Suicide or more insidious

[DeadEyes]

Going and killing yourself requires a direct decision that can be hard to take (fortunately or not, otherwise there would be more people doing it).
So those who say you got to be a coward to kill yourself are in fact, in my opinion, both right and wrong actually.
It does take courage to take the decision and go on with the direct action and so, in that aspect they are wrong.
But it's an "easy" way out, you basically give up, on life and it's difficulties but also on people surrounding you and so, in that aspect they are right.
But what is far more insidious and I suppouse more cowardly, is to actually let yourself die.
I have this nasty wound on the left leg that I took care of but got infected anyway.
I'm seriously considering to not get antibiotics and let myself die from it.

[DeadEyes]

Don't be lazy, take your antibiotics and whatnot. There are people with greater problems than a leg infection here :L

The wound is not the cause, I never said I wanted to die BECAUSE of the wound but that I wanted to let myself die from it (so please get a clue before posting stupidities?)
This sudden "depression" and the will to let myself die is due to the death of both my mother and boyfriend (as well as his mother) in the past few days.

[Bmble_B]

Yea please take your antibiotics, I don't want anyone to die D: Don't give up on life, there may be ups and downs but it's all worth it in the end
Im so sorry about your recent losses as well, but please stay strong and stay here with us. We are all here to help you in your time of need.

[DeadEyes]

Yea please take your antibiotics, I don't want anyone to die D: Don't give up on life, there may be ups and downs but it's all worth it in the end
Im so sorry about your recent losses as well, but please stay strong and stay here with us. We are all here to help you in your time of need.

I don't mean to be cynical but I will be anyway, if you knew how many times I've heard and read this kind of things you would probably be as amused as I am.
I know you mean to be empathetic and I don't mean to be rude in return but god damn this speach sounds so generic, honestly, as if it ever helped anyone.
I want to die since I'm ten so now sounds like a good time to follow the only reasons I had to live into death.
Unfortunately this thought is unrealistic since I've had a similar issue (with my other leg which is awfully scarred now) and never even came close to die after not treating the infection at all for 2 years, so it would take forever.
By the way you guys said take your antibiotics but I have none, I'd have to go see the doctor 1st and I won't (not anytime soon anyway).

[Bmble_B]

I don't mean to be cynical but I will be anyway, if you knew how many times I've heard and read this kind of things you would probably be as amused as I am.
I know you mean to be empathetic and I don't mean to be rude in return but god damn this speach sounds so generic, honestly, as if it ever helped anyone.
I want to die since I'm ten so now sounds like a good time to follow the only reasons I had to live into death.
Unfortunately this thought is unrealistic since I've had a similar issue (with my other leg which is awfully scarred now) and never even came close to die after not treating the infection at all for 2 years, so it would take forver.
By the way yo guys said take your antibiotics but I have none, I'd have to go see the doctor 1st and I won't (not anytime soon anyway).
:( ......

[DeadEyes]

:( ......

Don't worry though, people die everyday, death is a part of life.
Sincerely, who cares if I die? Certainly not me.
Now that everyone who would care died, I'm free to die as well.
But hey, you're 13 and you will go on for years even if you do struggle with depression (not saying you do) but there is something called the breaking point and I think I've reached it.

[Bmble_B]

Don't worry though, people die everyday, death is a part of life.
Sincerely, who cares if I die? Certainly not me.
Now that everyone who would care died, I'm free to die as well.
But hey, you're 13 and you will go on for years even if you do struggle with depression (not saying you do) but there is something called the breaking point and I think I've reached it.
What Im trying to say is try to get pass that breaking point. I understand that you're at a critical part of your life, but don't succumb to what life throws at you. (I know this is easier said than done and I don't and will never understand how u feel. Just try....for my sake. I know I barely know you but whenever somebody dies it kills me a little more inside. Knowing that death is everywhere, but sometimes people have the choice to avoid it, or welcome it)

[DeadEyes]

What Im trying to say is try to get pass that breaking point. I understand that you're at a critical part of your life, but don't succumb to what life throws at you. (I know this is easier said than done and I don't and will never understand how u feel. Just try....for my sake. I know I barely know you but whenever somebody dies it kills me a little more inside. Knowing that death is everywhere, but sometimes people have the choice to avoid it, or welcome it)

Well technically once it's broken it's over, that's it. That or you put the pieces back together and carry on but you know what, I had to pick the pieces and glue them back together a bit too often for my liking so sincerely, while I do agree you should stand strong face to whatever life throws at you, enough is enough.
I've always hated life and now I'm fucking fed up of taking whatever shit it throws at me and I know you're 13 and I don't mean to try to break your moral but honestly, no, it doesn't worth it. There is no reason nor any point to life and as useless as it it, my own life is even more.
I am absolutely lucid about this and don't worry, I got all the help I could get from professionals (and all the pills that comes along with it) but there's no helping it:
I despise life at the fulest and I do love death.
Well said there, was a nice sentence and to quote Fear Factory "I welcome death with open arms".

