Abusive dad is back

[Zndr]

The situation between my parents relationship is totally effed up. A few years ago their relationship just totally fell apart. Lots of yelling and arguing pretty much every night. Dad was drinking more and more. He started make more and more threats against me and my brother, though I did my best to shield him from all of this as best I could at the time. I would take the punishments for him whenever possible. Mom finally kicked dad out and divorced him. To give an idea, I was 10 and my brother was 6 at the time. There was mental abuse that took a while for me and my brother to get over.

So flash forward to about a month ago. Mom revealed that she has been seeing dad again and he was going to move back in with us. My first question was dont you remember why you left that POS before, but she is insisting he has changed and he's a better person than he used to be. For me all of the memories of the abuse are just flooding back after being buried away. The first time my brother saw him again he totally freaked out and hid in our room. He's been having a lot of nightmares about dad doing stuff to him now. Mom just dismisses it saying all kids have nightmares and he'll grow out of them.

Being around dad the last three weeks, its looking less and less like hes changed at all. He still drinks A LOT. Whenever moms not around he yells at us because we've done "something" wrong and gives us some sort of punishment. I mean, this is just turning into three years ago all over again. There's only so much I can do to protect my brother from all of this again.

I'm not even sure where I was going with this post in the end. I just felt like I wanted to talk about this I guess. Get it off my chest

[Katy_]

The situation between my parents relationship is totally effed up. A few years ago their relationship just totally fell apart. Lots of yelling and arguing pretty much every night. Dad was drinking more and more. He started make more and more threats against me and my brother, though I did my best to shield him from all of this as best I could at the time. I would take the punishments for him whenever possible. Mom finally kicked dad out and divorced him. To give an idea, I was 10 and my brother was 6 at the time. There was mental abuse that took a while for me and my brother to get over.

So flash forward to about a month ago. Mom revealed that she has been seeing dad again and he was going to move back in with us. My first question was dont you remember why you left that POS before, but she is insisting he has changed and he's a better person than he used to be. For me all of the memories of the abuse are just flooding back after being buried away. The first time my brother saw him again he totally freaked out and hid in our room. He's been having a lot of nightmares about dad doing stuff to him now. Mom just dismisses it saying all kids have nightmares and he'll grow out of them.

Being around dad the last three weeks, its looking less and less like hes changed at all. He still drinks A LOT. Whenever moms not around he yells at us because we've done "something" wrong and gives us some sort of punishment. I mean, this is just turning into three years ago all over again. There's only so much I can do to protect my brother from all of this again.

I'm not even sure where I was going with this post in the end. I just felt like I wanted to talk about this I guess. Get it off my chest

If he gets violent don’t hesitate to call 911

[SouthernDude]

If this continues, or escalates, please don't hesitate to call 911 or CPS. No one deserves to be abused, especially children by their own parents.

[xols]

I hope you and your brother got therapy to help you deal with your dad in the past. You certainly need someone on your side now.

As I was reading your post, I was thinking "well, maybe he's stopped drinking and he's back to the man she originally met;" it does happen. But then I was disappointed to read he's drinking again and back to his old behaviors, except that now he's more cautious to only engage in these behaviors when your mom is gone.

It's too bad school isn't in session and you could talk to a counselor or teacher.
Is there any adult you can talk to about this?

Calling 9-1-1 is helpful when he's doing something wrong. I'm not sure they could do anything about him 'yelling' at you for some reason. What kind of punishment does he give you?

Could you try to get into some sort of therapy?
You could call Child Protective Services, but I often wonder what homelife is like if they don't find the situation to be abusive.

There's a group called alateen (a part of the Al-Anon groups), which is a peer support group for teens living with, or dealing with alcoholics. Maybe you could find one in your area. I realize you may have difficulty attending a meeting due to transportation, or permission to leave home, but maybe it could work out and someone will have an idea.

I'm really concerned about you and your brother and am sorry I can't give more concrete advice. I wish school was in session; you'd have more resources.

In any case, I'd try to talk to some adult about it, or get in touch with CPS. Are they any relatives from your mom's side of the family nearby, who know how he acted before?

Please let us know how things go.

[Second Chance]

The situation between my parents relationship is totally effed up. A few years ago their relationship just totally fell apart. Lots of yelling and arguing pretty much every night. Dad was drinking more and more. He started make more and more threats against me and my brother, though I did my best to shield him from all of this as best I could at the time. I would take the punishments for him whenever possible. Mom finally kicked dad out and divorced him. To give an idea, I was 10 and my brother was 6 at the time. There was mental abuse that took a while for me and my brother to get over.

So flash forward to about a month ago. Mom revealed that she has been seeing dad again and he was going to move back in with us. My first question was dont you remember why you left that POS before, but she is insisting he has changed and he's a better person than he used to be. For me all of the memories of the abuse are just flooding back after being buried away. The first time my brother saw him again he totally freaked out and hid in our room. He's been having a lot of nightmares about dad doing stuff to him now. Mom just dismisses it saying all kids have nightmares and he'll grow out of them.

Being around dad the last three weeks, its looking less and less like hes changed at all. He still drinks A LOT. Whenever moms not around he yells at us because we've done "something" wrong and gives us some sort of punishment. I mean, this is just turning into three years ago all over again. There's only so much I can do to protect my brother from all of this again.

I'm not even sure where I was going with this post in the end. I just felt like I wanted to talk about this I guess. Get it off my chest

Like everyone on here I am truly sorry that you have to go through this especially since it appeared that your life was going to be all right when your Father had left the house after your Mother divorced him. There is no logical explanation on why people do what they do especially your Mother taking your Father back despite everything he has done. More than anything understand that anything that has happened and is happening is not your fault, and you are dealing with two very irrational people.

The obvious thing to do is to call child protective services if your Father is going out of control which is oftentimes easier said than done. Chances are your Mother probably warned you not to do so, and if you do call into such a place, then your Mother might get sucked into this whole issue as well. However, if your Father is going beyond being a mean drunk and is actually threatening your family, then you have to do what you have to do.

What I would suggest is if your Mother will not do anything to help you folks out is that you come up with a safe house or safe place to where you and your Brother can go if your Father is out of control. My guess is your Father is one of those drunks that might need a couple of hours for the alcohol to work through his system when he is drunk to get back to a semi-normal state. Even if someone will not let you into their homes, especially with the whole pandemic thing, safe places can include an area mall, local store such as a Target or Wal-Mart, or a public place like a park of some sort. If your Father is following you around and is giving you a hard time, then just hang out in the lobby of the police station which will scare him away pretty fast. Many times you can have safety in numbers at public places where there are usually a crowd of people and oftentimes security guards due to the pandemic thing. If you cannot leave your house, then at least try to find a safe area of it where your Father cannot get to you and your Brother. If your Father is problematic at night, then just make sure your bedroom door has a good lock on it.

I would say it would be best not to respond to your Father if he is drunk and is looking to start up a fight. Just go along with what he says in the hopes he will get bored and move onto other things. Trying to confront a drunk rarely ends up doing any good, and you just have to wait for your Father to cycle through his issues.

You cannot change your Father's behavior or your Mother's reaction to it. However, you can change your behavior by ensuring that you never drink or do what your Father does, and you can, hopefully, influence your Brother not to do the same. Your Father clearly has a mental health issue causing him to drink while your Mother probably is afraid about being alone meaning she is willing to tolerate anyone to live with her no matter how dangerous they are.

I think once school starts and if you have the ability to physically go back to school, then it would not be a bad idea to do so assuming it is safe for you to go to school. Between the Pandemic and your Father you have no good options, but I think putting some space between you and your Father would be best. If your Father is really getting out of control, then you should tell a teacher or counselor at school to see what your next steps are. If you are concerned that your Mother could get in trouble alongside your Father, then I would not worry especially since she clearly put her welfare ahead of you and your Brother despite the obvious danger your Father is. Sometimes you have to let things fail before they can get better than they are.

You might want to try Al-Anon/Alateen that helps people exactly like you and can provide you guidance: https://al-anon.org/. There might even be a local chapter in your area.

Do not get discouraged, and know that, unfortunately, a lot of other people face the issues you have. Just take things one day at a time, and if you are in danger, then make use of resources around you since you are not alone.

[Bluebyrd]

It's awful of your mother to put a relationship before your safety.

[Zndr]

I was a little bit worried about coming back to this post. I thought dad might somehow find out about it but I'm probably being paranoid. I'll try to adress some things. I've tried to tell mom about what is happening again but she dismisses it as me just hating him and trying to break them up again, which she tells dad about which leads to me being punished because of it. I don't know, maybe its deserved for saying bad things about dad. I’ve already been told not to bother calling anybody about this because what am I going to tell them? I'm being punished for doing something wrong and I don't like it? I guess that is a fair point.

The stuff he does to me and my brother varies on how drunk he is. Usually its a lot of yelling at us about how worthless we are and how much he hates us and regrets having us. He can get...physical sometimes, but thats usually when we do something really wrong that we deserve to be punished for. I do my absolute best to keep my brother shielded from him. Usually that means I have to take the full force of dads anger but I got used to it 3 years ago and I can do it again I guess.

Our bedroom doesn't have a lock on it, but I'll think about a solution to that. Maybe we could block the door with something? We can't leave the house or else we would get into serious trouble.

[Ben7]

I was a little bit worried about coming back to this post. I thought dad might somehow find out about it but I'm probably being paranoid. I'll try to adress some things. I've tried to tell mom about what is happening again but she dismisses it as me just hating him and trying to break them up again, which she tells dad about which leads to me being punished because of it. I don't know, maybe its deserved for saying bad things about dad. I’ve already been told not to bother calling anybody about this because what am I going to tell them? I'm being punished for doing something wrong and I don't like it? I guess that is a fair point.

The stuff he does to me and my brother varies on how drunk he is. Usually its a lot of yelling at us about how worthless we are and how much he hates us and regrets having us. He can get...physical sometimes, but thats usually when we do something really wrong that we deserve to be punished for. I do my absolute best to keep my brother shielded from him. Usually that means I have to take the full force of dads anger but I got used to it 3 years ago and I can do it again I guess.

Our bedroom doesn't have a lock on it, but I'll think about a solution to that. Maybe we could block the door with something? We can't leave the house or else we would get into serious trouble.

You can be punished or grounded within reason, but if your dad gets physically violent as you've said, he can't really do that and you'd be well justified if you choose to tell someone about it.

The first thing I'd try is to talk to your mom again, but when your dad isn't around. Tell her what your dad is doing. If she refuses to help or do anything then think about whether there is anyone else you can talk to? Maybe you can turn to any relative (grandparent, aunt/uncle, etc.) - and go to them and talk to them about it because maybe they can do something. A relative or family friend would not be a bad idea. Once school starts teachers and school counselors would be another options.

I know that most kids would not ever call 911 on their parents, while it's easy to give that advice, if you're the kid who actually has to call the police on your parents, then it takes an incredibly enormous amount of willpower to do something like this and most actually don't. This is why I say it's easier to talk to other trusted adults. Keep in mind that talking to relatives or teachers or someone at school may possibly lead to you and your brother being removed from your home and being placed in the foster care system either temporarily or for longer term depending on the situation. Unfortunately I can say (from experience) that sometimes foster homes can turn out just as bad or worse than your original home you were trying to get out of, but not always and hopefully it won't for you if this is the way you end up choosing to go.

I guess this is all for you to think about - how much more are you willing to tolerate as far as physical violence goes in your home? Do you think you can get it to stop without going to one of the more serious options? Do you think you can resolve this "diplomatically" or any chance that your dad would change? Again if it's physical violence as you've said it is, then there's no reason why you have to accept that and you are 100% justified in wanting to tell someone about it. Good luck.

[Second Chance]

I was a little bit worried about coming back to this post. I thought dad might somehow find out about it but I'm probably being paranoid.

Unless your Father is an IT person who is a wizard at computers it is unlikely he can see what you are posting on here. Especially when he is drunk chances are he would not even be able to use technology in a meaningful way to see what you are doing. As a result, if there are forums like this on which you can get advice, then you should get perspectives on your situation.

I'll try to adress some things. I've tried to tell mom about what is happening again but she dismisses it as me just hating him and trying to break them up again, which she tells dad about which leads to me being punished because of it. I don't know, maybe its deserved for saying bad things about dad.

The problem right here is your Mother and not you. Saying "bad things" about your Father implies that you are making thing up and are deliberately trying to make him look bad unjustifiably. However, in this case your Father is clearly doing some very bad things, and he has to live with the consequences of those actions rather than blaming others for his mistakes.

It is pretty clear that your Mother and Father are a tag team right now, and it is not worth bringing stuff up to her especially if she is a conduit of information for your Father. It is unfortunate that your Mother is placing your Father's welfare above everyone else's, but the problem is with her and not with you.

You do not deserve to be punished for expressing your opinions and feelings, and you have a right to express them in a positive way. After all, I am sure you are basing your words on fact and the exact circumstances of what is happening. Not meaning to sound rude, but your Mother is most likely blinded by her love of your Father refusing to recognize the bad things going on around her. You see this all the time with parents who have an abusive spouse/partner and the person ultimately does something really bad to the children and the other parent claims not to know what is happening.

You are not doing anything wrong for pointing out the obvious and for expressing yourself. You are right to point out the absurdity of the situation in which you live despite those around you not seeing the problems. You are in a situation where the inmates are guarding the prison.


I’ve already been told not to bother calling anybody about this because what am I going to tell them? I'm being punished for doing something wrong and I don't like it? I guess that is a fair point.

In this case the issue is not getting in trouble for doing "something wrong" but rather your Father getting drunk and abusing you either mentally or physically. Your Father has the problem and not you, and your instincts are correct knowing that your situation is not normal.


The stuff he does to me and my brother varies on how drunk he is. Usually its a lot of yelling at us about how worthless we are and how much he hates us and regrets having us. He can get...physical sometimes, but thats usually when we do something really wrong that we deserve to be punished for. I do my absolute best to keep my brother shielded from him. Usually that means I have to take the full force of dads anger but I got used to it 3 years ago and I can do it again I guess.

Doing "something wrong" is very subjective, and my guess is that things that would not bother your Father at all when he is sober clearly is a problem when he is drunk. Your Father could be a Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde when he is drunk, and he is the one who has major issues as you no doubt have noticed.

You do not have to get used to the abuse, and do not let your Father's words define you because he is not right under any circumstances. The reality is that the alcohol has taken over and the person who you see is not who your Father is.

Our bedroom doesn't have a lock on it, but I'll think about a solution to that. Maybe we could block the door with something? We can't leave the house or else we would get into serious trouble.

If your Father is getting out of control and is trying to cause trouble, then blocking your door with furniture or something along those lines is your best bet. If you are not allowed to leave the house, then it is best not to do so to avoid antagonizing the situation.

I would see if Alateen can be of any use to you especially since it is doing a lot of things remotely now in light of the Pandemic. I think Alateen can be helpful for you and put things in perspective regarding your situation.

If you are allowed to go back to school, then you should talk to a counselor and figure out how best to handle this situation. Your Mother is very much in the wrong for letting your Father back into the house, and your Father is clearly the problem in the family and not you.

[pauly]

I don't think anyone on here can actually give you the solution you need. But the advice in this thread has been excellent so far.

The only way out of this for you is to talk. If you're in danger, then your first place to call is the police or, failing that, any social services available to you as long as they can react quickly.

This forum might possibly offer you more practical help but I'm sure we're all glad you aired this situation to us. However it goes, some here have put a lot of thought into your difficulty, and we'd all like you to keep in touch with details and updates of how you're getting along to finding solutions to the terrible position you find yourself in.

Good luck, keep talking to us and, more importantly, get professional advice quickly.

[Zndr]

I do appreciate the replies. I'm surprised any of you would spend the time to help me honestly. I wouldn't want to get my mom in trouble by talking to someone. We've had our own...troubles in the past but in the end she has still given us a place to live. And I'm not sure about foster system. It doesn't exactly sound any better, and I dont want to take any chances of being separated from my brother. I have to be with him to protect him.

And the stuff we are getting in trouble for/punished for is normal stuff any kid gets in trouble for, so again its like my parents said, all I'd be complaining about if I told someone is that I don't like how we are being punished for leaving out a toy or being to loud while dad is watching TV or not getting dad a beer quick enough. Does he sometimes end up beating us for it? Sometimes, but I don't know is that really that much different than getting spanked in the end?

[Just JT]

I do appreciate the replies. I'm surprised any of you would spend the time to help me honestly. I wouldn't want to get my mom in trouble by talking to someone. We've had our own...troubles in the past but in the end she has still given us a place to live. And I'm not sure about foster system. It doesn't exactly sound any better, and I dont want to take any chances of being separated from my brother. I have to be with him to protect him.

And the stuff we are getting in trouble for/punished for is normal stuff any kid gets in trouble for, so again its like my parents said, all I'd be complaining about if I told someone is that I don't like how we are being punished for leaving out a toy or being to loud while dad is watching TV or not getting dad a beer quick enough. Does he sometimes end up beating us for it? Sometimes, but I don't know is that really that much different than getting spanked in the end?

Well I’m sure we all appreciate the update, it’s good to hear, I guess

But a couple things....why do you mention the foster system so fast?
Just cause some stuff isn’t going so great?
And if the foster system is involved, I know they’ll likely put both of you in the system, and they try like hell to keep siblings together

Sure kids do shift to piss off parents for whatever reason, that’s just part of life

But that doesn’t give them the right to give you a beating. Sorry, that’s wrong, and tbh I can’t think of a reason that would justify a beating

What that tells me about him is he has no parenting skills, social skill, or coping skills developed enough to deal with inner conflict. And HE needs help

Ask me how I know this, go ahead.....been there....he’s like a little kid who can’t get what he wants so he beats it out of you till he wins

[Second Chance]

I do appreciate the replies. I'm surprised any of you would spend the time to help me honestly. I wouldn't want to get my mom in trouble by talking to someone.

There is no one here who wants your Mum or anyone else in your family to get into trouble, and the ideal situation is that your Father would just keep to himself and do his own thing. However, the reality is that your Mother has decided her happiness is more important than you and your Brother's safety. The fact of the matter is that she has not only kicked your Father out but also divorced him at some point (based upon your introduction) meaning she realized at some point he was no good and took the time, effort, and spent the money to remove him from your lives. Despite all of that she has turned around and invited the same person who caused all the problems in the first place right back in. At this stage I cannot have too much sympathy for your Mother since she has chosen to let a problem continue despite ample evidence to get rid of it. Granted, your Mother could be scared of your Father, and your Father might have threatened her to let him back in which are all issues that cannot be denied. However, if the situation is bad and your Mother is not doing anything about it, then she is as bad as your Father who is doing the abusing.

We've had our own...troubles in the past but in the end she has still given us a place to live. And I'm not sure about foster system. It doesn't exactly sound any better, and I dont want to take any chances of being separated from my brother. I have to be with him to protect him.

I agree with the poster above that foster care is the last resort for governmental authorities because it is expensive to take kids in, and the policies for most governmental authorities are to keep families together. However, I do understand your fear about getting separated from your Brother and the two of you being sent to foster care facilities. You are between a rock and a hard place, but I think that in most cases the Department of Family Services will start out with an investigator looking at the situation before taking drastic action.

