Lost a friend (warning- suicide mentioned)

[Xavier16]

My friend took his own life not too long ago and I've been having a hard time since then. I keep feeling like I could have somehow fixed the problem or saved him somehow. I know consciously that isn't true but it's like my subconscious is screaming that it's somehow my fault. I loved them so much and now they're gone and even though I'm getting better, it still haunts me. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can move on..?

[Caycedilla]

I’m sorry for your loss, Zach :(

I know it’s hard sometimes, but just being around other people (friends and family) will probably help in this situation. Any kind of conversation at all will help

[AshleighB]

I’m sorry about it, but you can not blame yourself what happened

[Second Chance]

My friend took his own life not too long ago and I've been having a hard time since then. I keep feeling like I could have somehow fixed the problem or saved him somehow. I know consciously that isn't true but it's like my subconscious is screaming that it's somehow my fault. I loved them so much and now they're gone and even though I'm getting better, it still haunts me. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can move on..?

Your situation is an impossible one, and I will start out by saying that you have my deepest sympathies. I will not patronize you by claiming to understand how you feel or tell you that everything will be all right, but what I can tell you is that for those of us who have lost friends and relatives that it does get better if you talk things out and seek help from responsible parties.

What I will say is your subconscious is totally wrong about this in anyway being your fault. I have dealt with suicidal people before, and while we want nothing more than them to be well and to not hurt themselves sometimes when they are hell bent on hurting themselves all the love, care, and attention in the world cannot stop them until they are willing to make a change in themselves. I know looking back you are going to say that there were warning signs you should have picked up or things you should have noticed. Sure, with hindsight everything is crystal clear, but you are not a trained psychiatrist to have known such things. Trust me, suicidal people are excellent at covering their tracks, and in a lot of cases there are not a lot of warning signs that they will hurt themselves. In a lot of cases those folks are happy go lucky and act like there is nothing wrong. In the case where the person is really not well and is obviously disturbed they can have their good days and bad. The basic point here on how to get over any guilt you have is to remember that your friend had the choice to be completely open to you about issues. If you had known about the true nature of whatever problems your friend had, then there is most likely no doubt you would have gotten help. Because you did not know a problem existed, then how could you have solved it? Even if you knew there was somewhat of a problem, then you still probably did not realize it was something potentially fatal. More than anything remind yourself that you were a good friend, and above all else that the fact you are still thinking of your friend shows you would have done anything to have helped him.

I would say that as you continue to recover that you should make use of resources that have people who have gone through what you have experienced. I am not sure where you live, but if you are in America, then the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention can be a big help: https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone. If you have access to healthcare, then the obvious answer would be to have periodic sessions with a therapist. If healthcare or costs are an issue for you, then you can always go to your local religious person be it at a church, synagogue, mosque, etc. who oftentimes offers free counseling. You can get involved with support groups such as through the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/find-a-local-chapter.

Another thing that can help you is staying involved with your Friend's family. I am sure they are hurting badly and need the support of others. Especially if you and your Friend were close and you knew his/her family well, then your being around can be therapeutic for all of you especially for the family to know that your friend is not forgotten.

Just stay away from alcohol and drugs, and never use substances to deal with your pain.

If you are at school, then make of mental health resources there. If you are done with school and working, then some employers have employee assistance programs that can offer counseling as well. If you are neither at school or have a job, then you can see if your area public health department has mental health resources though I know such places tend to get overloaded.

A lot of people you would least imagine have gone through your situation, and it is something that affects everyone whether we are talking rich or poor and the powerful to the paupers. You are not alone not matter how lonely you feel. What you can do is reach out and make use of resources in your area to get help so that you will not be alone.

[Ben7]

I'm sorry to hear that. What I found is best is to talk to someone - but even this is not always enough in my experience. Ultimately what you need is simply time. With time, slowly everything will stop hurting less, you'll be able to stop thinking so much about it, and you will be more able to accept that it wasn't your fault (which it wasn't). Though I guess it will sound pretty cliche, but I do believe that in situations like the one you're in, time really does heal all wounds but you will just have to be patient. That's not to say you will ever forget your friend and the awesome memories you probably had with him - because you won't and you shouldn't, but I'm talking more about the crumminess and pain that you are feeling right now. So just give it time and find someone to talk to in the meantime (such as: siblings? parents? relatives? teachers? other friends?)

[ska8er]

Im sorry you have lost someone that was close.
I have had the same feelings when my friend was
killed in an auto accident. You always have the
thoughts of how you could have prevented it and
maybe feel guilty. Your not going to forget your
friend and the times you had with them but over
time the guilt will pass. Time heals. For now just
keep your friend in your heart.

BTW-I was supposed to be in the car that night
when my friend was killed. Its a hard thing to try
and get over especially when you dont know that
many people that have passed on.

[DarkDragon]

My friend took his own life not too long ago and I've been having a hard time since then. I keep feeling like I could have somehow fixed the problem or saved him somehow. I know consciously that isn't true but it's like my subconscious is screaming that it's somehow my fault. I loved them so much and now they're gone and even though I'm getting better, it still haunts me. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can move on..?

I'm sorry for your lost, i been there before, i had many friends that i couldnt save and im always there thinking i could have done better and that its my fault for not being a better friend.

all i can say is only time will heal the wound. Live your life as your friend would have wanted you too, you were there for them and you tried your best. Try exercising, remembering the good times with that person and understand stuff like that changes you.