[Bmble_B]

Well technically once it's broken it's over, that's it. That or you put the pieces back together and carry on but you know what, I had to pick the pieces and glue them back together a bit too often for my liking so sincerely, while I do agree you should stand strong face to whatever life throws at you, enough is enough.
I've always hated life and now I'm fucking fed up of taking whatever shit it throws at me and I know you're 13 and I don't mean to try to break your moral but honestly, no, it doesn't worth it. There is no reason nor any point to life and as useless as it it, my own life is even more.
I am absolutely lucid about this and don't worry, I got all the help I could get from professionals (and all the pills that comes along with it) but there's no helping it:
I despise life at the fulest and I do love death.
Well said there, was a nice sentence and to quote Fear Factory "I welcome death with open arms".
My moral is to "Shoot death right in the face with a shotgun" Although you may think you've gotten all the help you can get, the truth is that you havent. If that was the case you wouldn't want to take your own life. I know you may have completely given up on urself, but I havent given up on you.

[DeadEyes]

My moral is to "Shoot death right in the face with a shotgun" Although you may think you've gotten all the help you can get, the truth is that you havent. If that was the case you wouldn't want to take your own life. I know you may have completely given up on urself, but I havent given up on you.

You do not seem to believe in the meaning of the word hopeless do you? Well you better start because I am hopeless. No one can do anything for me, nobody could ever really make it better and nobody will now for sure.
There must be things that you hate right? Maybe you're not much of an hater but there has to be at least one thing you do hate?
I kind of am an hater but not really, in fact I became cold and careless towards pretty much everything and everyone but I do hate life, With a passion.
You may think I'm just messed up because life hasn't been kind to me but no, it even hasn't been that bad, I just despise it. I'm nihilistic, misanthropic, cynical and sarcastic at best (you may want to google a few of those words) and my hate for life is visceraly deeply rooted. (rereading myself now and thinking why the fuck I'm I still alive posting on a god damn forum now).

[Bmble_B]

You do not seem to believe in the meaning of the word hopeless do you? Well you better start because I am hopeless. No one can do anything for me, nobody could ever really make it better and nobody will now for sure.
There must be things that you hate right? Maybe you're not much of an hater but there has to be at least one thing you do hate?
I kind of am an hater but not really, in fact I became cold and careless towards pretty much everything and everyone but I do hate life, With a passion.
You may think I'm just messed up because life hasn't been kind to me but no, it even hasn't been that bad, I just despise it. I'm nihilistic, misanthropic, cynical and sarcastic at best (you may want to google a few of those words) and my hate for life is visceraly deeply rooted. (rereading myself now and thinking why the fuck I'm I still alive posting on a god damn forum now).
Lol (that was kind of an insult to my intelligence but dont worry its all good) I know what all of those mean. To be honest, Im the complete opposite of all of those. I just love life and I feel that you should try to sit down and think, is this what i really want to do? Im being serious right now, Im really trying to help u and I dont want to see u throw ur life away. I would absolutely cry if I found out anything happened to you. I know that I don't know you at all, but...I just can't explain it.:(

[DeadEyes]

Lol (that was kind of an insult to my intelligence but dont worry its all good) I know what all of those mean. To be honest, Im the complete opposite of all of those. I just love life and I feel that you should try to sit down and think, is this what i really want to do? Im being serious right now, Im really trying to help u and I dont want to see u throw ur life away. I would absolutely cry if I found out anything happened to you. I know that I don't know you at all, but...I just can't explain it.:(

Alright,
my bad for presuming you didn't know the meaning of such words because you are only 13 but that's impressive, I surely didn't know them when I was your age.
Complete opposite you say, you bet, you would cry for a stranger while I wouldn't cry for somebody dear to me (didn't cry about them dying and I won't either).
I know you're trying to help and I appropriate it but in fact, this is working inversely, the more I do think and write about it the more I want to die (it's like talking about food you crave or masturbation when you feel like it you know).
So, I guess I'll just leave right now, play some videogame and keep on planning my moving out (of apartment that is).