The biggest question you need to ask yourself is if you are all right living in a situation where you and your Brother are in danger? The fact that you have made this thread and brought up your concerns shows that the situation you have is not normal by any standards, and my guess is when your Father was not around the situation was manageable. Are you willing to spend the duration of your teenage years living in a situation where you are abused, suffer mental damage, and have your Brother grow up in a situation where he thinks the abnormal is normal? It is super scary to ask for help especially if that could lead to your parents getting into trouble, but I think it would be worse if either you or your Brother or both end up getting hurt by your Father or end up so mentally damaged that you are unable to have a good life as a result.

I do agree with the poster above that you can go from the frying pan into the fire when it comes to getting the authorities involved, and there are times that foster homes are just as bad as the home you had left. That is why I will not patronize you by saying you should call social services and hope for the best. I like the advice above that if there is some relative nearby or some trusted adult you can turn to for help, then that would be good.

At very least, see if you can come to a compromise with your living arrangements and see if there is a way if you can do certain things that your Father in turn will leave you alone. For example, if you promise to get him his beers at a certain time and keep your room clean, then can you and your Brother be allowed to go to the park for a certain period of time? Trying to come to a compromise or finding a diplomatic way to resolve this situation so that you can do your own thing while not being at risk for abuse would be ideal. The best case scenario is that your Father can have a place to stay and drink as he likes provided he leaves you and your Brother alone. If you can bring that up with your Mother, then I think that would be the best outcome for you if this living arrangement will not change anytime soon.

And the stuff we are getting in trouble for/punished for is normal stuff any kid gets in trouble for, so again its like my parents said, all I'd be complaining about if I told someone is that I don't like how we are being punished for leaving out a toy or being to loud while dad is watching TV or not getting dad a beer quick enough. Does he sometimes end up beating us for it? Sometimes, but I don't know is that really that much different than getting spanked in the end?

Children obviously have to be punished when they do wrong which is normal. There are always consequences for bad behavior, but there is a limit to the magnitude of the actions that can be taken. While this is a silly example, to kill a housefly one would use a flyswatter - one would not use a bazooka to kill a small insect. Likewise, is it rational that your Father is beating you up for small infractions? This cannot be a situation of kicking the dog when one is angry or is feeling badly, and you and your Brother are people and not punching bags on which your Father can take out his anger. Sure, if you do something wrong, then you need to be punished accordingly. However, the punishment has to be rational and not something that is out of proportion for what the issue is.

Based upon what you have told us it seems like when your Father was out of the picture the situation in your household seemed to be somewhat stable. Now that your Father is around it seems like everything is going off track which shows your Father is the issue.

I would say that if there are things you know get your Father upset, then you and your Brother should try to avoid doing those things until a long-term solution can be found for your living situation. For example, if being loud while your Father is watching television or leaving out toys is something that gets him mad, then avoid doing so to avoid providing an excuse for your Father going after you. That way if you do what you are supposed to do and your Father still goes after you, then you are blameless.

At very least talk your issues out even if you do not want to get anyone involved. Never keep things inside thinking your feelings have no value. Between you and your Brother you both have to understand that what you both are seeing is not normal and is how adults should act. If you are horrified by what you see, then make sure you never do those things in your life and teach your Brother to do the same. You cannot control others, but you definitely can control yourself.

My strong suggestion is that you visit the Alateen website https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/ and work through the resources available through it. There are a lot of other people in your same boat, and Alateen is a great place to start to figure out how you can deal with your situation which certainly is not hopeless or impossible.

My final word is that no one should ever be afraid to go home and be at home. It is not natural to hate to be at the one place in the world where a person should feel safe.

[Zndr]

I was quick to mention the foster system only because it was mentioned before and I was just giving my thoughts about it. Or maybe I really do just want to get us out of this house that badly. The closest family we have living to us is over 800 miles away so I don't know about that. Maybe I could take a bunch of money from my parents room and we could take busses there? We haven't talked to them in a few years since my mom had a big fight with them but they would probably take us in if we showed up?

Keeping dad happy when he's drunk isn't really easy. He's unpredictable. If he's upset by something on TV then we pray we haven't done something wrong. Sometimes I imagine beating him up, but then I realize how badly I'll be punished for it afterwards and realize how stupid of an idea it really was. The idea of smoking weed has entered my mind lately whenever dads drunk just to make it easier to deal with but I think that's just my impulsive mind trying to get me in trouble again.

I will take a look around that website though.

[Just JT]

Running away isn’t a good option imo. Especially if yiur gong to steal your parents money.
If you run away, they’ll know something is up because the cash is gone first, and they’ll be on your trail.
You’ll be slaughtered out like a criminal (which is what you’ll be considered) in all areas. You’ll not be able to get a hotel room to sleep, food to eat, place to hide, and buss station will be looking for you.
And if you beat them to the bust station, yjwh will be questioned, they have cameras, they know where you are headed, and be there when the bus stops at the next place it stops

Running is no good option. If it lasts more that a few days, you’ll be sleeping during the day, out in the woods someplace, and sneaking around at night looking for food and rides from strangers, at 2 am

You know what kinda guy wants to give you a ride at 3 am?

If you haven’t spoken with the family in so long, maybe reach out to them on the phone. Just say high, see how they are doing first. Gain some trust in them before opening up about your situation.

If you are getting beatings on a regular basis, does mom know this? If not have you told her?

[Zndr]

Me and my brother leaving wouldnt be totally out of the question. Its one of the things dad tells us we should do anyways. I'm not really even sure he would even realize the money would be missing honestly. Again I’ve told my mom about everything thats going on but she just thinks I'm making it up to break them up again because I hate dad. I dont know the phone number of my family. I only know their address because they still try to send us cards every year.

If we were to wind up on the side of the road being picked up by some guy at 3am, I know what he'd want. I let him do what he wants to me and he gets us closer to our destination. Its not that big of a deal. Its not my first time anyways. But I do still see what you are saying about just leaving being a bad idea as well I suppose. If I didn't have you to talk to I may have just done it acting on impulse

[Second Chance]

I was quick to mention the foster system only because it was mentioned before and I was just giving my thoughts about it. Or maybe I really do just want to get us out of this house that badly.

Your fears of the foster care system are valid, and I think some others on here have mentioned that it is hit or miss whether or not it works out. If things are really bad at your house to the point where your Father is a threat to you and your Brother and your Mother refuses to do anything, then you might have no choice but to contact someone since you would have nothing to lose at that point. Everything depends on how bad your abuse is and if you are getting absolutely no support from your Mother.

The closest family we have living to us is over 800 miles away so I don't know about that. Maybe I could take a bunch of money from my parents room and we could take busses there? We haven't talked to them in a few years since my mom had a big fight with them but they would probably take us in if we showed up?

I completely agree with the poster above that stealing money and jumping on a bus running away is a bad idea. I would add to his points that how do you know that the family you have would take you in, and how do you know they are better than what you have now? I would develop a relationship with the family members firstly and then see how things go from there. However, never just leave because running away will only put you in the wrong and would result in your being separated from your Brother. If you have to exit your house, then it should be done through social services who in turn could contact your family on your behalf if you have no where to go.

Keeping dad happy when he's drunk isn't really easy. He's unpredictable. If he's upset by something on TV then we pray we haven't done something wrong. Sometimes I imagine beating him up, but then I realize how badly I'll be punished for it afterwards and realize how stupid of an idea it really was.

I would not beat yourself up for thinking out loud. Even if an idea is not the best one at least it will lead you to think things through and figure out a better plan. You certainly are not stupid by any means, and at least you are thinking things through which is what a lot of people do not do.

Alcoholics are very unpredictable, and the reality is anything can set them off. The most you can do is keep up with what you need to do and not give your Father any excuses to go after you.

As for beating up your Father, while you might have grown and be physically equal to him in the end of the day it would really accomplish nothing. Judging by what you are telling us of your Mother she might just take your Father's side, throw you out, and then you would be away from your Brother. You certainly should be able to defend yourself if you are attacked which you must do, but I would never recommend going on the offensive against your Father. Especially in the unlikely event your Father gets injured in a fight with you, then you might be blamed even though your Father was the instigator. Again, if you have to defend yourself, then that is one thing; however, never go on the offensive with an alcoholic.

The idea of smoking weed has entered my mind lately whenever dads drunk just to make it easier to deal with but I think that's just my impulsive mind trying to get me in trouble again.

I would not recommend any substance abuse whatsoever in your case. You have seen what substance abuse has done to your Father, and you do not want to go down the road of using artificial things to deal with your problems as your Father is. I know there are people out there who feel smoking, Marijuana use, drinking, etc. are normal, and I do not want to get into a debate about that. All I am saying is in your specific case substance use will lead to bad things with your Father being a prime example. You have a right to feel upset, frustrated, and mad, and you certainly should have a way of dealing with your pain. The best way to deal with that pain is talking to someone and developing strategies to handle the mental anguish. If it takes calling social services on your Father and your ending up in a foster home so that you are not taking drugs, which Marijuana is, then it is far best to do that than to get a drug habit. Believe me, you do not want to start with any substance abuse especially since you have a family history of it with your Father being the poster child of what substance abuse can do to a person.

I will take a look around that website though.

I think Alateen might be a good resource for you, and I think it even has moderated forums at certain times of the day. Sadly, you are not the only person out there with this sort of issue, and you will find that a lot of people have overcome your situation. The fact that you are reaching out and not taking drugs or drinking yourself to overcome your feelings is itself an accomplishment.

There is a sticky thread in this subforum that offers a lot of good advice on abuse, and you should check it out: https://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=43606. Off of it I had gotten the number for Childhelp which assists folks like you: https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/. If you are from another country than the United States, then the sticky thread has links to organizations in other places.

Me and my brother leaving wouldnt be totally out of the question. Its one of the things dad tells us we should do anyways. I'm not really even sure he would even realize the money would be missing honestly.

When it comes to money everyone will notice it is missing which is why never assume that even when your Father is drunk that he does not notice. Substance abusers need money for their habits, and you would be surprised how mathematically inclined they are when it comes to paying for their desires.

As for your Father wanting you and your Brother gone, do not take it personally. At this point he is out of his mind, and when substance abuse of any form (alcohol, drugs, etc.) take over, then the person no longer recognizes what is important and what is not. The substance takes over, and everything in the person's life is devoted to getting more of the high at all costs. I am sure had your Father been well he would have been a decent parent, but because he is very sick he does not know what he is doing or what he is saying. Your challenge is not to be like him by using any substances including Marijuana or other things because using that to cover up the pain is simply what your Father is doing.

Again I’ve told my mom about everything thats going on but she just thinks I'm making it up to break them up again because I hate dad.

At this stage do not worry about your Mother's thoughts since she is like a horse with blinders right now. You would think a Mother would listen to her child, but for whatever reason your Mother is on Cloud 9 right now with your Father. My guess is until something happens to her she will not listen to logic. Based upon your earlier words about your Mother getting into a fight with her family who lives 800 miles away my guess is she is someone who has her own mind and listens to no one.

I dont know the phone number of my family. I only know their address because they still try to send us cards every year.

Having your family's address is a start, and you can always send them a letter introducing yourself and making contact. I know that letter writing in this digital world seems old fashioned, but if you can ask for your family's e-mail address or digital information, then that could be a way you can reach out to them for help. Otherwise, I suppose you can try to find them through Facebook, Instagram, or some other social media assuming that your family is tech savvy.

If your Mother has a smartphone and you suspect she has your family's number stored on it, then you can probably get it off of that. If you cannot get access to your Mother's telephone easily, then you can claim that you need to do an update on it and use that opportunity to get the information you need.

If we were to wind up on the side of the road being picked up by some guy at 3am, I know what he'd want. I let him do what he wants to me and he gets us closer to our destination. Its not that big of a deal. Its not my first time anyways.

This is really troubling if you are implying you have been molested before. You never want anyone to touch you inappropriately or use you like a tissue. Nothing in this world is worth sacrificing your personal dignity, and never let anyone touch you or use you so that you can survive. If your situation is that bad where someone is using you in that way, then you have to get social services involved because abuse of that sort is never all right ever.

But I do still see what you are saying about just leaving being a bad idea as well I suppose. If I didn't have you to talk to I may have just done it acting on impulse

Always think logically about your plans and think about the big picture. You are in a tough place, and not one person here is claiming to have all the answers for you. We can only provide you guidance based upon our experiences in the hopes that something can give you an idea on how best to get help.

What I will say is never use alcohol, drugs, or other substances to deal with problems; avoid physical confrontations with your Father; never let anyone touch you inappropriately for any reason; see if there is a way you can reach out to your family; know that your parents' problems are theirs and not caused by you; and that you should reach out for help from the authorities if you are in danger because the option of doing nothing might be the most damaging to you and your Brother if there is no improvement.

[Zndr]

Second Chance and JT, you both are investing so much time in me. I almost dont feel like I'm worth it. I know you guys are saying leaving home to go to my other families house is a bad idea, but for some reason this idea is sticking in my mind. I dont like calling it running away since I feel like that means you don't have a destination other than leaving home but I guess it still would be considered running away. After talking and thinking more and more with you guys the one thing I do know is no matter which way me and my brother end up leaving, the next time we leave our house we are never coming back. If I were to call social services would they for sure remove us?

I guess I'll better adress this. When I was 5 I had a new babysitter. In exchange for certain things he would let me do whatever I wanted every day. He told me it was normal and he never actually hurt me. He was actually the most gentle of the guys I've been with. Over the next few years he had some friends I had to meet with and I started to learn the type of guys who wanted me. I’ve learned I can use that to my advantage now. I see a guy who works at a gas station for example who looks right, I let him do what he wants with me and he let's me have free stuff in return. Its not a big deal really

[Second Chance]

Second Chance and JT, you both are investing so much time in me. I almost dont feel like I'm worth it.

For those who have been down this road before it is only natural that they would feel passionate about this topic. Far be it for me or anyone else to tell you what to do or how to think, but all any of us do can give you the benefit of our experience in the hopes that you will benefit in some way so that you will be safe. When it is all said and done all of us want you to be safe and be able to live a healthy, productive life. The whole goal of this website is to help others which is why it is worth it responding to this thread.

I know you guys are saying leaving home to go to my other families house is a bad idea, but for some reason this idea is sticking in my mind. I dont like calling it running away since I feel like that means you don't have a destination other than leaving home but I guess it still would be considered running away.

The fact of the matter is that your parents at this point have custody of both you and your Brother, and you both are minors. The result is that you cannot go anywhere you want because you are under their custody. If you leave the house without their permission, then you have basically run away meaning that they have every right to get you back.

Without knowing about your relatives who live 800 miles away from you it is tough to tell you if even thinking about living with them is logical. My hope is that those family members are very nice people who would love you unconditionally and would take care of you and your Brother as you both no doubt deserve. However, without knowing the relatives and who they really are you should not get your hopes up too high or have an unreasonable expectation of them.

As JT had mentioned, in this post 9/11 world with all the security out there even at bus stations there is no way you could purchase bus tickets alone let alone make it very far on a bus without the authorities looking for you. Being around creepy people who prey on young boys is not an option.

Your challenge is to figure out who your relatives are and if they are honestly worth the effort to reach. You need to figure out if they are good or just as bad as where you are now only 800 miles away.

Finally, remember that there are some very bad people out there who would love nothing better than to go after young boys such as you and your Brother especially if you are traveling alone. You do not want to end up becoming one of those missing kids we hear so much about which is why you should work within the system where you are. Simply going away on your own at your age is dangerous and will cause problems especially if you end up in the wrong hands.

After talking and thinking more and more with you guys the one thing I do know is no matter which way me and my brother end up leaving, the next time we leave our house we are never coming back.

I hope that none of us sound patronizing by simply saying leave and hope for the best. Leaving home is scary, and calling the authorities on parents is truly frightening as someone else mentioned on this thread. None of us can promise you that by leaving that things will immediately get better. With that being said, based upon what you have mentioned below and what you have told us thus far it seems like your parents are not meeting your basic needs and are not adequately supervising and guiding both you and your Brother.

You have some homework to do, and my strong suggestion is that you contact Alateen and work with the Child Help Network and figure out what options you have in your area and if there is anything that can be done short of leaving home. It seems like both organizations have ways to contact them:

Alateen: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/teens-get-connected/

Child Help: https://www.childhelp.org/contact/

You clearly have access to the internet and a computer or mobile device meaning you should be able to communicate with those organizations or your local Department of Children and Family Services digitally without having to use a telephone and your parents overhearing your conversation.

These folks are professionals and have resources and ideas that can help someone in your situation. Before doing anything drastic you should talk to the professionals to figure out what can be done.

I am not sure if schools in your area are reopening or not, but your school's counselor is also a great resource person if you have not already used him/her.

If I were to call social services would they for sure remove us?

You raise a good question, and the best answer I can give you at this stage without knowing where you are is that I do not know. As a rule of thumb, if there is a complaint made an investigator will be sent out to your house and then will make contact with your parents. Unless there is something wrong at your house beyond a reasonable doubt such as the house falling apart and not being habitable or your parents openly acting insane there is a chance you could stay where you are, but everything depends upon the social worker who comes to your house. Usually, when you call social services you will be put on the line with a social worker who will ask you a lot of questions about your situation to see if your situation requires attention. I am not sure where you are, but usually within 24 to 48 hours a social worker will show up at your house and will start an investigation. I cannot promise you that everything will be easy and that you will be taken out at that point. However, if you are saying that both you and your Brother are being beaten up by your Father and that your Mother is not taking care of you, then your situation requires attention. Especially if you and your Brother have bruises and injuries that are obvious from your Father, then that usually can result in being taken away. There is a process that needs to happen because the reality is that not every call is child abuse. Judging by the way you describe your parents I think your situation should not be too difficult to prove. Without seeing where you live and exactly how your parents act it is difficult with certainty to tell you exactly what will happen. What I can say is if there are obvious signs of abuse and neglect, then chances are you and your Brother will be taken out.

I guess I'll better adress this. When I was 5 I had a new babysitter. In exchange for certain things he would let me do whatever I wanted every day. He told me it was normal and he never actually hurt me. He was actually the most gentle of the guys I've been with. Over the next few years he had some friends I had to meet with and I started to learn the type of guys who wanted me. I’ve learned I can use that to my advantage now. I see a guy who works at a gas station for example who looks right, I let him do what he wants with me and he let's me have free stuff in return. Its not a big deal really

I am really sorry to hear this, and you were sexualized at an extremely young age not knowing what was happening. You were molested by some older boys who taught you that in order to get what you want that you have to give your body away which is not right at all. The result is it appears since the age of 5 you have been sexually abused by people who should have been protecting you, and the very people who you should have been able to trust used you to satisfy their sexual needs. What happened to you is a really big deal, and what those older boys did to you is not right under any circumstances.

