I don't feel normal

[MatveiBehnke]

I feel everyday I want to think about what I want to achieve in my life but struggle with procrastinating and stemming because of autism, I feel like I will run around a lot and I have a hard time when it comes to Russian, I will watch a lot of Russian videos randomly and look through my social media with Russian, talk to my parents in Russian every time I wake up, but that still doesn't help me feel confident, something doesn't feel right, I constantly have anxiety with how to properly lay out a routine for learning vocabulary of Russian or how to improve upon it, I do very good with grammar but vocabulary I have been trying to catch up as I looked for other ways to learn it alternatively instead of relying on apps.

It feels everyday, I only focus on that one thing and I know in my body, I want to achieve it and its the thing I want to do, the only thing in my life I have accomplished the most.

Its like my drive to accomplish is stuck inside my body is waiting but I can't get it out, I worry a lot but my family truly will never realize how much I am scared of when I wake up everyday or have to think about everyday, if anyone can truly know what I feel or open up about similar things, I'd love to know.

[Bluebyrd]

Please recognise that you're only 15. What you've accomplished already is amazing. There's people who will go an entire lifetime without even attempting to pick up a skill as complex as you have, not to mention reaching the level that you have. Advice for learning vocabulary that I can give you is to try and embed it into your everyday life as much as possible. As I'm sure you already know, visual links are vital in learning anything. If you see an everyday object that you don't know, find out what it is in Russian there and then. Every time you see that item, make the link between the image and the word. That way it will become embedded in your memory. I'm not sure what exactly you're scared of (perhaps you could expand on that) but you have so much time. Keep working hard but try not to stress about it too much.