[Bmble_B]

Alright,
my bad for presuming you didn't know the meaning of such words because you are only 13 but that's impressive, I surely didn't know them when I was your age.
Complete opposite you say, you bet, you would cry for a stranger while I wouldn't cry for somebody dear to me (didn't cry about them dying and I won't either).
I know you're trying to help and I appropriate it but in fact, this is working inversely, the more I do think and write about it the more I want to die (it's like talking about food you crave or masturbation when you feel like it you know).
So, I guess I'll just leave right now, play some videogame and keep on planning my moving out (of apartment that is).
Ok dude peace, stay strong...

[ksdnfkfr]

The wound is not the cause, I never said I wanted to die BECAUSE of the wound but that I wanted to let myself die from it

You might have more of a chance of ending up with an amputated leg.

[DeadEyes]

You might have more of a chance of ending up with an amputated leg.

Oh my young friend, the thing is I would never let them cut it off, rather die from it as I said and if it did reach that point then I'd be glad: I may have no more reason to live but I'd have one to die then.

[Karkat]

Alright,
my bad for presuming you didn't know the meaning of such words because you are only 13 but that's impressive, I surely didn't know them when I was your age.
Complete opposite you say, you bet, you would cry for a stranger while I wouldn't cry for somebody dear to me (didn't cry about them dying and I won't either).
I know you're trying to help and I appropriate it but in fact, this is working inversely, the more I do think and write about it the more I want to die (it's like talking about food you crave or masturbation when you feel like it you know).
So, I guess I'll just leave right now, play some videogame and keep on planning my moving out (of apartment that is).

I understand how that goes. I still think your attitude is a bit misguided, but I can entirely relate to it, so I'm not gonna push you.

Good on you, go distract yourself. Sometimes the mundanity of simply being alive helps.

[DeadEyes]

I understand how that goes. I still think your attitude is a bit misguided, but I can entirely relate to it, so I'm not gonna push you.

Good on you, go distract yourself. Sometimes the mundanity of simply being alive helps.

Right, got to take my mind off it and focus on tasks otherwise I will be doing it. The big issue though is I know where this is leading me: Alone in my new small apartment, left to myself with nothing to really take care of. Then I will end up doing it.

[Karkat]

Right, got to take my mind off it and focus on tasks otherwise I will be doing it. The big issue though is I know where this is leading me: Alone in my new small apartment, left to myself with nothing to really take care of. Then I will end up doing it.

Yeah. That's tough. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. I just hope that things work out for you.

[DeadEyes]

Lol (that was kind of an insult to my intelligence but dont worry its all good) I know what all of those mean. To be honest, Im the complete opposite of all of those. I just love life and I feel that you should try to sit down and think, is this what i really want to do? Im being serious right now, Im really trying to help u and I dont want to see u throw ur life away. I would absolutely cry if I found out anything happened to you. I know that I don't know you at all, but...I just can't explain it.:(

Well,
I must add that it's just adorable, we may be complete opposite but I can appreciate the fact you can get so touched & concern about the distress of somebody, I would say you are over sensitive and that you shouldn't care so much, but I must also admit your sensibility is beautiful.
Stay warm my boy.

[Bmble_B]

Well,
I must add that it's just adorable, we may be complete opposite but I can appreciate the fact you can get so touched & concern about the distress of somebody, I would say you are over sensitive and that you shouldn't care so much, but I must also admit your sensibility is beautiful.
Stay warm my boy.
Thx! :D Alot of people say that I do have a warm heart :rolleyes:
But in the end, I hope I atleats helped you a little bit?

[DeadEyes]

Thx! :D Alot of people say that I do have a warm heart :rolleyes:
But in the end, I hope I atleats helped you a little bit?

Sure, any encouragement is appreciated.
Doesn't change anything to the situation but it's good to have people to share with.

[imthomas]

I know the feeling but please do not let yourself die

[DeadEyes]

Just to add to the message from my other thread,
As I was saying, I could be dead or my wound could have gone real bad and nobody would care, I do know some people will feel the need to post usual comments out of respect, to give encouragements and whatnot which is fine, but don't expect anybody to believe that you really do care when you give any sort of encouragement, condolences or try to dissuade someone from suiciding.
I have no doubt that many of you just want to help but then again, as I was saying in my other thread, you want to make yourself useful and that's not a bad thing, except it's more for your self-worth than to actually help.
Besides, it would just seem unfit to not post a few usual comments when seeing a thread from somebody who lost someone and/or wants to die.
Point is, that doesn't mean and you care and you shouldn't expect people to believe you do.