If you get anything about this part of this post is that you need to know that you never have to sell your body to be liked or to get what you need. There are only two things in life we have that are completely ours: our mind and our bodies. Never give those things up for anything or ever sacrifice your personal dignity to live. I know what I am saying may not make sense to you especially since you have been taught that using your body to get what you need is normal which it is not. When you are in a safe place you have to talk to a counselor about this to unlearn this behavior which will take time. The issue is not morality or sexuality but rather your worth as a person. You are not a tissue that someone uses to get some pleasure and in return you get some favors. You are a person with feelings, and sexuality should only be shared with someone who truly loves you and accepts you. I know right now you are in a position where sexuality has been warped for you which is not your fault. My hope is that at very least you will not use your body as you have been doing and that you avoid contact with anyone who uses you sexually. It is going to be hard to do what I advise here, but think of it this way: would you feel comfortable if your Brother did the same thing? It will take time and therapy to set this right for you because you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are. Your body is not a toy, and your mind is not disposable. Never give those up to just anyone no matter what those older boys had taught you.

I wanted to add one thing in light of JT's post below this one about your being groomed. JT used the word I was looking for but could not think because I was in shock about how anyone could have used you so badly since you were 5 years old. Sadly, there are other on this website who have had the same thing happen to them just as young as you. Basically, the babysitter taught you that sex acts you perform on others equals love. The fact that you were passed around a group of boys and were used as a defacto sex toy is sickening and that you now think that the way to get attention and love is by doing such things. None of us can tell you how to live your life or judge you, but those of us who have been down this road knows how this will end which is why we are telling you to get out before it is too late and get help now before you end up becoming a sex addict or worse. What happened to you was not your fault, and there is no way you could have known what was happening to you was abnormal especially when someone who was an authority figure in your life who you trusted violated you in the worst possible way. My suspicion is that you know something was not right about it which is why you have brought it up to us.

One thing I will definitely say is that you certainly are not a stupid person, and you seem rather thoughtful and intelligent. The fact that you are recognizing problems and are reaching out shows maturity and your desire to break the cycle. Based upon the molestation alone and your inability to get help where you are is why I would go to the authorities so that you can get out. After all, you do not want to grow up one day being one of those guys who touch children like what happened to you, and it is best to get help now so that you can gradually be all right.


I feel for your situation, but you have to think things through. Work within the system and do things gradually but steadily so that you are safe. Talk to Alateen and Child Help, and if things are really bad, then get in contact with your local Department of Children and Family Services. I cannot promise you that things will be easy if they get involved and that things will immediately get better than they are. It will take a lot of hard work on your part to be honest about who you are and to unlearn any bad things you have seen. It will be a process to get safe, but you will be safe in the end if you can think things through and work with the authorities in your area so that you can be placed in a location where you can gradually rebuild yourself. It is going to take a lot of hard work on your end to make things happen, but there are others who were like you on here who made it out and eventually were able to lead good lives.

I hope you will choose wisely.

[Just JT]

This last part changes a lot. And l agree with everything Second Chance said

But seems to me you were groomed and used by some sexual predators. I get what you are talking about, it happened to me for years with my own family
I though that the attention I was receiving was natural normal and loving. The way it should be

Man what an awakening I had when I realized that just wasn’t true

If you choose to live your life as you are now, that’s your choice. Who am I to judge. Right?


But you ready for that day you can’t stop it, defend yourself, make things you don’t want to happen stop....get the picture?

It’ll happen.....so look like it from this perspective....
If you want those things to happen, keep happening to you, and your brother, when you are no longer desirable, then just keep doing what your doing.....nothing else to do right? Your life is all aligned for you

If you don’t like that, if that last couple things I said made you uncomfortable or maybe a little sick.....then do something about it

But do the right thing by putting the most resources in your pocket, not against you by making a bad decision like running away

[Zndr]

Ok so my incredibly stupid impulsiveness gets the best of me yet again. I did the really stupid thing you were advising me against the entire time. We've left for our other families house. Let the judging of me commence now...

I left a letter for my parents telling them basically that me and my brother can't live in this house with them any more. I said the choice was either I called child services on them and got them in trouble or we left and got somewhere safe. I told them once we were safe I would contact them again and if they tried to find us before then I would tell the cops everything dad was doing to us and I have proof of it.

One of the guys who uses me is helping get us there since we can't travel alone on any public transit. Its quite pathetic what these guys will do honestly to have the chance to have sex with me.

And on that subject, I do know its wrong on some level but at this point its normal for me so why not just use it to get something I want or need. I've already made it very clear to this guy that my brother is 100% off limits. Nobody touches my brother. I'll fuck with any of these guys but he doesn't need to be exposed to this life.

5 hours into our 36 hour journey. Was this an absolutely massive fuckup?

[Second Chance]

Ok so my incredibly stupid impulsiveness gets the best of me yet again. I did the really stupid thing you were advising me against the entire time. We've left for our other families house. Let the judging of me commence now...

I left a letter for my parents telling them basically that me and my brother can't live in this house with them any more. I said the choice was either I called child services on them and got them in trouble or we left and got somewhere safe. I told them once we were safe I would contact them again and if they tried to find us before then I would tell the cops everything dad was doing to us and I have proof of it.

One of the guys who uses me is helping get us there since we can't travel alone on any public transit. Its quite pathetic what these guys will do honestly to have the chance to have sex with me.

And on that subject, I do know its wrong on some level but at this point its normal for me so why not just use it to get something I want or need. I've already made it very clear to this guy that my brother is 100% off limits. Nobody touches my brother. I'll fuck with any of these guys but he doesn't need to be exposed to this life.

5 hours into our 36 hour journey. Was this an absolutely massive fuckup?

None of us here wants to judge you or make you feel badly.

At this stage I think you are in a dangerous position being with someone whose only goal is to have sex with you and to use you in the worst possible way. There is no guarantee that this person is going to fulfill his end of the bargain.

My hope is that you will return home, despite how bad it is, because one way or the other you will end up there because you are legally your parents' child. From home you can deal with the situation much better than being a runaway.

It appears you are heading to your other side of the family which appears to be people you think will help you. Once you get there you know they will have to contact your parents. Assuming that these people are good, then you have to tell them the truth so that they can get you help. If these family members are good and are really helpful, then getting in touch with social services is critical. You have to tell social services everything that has happened to you so that you can get help including for the sexual abuse. If your family does not turn out to be so good, then head to the nearest police station and get help from there.

Because of the Pandemic your family members may not really eager to receive visitors especially if they are in an at risk category. Simply showing up could put them at risk.

My strong suggestion is to go to a police station and get help there. At least break away from the guy you are with so that he will not do anything stupid if he finds out you will be going to a police station. Now that you are out of the house going to a police station on your own will be best.

I know that the situation is really bad for you, and you made a decision to protect yourself and your Brother. I cannot blame you for trying to get out of a bad situation. I am really sorry that our advice was not useful to you.

Even now all of us want you to be all right. While I do disagree with you using your body to get what you want I also know this is not the time to get into a debate about it. At this stage my sincere hope is you can go to the authorities so that they can help you. I am not saying the authorities are perfect, especially after we have seen in Minnesota as of late, but they are far better than going on a cross country trip with a pedophile.

On one side none of us wants to put you down because that has been happening to you all of your life. You made a decision based upon your individual circumstances, and your Father clearly pushed you to the breaking point. At this stage we just want you to be safe and work with the system so that you will not end up in the juvenile justice system. You seem like a very caring person to be willing to do anything for your Brother, and you know that what is going on around you is not right. With that being said, even now it is still not too late to work within the system to set things right.

I hope you will let us know what is going on and where you are. Again, my strong advice to you is either go to the nearest police station or to return home before it is too late.

[Zndr]

Being this far from home now, I feel we are to committed to getting to my other family. I mean we are 2 states away now. I dont really want to say where were at. I just don't want to leave a trail of where we're at until we are safe at the destination. I will say we're 11 out of 36 hours of the way there and about 7 hours away from our first transfer point.

I do plan one telling my family everything that's been going on when we get there. I have proof of it. I'm sure my family will take us in. I remember them being nice people.

I am getting more and more nervous the further we go though. Its like you said, what if this guy doesn't follow through. He's been flakey in the past fulfilling his end of deals but in the moment he answered and I wasn't thinking past getting out of there. We are runaways now, aren’t we?

[Second Chance]

Being this far from home now, I feel we are to committed to getting to my other family. I mean we are 2 states away now. I dont really want to say where were at. I just don't want to leave a trail of where we're at until we are safe at the destination. I will say we're 11 out of 36 hours of the way there and about 7 hours away from our first transfer point.

When you say that you are heading to a transfer point, then what does that mean? Is another person supposed to pick you up and take you on from there? Who is that person, and do you know who the individual is?

You do not need to tell us where you are, but we are obviously deeply concerned especially since you are with people who do not have the best intentions.

What you need to do is make sure you know exactly where you are at all times and make sure your telephone is charged. That way if something happens, then you can call 911 or the authorities (assuming you are in America).

I do plan one telling my family everything that's been going on when we get there. I have proof of it. I'm sure my family will take us in. I remember them being nice people.

I have no doubt that your family are nice people if that is the vibe you had gotten from them. However, they cannot just take you in while your parents have custody of you at this point. They have to contact your family once you get there.

I am getting more and more nervous the further we go though. Its like you said, what if this guy doesn't follow through. He's been flakey in the past fulfilling his end of deals but in the moment he answered and I wasn't thinking past getting out of there. We are runaways now, aren’t we?

You currently are runaways though that does not make you a bad person.

This whole group of people you are with is getting me nervous. None of us has any clue who they are and what their intentions are. I have heard of child sex trafficking rings that even exist in America which shocked me.

Listen, I understand why you are doing what you are, and what has happened has happened. Once you get to the next big city get in touch with the police. You will be safest with them rather than the people you are with now. At this stage the police will help you and get you safe. Especially if you have evidence on what your parents have done you are on strong ground.

We just want you to be safe, and get with responsible adults at this stage which is the police. If your extended family is as good as you say they are, then you can eventually be reunited with them. However, the only way that can happen is if you go through proper channels which is the police. You are not with the safest people right now, and it is best to work with the authorities who will help you without a doubt. When you get to a police station, then let them know about your extended family and try to have to get into contact with them.

None of us are trying to tell you what to do or to discourage to get into contact with your family. However, the basic problem at this point is the people you are with which is getting me nervous. At least if you were on a Greyhound or something like that, then you would have been away from such shady people.

Anyway, let us know that you are safe, and reach out to the police if something is not right.

[Zndr]

Sorry. When I said transfer point, I meant we were transferring from a bus we are on to a train. The guy is with us to pay and get us on the busses and trains without questions.

I dont know about just going to the police yet. I'd just feel better doing it after me and my brother are with my family first. I know its stupid. I know this whole trip was a stupid idea but we've committed to it and I promised my brother I was going to get him to our family. We wouldn't be separated. I would protect him the entire way there. Not involving anyone else guarantees we won't get separated on the way. Involving more people just adds more variables that I can't control.

[Second Chance]

Sorry. When I said transfer point, I meant we were transferring from a bus we are on to a train. The guy is with us to pay and get us on the busses and trains without questions.

I get what you are doing now, and you basically have gotten an adult to accompany you on trains and buses so that no one will ask questions. By having an adult with you, then you will have no questions asked.

My question is once you reach the place where your relatives live, then how will you get from the train station to the relatives? Also, what will you do with the guy accompanying you, and how will you pay him back? Do you have your relatives' contact information including telephone numbers and addresses? How do you know everything is current?

I dont know about just going to the police yet. I'd just feel better doing it after me and my brother are with my family first. I know its stupid. I know this whole trip was a stupid idea but we've committed to it and I promised my brother I was going to get him to our family. We wouldn't be separated. I would protect him the entire way there. Not involving anyone else guarantees we won't get separated on the way. Involving more people just adds more variables that I can't control.

I think I understand your trip right now with your traveling with one guy who is pretending to be a responsible adult so that you can get past checkpoints without any questions.

At least you are on public transportation and not in a private car which is a relief. If anything goes south, then make sure to head to authorities at a large train station or bus station with a staff and not an unmanned station which do exist especially at more remote parts of the country (assuming you are in the United States).

You should make a mental note of which cities you are passing and know of the nearest big cities coming up. In a lot of small communities there is not cell phone service or even 911 which is why you need to be careful.

If you are on a train, then stay in the most visible place possible never leaving your Brother alone. If you are on a bus, then sit as close to the bus driver as possible.

It is truly disappointing that anyone would use your body as a price to help you. Once you are in a safe place you have to get counseling for that and never to use your body in that way in the future. You are a person who is worth a lot, and never let yourself be treated like an object even if you think it is normal now. What you think is normal is not, and you were tricked into believing something that is a lie to be true.

[Zndr]

Its a fairly small town we are ultimately heading to, and our final bus takes us into the city. At that point the guy can leave us. From there we will have to walk a few miles to their house. I had to do all of the stuff for the guy before we left. So I prepaid I guess you could say?

I'm not leaving my brothers side. Nobody is going to fuck with him on this trip. I'll protect him. The guy doesn't like me being on my phone this much but I've told him its part of the deal and he doesn't get a choice. I'm making sure I'm in control of this situation. That's smart right?

[Second Chance]

Its a fairly small town we are ultimately heading to, and our final bus takes us into the city. At that point the guy can leave us. From there we will have to walk a few miles to their house. I had to do all of the stuff for the guy before we left. So I prepaid I guess you could say?

It makes me very sad to hear that you had to do that to get help. Very rarely do posts on here make me emotional, but your situation is what really affected me. I just hope you never have to sell yourself like this ever again because it is not right by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm not leaving my brothers side. Nobody is going to fuck with him on this trip. I'll protect him. The guy doesn't like me being on my phone this much but I've told him its part of the deal and he doesn't get a choice. I'm making sure I'm in control of this situation. That's smart right?

Having a telephone and being in control of the situation is what is right. However, try not to be on your telephone so much from this point onwards to avoid getting the guy nervous. He can do something stupid between now and when you need to part ways. Do not antagonize the situation anymore than it is.

If you have trouble on the train, then immediately go to a conductor who can get you assistance. If you have trouble at a train station, then head to any uniformed employee who will protect you. At any major train station there is the Amtrak police (https://police.amtrak.com/) who are there to protect travelers. You can even text the Amtrak Police nowadays. The following is some information from Amtrak: https://police.amtrak.com/index.php/about/human-trafficking-awareness

If you are on a Greyhound or Megabus, then make sure you head towards the driver if there is a problem.

[Zndr]

Don't be sad for me. I choose to keep doing this stuff. I get that selling myself isn't right, which is why I'm being so protective of my brother around this guy. I just dont see the harm in continuing it with myself now. The damage is already done. Its a useful thing for me to get what I want. Look how far its gotten us today alone.

Being on a bus, there's not much to do but stare out the window and think. I know this trip as a whole was a bad idea. I could have had a better plan. I get that part. But have I screwed up my brother mentally by doing this? I mean I'm doing all of this for him. If it was just me at home, I probably would have just put up with dad like I did before but my brother deserves better than that. He deserves to be happy. But am I a bad brother for doing this? I don't like being alone with my thoughts. I start questioning myself

[Second Chance]

Don't be sad for me. I choose to keep doing this stuff. I get that selling myself isn't right, which is why I'm being so protective of my brother around this guy. I just dont see the harm in continuing it with myself now. The damage is already done. Its a useful thing for me to get what I want. Look how far its gotten us today alone.

Damage can be repaired though it will take time. What you are doing looks like what JT did at one point, but he learned it was not right and stopped doing it. It is going to take time and a lot of therapy to understand what we are telling you because those of us who have been there know the reality. To be honest, I do not think selling yourself has gotten you that far, and I know it is something that is not good for you. However, all we can do is express an opinion based upon fact, and it is up to you to chose what you do with your life. My hope is that you can get out of what you are doing because folks your age should be playing on playgrounds, hanging out with friends, playing video games, and being with family and not have to sell themselves. It is not your fault since you were taught from an early age that doing that is normal. No question I feel really sad that you were taught and that you believe that selling yourself is what you need to do to get ahead in life when that is not true. You do not deserve that, and you clearly are someone who can do a lot without having to resort to that sort of thing. You clearly are not a stupid person by any stretch of the imagination, and I think if you are in the right environment you will be able to do a lot.

If this means anything, if you think what you are doing is all right, then it is telling you do not want your Brother to have any part of it. I think you deserve the same as your Brother and to have a good childhood.

Being on a bus, there's not much to do but stare out the window and think. I know this trip as a whole was a bad idea. I could have had a better plan. I get that part. But have I screwed up my brother mentally by doing this? I mean I'm doing all of this for him. If it was just me at home, I probably would have just put up with dad like I did before but my brother deserves better than that. He deserves to be happy. But am I a bad brother for doing this? I don't like being alone with my thoughts. I start questioning myself

What you have done is now done, and you cannot undo the past.

As for screwing up your Brother mentally, I do not think you have done so because your parents have done an excellent job of that. If anything, I give you credit for caring for your Brother so much and wanting to help him. However, you cannot help him until you help yourself because you yourself have issues going on. After all, your older traveling companion with you is a clear example of that.

Personally, what I would have done had I been in your shoes is to have called social services when you were at home. That way you would have been in a strong situation and enabled your Brother to be close to home in an environment he knows.

With all of that being said second guessing you or making you feel badly is not helpful or my intention. You clearly are pretty capable for you to set up travel plans and to find out where your relatives are and try to get to them. You have good talents that can enable you to be successful in life once you get therapy and unlearn things like selling yourself and to learn that people will like you for who you are and not what you can give them.

At this stage you are heading towards your family, and I wish you Godspeed. However, if there is a problem along the way, then you have to get the police involved and make sure you and your Brother are taken into social services.

I know you have been through a lot, and perhaps you think none of us understand how you feel. Sadly, your situation has happened to others, including ourselves, which is why none of us want you to suffer in the way we have.

If things do not work out, then one thing I will give you credit for is that at least you tried to do something about your problems. While I do not necessarily agree with your way of doing so at least you have done what most people in this world do not: try to do something about the issue and resolve it.

Just remember that if anything goes wrong, then head towards the police, a bus, or railroad employee. If things do not work out as planned, then do not beat yourself up. The most important thing is that you are safe and that you get law enforcement involved if you are not safe.

[Zndr]

I know I should have just called social services from home. I was just worried they would come and not remove us and then dad would be so mad at us. Im just trying to be a good brother. Get him a better life. I'm not that smart since I made us run away from home across multiple states with a guy who I did it with in return for helping us get here.

This might be my last post for some hours. I'm exhausted. I've been awake since well before we started this trip. I'm going to sleep the last few hours of this bus ride and then we'll have our transfer and I might get some more sleep then if it feels safe on the train. My brother has the window seat and I have my arm around him so I feel barely comfortable enough letting myself sleep now

[Second Chance]

I know I should have just called social services from home. I was just worried they would come and not remove us and then dad would be so mad at us. Im just trying to be a good brother. Get him a better life. I'm not that smart since I made us run away from home across multiple states with a guy who I did it with in return for helping us get here.

I understand why you did what you did especially with the risk that Social Services could possibly have left you at home to incur the wrath of your Father. Under those circumstances perhaps leaving was the only thing you could do since you had to take care of yourself and your Brother.

At least you tried to keep you and your Brother safe which is a very noble desire.

