet again amazing...

Another question: do you get what you need for school from your dad?

[justJo]

Apparently you are a very strong guy.
Going through all these and yet again amazing...

Another question: do you get what you need for school from your dad?

yup ... maybe.
I don't know, I never asked him but we almost never had financial problem for our simple life.

[NeuroTiger]

yup ... maybe.
I don't know, I never asked him but we almost never had financial problem for our simple life.

Well, you are fine in this aspect then. ;)
Does your mum live far from where you live?

[justJo]

Well, you are fine in this aspect then. ;)
Does your mum live far from where you live?

yup, far from here.
And she has married 4 years ago

[Dalcourt]

From everything you told us here I really don't see what should be so awful about your whole situation then.

[justJo]

From everything you told us here I really don't see what should be so awful about your whole situation then.

That's all right. each person has different mind.

[laurakitty]

Awwwwwŵ I'm sure you're loved ily