This might be my last post for some hours. I'm exhausted. I've been awake since well before we started this trip. I'm going to sleep the last few hours of this bus ride and then we'll have our transfer and I might get some more sleep then if it feels safe on the train. My brother has the window seat and I have my arm around him so I feel barely comfortable enough letting myself sleep now

You should get some rest and relax at this point. There is no point in stressing out, and just take things as they come. You have made the best decision possible under the circumstances.

Just make sure you eat when you get to your transfer point and to get cleaned up if you can. You will need the energy for the final part of your journey.

Do not get discouraged, and never think of yourself as stupid when that is not the case. You seem like an all right person, and I hope you can be successful in getting into a safe place.

Get rest, and let us know how things are going along only when you feel comfortable.

[Zndr]

Sorry. I wanted to message sooner but I've been panicking trying to figure out what to do. The guy fucking ditched us at some point while we were asleep on the train. We made it to our last transfer point but still were about 50 miles from my family. This last bus ride is operated by the local area and not a national one so I'm going to take the chance that we can ride without to many questions. Being this close I'm not going to give up now. It just sucks because after the train were having to wait 8 hours for the next bus. The guy was supposed to get us a hotel for the night but obviously that's not happening now.

Were hiding nearby the bus stop. I think this is the worst I've felt about what I'm doing to my brother since we've left. He's definitely scared. I'm doing my best to comfort him. Telling him how nice our family is. How much fun we're going to have with living them. But there's only so much I can do. I feel terrible but its just 5 more hours of this

[Second Chance]

Sorry. I wanted to message sooner but I've been panicking trying to figure out what to do. The guy fucking ditched us at some point while we were asleep on the train. We made it to our last transfer point but still were about 50 miles from my family. This last bus ride is operated by the local area and not a national one so I'm going to take the chance that we can ride without to many questions. Being this close I'm not going to give up now. It just sucks because after the train were having to wait 8 hours for the next bus. The guy was supposed to get us a hotel for the night but obviously that's not happening now.

I was checking the thread periodically to see what had happened, and I had assumed the worst since you did not check in.

It is too bad that the fellow ditched you, but at least you knew that he was not reliable and that he would not be there for you from the start. In a way it is best that he is gone considering he is a pedophile and was up to no good. My guess is that he was afraid of getting arrested being caught with you and your Brother since you both are runaways.

I am glad you did not stay in a hotel with the guy since he would definitely have done something inappropriate with you and your Brother. At least he left on his own accord leaving you safe though staying at a bus stop is not the ideal. At least it is summer and the weather is not awful.

I would wait the eight hours at the bus station since that is the safest place for you. Since you are only fifty miles from your relative's house you can probably talk you way onto the bus telling them you are simply going home. Since you are only 50 miles away from your goal you should not give up though be cautious of those around you.

You have made the assumption that your relatives still live where you think they do and that the address you have is correct. You should plan for just in case your relatives have moved, which does happen, or in the unlikely event that your relatives could turn you over to social services. Remember, this is not like a Hallmark movie where you will be taken in with hugs and kisses and be allowed to live with your relatives with no questions asked. There are going to be a lot of questions on who you and your Brother are especially if these relatives have not seen you in years and do not recognize you since you and your Brother obviously have grown and changed physically. They cannot just assume you are who you say you are just because you say so and they have not seen you in a while. Beyond that, they will no doubt call your Mother, and then they will figure out both you and your Brother have runaway. You need to prepare yourself for a lot of questions which is natural because it is not everyday that a 13 year old goes on a cross country trip alone without his parents' knowledge.

You do not need to answer this if you do not want to, but are you going from east to west or from west to east across the country?

Were hiding nearby the bus stop. I think this is the worst I've felt about what I'm doing to my brother since we've left. He's definitely scared. I'm doing my best to comfort him. Telling him how nice our family is. How much fun we're going to have with living them. But there's only so much I can do. I feel terrible but its just 5 more hours of this

I can understand both of your fears since you are in a faraway place and do not know the system. Now that you are in a place where you do not know anyone do not be so eager to talk to others and put yourself at risk. Just get on the final bus and get to where you need to go.

Do you have your relative's telephone number? If so, if you are only 50 miles away from your relatives can they meet you where you are?

As I have been mentioning over and over, in the event that you and your Brother are not safe, then immediately go to the local police for help. Under no circumstances should you engage with anyone around you who is not law enforcement or social services because you are putting yourself at risk. At least where you were you knew who was who, but where you are you are like a sitting duck which is why you need to be careful.

Do you have money to purchase bus tickets and to get food?

In the unlikely event you cannot get on the final bus for whatever reason, then your only option is to make contact with the local law enforcement. Do not take rides from strangers or trust anyone who claims to want to help you who is not a police officer or social services. If you get taken into social services where you are, then the reality is that your relatives in the area will be contacted once you provide that information. You are responsible for your Brother, and you need to make sure that if you cannot make it to where you are going as planned that you go to a safe place like a police station or even a firehouse. The authorities will help you if you are in trouble, and do not panic because you are not alone. Just do not trust the random person out there because you have no clue on what their intentions are, and you have no way to guarantee both you and your Brother's safety. Only trust the authorities such as the police or social services. Chances are you have a smart phone with internet, and you can find out where you are and what the contact information for the local authorities are if you are in trouble. Plus, if you are in a bus station, there should be numbers plastered all over the place for the area authorities. Do not leave the bus station if you can, and if you need to get food, then stick to public places like a McDonald's or someplace like that. Do not talk to others even if they look all right because looks can be deceiving.

[Zndr]

A bit has happened since the last update. The bus was a no go. The driver was some cranky old guy who thought the rules were god or something. We're back to hiding again while Im thinking about our next move. I'm thinking we'll try the next bus in 7 hours and if that still doesn't work then we'll probably start walking. Google says it would probably take about 22 hours so we could probably do it in 3 days since we would want to stay off the main road a little. Its all forest between us and our family. We could try seeing if a trucker would take us. Ive heard that some of them can be into boys so I mind as well use what I'm good at.

We are heading west. I'm going to the address of the last card they sent us which was a few months ago so I'm confident they should still be there. I dont know their phone number at all. I get that its not going to be as easy as just showing up and living happily ever after. I'm prepared for what's going to have to happen when we show up at their door. Ive just told my brother it was going to be good once we showed up to comfort him while he was scared. Give him some hope. The guy surprisingly left us some money so we're not completely broke. We've got enough that we can buy food and survive for a while on our own if we had to I think

[Second Chance]

A bit has happened since the last update. The bus was a no go. The driver was some cranky old guy who thought the rules were god or something. We're back to hiding again while Im thinking about our next move. I'm thinking we'll try the next bus in 7 hours and if that still doesn't work then we'll probably start walking. Google says it would probably take about 22 hours so we could probably do it in 3 days since we would want to stay off the main road a little. Its all forest between us and our family.

Just so I understand where you are now, are you in a rural area in the middle of no where, or are you in a metropolitan area? Are you at a bus station, or are you in a place that is a bus stop?

A 22 hour walk over three days is not a good idea if you ask me especially if your Brother is as young as he is. It is one thing if it were you because you are a bit older, but for a young boy to walk that long is not safe or healthy.

Is there a way you can look up your relatives on Facebook or some social media and send them a message letting them know where you are? You say you are only fifty miles away from them.

The problem is if you go off the main road you will not have access to services you need, and you will not know where you are.

What did the bus driver tell you? Do you need an adult to be with you?

We could try seeing if a trucker would take us. Ive heard that some of them can be into boys so I mind as well use what I'm good at.

Would you be comfortable if the person does something inappropriate to you in front of your Brother in that case? Would you be fine if the person did something to your Brother? In such a case there would be nothing you could do because you would be totally under such a person's control. At least where you were you knew the people and could manage the situation. On the open road you will put yourself and your Brother at risk which is unconscionable.

Listen, if you cannot get on a bus, then you should do one of the following:

1. Use Google to look up your relatives' information to see if you can make contact with them.

2. Use social media to find your relatives to see if you can reach out to them that way.

3. Call a taxi/Uber to see if such a service would take you from where you are to your relative's house. You need to see if you have enough money for that.

4. In worst case scenario call law enforcement who will take you to a safe place and reach out to your local family. One way or the other you will end up with law enforcement anyway, and it is far best you do it on your own terms.

5. Your walking three days in the woods is not a bright idea. There is no way your telephone will keep charge that long, and what happens when you lose charge and lose your navigation system? Your walking idea is a non-starter, and do not do it. You have a responsibility to your Brother to keep him safe, and being a Forest Ranger is not a good idea.

We are heading west. I'm going to the address of the last card they sent us which was a few months ago so I'm confident they should still be there. I dont know their phone number at all. I get that its not going to be as easy as just showing up and living happily ever after. I'm prepared for what's going to have to happen when we show up at their door. Ive just told my brother it was going to be good once we showed up to comfort him while he was scared. Give him some hope. The guy surprisingly left us some money so we're not completely broke. We've got enough that we can buy food and survive for a while on our own if we had to I think

Even with the money you had I do not know how long you can survive out there assuming where you are is rural and there are not many people around.

At this stage my strong suggestion is do not walk the last fifty miles to your relatives' house or jump in some vehicle with a stranger. You have an obligation to your Brother to keep him safe which means you need to work within the system. If you cannot get on the next bus, then you have to make contact with law enforcement so that you will be connected with your relatives through them.

You know, this maybe a dumb question, but in light of your having a cell phone has your parents been trying to contact you? I would think that your telephone would be ringing off the hook.

The following thread is from someone who was in a somewhat similar situation as you: https://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2049323

At this stage I think your only option is to work with law enforcement to get you and your Brother to a safe place. Law enforcement will help you and make sure you are taken care of. I think you are in over your head at this point, and you need to get help from the police. The police are not going to hurt you but rather help you and your Brother.

[Zndr]

Its not like a middle of nowhere town we are in. Its got a few freeway exits I think if that helps judge the size better. 3 days to walk was a best case scenario. It would probably be closer to 5 days maybe? Between here and there, there are small towns and gas stations from what I've researched. So its not like we would ever be far from the next one. We could stock up on food and whatever else we need at each one. Charge my phone. And we wouldn't be far off the road either. Just enough so that people driving by wouldn't see us. Maybe move a little further off when we stop to sleep. So we wouldn't get lost if we lost service. I could get a map too. How hard could it be to follow a real one?

Ok, I know thats a bad idea but I feel most in control with that situation. I feel I can keep him safe. There's no guarantees what the police will do with us if we went to them now. They could just take us straight back home. If we are with our family, they can at least fight for us. We might not have to leave. But I will try the next bus first. I'm hoping for a different driver who might feel bad enough for us to bend the rules and let us on. We're supposed to have an adult with us but maybe this time we'll be alright.

If we were pick up by someone who would give us a ride in exchange for sex with me, ideally I'd try to find a way to do it when my brother was asleep or maybe at a bathroom or something where he wouldn't know about it. I can usually remain in control over these people because I use the threat of calling the cops on them if they do something against the deal.

Honestly I've only gotten one call from a very drunk dad which I didn't answer. But the voicemail basically said we are going to be in a world of pain when we come back home. I honestly don't think they realize that we've gone this far and think we will just come back on our own.

I know you're going to come at me again about this and maybe that's what I need, but are you truly thinking about it from my shoes?

[Second Chance]

I know you're going to come at me again about this and maybe that's what I need, but are you truly thinking about it from my shoes?

In response to this point, I am very much looking at your situation from your shoes and know you are in over your head. What you are telling me is the following:

1. You are willing to walk up to five days and sleep out in the open to go to relatives who will end up turning you over to law enforcement anyway due to legal obligations. Your parents still have custody over you and your Brother.

2. You are willing to put yourself and your Brother in danger by potentially willing to do the unmentionable with some random pervert to get a ride to your family's house. While you are doing your business your Brother is alone and can be grabbed by someone. What would you do then? Mind you, you are potentially putting your family at risk by letting the pervert know where you are and how the person can look you up.

3. You say you are 13, and you are 800 miles from home on your own in a State you do not know in a place where you are vulnerable.

Do you honestly think anyone on here or anywhere is going to agree with your actions? We are not being mean or are diminishing your problems; we are trying to keep you safe. There is no way any sane person is going to be all right with two underage kids walking alongside an interstate or highway with one doing the unmentionable to get to relatives.

Whether you like it or not your parents legally have custody over you, and even if you end up at your relative's house does not mean you can stay there even if they fight for you. One way or the other you will end up in the Child Protective system until your situation can be verified.

I am not putting you down or trying to make you feel badly. I give you credit for being resourceful enough to have gone as far as you have, but you are at a dead end right now if you cannot get on the bus. You have a young child with you, and you cannot put either him or you at risk.

I am not saying the police are perfect or that Child Protective services are the best in the world. However, compared to what you are contemplating I would take them hands down over that.

You deserve to have a good life and to be safe, and no one is even implying you should not have that. However, there is a way it has to be done, and if you work within the system, then you will be all right. If you have been through the system before and it failed you, then I know how that feels. However, depending on bad people to get you to where you need to go is not the way to go.

If your situation is what you say it is, then there is no way the authorities are going to send you to your parents. Tell the authorities that you have family in the area by providing an address, and the way things work is that authorities always contact the nearest family members. Your situation is pretty extraordinary, and I am sure the authorities will contact your family members right away.

You can get mad at me or anyone on here who is giving you pushback, but in the end of the day we are the ones trying to help you and not the other way around. Believe it or not I am really thinking of this from your shoes, and I want you to be safe and not make the mistakes that we have made. Trust me, there are those of us who have been in your shoes and worse, and that is why we are trying to help you do what is right.

[Zndr]

Reading you say that we are at a dead end, especially after how hard I've tried to take us all the way really hit me. Like I started crying. I mean, I know you're right. The danger I've put my brother in on this entire trip is horrible of me. I can't keep chasing this fantasy. I have to face the fact that this is where we will end up no matter what, so I'm going to take us to the closest police station now

[Second Chance]

Reading you say that we are at a dead end, especially after how hard I've tried to take us all the way really hit me. Like I started crying. I mean, I know you're right. The danger I've put my brother in on this entire trip is horrible of me. I can't keep chasing this fantasy. I have to face the fact that this is where we will end up no matter what, so I'm going to take us to the closest police station now

I hope I did not come across harsh on you, but I had to tell you the truth. If I told you what you wanted to hear, then that would not have been fair, and I would have put both you and your Brother in danger.

What you need to do when you show up at the police station is as follows:

1. Say that you have runaway from home.
2. Your parents have badly abused you and that you have clear evidence of it.
3. You have relatives in the area who you think might help you.
4. That you are scared and that you do not want to be hurt by your parents. Play the voicemail that your Father had left for you.

Just get to a police station and get help rather than going to someone who can hurt you.

Let us know how things are going along, and do not be afraid of the authorities. They are there to protect you and your Brother.

You tried your best, and I give you credit for that. However, we are at our strongest when we know when to ask for help which is where you are now.

Also, if the nearest police station is far from where you are, then call 911 or look up the non-emergency number of the police in the town where you are. If you are not sure in what town you are, then casually walk into a big business, make a purchase, and the address of the place will be printed on the receipt. You can use that address as a reference point for the police to find you.

At this point both you and your Brother need help. I know you are trying to protect your Brother, but you also need to take care of yourself, too. Both of you are in trouble, and you cannot help your Brother until you are all right. It is going to take time to sort things out, and you will have to work with responsible people to unlearn the bad you have seen and experienced. You certainly are not broken, and you seem like a person with a lot of potential. Get the help for yourself so that you can be a resource for your Brother and loved ones because if you are not well, then everything else does not matter.

You have not failed in anyway, and you did a good job trying to get help. You will do a great thing if you make contact with the police who will help you. The authorities should know your story, and you need to get help that you deserve.

[Zndr]

Some of what you said did hurt but only because it made me realize how horrible I've been putting my brother in danger like this. I just wish I could have gotten us all the way like I promised I would. And now we are going into the system and it scares me. I hate this. I'm loosing control of everything

[Second Chance]

Some of what you said did hurt but only because it made me realize how horrible I've been putting my brother in danger like this. I just wish I could have gotten us all the way like I promised I would. And now we are going into the system and it scares me. I hate this. I'm loosing control of everything

You did absolutely nothing intentionally to hurt your Brother or yourself. As I have said earlier, you made the best decision you thought you could. You did not fail by not making it all the way, and you tried and did a lot. You are not a failure by any stretch of the imagination, and you are really intelligent. The intention was never to hurt you but to make you understand the danger you are in right now.

The issue of control is one thing about which I have to warn you. You cannot be in control all the time, and there are times when you have to trust. With that being said, I know it seems like nearly all the adults in your life thus far have been major let downs. In your case why would you want to give up control to such people? Then again, you were heading to relatives in whom you were willing to place your trust and give control to them. By contacting the authorities and letting them know what has happened you are in control of the narrative and can tell them how best to help you and your Brother. Trusting adults is going to be difficult for you, but those in Authority and nearly always good people who are professionals who genuinely want to help the people they are sworn to serve. You are in a scary situation right now, but you will be all right if you can trust the police. The police officers and social workers who are adults are not going to be like your parents or even the person you had paid to accompany you on this trip and let you down. However, they need to investigate what has happened which is understandable which is why you have to be open and honest about what has happened how you have gotten so far.

The point here is that both you and your Brother need stable adults and structure in your life. It is scary to deal with a system that oftentimes gets a bad rap. Nobody wants to end up in Child Protective Services, and everyone wants to have a perfect family in that house with the white picket fence. However, you seem capable enough that I have confidence you can articulate your problems and fight for help that you and your Brother need. You have to work in the system to make things better for you and your Brother. Over the long-term my hope is that you can get an education, get a good job, and have a stable life and provide for a family in the way you were not provided. At this point you have to give up control to responsible authorities as opposed to some creepy person who would do unmentionable things to you and your Brother. Use this an opportunity to get help from responsible adults who I know will move Heaven and Earth to get you the help that you need especially since you have traveled 800 miles to seek out family. Everyone will be amazed at how capable you are.

In the end you will be all right, but you have to trust the police right now. It is a big step, but you have to do it if only for your Brother's sake. Giving up control is so difficult, but this is one time when you need to ask for help. The Authorities are not there to hurt you like other adults in your life, and the Authorities will help you. However, you need to reach out, and you have a duty to protect your Brother and yourself by seeking help from them.

[Zndr]

Ok so here's the situation. We're near the police station but my brother is scared to go in. Its probably my fault because I told him be were going all the way to our families house and no one was going to stop us. I had told him our options earlier so he knows what we can do. I’ve been trying to explain to him this is the right way forward but he doesn't want to. He will walk the entire way without complaining. I know going to the police is the right thing to do but he's not making this easy when I'm not even sure about doing this and I'd much rather walk

[Second Chance]

Ok so here's the situation. We're near the police station but my brother is scared to go in. Its probably my fault because I told him be were going all the way to our families house and no one was going to stop us. I had told him our options earlier so he knows what we can do. I’ve been trying to explain to him this is the right way forward but he doesn't want to. He will walk the entire way without complaining. I know going to the police is the right thing to do but he's not making this easy when I'm not even sure about doing this and I'd much rather walk

Just sit your Brother down and explain to him that the Police are there to help you. I know that trusting adults are scary right now, but let your Brother know you would never lead him wrongly. I am not just saying that the police are perfect and everything will be happy, but your other option is not one especially since you have a little kid with you. You have to calm him down and get him to trust you on this.

When it is said and done the police will most likely get you with your family anyway. Why would you not make use of the police for that? Just explain to your Brother that the police will get you to your family, and he will agree to go in. The police will find your family in the area and get you all together. You have to trust me that reaching out to the police is the right way to go. There is absolutely no incentive for the authorities to hurt you unlike some random person floating along some highway or interstate. The authorities are very well suited to reunite you with your family locally and to get you the help that you deserve. You are literally a stone's throw away from solving your problems, and it is not wise to pass it up.

The following will happen:

1. The police will hear you out. You seem to have the evidence on your parents which will make your job rather easy.
2. They will contact your family in the area and reunite you with the family you seek. They will need to verify that they are in fact your family.
3. The police will have to check out your local family and make sure they are not problematic before releasing you to them.
4. The police will get you help for your problems.

You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. The police are not there to stop you from getting to your family; quite the contrary, they are there to reunite you with them.

Just make sure to provide the police with your family's address and/or contact information so that they can reach out to them for you so that they can meet you at the police station. If you work with the police, then they will definitely find your family and get in contact with them. They have resources that you simply do not at this point.

Everything is going to work out if you trust the police, and do not be scared. They are there to help you and your Brother. Nobody there is going to hurt you both.

You are almost at a safe place at the police station, and do not be scared. Do the right thing by going in and getting help that you deserve. Believe me, I would not suggest this if I did not know for a fact you would be all right. This is one time I can promise you will be all right if you go to the police.

If your Brother is being difficult, then just sit him down for a while and let him calm down. Just let him know there are good adults out there and that not all older people are there to hurt. Just make it clear that you talked to someone who provided you with a new option you did not think of and that you are just doing what you know will protect him. If there is a McDonald's or someplace nearby, then just sit there for a while eating something and get your Brother to calm down. Right now you both are excited and just need a little time to relax. It is understandable that you both are scared, and just think things calmly. We would never suggest anything that would hurt you.

The police will surely reunite you with your family that you seek if you give them a chance. Judging by how your life has been I am sure you have no incentive to have faith in any adult. For that matter why would you trust any of us? However, there has been not one person thus far who has given you bad advice in this thread, and everyone knows that being with the Authorities is the only way you and particularly your Brother will be safe. There are good adults out there, and I am sure that police station nearby you is such a place if you will only give them a chance.

Please, go to the police so that all of us will know you are safe. You have to somehow convince your Brother.

[Zndr]

I took your advice and we got some food to eat while we talked this through more. I'm having the hardest time talking this through with him. When he says stuff like you promised, don't you still love me, did I do something wrong. Of course he's crying and its making it hard for me to explain to him become its making me cry. I dont want to force him to come or call the cops to get us because that will just betray him and he'll hate me and lose trust in me and I cant handle something like that right now. He’s all I have left.

[Second Chance]

I took your advice and we got some food to eat while we talked this through more. I'm having the hardest time talking this through with him. When he says stuff like you promised, don't you still love me, did I do something wrong. Of course he's crying and its making it hard for me to explain to him become its making me cry. I dont want to force him to come or call the cops to get us because that will just betray him and he'll hate me and lose trust in me and I cant handle something like that right now. He’s all I have left.

I can understand your Brother's feelings since he most likely views adults and any authority figure with suspicion. Because he is little he does not have the critical thinking capacity that you do, and he probably is working on a black/white reasoning that you will meet up with family and everything will be all right.

The way you can convince your Brother that things will be all right is to simply push the blame on the guy who had abandoned you. Just tell your Brother that because the guy who had abandoned you was a jerk and left you all hanging that there is a slight change in plans. The change in plans is getting help from the police who will reunite you with your family and that you will end up with your family no matter what. You admit that you had run into a problem with the previous guy and that you found a solution. The police will reunite you with your family which is going to happen if you make that telephone call. Why suffer when there are literally people around the corner from you who will do the hard work for you by contacting your relatives, getting them to where you are, and keeping you and your Brother safe in the mean time? Just keep things simple with your Brother.

If going to a police station is really intimidating for your Brother, then that is fine. What you should do is call the non-emergency number of the local police force or even 911 and explain your situation so that someone will meet up with you folks. That way you are not standing in a police station that can be really scary. Most likely a special police officer that handles kids will be sent to you as opposed to one of those desk officers who can be scary. One thing I want to make clear is that you will not be dragged to a police station and be thrown in a jail cell. You will be taken to a child friendly location with professionals who will help you both out. I think your Brother is picturing he will be handcuffed and be thrown in a cell which is hardly the case. If anything, he will probably be given some toys and be encouraged to get some rest if you follow my advice. I would imagine your Brother has suffered a lot of trauma leaving home, and the police who are trained for your situations know how to approach kids. You will be safe if you both can trust the police and social services. Trust me, social services will take care of you both and will not hurt you both. You are not going to juvenile hall and being imprisoned. My guess is that you will be linked up with your family in the area.

You are not betraying your Brother or anyone else by getting help. You both need help which you as the responsible party need to get and which your Brother has to understand. The best example I can use is if you get into a car accident and your car cannot move on its own, then you call a tow truck to help move the car to get you to where you need to go. The same applies here in that you are stuck and are at a dead end, and you are exercising your rights as a people asking the police for help. You both are people, and it is your right to ask for help from the police who are sworn to protect you. It really is that simple to be honest.

All because plans have changed and you are getting help from someone in authority does not imply you are in trouble. Interactions will police are not always criminal in nature which you both need to understand. So much of police work is social work as is the case you now face. Interacting with the police does not make you a criminal or give you a bad record. Believe it or not police officers change tires, help out with lost people, and even help out with social events like what we have been seeing as of late with police officers doing parades for recent graduates and birthday parties. The police do not have to be scary though one naturally gets scared seeing a uniform. The police officer sent to you will be cognizant of that fact and will be very friendly.

Another thing both you and your Brother should understand is that in this time of Pandemic with nobody being out and people getting sick at the drop of a hat do you really want to go around in public exposing yourself to what is out there? Beyond that, do you not think people are going to start to notice two underage boys walking around without any supervision during this Pandemic time? Few people are letting their kids out, and you all are going to attract unwanted attention. Just thinking of the Pandemic alone why would you want to be out there and put both you and your Brother in danger? You need to explain to your Brother where you are has that danger and that the safest place for you both is with the authorities who can help protect you from whatever is out there.

It is getting late where you are, and there is no hotel/motel that is going to rent a room to minor children. Sleeping out in the woods is not a safe option for you and your Brother, and asking for help from some random person who would use and abuse you both is not an option.

Plans change in life, and you yourself have seen how the shady guy dumped you folks. You have to make lemonade out of lemons, and the police will reunite you with your family. What incentive does the police have to screw you over and make your life miserable? Also, the police will protect your Brother and you.

All because you are asking for help does not mean you are weak, losing control, or breaking a promise to your Brother. You are getting help that we have told you to get all along, and you would have dealt with the police one way or the other even if you had gone directly to your relative's house. At least now you can deal with the police on your terms and have control over the situation as opposed to them picking you up off the street.

[Zndr]

Ok. He's willing to go in as long as I never let go of his hand so they can't separate us. No matter what I have to stay with him is the deal. We're not going to stop this time. As soon as I post this we will go walk into the station. Enter the system. I'll never let go of my brother again. This is it

[Second Chance]

Ok. He's willing to go in as long as I never let go of his hand so they can't separate us. No matter what I have to stay with him is the deal. We're not going to stop this time. As soon as I post this we will go walk into the station. Enter the system. I'll never let go of my brother again. This is it

You have chosen wisely, and you will be fine.

Just explain to the duty officer that your Brother cannot be separated from you because you both are scared. Be open about your feelings, and be truthful about what has happened to you. The help you get will only be enhanced as you identify all of your problems. You may have to repeat your story several times to several different people, but be patient. Things will be all right.

You will get the assistance you both will need, and as you both get older my hope is that you both will grow into well balanced individuals who will always have each other and the help you require.

You made the best decisions possible, and my sincerest hope you can get into contact with your family in the area soon.

Let us know how things work out, and I am proud that you have made this brave decision.

[Zndr]

Good morning. I guess I should start by saying that you were right. The police and social services weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be. They were actually really nice. We had to tell our story a lot and they took a lot of photos of us. But in the end our family showed up. They weren't exactly how I remembered them but I guess I was pretty young the last time I saw them and my brother doesn't have any memory of them at all. But they were still really nice to us anyways. I guess at this point I can stop being so vague about everything. They are our aunt and uncle.

One thing I don't like about all of this is that we seem to be left out of what's going to be happening next with everything. All they will tell me and my brother is that we will stay with my family for a little while things are looked into. I dont like that. It feels like things are being hidden from me and it makes me nervous.

But where they live is pretty freaking cool. Its right by the ocean so it doesn't get very hot here in the summer. Its not a big city. Lots of trees and stuff. Its so different from where we came from. And there house is nice. Its clean. No yelling. No beer cans everywhere. They have a kid who is 9, our cousin that I dont remember at all. He seems ok. Really shy around us though. They had a spare bedroom so me and my brother have to share but thats fine. We definitely feel like we don't fit in here though. Its awkward. They are trying to make us feel at home this morning and include us in the normal routine but there really isn't anything normal about us being here.

[Second Chance]

Good morning. I guess I should start by saying that you were right. The police and social services weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be. They were actually really nice. We had to tell our story a lot and they took a lot of photos of us.

I am relieved to hear from you, and I was concerned that the authorities were not able to reach out to your family or that things did not go as planned. I am so happy you seem to be all right. Yesterday was the first night I actually was able to sleep knowing that you and your Brother had walked into the police station and appeared to be all right. I was staying up during the night when you were on your journey periodically checking this thread to see what was happening because you would appear suddenly. I did not want to leave you hanging since this was the only way we could communicate. I was still nervous about the police station not knowing if you had actually gone in or not, but I am glad that you did and had taken my advice. I had even stayed up late yesterday just to make sure you did not post anything that I had missed in case you needed something.

I am so happy that the police and the social services were good to you and that they were professional. It makes sense that you had to tell your story a lot because it is not everyday that two minors travel 800 miles on their own in the middle of a Pandemic to find their relatives. Obviously, the police and social services had to do a lot of homework on their end to make sure you and your Brother are who you say you are. With so many kids going missing in our country everyone just wants you guys to be safe and not in a bad position at all.

It makes sense that the social services and police had to take a lot of photographs of you especially if there was evidence of abuse. Beyond that, they probably needed to take photographs of you and your Brother from several angles to keep in their database which often requires side and frontal shots. Plus, they probably had to send photographs to your home state to the authorities there to let them know that both you and your Brother are safe so that they would discontinue any AMBER alerts or any searches for you both. Since you both had crossed State lines I am sure your photographs were needed for Federal databases as well.

I am glad that I was right not for the sake of my being right but that you and your Brother are safe. I know how the system works, and even on a bad day the system still does its job. While I know that authority figures are not always perfect in cases such as yours you have to learn to trust them. That is why over the next couple of weeks and months you will be asked a lot of questions and will be repeating a lot of things for the simple fact that the authorities want to have an iron clad case against your parents and to protect you and your Brother.

But in the end our family showed up. They weren't exactly how I remembered them but I guess I was pretty young the last time I saw them and my brother doesn't have any memory of them at all. But they were still really nice to us anyways. I guess at this point I can stop being so vague about everything. They are our aunt and uncle.

I am overjoyed that your family had shown up and that they readily came over to see you and your Brother. It is great that the relatives in question are your Aunt and Uncle meaning they are close relations.

People age like you and your Brother have, and I am sure you are not the same little boy they had seen many years ago. Getting older is not a bad thing, and as long the family were nice to you that is what counts. I am glad that your family showed up without any question. I was afraid your family were some old people like grandparents or distant relations which is why I was not positive about your leaving at first. I am glad that I was proven wrong about your family's care about you and your Brother, and it is great that they are being nice.

How is your Brother doing? Does he like where he is? Did he do all right with the police and social services when you first went into the police station?

One thing I don't like about all of this is that we seem to be left out of what's going to be happening next with everything. All they will tell me and my brother is that we will stay with my family for a little while things are looked into. I dont like that. It feels like things are being hidden from me and it makes me nervous.

Things are not being hidden from you, but there is a lot of legal stuff that is going on in the background. Short of your going to law school it will be tough for you to understand the background chatter. Remember, your parents legally have custody over you, and you better believe your parents are going to start fighting your departure. You have to understand that the police and social services cannot tell you everything because they do not want to scare you and your Brother or make you feel like things are unstable. They are telling you information as best they can, and remember that even they do not have a clear picture at this point. You all are in uncharted territory especially if this is a small town. I am sure runaways do not normally show up in this place everyday unlike a big city like Los Angeles, New York City, etc. Listen, everyone is in a state of confusion right now because you and your Brother traveled 800 miles and showed up out of the blue. With the Pandemic shutting down a lot of court systems and other such places resources that normally would have been available readily are not so. You had crossed state lines meaning you are now in the jurisdiction of the Federal Government. If you are in a small town, then it is not everyday that it has to deal with Federal Authorities. I am pretty sure that the FBI is somehow connected with your case because when there are issues that cross state lines the FBI has to get involved. When there are child runaways that cross state lines the FBI and Department of Justice all have to get involved. I am sure there is a file on you and your Brother being created and is on someone's desk right now in Washington, D.C. because your situation is so extraordinary. No one can make you and your Brother any promises right now for the simple fact that your parents still have the final say until is proven that they are unfit parents. There is going to be a long investigation that is going to involve authorities from two states because you appear to be in one and your parents are in another. Intergovernmental communications are rough on good days, and you can only imagine how it is during a Pandemic when not everyone is in the office. There will be a lot of red tape and things going on because you have to remember you have crossed state lines. You are dealing with two states and the Federal government at this point since you and your Brother crossed State lines. You are going to have to tell your story over and over again to multiple people, and you and your Brother will be interviewed separately at times to make sure that what you both are saying is indeed the reality. After all, taking kids away from parents is not a small thing, and everyone has to do their due diligence because they cannot just take your word for it.

There is going to be an element of your not having total control over the situation which you need to accept and understand. In the end of the day you are a minor and have to be under an adult's control. I know you had to grow up quickly and do things no kid your age should ever do. With that being said, now you can be an average teenager now, and you have to trust the adults around you even if you do not always agree with them. You have a right to express your feelings, but do so in a respectful and thoughtful way. There could be times when things do not go your way, but do not take them personally. Also, remember that because you are living in your relative's house now they have the final say over your Brother and not you because they are the responsible adults. However, knowing the close relationship you both have your relatives will know that you both are a package deal and will treat you as such. Recognize that not all adults are irresponsible and that they have experience that will only build you up if you choose to learn from the responsible ones.

But where they live is pretty freaking cool. Its right by the ocean so it doesn't get very hot here in the summer. Its not a big city. Lots of trees and stuff. Its so different from where we came from. And there house is nice. Its clean. No yelling. No beer cans everywhere.

Wow, that is so cool, and I am happy for you! It sounds like you are in Oregon, Northern California, or Washington State. In either case, I am glad you are where you are which sounds absolutely awesome!

They have a kid who is 9, our cousin that I dont remember at all. He seems ok. Really shy around us though. They had a spare bedroom so me and my brother have to share but thats fine.

You have to keep in mind that it is going to be awkward for the little boy because he was an only child for the longest time, and now he suddenly has two cousins show up out of no where and has to share the house with them. You need to take things slowly with the kid, and you should cut him a lot of slack. The kid might do one of two things:

1. Be happy to have some new playmates
2. Be upset that he now has to share his house with two strangers

You will have to build up trust with the kid, and do not take it personally if he does not react positively to you and your Brother. It will take time for everyone to get to know each other.

Just remember that this will not be "The Brady Bunch" and that a family of three suddenly has gone up to a family of five overnight. No question it will take a lot of time for everyone to get used to each other. There are going to be some hiccups as you all integrate as a family.

Plus, neighbors are going to wonder who you and your Brother are, and area children are going to wonder who you and your Brother are especially if your cousin plays with folks in the area. For the time being keep things simple and say that you are visiting the area and nothing more. Do not go into the abuse you had suffered or things like that. Just say you are visiting your relatives and leave it at that for now. When you gradually make friends in the area and get to really know people, then you can open up. Just get to know the culture of where you are right now and blend in with the scenery until you know what is what.

We definitely feel like we don't fit in here though. Its awkward. They are trying to make us feel at home this morning and include us in the normal routine but there really isn't anything normal about us being here.

It is not normal for anything nowadays, but clearly these people seem to be good. You are going to have good days and bad days because you and your Brother came out of no where, and this family had no time to prepare for your arrival. After all, you did come out of the blue. With that being said, these folks are family and will try their best to help you both.

Have realistic expectations for this family and recognize that they have good things but also have issues as well. When the family does have issues, then just realize that is the human condition.

Do not have the attitude that you do not belong because that is not a good way to start this relationship. Recognize that these people are family and that you all have common blood. It is going to probably take up to a year for you all to get really integrated with one another because it is not like you all had a relationship before.

My strong suggestion to you is to respect house rules and recognize that even if you do not agree with the rules that you need to obey them. The adults in the house have the final say on what is going on with you and your Brother, and you cannot just ignore what you do not like. Even in the unlikely event that your Aunt and Uncle may seem unreasonable at times you need to take a step back and think things through. Do not be impulsive or do things suddenly. I know you are most likely in puberty and have all the hormones in you right now that are making you emotional and all of that, but you need to cut your relatives some slack since you are the first teenager in their house assuming the 9 year old is their only child. Teenagers are not easy to raise, and you and your relatives will be learning from each other making mistakes during the process. Also, your Aunt and Uncle have every right to look over your telephone, know who you are talking with, and who your friends are. You are in their house and not the other way around, and you have to play by their rules. They are the ones who have taken you in, and you have to respect their house and family values even if those are different from what you are used to.

It is important that if there are chores around the house to do, then you and your Brother should help out. You should integrate with the family and do what you can to be like them. Little things like taking out the garbage, cleaning the dishes, helping out with the laundry, cutting the lawn, keeping your bedroom clean, and anything else that would be required of you can go a long way. If you see your relatives doing things around the house, then help out without asking. Otherwise, ask them what you can do to help especially since you are a teenager and probably are big enough to do things unlike the little ones.


Just make sure you do not engage in any bad habits that you did where you were before. If you feel the urge to hang out with people who use you in bad way, then you need to talk to your relatives about what happened to you. It is going to take a lot of therapy and help to unlearn that behavior because it was not your fault you were sexualized at a young age. It is best to talk that out and let the authorities know that such a thing happened to you so that everyone knows upfront the kind of help you need. The more information you can provide enables the social services and others help you and your Brother. There is no sense in hiding anything because everything is going to come out in the end. Some things maybe embarrassing, but it is best to get it out there and deal with them than to have a break down later on. Under no circumstances should you have contact with the bad people who used you sexually at your old place, and you should delete their contact information from your telephone and other devices. Anyone who used you must be cut out from your life even if they try to contact you. I would suggest you get a new telephone number if you can to avoid any contact with anyone who would hurt you. Also, don't be so eager beaver to tell your friends where you are now or about your new place. Just say that you're safe, but do not share your address. You do not want any bad person looking you up and causing an issue for you or your new family.

My strong suggestion is that you need to tell your Aunt and Uncle privately that you have been sexually active. I know that will be hard, but the reason why it important is that you have to go for a STD test very soon. Especially since you had sex with the guy who took you part way of your journey you have no clue what kind of diseases he or your other partners have. There was this other thread on here created by someone who was sexually abused like you at a young age, and the person had absolutely no clue that she had a STD. To be honest, no one would think to do a STD test on anyone younger than 13 unless that person has been sexually abused. Just tell your family about what has happened so that you can be tested and treated in case you have anything. That way they can set up counseling for you, too, once they know you are physically healthy. Treating STDs early is best because you never want those things to go untreated. Our hope is that you will be around for many years into the future, and you have to be there for your Brother as well.

You cannot and must not be the perfect person, and there is no way you can please everyone. There are going to be times when you look around your surroundings and the people in the area and think you do not belong. However, the reality is that you are a person and you do belong where you are. You are worth something, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. We like you just the way you are and would have you no other way.

What you really need to do now is to get both you and your Brother enrolled in school. Don't be a fool, and stay in school. It is obvious to me based upon all of our interactions here that you are an extremely intelligent person who will do really well if you are in the right school. Stay away from bad friends, drugs, alcohol, and sex. Right now focus on building up your mind and making use of the resources around you. I am positive that one day you are going to do well in this world if you stay in school, stay away from bad influences, and surround yourself with people who are good. Do not just surround yourself with anyone but rather people who bring out the best in you. It is far best to be alone than to be with anyone especially people who want you to be something you are not.

It is going to be tough to learn to love and to trust your relatives. You might be afraid about what they think about you and what will become of you. Those are normal thoughts, but just know that you are not a tissue that will not be thrown out. You might have days where you have disagreements with your relatives or feel frustrated, but that is a normal part of being a teenager. Just think things through, and do not do rash actions. Talk things out, and if you feel overwhelmed, then take a time out and clear your mind.

Try not to be on your telephone much, and use this opportunity to get to know your family. Focus on your family, new cousin, and surroundings, and stay active in real life around you as opposed to the virtual life online. Especially if you will be with your family for a while you need to get to know them, and they need to get to know you and your Brother. Actually have fun with them because, remember, your Aunt and Uncle were teenagers, too.

I am really happy things worked out for you and that you stayed in contact. I am glad that you had taken my advice to go to the authorities. Stay in school, be around good people, and I know you will be fine in a couple of years.

You are really capable, and I am so impressed by your abilities. You are a great problem solver, and you clearly are someone who would do great in many industries such as the airlines. Your relatives are really lucky to have you, and your parents are complete and total morons for treating you the way they did. They lost something great that they will never get back which is because of their own stupidity and not yours. If your parents are out of work, then they really should consider applying to work for the Lebanese government's port authority because it seems like they have been recruiting idiots for years over there which caused the problems in Beirut this week. Chances are your parents will fit right in based upon the way they have treated you in particular, and it never ceases to amaze me how stupid people can be.

Remember that your parents' problems have nothing to do with you or your Brother. Your parents have mental health issues, and both of them have the problems and not you or your Brother. Do not ever feel badly about yourself or let your self worth be defined by their complete and total madness. Also, you are not condemned to be like them since you clearly saw the absurdity of their situation and decided to exit it which is clearly not being like them. There could be a chance your Mother was a nice person at one point, but she has terrible taste in men which caused most of her problems. Your family's problem was not the children but the adults plain and simple.

Just remember to be human and to always be compassionate and thoughtful. Also, stay on the straight and narrow even when there are times when it is tempting to do things that are not so good. Judging by where you live it seems like a great place, but always remember that bad people are in the shadows and will gladly pull you down if you give them a chance. Stay tight with your family, and be honest and open with them even when there are times you are not so eager to do so. Being in control is knowing when to ask for help.

Assuming your name is actually "Zander," then it is an interesting one that your parents had chosen. Zander, which is a derivative of "Alexander," literally means "Defender of the People" in old Greek. I think your personality is such that you could not stand for your parents hurting both you and your Brother and that you had defended your Brother by seeking safety. It appears you have defended those who counted on you, and I hope you can do the same for your new family and include them in the circle of love that you have with your Brother. Your name turned out to be a very apt one for you, and it appears your parents at least did one thing rightly when they had named you.

[Zndr]

Thanks yet again for all the advice. I know I'm going to have to change my attitude towards adults. This house is such a different environment than home. Its unbelievable. My brother is having a harder time making the adjustment considering how much he wanted to get here. I guess I feel ok enough to say his name now. His name is Finn. He's not been talking to the family really at all. He's been staying close to me following me around everywhere. He really had a hard time at the police station. It was really scary for him. It wasn't easy but he got through it. One of the first things I talked to my aunt and uncle about is how close we are and how much he depends on me. The way you said it is actually really good. We are a package. Its definitely going to take time to adjust to this life. I can't help but feel like something bad will happen here and we will need a plan to leave.

I dont know about school. I guess trying to return us to as normal of a life as possible quickly makes sense. I just dont know how soon Finn will be ready for it.

We're going to go out today and they are going to show us the town more since it was late last night when we got here and dark. We'll also go get some new clothes and stuff since we came basically with only the clothes we were wearing.

Thats interesting about my name. I never knew that but I like it.

[SouthernDude]

Thanks yet again for all the advice. I know I'm going to have to change my attitude towards adults. This house is such a different environment than home. Its unbelievable. My brother is having a harder time making the adjustment considering how much he wanted to get here. I guess I feel ok enough to say his name now. His name is Finn. He's not been talking to the family really at all. He's been staying close to me following me around everywhere. He really had a hard time at the police station. It was really scary for him. It wasn't easy but he got through it. One of the first things I talked to my aunt and uncle about is how close we are and how much he depends on me. The way you said it is actually really good. We are a package. Its definitely going to take time to adjust to this life. I can't help but feel like something bad will happen here and we will need a plan to leave.

I dont know about school. I guess trying to return us to as normal of a life as possible quickly makes sense. I just dont know how soon Finn will be ready for it.

We're going to go out today and they are going to show us the town more since it was late last night when we got here and dark. We'll also go get some new clothes and stuff since we came basically with only the clothes we were wearing.

Thats interesting about my name. I never knew that but I like it.

It's great to hear that you are safe. I understand that Finn will have a hard time trusting your aunt and uncle at first due to the trauma of your parents. It will take time, but he should get used to it. Just stay with him, and he'll hopefully adjust quickly.

It will be a tough transition living with them, but I wish you the best of luck, and keep us updated on the situation, and how you and your brother are coping.

Cheers,

SouthernDude

[Second Chance]

Thanks yet again for all the advice. I know I'm going to have to change my attitude towards adults. This house is such a different environment than home. Its unbelievable.

Based upon your earlier experiences at home I am glad that you are in a good place. I am really happy for you, and I am so glad you are in an environment that you find safe. Where you live is totally awesome.

I am sure nearly every adult you have met until this point has either been not reliable or outright abusive. However, you need to think about this: since this thread began you have been talking about the relatives you are staying with and how nice they are. Clearly, these people have made a positive impression on you from a young age, and kids know good from bad. You have gone 800 miles to find these people. At this stage you have to trust them because you risked everything and gave up your past life to find them because you knew deep down they are good.

Have you seen the ocean, and how is the neighborhood where you live?

My brother is having a harder time making the adjustment considering how much he wanted to get here. I guess I feel ok enough to say his name now. His name is Finn. He's not been talking to the family really at all. He's been staying close to me following me around everywhere.

For better or worse your Brother probably still loves your parents unconditionally. For him to be away from your old home and parents is going to be devastating. For a little kid to lose parents is beyond words which is basically what happened to the both of you. Your Brother is probably in mourning right now losing your parents despite their many problems.

I can totally understand why your Brother is keeping close to you since he only knows you and is going to be naturally suspicious of the others. Your Brother is going to be super clingy for a while, and you will just have to bear with it. However, you should encourage him to be friendly with the others since they were nice enough to take you into their home. I would encourage him to play with the cousin his own age, and you three should do stuff together. Just have some normalcy and do things like normal kids do is the best way for you all to slowly unwind. It is the simple things in life that can make a big difference. Since these are your relatives you both can trust them. I am sure the police checked them out, and I seriously doubt they are psychos. The fact that they have a normal house and no dead bodies in the backyard is a really good sign!

My guess is your Brother will be really clingy to you for at least three months. However, you have to remind him that he has to listen to the adults in the house as well as be friendly to the other little boy in the household. There is going to come a point when you have to go to school and do some things away from your Brother which is why you have to get him used to the people in your household gradually but steadily.

He really had a hard time at the police station. It was really scary for him. It wasn't easy but he got through it.

I am really glad to hear that he made it through the experience. Chances are law enforcement was scary for the both of you, and Authority figures are probably terrifying for the both of you especially a young kid like your Brother. However, I give him credit for trusting you and for you both to walk into the police station. No question that was really brave of you to do that to put your trust in random strangers, myself included, to begin the process of rebuilding your lives. Going to police stations are scary for a lot of people, and you did a great job coaxing your Brother into listening to you despite the challenges you had at first. I hope everyone you had encountered at the police station were nice.

When you walked into the police station what did you say, and what was their reaction? What were your relative's reactions when they had first seen you? Did they recognize you?

One of the first things I talked to my aunt and uncle about is how close we are and how much he depends on me. The way you said it is actually really good. We are a package.

You both have been a package deal for a long time, and I can see that being like that for the foreseeable future. However, you both have to let others in such as your family so that your relationship does not end up being an "us" vs "them" dynamic. All of you in that house are one family, and both of you have to understand that now your family circle will grow in the best possible way. At very least your Brother has someone his own age in the house, and you clearly live in a very nice neighborhood where you can do stuff.

If this means anything, a family is like a circle than can grow infinitely but still be a circle. Your family for the last three years was you, Finn, and your Mum. Your Father came in and shattered the circle, but despite that you and Finn formed a new one and stayed together. Now you have a family who is willing to let you into their circle. Previously they were a circle of three, but now they want to make it a circle of five. It is up to you and your Brother to accept inclusion which I hope you both will. After all, you left everything to find these people, and your relatives came without thinking to the police station to come and get you both even though they did not know you both well. It is up to you and your Brother to include good people in your circle which there is every indication your relatives are.

Its definitely going to take time to adjust to this life. I can't help but feel like something bad will happen here and we will need a plan to leave.

Do not overthink things, and just take things one day at a time. You are in a good place right now as you had planned, and my recommendation is to leave things at that. If you start thinking about all the things that can go wrong life will suck. At this stage place trust in your Aunt and Uncle as well as the authorities. While things may not always go as planned things will work out. I mean you had a plan to go to your relative's house on your own, but your plan took a different direction. However, did you not end up there in the end of the day?

If something bad happens, which it will not, then your relatives will help you through the process. You are not walking alone here at this point. You have a family, and whether you like it or not, they will love you as you must love them. Love is a tough word because it is so overused, but love is unconditional and is there when times are tough. When you were flat on your face at the police station your relatives came for you without question. If that is not love, then I do not know what is?

Do not take up a lifestyle of running away, and I hope this will be the last time you ever do this. The people you are with may not be perfect, but they at least seem to be trying to help out. Remember, this is new for them as it is for you, and all of you have to put the time and effort into making this work. There will be problems no doubt, but a problem does not imply that you and your Brother are disposable. As a family you all will work through the problems. If your relatives are as good as you say they are, then my guess is that they will move Heaven and Earth to make you and your Brother all right. They are learning alongside you. Congratulations because you are their first teenager!

Basically, have a positive attitude because you are in a place where you are wanted, and it seems like you are with normal people. If anything bad happens, then you are not alone. If you have fears, then talk things out with your relatives so that they can guide you through the process. Do not hold things in especially now when you need the help the most.


I dont know about school. I guess trying to return us to as normal of a life as possible quickly makes sense. I just dont know how soon Finn will be ready for it.

It will take time for school, but if you are mentally ready for school, then it would be good if you can do so. If you start up school, then your Brother will follow suit. Especially since Finn has another little boy his age in the house my guess is that they can be buddies at school assuming your Brother is ready to return. At least your Brother will have one friend when he returns to class. After all, sitting around all day will get old fast, and you need to keep up school. Above all else, an education is super important because that is how you will be safe in life. Anyone can take away your things, but no one can take away your mind. If you can go to school at least, then try to do so since it will enable you to get on the process of recovery. Plus, you seem really intelligent, and I am sure you will do really well in school. I know that the thought of school and doing things in the area is scary, and you may need to talk to a therapist before doing so. However, you do not want to fall behind with school either and end up a grade behind kids your age.

We're going to go out today and they are going to show us the town more since it was late last night when we got here and dark. We'll also go get some new clothes and stuff since we came basically with only the clothes we were wearing.

That sounds great, and I hope the town nearby you is a good one.

As you get familiar with the area it is good to know what is out there. However, in light of your history avoid going out on your own, and you should stick close to home and only go out with one of your relatives. In light of your having had run away from home if you are gone with your Brother for any length of time your relatives will assume the worst. Make sure you are sticking close to your relatives though it will seem like you are a bird in a cage at times.

Your relatives sound really nice willing to get you some new clothes and for taking care of you. I think you are in a good place, and you should be fine. Just look for the positive in everything, and do not sink into negativity. All because you may have had bad experiences in the past with people letting you down does not mean all people are like that. After all, we had stuck with you making sure you were all right until you had reached where you are, isn't it? I am sure your family will be the same, and all of you will have foibles which is normal. Nobody is perfect, but it sounds like this family is at least trying to do its best.

Give the situation time, and the most important task you will have is to learn to love again. I hope that your relatives are good, and it will take time for you to trust them. Especially when so many people have let you down it is only natural you are afraid and your Brother more so than you.

Thats interesting about my name. I never knew that but I like it.

Yes, your name is a very good one, and it has a very deep meaning. I am not sure if your parents were aware of the meaning when they had named you, but your name is a good one considering your personality. It is a unique name but nothing so strange like what Elon Musk had given to his newborn kid.

You definitely seem like someone who is going to be all right, and just take things one day at a time. You are going to have a lot of good happen to you and some occasional tough times. However, judging from where you had come any bad day you have where you are is going to be a cake walk to be honest.

[Just JT]

I’m really happy for you and your brother. Tbh, it wasn’t to long ago I was in similar shoes, so don’t rush it, as much as you want to

There’s a lot of stiff adults are going to look at before you can return home.
Seems a good thing I guess they conducted their investigation so fast and was able to place you with family so quickly, almost an impossibility at times.

Bit in the end, just be patient with the process. I hope it all works out for you and Finn in the end.

You are the older, so be understanding best you can, im sure there’s lots of insecurities and questions from both of you that can’t be answered right now

Just be there for him, best you can, hope he can for you as well

Know there’s people out there working hard for you, until things are cleared up.

Also know there’s people here also interested and concerned for you, Finn, and your safety. Many more I’m sure have been in your situation than they let people know here.
You aren’t alone....

[Zndr]

We did see the ocean. We only live like 5 minutes away from the beach which is pretty cool. The neighborhood is nice. Its better than the neighborhood we lived in at home. Its quiet instead of the noise of cars driving by all the time. Of all the places to end up this isn't that bad I guess.

I don't mind Finn being clingy. In a way it reassures me that he's still with me and safe. I know I will need to start to push him to be more open but I selfishly like clingy Finn.

When I first talked to the police, I told them exactly what you told me to say. I think they could tell something was wrong as soon as we walked in. I think we looked like total crap. I think they believed everything I told them up to the point I told them our address. I think they thought I was confused. It wasn't until they actually verified who we were that they believed us. Our aunt and uncle seemed shocked to see us when they got there. They said Finn actually looked more how they remembered me.

I dont plan to ever run away again. I just feel like I need to have the plan in place just in case. It let's me feel like I'm still in control. I guess its not something I just want to hand over even though you say I should.

Out of curiosity does Finn's name have any deep meaning behind it?

[Second Chance]

We did see the ocean. We only live like 5 minutes away from the beach which is pretty cool. The neighborhood is nice. Its better than the neighborhood we lived in at home. Its quiet instead of the noise of cars driving by all the time. Of all the places to end up this isn't that bad I guess.

You know, I am going to say that you have ended up in some pretty nice real estate! A five minute walk to the beach is a dream, and you definitely moved up in the world! Is the beach pretty clean where you are, and is the area pretty safe? I think I want to runaway to where you are, too!

In all seriousness, besides the nice neighborhood and the facilities are your family members nice? Are you getting a sense that they are all right? How did your trip into town go, and is it a nice place? I hope you and your Brother were able to get new clothes and get cleaned up.

I don't mind Finn being clingy. In a way it reassures me that he's still with me and safe. I know I will need to start to push him to be more open but I selfishly like clingy Finn.

Chances are you are clingy yourself and that you both are clingy with each other. After all, you both are in a faraway place with relatives you barely know, and I cannot blame the both of you guys sticking to each other.

Do you talk to your family members and cousin?

I am not saying you have to get your Brother to open up like a clam shell like tomorrow, but encourage him to at least say good morning and good night and to have short conversations or to respond to questions. I am not saying that your Brother has to have a monologue like Conan O'Brien or something like that, but he should acknowledge your family members while staying close to you. All it takes is nodding to them and a simple yes or no. It is going to take time for him to come out of his shell because I am sure he is traumatized. You have to let him know that it is all right to talk and that you are with safe people though he might still not understand the relationship they have with your parents.

Just make sure you both make a point to interact with your cousin so that he does not feel ignored. After all, you and Finn are the stars of the show right now, and your cousin, who is an only child, suddenly has to compete for attention. That is why try to play with the kid and do something with him so that he does not feel like the odd man out or the third wheel. You do not want to have an unhappy cousin on your hands, and it is far best that you try to interact with him especially since you are the eldest of the bunch. Just make sure you and Finn are respecting his things, and start out small with the kid especially if he is very shy. My guess is that the kid is just feeling you two out because it is not like he had any warning you would show up, and my guess is you and your Brother never had met him before.

If and when you both go for counseling just make sure you both talk and open up because the counselors can only help you all based upon the information they have. The less cooperative you both are the easier it will be for your parents to claim you both are making things up.

When I first talked to the police, I told them exactly what you told me to say. I think they could tell something was wrong as soon as we walked in. I think we looked like total crap. I think they believed everything I told them up to the point I told them our address. I think they thought I was confused. It wasn't until they actually verified who we were that they believed us.

I hope my advice was useful to you when you interacted with law enforcement. I know it was difficult to have done what you did, and I am so proud of you for doing the right thing. No question you definitely are a brave person, and you clearly have a lot of abilities. Clearly, you must be very articulate for the police to have listened to you.

How did you explain to them the way you reached the town where you are? Everyone knows buses and trains do not let on minors, and did you have to tell them about the guy who accompanied you? Did your parents put out a missing children's notice for you and your Brother?

Our aunt and uncle seemed shocked to see us when they got there. They said Finn actually looked more how they remembered me.

Haha! Well, your Aunt and Uncle are not the only one who has aged! I guess it is neat how you and your Brother look a lot alike and how your relatives recognized Finn as opposed to you.

How did you explain to your relatives your 800 mile odyssey?

Has your Mother and Father blown a gasket finding out how far you have gone and how you are with who I am assuming is your Mother's Sister?

One thing I have been meaning to ask you (which you do not need to answer) is that you had mentioned your relatives are on very bad terms with your Mother. However, at some point they must have visited you when you were really young. How did you remember them after all of these years, and why did they do to make you think they were good? Clearly, these relatives must have made a big impression on you for you to travel 800 miles to seek them, and my guess is you have not seen them for years especially if they have not seen you since you were very young.

I dont plan to ever run away again. I just feel like I need to have the plan in place just in case. It let's me feel like I'm still in control. I guess its not something I just want to hand over even though you say I should.

All I can say is that this is not like the old television show "Hogan's Heroes" that still shows up on television where you are at Stalag 13 trying to escape from Colonel Klink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOBEDhuMa3U). In life all of us want control, and looking at this Pandemic so many people have lost control to a force that is unseen and is microscopic. Despite that our society is still enduring though I know we have a lot of problems right now. My chief concern with you is that if there is some sort of disagreement or problem with your relatives I do not want to see you pack up your bags and bolt. Judging by Finn's current state I think this whole trip really shook the boy up really badly, and I am sure despite the problems at home he must still miss it and your parents. Handing over trust to some people you barely know is scary. However, as JT mentioned it is highly unusual that you both would have been handed over to a family so quickly, and I am sure the police checked out your relatives and found that they are good people. Trust me, you would not be where you are if the authorities had any dirt on your relatives.

I agree with JT that it is going to take time for you to learn to trust, love, and to recognize who is good and who is bad. You need time to heal, and this is barely your second night where you are. Take things one day at a time, and do not be so eager to run. I know from where you came you were not listened to, accepted, and you were in constant fear. I am sure your interactions with adults thus far has been characterized by such interactions, and I cannot blame you for looking for a way out. Perhaps you are afraid that if your relatives know you that they will not like you or if something happens that they will cease caring about you. A lot of us who have come from abusive households have gone through that especially when a parent or parents manipulate the situation making us think that we are worthless and that nobody will ever like us. Obviously, that is not the case, but once one gets away from such people it takes time to realize that.

I respect you a lot for handling the situation as well as you have done and for seeking out your family who you clearly felt were a safe option. The fact that you managed to get their address and find a way to get to them takes a lot of ingenuity. I guess your relatives are proof why sending greeting cards are still important even though everything is digital, and it was through that card you were able to find your family. I guess when you are older always send cards out to your family members as a result of that. Most kids your age barely can work their way across the map on Grand Theft Auto let alone make travel arrangements, do transfers across buses and trains, and ultimately be able to articulate your situation to authorities. All I can say is you are someone who has a lot of talents, and my guess is where you are is where your talents can blossom and grow.

Perhaps as you live with your relatives you can gain some insights why things have gone so terribly wrong for your parents. They clearly knew them long before you and Finn were born. Again, the problem with your situation is not you but rather your parents though it is now up to you to move beyond your parents and to make a good future for yourself that only you can do. However, dealing with your trauma is important which is why you have to talk things out and work with the professionals which are all things that will take time. You are going to have good days and sometimes you will have flashbacks and even times when you will doubt yourself. You might even ask yourself if you are worthy to be where you are and if you deserve it. What I can say is you are worth it, and you were in an abnormal situation that did not enable you to make the best decisions. It is all right to cry, be sad, and to express yourself because it is not just your Brother who can have emotions while you are stoic. My guess is your parents viewed you kids as disposable and treated you that way to the point where you were a latchkey kid. Somehow, you are now in a place where you are with real adults who will apparently provide you with a family structure and adult supervision. It is not to going to be easy going from a situation where you were kind of on your own to being in a traditional household with involved parents. It might be tough at first when an adult gives you an order that you have to follow whereas before you were in a place where you could do your own thing. It is going to be a big change for you, but this change is not such a bad thing since you no longer have to be the parent and can actually be a kid. Control was probably something that was taken away from you so many times that you do not want to lose it. This is where you need to talk to the professionals to figure out how to find that balance in your life which is going to take time. It is all right to make mistakes, and when you fall down ask for help from the responsible adults around you to get back up. As I had said earlier, we are often at our strongest when we know when to ask for help. You clearly did by making this thread.

The point here is instead of making plans to leave instead make plans on how you are going to make things work where you are. You put everything on the line to get to where you are, and you owe it to yourself and Finn to make things work. Of course, remember you have partners with your relatives. In the end of the day you both are kids, and it is all right to ask for help from adults who will not hurt you be it your relatives, therapists, or social services who are no doubt involved in your cases.

Out of curiosity does Finn's name have any deep meaning behind it?

Finn is a Gaelic name, and it is interesting how your parents went from Greece to Ireland to find a name for their second child. (This is assuming your parents are not Star Wars fans and decided to name their kid after one of the characters from the recent trilogy). I have seen Finn used as a last name for the most part, but it does show up as a first name, too. I will defer to our Irish and Scottish friends on that point.

To answer your question directly, my understanding of "Finn" is that it literally means "fair" or "white." Perhaps your Brother has very fair skin, or either one or both of your parents are fair skinned which is why they decided to name your Brother that. I do not know if your parents come from an Irish or a Scotts-Irish background, but one of the greatest heroes of Irish mythology was a person by the name of Finn MacCool (aka Fionn mac Cuumhaill in Gaelic) who was a super warrior who was known for his wisdom and generosity. (Gaelic is the native language of Ireland, and there is a difference between the way things are written in English and Gaelic). If your parents somehow knew of Finn MacCool, then perhaps they had wished that your Brother has the qualities of wisdom and generosity? If the public library is open in your area, then it would not be a bad idea to check out some books about Finn MacCool and Irish mythology which actually is pretty interesting. Especially during this time of the Pandemic reading might be a good way to pass time. Finn MacCool is rather popular in Irish literature if reading is your thing. The funny thing is in one of the legends of Finn MacCool he was forced to leave his home at a young age and be raised by some relatives. I suppose your Brother's life story is similar to the mythological character who is his namesake.

I suppose your parents are not all bad since they had given you boys pretty good names. Somehow your parents had some sense at given point and at least did not name you boys something crazy. I suppose your names reflect some aspects of your respective personalities.

[Zndr]

Good morning on day 2 of this new life. Some thoughts that I've had now that we've had our first proper night here. Finn and I shared a room back at home but we obviously had separate beds. Here they only had the one spare bedroom with one bed. I would sleep on the floor but Finn wants(insists really) that we share the bed. I don't mind that really. He kind of cuddled up next to me and in a weird way it actually made me feel calmer and safe. For the short term I think it might be a while before they can get a second bed for one of us. Is this an ok thing for us to do until then? Or is this forming a bad habit for Finn or something?

Also in the night Finn made me take him to the bathroom. Not physically help him, just be there with him because he was scared to leave our room and go on his own. I know this is something that is going to take time for him but is there anything I can do to help him not be scared so I don't have to get up with him?

Before we fell asleep I got the first chance to really talk to Finn about how he's doing with this. I think the realization is setting in that we are actually staying here and not going back home. All his toys are still at home. He won't get to see his friend again. He's scared that at any moment our aunt and uncle will start yelling at him. He liked it better when it was just us before we went to the police. I mean I think his points are valid but I didn't tell him that. I just told him our aunt and uncle aren't mom and dad. They are much better people. It is going to take time to adjust to this life and that I'm always going to be here with him to help him through it. I did happen to catch your message last night before we went to bed so I did talk to him about trying to open up just a little bit with them. Maybe try to answer some of their questions while looking at me for now and then we can work on shifting to looking at them.

The area we are in seems pretty safe. Other families live here. It doesn’t have the rundown and unsafe feeling of our old neighborhood. Our family is nice. They have all been talking to us and I've been talking with them since have 2 mute kids probably won't work. We actually had a family dinner together last night which was nice. Apparently they have one every night together. Its so different than what home was like but its something I could get used to.

I don't think I'm going to push the situation with my cousin but instead let him push it with us. Does that make sense? He was talking a bit yesterday so I know he's opening up. I just think he might actually be able to break open Finns shell as he starts to talk about toys and games and stuff more.

The police were able to put the pieces together when I told them I had an older friend who was helping us get on public transportation. I don't openly talk about that side of my life to anyone, especially adults, so when I got quiet and awkward they figured it out and asked me. They tried to make me give them his information but I wasn't comfortable doing that. I didn't tell my aunt and uncle about that but I'm pretty sure the police told them everything. Our parents never reported us missing which is no surprise really. Judging from the one voicemail I got they were more concerned about how they were going to punish us when we showed up again than trying to find us. I haven’t talked to them since this has all happened. I know the police have and they have tried calling my aunt a bunch of times but I think they have their number blocked now.

I don't really know what made me remember my aunt and uncle so positively. I just knew that they were our closest family and I actually had their address. I'm sure deep down there is faint memories of them treating me really nicely but it was mostly just a huge leap of faith that they would be good people. When they came to the police station my aunt did say she knew that she should have gotten us out of that house a long time ago.

I will say you are giving me a lot more credit than I probably deserve. All I really had to do was put into Google my final destination and say I want to take public transportation and it immediately gave me the routes to take with all the transfers and everything. Even Finn was able to understand it to a more basic level.

I can tell you that our parents were not being that smart when they chose our names. I like the meanings behind them but they didn't have a clue what they meant when they chose them

[Second Chance]

Good morning on day 2 of this new life. Some thoughts that I've had now that we've had our first proper night here. Finn and I shared a room back at home but we obviously had separate beds. Here they only had the one spare bedroom with one bed. I would sleep on the floor but Finn wants(insists really) that we share the bed. I don't mind that really. He kind of cuddled up next to me and in a weird way it actually made me feel calmer and safe. For the short term I think it might be a while before they can get a second bed for one of us. Is this an ok thing for us to do until then? Or is this forming a bad habit for Finn or something?

In my opinion it is best that you both share a bed in light of the limitations that the house has and also because Finn is completely traumatized. I am sure the trip had taken a lot out of him, and the boy is very scared to be away from anyone or anything he knows. In some cultures it is not uncommon for siblings to sleep together, and it is not like you will be setting up codependency for your Brother. As I had mentioned earlier, Finn will be super clingy for at least three to six months because he lost everything he has ever known and will hold onto you for dear life until he knows that what is around him is safe and for real.

If you ask me, just continue to share the bed with Finn and let him decide when he wants to sleep alone. He is still a little boy who is probably looking at the world from a black/white lens, and if you are not around him, then he will think you have abandoned him or do not like him.

I know as a young teenager you probably need some time to yourself which is understandable. You are at that point in life where you and your body are changing. However, my thinking is that the first month Finn is going to be as clingy as Saran wrap on you which is why you just have to be patient and allow him to be around you even if that involves your being in the washroom. My guess is the boy is so scared that he just wants something to remind him that he is not alone. I know that eventually you will want to have some space which is what nearly all teenagers want, but just give Finn at least three months to figure things out in his mind.

I think after therapy, becoming friendly with your cousin his age, being able to trust your Aunt and Uncle, and entering school making some friends that Finn will eventually be all right. It just will take a year for him to get to the point where he can fully separate from you.

Basically, you two will be a package deal for now, and you will have to get used to Finn being your shadow. Do not lose patience with him if his clingyness gets overwhelming, and talk to your relatives if you find yourself being unable to provide for the boy's needs. After all, you are barely out of childhood yourself, and you have your own needs.

In short, I would share the bed for now since Finn is scared. He will outgrow it over time, and it is best that he has love for you than to get older and be one of those guys who were cut loose too early by their parents and then develop personality disorders that end up with their being super possessive or using sex as a way to get close to people. Finn's desire to share a bed is a natural reaction to the trauma he has faced, and he clearly is like a little child in many ways. There is absolutely no sense in pushing him otherwise he will break. Even if a second bed is purchased I would sleep with Finn if he insists upon it. If you do not, then he will feel very badly which you do not want to happen.

Finally, you need to admit to yourself that as scared as Finn is you are, too, which is normal. You need Finn to be with you physically as much as he needs you. After all, you two are Brothers and are two kids who did something that even adults do not do in terms of going on a long trip alone. I think you both need each other, and sleeping together would be fine to reassure each other.

Also in the night Finn made me take him to the bathroom. Not physically help him, just be there with him because he was scared to leave our room and go on his own. I know this is something that is going to take time for him but is there anything I can do to help him not be scared so I don't have to get up with him?

My thinking is that within six months when Finn is established in the household where you are that he will gradually resume his normal routines such as going to the bathroom by himself and other such things. Because Finn is in a totally alien house and went through a hellish journey that involved at least 45 hours he just wants reassure he is all right. Perhaps when he was at home he was a typical little Brother who did his own thing and did not need you for the basics. It looks like Finn has regressed into a toddler-like state out of fear not knowing if the people with whom you live are good and just wants you around so that no one will hurt him.

My suggestion is to go along with this for the first month. I would say by the second month gradually encourage Finn to be in the washroom by himself. You can stand outside the door while he is doing his business probably by month two or three. Just take things very gradually for him, and the boy just needs reassurance for now.

Again, if any of these tasks are getting overwhelming for you especially since you have your own needs, then talk to your relatives and ask them for help. You are not the parent, and you cannot be Finn's parent. You are Finn's Brother which is a totally different situation. Right now you are his defacto parent which is understandable, but eventually a responsible adult such as your Uncle or Aunt have to step in and provide him with support for his basic needs while you are there as a strong support. Remember, you are a kid, too, who also has needs like Finn, and you two are only three years apart.

Do not get frustrated with Finn, and just accompany him to the washroom for now and give him at least three months to gradually do things on his own.

Before we fell asleep I got the first chance to really talk to Finn about how he's doing with this. I think the realization is setting in that we are actually staying here and not going back home. All his toys are still at home. He won't get to see his friend again.

I am sure in Finn's mind that the trip on which you had gone was a "vacation" and that your parents would miss you both so much that they would change and that you all would reunite at home and that everything would be happy. While you did tell your Brother that you would be leaving home I am sure he really did not understand the concept that the leaving would be permanent. No question that the reality of not being able to go home and be around your Mother and the things he knows is going to really broadside him now.

As a little kid toys are super important. Did your Brother have a lot of toys back home? Was there a toy that he really loved a lot and would play with all of the time? If that is the case, then talk to your Uncle and Aunt and see if there is a couple of toys that they can get for Finn so that he can at least not feel so badly. As a child your Brother needs something to occupy his mind, and a good toy can do that for him. Especially if Finn had some toy that he really like but does not have, then you have to keep in mind that losing that toy is like a death in the family. I know when I was little and lost a toy it was like a pet dying or something along those lines. That is why you need to figure out what toy Finn really liked and let him have that so that he can use that to know that your Uncle and Aunt mean him well. Obviously, we do not want to have a situation where Finn equates material things with love, but at the same time he needs to have some toys so that he can do some things on his own and perhaps use them as a bridge with your little cousin in the house.

He's scared that at any moment our aunt and uncle will start yelling at him. He liked it better when it was just us before we went to the police. I mean I think his points are valid but I didn't tell him that.

Adults scare your Brother whereas you are not threatening to him. You are only something like three years older than Finn, and I doubt you ever have hurt him like the adults in his life. I am sure adults in his mind equates pain and badness which is most likely why he does not respond to your Uncle and Aunt. My guess is Finn was probably scared of his teachers and staff at school for the simple fact that adults are scary and not good in his mind. Your parents certainly did not help the situation assuming your Mother was also not totally with it.

You have to educate and orientate Finn that not all adults are bad and that during the course of your journey that you have met good adults. For example, the police officers and social service folks were people you had mentioned were quite nice and treated both you and Finn with respect. Also, you have mentioned that your relatives are very good people as well which you should show to Finn.

While no adults are perfect, the reality is no human is perfect. Despite that you have to teach Finn that where you are is safe and that your parents were the odd ones out whereas the overwhelming majority of people are pretty decent or at very least harmless. That is something you yourself have to learn as well.

As for these fears about getting yelled at by your Uncle and Aunt, you should talk to them about such fears and why you both are standoffish. Just tell them the kind of background you both have had and why you both are scared of adults.

I can totally understand why Finn just liked it when it was just the two of you, but the reality is that the circle of your family is now five. It is up to you to explain your fears to the adults in your midst and let them and you work together to alleviate those fears. It will take time for that to happen, but nobody can solve a problem that they do not know exists. It is up to you and Finn to articulate your problems and challenges so that they can be addressed. I cannot promise your problems will be solved immediately, but at least resources can be get to gradually deal with the issues.

I just told him our aunt and uncle aren't mom and dad. They are much better people. It is going to take time to adjust to this life and that I'm always going to be here with him to help him through it.

The thing that both you and Finn have to understand is that your Uncle and Aunt are not messed up like your parents. Sure, your Uncle and Aunt are not perfect people, but I doubt they are homicidal, psychosexual, sadistic abusers whose goal is to make your lives miserable. It is up to all of you in that house to express your feelings and challenges in a thoughtful way so that everyone can adjust accordingly. If there is open communication, then the situation can get better since it appears your relatives are trying. The fact of the matter is that you had a gut feeling since the start of this thread that your relatives are good people, and you risked life and limb to find them. Now that you have found them, then you should make use of their positive qualities so that all of you can heal together. I am sure both your Uncle and Aunt are responsible adults, and they want both you and your Brother to get better but understand it will take time.

One thing I should mention is that assuming your Aunt and Mother are Sisters and could be close in age, then there could be a chance your Aunt and Mother could bear a strong resemblance. If that is the case, then I can understand why you and Finn are freaked out because looking at her might be like looking at your Mother. If that is the case, then I can understand such fears because even though rationally you know the person at which you are looking is not your Mother from an emotional standpoint you think you are still with her. Your Aunt may have some similarities with your Mother no different than you have the same with Finn. After all, your relatives thought Finn looked like you at that age, but the reality is that you both are not clones of each other. Do not let a physical appearance get in the way of good relationships.

As for your Uncle, chances are you and Finn are scared of adult men. The obvious reason is that your Father was not a very nice person, and seeing an adult man as a father is super scary. After all, in your minds fathers are going to be like your Father, and looking at your Uncle is going to be terrifying. Plus, adult men used you in the worst possible way which is why the thought of being around an adult man is probably something you find revolting. I cannot tell you and Finn to unlearn those thoughts overnight and suddenly be all right with your Uncle. However, if you are scared of your Uncle, then try to think of his as a friend (though he might be older) and not put him on the same level as your Father and men who abused you. When you look at your Uncle try not to see your Father or the men who did stuff to you but rather a harmless individual like the Pillsbury Doughboy or a cartoon character. Not all males who are older are out to torment you or abuse you which you have to learn in therapy and by interacting with your Uncle. If you are afraid of him, then tell your Aunt so that your Uncle will know how to interact with you. At this stage he is assuming you are an average teenager like the way he was when he was your age, and he is going to try to be like a normal Father with you. However, if you are afraid of him due to what happened to you with adult males, then he has to know that so that he can adjust his way of interacting with you and Finn. Again, the man cannot solve a problem he does not know exists.

Finally, as stupid as this may sound, humor can go a long way to dealing with tough situations. When I was in the worst of situations there were times we could find humor in the situation to get use through it. Hopefully, your relatives are not squares, and, hopefully, they have sense of humor. If that is the case, then use that to break the ice. Many times sitting together watching a funny television show or film or shorts from "The Three Stooges" is enough to lighten the mood.


I did happen to catch your message last night before we went to bed so I did talk to him about trying to open up just a little bit with them. Maybe try to answer some of their questions while looking at me for now and then we can work on shifting to looking at them.

I am not advocating that Finn has to immediately come out of his shell and be something he is not. I think that is a brilliant idea that Finn looks at you while talking to your relatives. That way Finn talks but is looking at someone who is familiar to him. All it takes is to respond in a very simple way. You are right that having two mute kids in the house is not helpful, and at least you can do the talking to let the family know that you both are normal people. I know the adults in the house are scary, but at the same time they are not ogres or your parents. Let Finn know it is all right to say something and that he will not be punished for doing so. Again, keep things simple like hello, yes, no, and goodnight. I am not advocating for a long monologue like what you get from me in this thread. Looking at you while doing so is a good start until you can build Finn up to interacting with your family.

The area we are in seems pretty safe. Other families live here. It doesn’t have the rundown and unsafe feeling of our old neighborhood.

I am glad that the neighborhood is nice and that the area is safe. I think that alone will help you and Finn heal.

My guess is sooner or later your will run into kids close to your age who will be interested in you and may want to do things. If that is the case, then make sure you ask your relatives' permission before doing anything with anyone. If you cannot go out, then just tell the kids that you are new to the area and that you want to respect house rules. However, you would be more than willing to talk with them at where you are staying.

I am not sure if your relatives are religious or not, but if they attend church, then you and Finn will most likely be expected to do the same. I am not saying you need to believe in whatever they do, if you are not religious yourself, but since it their house you have to go along with their norms. I seriously doubt that these relatives will impose anything upon you and Finn, but you do not want to upset their routines either if going to church or a religious service is their Sunday routine. Just go along with it if that is what the family does.


Our family is nice. They have all been talking to us and I've been talking with them since have 2 mute kids probably won't work. We actually had a family dinner together last night which was nice. Apparently they have one every night together. Its so different than what home was like but its something I could get used to.

I am really happy to hear this. Family dinners are super important, and spending time together at least once per day is good. It is during those times when everyone can recap what happened during the day and relax.

As for talking to your family it does not have to always be about bad stuff. Just talk to them like you would with friends and find out what your family's interests are. For example, if your Aunt really loves to cook, then you can talk to her about the favorite things you and Finn like to eat. If your Uncle is someone who really likes cars, then you can talk about the different cars you had seen during your journey. Basically, you can use your time when you talk with your family for all of you to get to know each other. All of you have interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, and other things that are important to you. At this point you all are researchers getting to know each other. By getting to know your terrain and environment is how you will achieve success in integrating with this family. I would pay close attention to how the house is decorated and the things within it. All of those things will provide a clue to what interests your Uncle and Aunt have.

I don't think I'm going to push the situation with my cousin but instead let him push it with us. Does that make sense? He was talking a bit yesterday so I know he's opening up. I just think he might actually be able to break open Finns shell as he starts to talk about toys and games and stuff more.

Definitely do not push the situation with your cousin. However, as the older boy you cannot be standoffish and have to make more of an effort to reach out to him. I am not saying you have to follow the kid around and force him to talk. When you see him around ask him how he is doing and letting him know that you are interested in interacting with him whenever he is ready. After all, you are older than the kid, and you are intimidating to him, and he might not even have the vocabulary to interact with you. That is why you have to go to his level and let him know that you are a human being and that you are happy to interact with him when he is ready. Again, start out simple by making a point of saying hello to him every morning and saying good night to him. Remember, this is a huge change for the kid going from a situation of a family of three to five overnight, and I am sure the kid is as scared as Finn.

It is true that ultimately this boy can break Finn out of his shell once those two become friends which I hope will happen.

The police were able to put the pieces together when I told them I had an older friend who was helping us get on public transportation. I don't openly talk about that side of my life to anyone, especially adults, so when I got quiet and awkward they figured it out and asked me. They tried to make me give them his information but I wasn't comfortable doing that. I didn't tell my aunt and uncle about that but I'm pretty sure the police told them everything.

I can understand why you did not want to give up the name of the guy who had used you as payment for the trip. At this stage he is gone, and there is no sense in going after him or the others. The most important thing is that you do not do such things ever again even as an adult, and during therapy you have to be open and honest about what has happened going back to what happened with your babysitter who started all of this. If your relatives bring it up to you, then be honest about what has happened so that they know how to help you. Again, I think it would be wise to have a STD check when you see the doctor to be safe so that if there are any health issues they can be handled now. At your age you can bounce back from such issues quickly unlike older people.

As mentioned earlier in this thread, what had happened to you was not your fault. You were lied to and tricked, and the bad people made you think that doing what you did was normal when it was not. As you live in this household with people who are good you will gradually come to understand what all of us have been telling you on this thread. It will take time to heal, but if there are times when you are having nightmares or flashbacks, then you have to talk to your relatives and therapist. You should not feel ashamed because you are the victim and did not know any better. No one will dislike you for what has happened, and everyone just wants to get you help so that you know that people will like you for who you are and not how you look or what you can give them. After all, none of us on this thread has ever seen you or done anything with you, but we still accept you for who you are and want you to be all right.

Our parents never reported us missing which is no surprise really. Judging from the one voicemail I got they were more concerned about how they were going to punish us when we showed up again than trying to find us. I haven’t talked to them since this has all happened. I know the police have and they have tried calling my aunt a bunch of times but I think they have their number blocked now.

I would not feel badly, and the fact that your parents did not report you missing only helps your case showing how unfit they are as parents. The fact that your parents did not report you both missing will ensure that the authorities will not return you there.

Do not feel that you are unwanted or unloved even though your parents did not report you both missing. A normal parent does everything in their power to find a missing child much like the Prodigal Son we hear about in the Bible. When you go onto the Missing and Exploited Children's website there are parents who are still looking for their children who went missing from the 1970s and later, and those parents never stop until they die. Your parents clearly are abnormal, but do not get discouraged. At least you are away from them, and your parents are far best off not being around children. In this world there are people who cannot have children and who would anything to just to have one child, but there are parents who breed like rabbits having a lot of children they do not care about. With that being said, at least you are in a place where you are valued and loved, and you should look to the future and not the past. Obviously, you should confront the past by getting therapy, but you should not let the past hold you back or determine your future.

I don't really know what made me remember my aunt and uncle so positively. I just knew that they were our closest family and I actually had their address. I'm sure deep down there is faint memories of them treating me really nicely but it was mostly just a huge leap of faith that they would be good people. When they came to the police station my aunt did say she knew that she should have gotten us out of that house a long time ago.

It is amazing how you remembered your relatives from so many years ago and how you had sense to grab the greeting card with their address. I guess children do not forget those who are decent and have a sixth sense on who is genuinely good and who is bad. Clearly, something must have stuck in your brain all of these years about your Aunt and Uncle about how they had treated your well. It is amazing still that your Aunt and Uncle would send greeting cards to your parents with whom they were on bad terms. Clearly, your Aunt and Uncle are very decent people.

Clearly, your Aunt deeply cares about you and your Brother for her to feel badly herself for not getting you out of there sooner than she did. Everything happens in its own good time, and perhaps now was the right stage for everyone for you and your Brother to come to where your Aunt and Uncle are. We cannot beat ourselves up about timing, but at least you are with people who want to be there for you which is more than what most people have in their lives.

I will say you are giving me a lot more credit than I probably deserve. All I really had to do was put into Google my final destination and say I want to take public transportation and it immediately gave me the routes to take with all the transfers and everything. Even Finn was able to understand it to a more basic level.

I disagree with you here because the fact that you were able to comprehend the instructions and go to where you needed to go was impressive. What you did was not a small thing, and you went on a cross country trip with no adult help which is not easy. The fact that you nearly made it to your relatives' house without any problems is amazing.

Once you are mentally ready, then I think you will do well in school. Over the long-term I am sure where you are will prepare you in life to get into a good career. Based upon what I have seen I think once you are in a good school, focus on your studies, and stay around good people, then the sky is the limit for you. You are really capable, and you are going to do well in life without a doubt. Plus, you seem like a nice person which makes your situation all the more better since you are already intelligent.

I can tell you that our parents were not being that smart when they chose our names. I like the meanings behind them but they didn't have a clue what they meant when they chose them

Oh well, even if your parents simply had chosen your names at random at least your names are good ones and somehow reflect your personalities. It is amazing how pearls of wisdom can be found in the most unlikely of places, and perhaps your parents had some flickers of sense as you boys were being named.

I do like your names, and your name in particular is a good one. "Alexander/Alex" is a really common name, and your name's variation of it is tasteful while still being different in a good way. I have seen "Zander" spelled with a "Z" and an "X" both of which are correct. If your parents did only one good thing in your life, then it was to give you a good name.

[Zndr]

It does make me feel bad when you say that Finn has "lost everything he has ever known and will hold onto you for dear life until he knows that what is around him is safe and for real." I do feel somewhat responsible for pulling him away from everything he knows.

I dont have a problem letting him sleep with me. He can keep doing it as long as he needs to. Its just good to know its ok for him to sleep with me. You did bring up the the sort of awkward point about needing some private time to...relieve myself...you know?

I also do want to talk to my aunt and uncle about my past and getting tested but I dont want to talk about it in front of Finn. I try my best to keep those details away from him. The only positive I can see to having him there is maybe he would see me opening up to them and trusting them.

He didn't have a lot of toys back home. Toys became something that we started getting less and less as time went on. He did like his toy cars. He did bring his favorite stuffed animal with him so at least he has that.

I didn't mean I was going to totally ignore our cousin or anything like that. I just meant instead of trying to get Finn to interact with him, I think he will choose to initiate these conversations with Finn instead and show off his stuff to him when he's ready. I'm still trying to interact with my cousin when I see him though.

One thing they did tell me is that before we came they were planning on getting a puppy. They said they will wait now but I'm wondering if maybe it would be a good idea to do this. It might help Finn adjust to this new life but I'm not sure.

Also as bed time will be approaching in a couple of hours and I think I'm going to start to use that time to talk with Finn about how hes doing every day since we're alone and he can speak freely. Is there anything in particular I should talk to him about beyond working with him to build trust among our new family?

[Second Chance]

It does make me feel bad when you say that Finn has "lost everything he has ever known and will hold onto you for dear life until he knows that what is around him is safe and for real." I do feel somewhat responsible for pulling him away from everything he knows.

It is never my intention to make anyone feel badly. However, the reality is that the two of you have left everything you have known and are starting a new life that I hope will work out for the two of you.

I dont have a problem letting him sleep with me. He can keep doing it as long as he needs to. Its just good to know its ok for him to sleep with me. You did bring up the the sort of awkward point about needing some private time to...relieve myself...you know?

As long as you are all right sleeping with your Brother, then that works out. If you ever feel uncomfortable doing so, then it is best to talk with him to explain how you feel and if there is a compromise that can be worked out.

As for private time you may need, I would suggest doing so in the shower. There should be no reason why you and your Brother are showering together since that is time when you both should be apart. If your Brother insists on being in the bathroom while you shower, then that is fine, but just make sure you pull the shower curtain or close the shower door while you masturbate. There should be no reason why someone as young as your Brother should see you do that or even learn about masturbating until he is in puberty.

I also do want to talk to my aunt and uncle about my past and getting tested but I dont want to talk about it in front of Finn. I try my best to keep those details away from him. The only positive I can see to having him there is maybe he would see me opening up to them and trusting them.

I would talk to your relatives about your concerns, and since your Brother is your shadow at this point he will see you doing so. Eventually, when you are alone with your relatives you should bring up the whole issue about STD testing since I think it would be the safest thing to do since you are sexually active.

He didn't have a lot of toys back home. Toys became something that we started getting less and less as time went on. He did like his toy cars. He did bring his favorite stuffed animal with him so at least he has that.

At this stage my recommendation is to ask your relatives if your Brother can get some toy cars or something small so that he has something with which to play. Just keep things basic and for your Brother to have enough things to keep him occupied. You do not want your Brother to go into your cousin's things, and it is best that your Brother has his own toys to avoid that.

I didn't mean I was going to totally ignore our cousin or anything like that. I just meant instead of trying to get Finn to interact with him, I think he will choose to initiate these conversations with Finn instead and show off his stuff to him when he's ready. I'm still trying to interact with my cousin when I see him though.

It is great that you are interacting with your cousin, and you can do so gradually. Since you are older it is best that you set a good example by showing an interest in the kid. Hopefully, your Brother will be able to open up to your cousin and gradually become friends with him since they are the same age.

One thing they did tell me is that before we came they were planning on getting a puppy. They said they will wait now but I'm wondering if maybe it would be a good idea to do this. It might help Finn adjust to this new life but I'm not sure.

I would not get involved in the whole puppy decision, and let the adults figure things out. Dogs are very expensive since they need vaccinations, food, house training, and all sorts of attention. Now that two kids suddenly showed up in the house there are additional expenses that need to be met which is going to most likely delay any dog purchase. Let your relatives figure this out, and I would not get involved in this discussion since the adults have to determine if they can afford such an undertaking. If they can get a puppy, then that is great; if they need to hold off on doing so, then that is a decision you have to trust.

Also as bed time will be approaching in a couple of hours and I think I'm going to start to use that time to talk with Finn about how hes doing every day since we're alone and he can speak freely. Is there anything in particular I should talk to him about beyond working with him to build trust among our new family?

I would say to your Brother to build up trust in his new surrounding and to be open with those around him since there is absolutely no indication that the people around you are deceitful or lying to you folks in anyway. I would bring up with him the reality that there will come a point when you both will need to go to school and that it is all right if you both are apart. You should orientate him that trusting people like your relatives, teachers, and the authorities is the proper thing to do. I would emphasize to him the absolute importance of an education because without it one will go no where. Besides that, it will be awkward if your cousin goes to school and your Brother does not which is not a good thing. You both have to fit in with your family especially if your relatives both have to go to work and cannot take time off to stay home with both you and your Brother. I would say the most important thing you can teach your Brother is that this change is a positive one and that he should not be afraid of what is around him and to accept your relatives who clearly have gone out of their way to help you both. Teaching your Brother to be flexible and understanding as well as to realize your relatives seem good is what you can do. Being a bridge between your relatives and your Brother is the ideal thing you can do. Ultimately, it will need to be the adults who care for your Brother since they are the responsible parties.


I am really glad that both you and your Brother are safe and that you ultimately were able to link up with your relatives who I am confident will help you unconditionally and will provide you with a good home. The purpose of this thread has fulfilled its purpose now that you are away from your abusive parents and are with people who genuinely care about you. I wish you all the best in the future, and I hope that everything works out for both you and your Brother. You seem to have a lot of capabilities, and you will do fine in the environment you now live.

[Zndr]

Second Chance Your last post, the end of it. Did I do something wrong? It just suddenly seemed like you were done with me. Just suddenly said goodbye or something. I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong

[Second Chance]

Second Chance Your last post, the end of it. Did I do something wrong? It just suddenly seemed like you were done with me. Just suddenly said goodbye or something. I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong

You have done absolutely nothing wrong, and you are totally fine as a person. Do not second guess yourself, and I would not read too much into my words.

All I am saying is that you have achieved your goal of finding your relatives and living with them. You have done very well, and you have done something extraordinary finding your family and keeping your Brother safe at the same time. Now you have to make use of those around you in real life such as your relatives, social services, school counselors, and others of good will in your area to get yourself all right. It will be a process to get all right, and the most important thing is that you have to be honest and open about who you are and what your needs are. Unlike me who is a jumble of words on a screen those around you who are with you must be those on whom you place your trust and talk out your issues while developing a normal life very gradually. I am happy for you that you have found your family, and you have to devote time with them and invest the time in getting to know them and to work towards integrating with the family and the area around you. You have to start setting goals for yourself in life thinking about what you want to do as you get older and make sure you are doing things in school and outside of it to get there. You also have to make sure your Brother gets comfortable with your relatives as well.

Your ultimate challenge now that you have found your family is to ensure that you stay on the straight and narrow and do not get involved in bad things be it alcohol, drugs, premature sexuality, avoiding school, and not putting effort into life. It is not going to be easy, but it will not be impossible either. Your new family sounds really nice, and you are so lucky to have them and to live in an area that I am sure is great. Just watch out for the shadows where you are because even in paradise there are problems, and do not be a magnet for them. When you are in trouble, then talk things out especially with the responsible adults around you.

You are going to make mistakes, and you will not always have the answers. There are times when you will just want to be a kid and not be responsible for your Brother. Perhaps there will be moments when you might miss where you had grown up which is normal. It is all right not to be perfect, and use any mistakes you make as a way to build yourself up. Make sure you build a tight support structure around yourself not simply hanging out with people because they tolerate you. You need to only be around people who accept you in totality and know you as a person even if that circle of people ends up being small. It is far best to be with a small group of people who are good than a large group who are mediocre. Trust your relatives and work with them since they are your flesh and blood and seem like really nice people.

Again, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, but you have achieved your goal to get to a safe place and be with safe people. You have done a great job, and I am really confident that your family will bring out the best in you if you and your Brother allow them. This is not so much a goodbye as much as it is a congratulations on the great job you have done and how I know you will be able to work with those around you to gradually heal. Even if you have scars for many years to come those can be used as strengths to build up empathy for others as opposed to a weakness. I am very proud of the great work you have done, and continue to do what is right by working with your relatives.

[Zndr]

Sorry. I think I overreacted. I just got the feeling of abandonment when I read it and I sort of just freaked out and panicked. Thinking a bit more rationally now I think I do understand what you mean by this topic has served its original purpose. I'd still like to keep talking to you though, especially through these first few weeks. Is there some way we can do that on here that won't have to be through this topic post anymore since its not really on topic anymore?

[SouthernDude]

Sorry. I think I overreacted. I just got the feeling of abandonment when I read it and I sort of just freaked out and panicked. Thinking a bit more rationally now I think I do understand what you mean by this topic has served its original purpose. I'd still like to keep talking to you though, especially through these first few weeks. Is there some way we can do that on here that won't have to be through this topic post anymore since its not really on topic anymore?

You guys may keep talking through VM (Virtual Message), which you can do by going to his profile page, typing in your message in the text box, and hitting enter.

If you have any other questions, feel free to send me a Private Message

As this thread has served it's purpose, :locked2: