Coming out as Asexual

[ninja789]

Hi :)
So I have this friend we will call Lenny and he has known he was asexual for about 2 years now. Anyway his mum has actually been pressuring him to get a girlfriend but he always just said none were interested. At Christmas time she decided he was gay and was asking all of his friends whether he was or not (she is a proper psycho) so I convinced him to tell his mum he was asexual. So I was sat in the living room when he did but his place is pretty open plan so I could hear their conversation. Anyways her response was:

"that's not a real thing"

just wondering how other asexuals did coming out to there parents.
so if any of you guys read this and want to share be sure a brief account of your experience thanks :)

[DiamondsGirl]

I *think* I'm asexual and I also have "proper psycho" parents. They don't pressure me to get a boyfriend though and I plan to never ever tell them. However assuming all "proper psycho" parents think alike, I think that response is to be expected. He could have armed himself with a ton of medical articles or phone various counselors and doctors, she would still say 'it's not a real thing'. From mini examples you provide in your post I can see that this mother is a controlling type and maybe deep down in her heart she does not trust her son. Well, who does she trust then?

There must be someone whose opinion she really listens to. In my mom's case, that's her circle of idiotic friends. In our argument whether to neuter my dog or not, me and my set of scientific articles lost to her friend's baseless opinion that says "neutering procedure includes cutting off the dog's tail, and therefore not the best thing to do". My dog is still intact to this day.

IMO if you can you should talk to an older family member or someone else who this mother respects. Make them understand your friend's situation and explain that unless they're the one who does the talking, then your friend would never really get anywhere. Often, with these kind of parents, that's really the only way to go.

Good luck! x

[ninja789]

I *think* I'm asexual and I also have "proper psycho" parents. They don't pressure me to get a boyfriend though and I plan to never ever tell them. However assuming all "proper psycho" parents think alike, I think that response is to be expected. He could have armed himself with a ton of medical articles or phone various counselors and doctors, she would still say 'it's not a real thing'. From mini examples you provide in your post I can see that this mother is a controlling type and maybe deep down in her heart she does not trust her son. Well, who does she trust then?

There must be someone whose opinion she really listens to. In my mom's case, that's her circle of idiotic friends. In our argument whether to neuter my dog or not, me and my set of scientific articles lost to her friend's baseless opinion that says "neutering procedure includes cutting off the dog's tail, and therefore not the best thing to do". My dog is still intact to this day.

IMO if you can you should talk to an older family member or someone else who this mother respects. Make them understand your friend's situation and explain that unless they're the one who does the talking, then your friend would never really get anywhere. Often, with these kind of parents, that's really the only way to go.

Good luck! x
Thanks that's really helpful :)
I will google some stuff with him. Never thought of that
Our Mums are part of the same idiot group haha
As far as I know she doesn't trust anyone really but I don't know her very well

[ScottishCanary]

I'm not asexual but I have a friend (call him Matt) who is and he had quite a bad experience with his folks saying that "asexuality isn't real" and "youjust haven't met the right person yet" and "asexuality isn't natural as sexuality is natural". Those kinds of things.

Matt is now very active in the Scottish part of a site called AVEN, I'm sure you've heard of it or at least your friend will have. Tell him to look up the "Scottish meets" on the site if he wants to get together with other asexuals, I'm sure Matt will at least say hey to him :)

[NeuroTiger]

I've never met an asexual in my life.

[backjruton]

I think I'm atleast grey-asexual but this is something else I'm still debating. I don't see how anyone can say asexuality isn't a real thing.. you literally just aren't sexually attracted to anyone, I don't see anything weird about that, but maybe I haven't understood what I read properly. Luckily my mum has never pressured me to get a girlfriend, and I'm glad because of how much it would fuck up with my head. Even if she suggested I get a boyfriend which in a way I do want but in another way I don't, I probably wouldn't be too happy to get a boyfriend because of all my overloads, I constantly crash into a random state of where I can't really control what I'm doing, and I wouldn't want to do anything to offend someone I'm in a relationship with, too much, no matter how much I love to offend my family :kitty: :D (I once got a Mothers day card saying "You're like a mum to me", imagine how that panned out... :eek:)

She shouldn't be able to force him to do something he doesn't want to, especially like that, and I think it's really stupid that someone would. It's like the stupid shit going on in EastEnders right now in the Carter family where the mum trying to force her gay son to get a girlfriend because she can't accept his sexuality. I know my mum accepts me but I'm not so sure about my dad and brother, my dad still talks to me about if I find women we pass across the street hot or not and my brother admits he finds it bad that I told him I'm sexually attracted to atleast 3 boys in my college group. I don't know much about the asexuality thing so I can't help too much about that but she should atleast be able to accept him for what he is because I know how bad that can be for the mind. On a slightly unrelated note I keep getting my brother to take autism tests online that I've taken (I know they're accurate because I've been diagnosed autistic and they all say I am) because I have suspicions he's autistic, or atleast has aspergers, and I feel that if I can prove he is I will be able to communicate with him more... I don't know, he is a lot like me so it is quite possible I guess. I also suspect this because he also makes a lot of awkward movements, stimming I guess, and I don't know if that's something only autistic people do or if everyone does it; I've confused myself a lot recently by trying to find out more about autism and the details about it. (He also scored 26/50 on the AQ test and I think the scoring said 32/50+ is likely to be autistic which caused me to think of this more) All I know is, it is possible to not have any sexual attraction and asexuality is possible so she should be able to accept it.

[ksdnfkfr]

Lots of parents want their kid to get married and give then grandchildren. That's why they flip out over something like this.

[ugaboy]

Lots of parents want their kid to get married and give then grandchildren. That's why they flip out over something like this.

Think that says it all.

[Lovelife090994]

I may be asexual, my family says I can't be since I don't know being a virgin and all.

[Lovelife090994]

Lots of parents want their kid to get married and give then grandchildren. That's why they flip out over something like this.

That says it all.

[Gigablue]

I'm reasonably sure that I'm asexual. I don't feel attracted to anyone, and never have. That could change, but I don't think it's very likely.

I don't really feel the need to come out. My parents are extremely accepting, so I don't think they would be mad or try to deny it, but I just don't really want to. Sex just seems so irrelevant to my everyday life. I don't care about it enough to bother. My parents don't pressure me to have a relationship, and don't care that I'm single.

I may tell people about it if they were to ask, but otherwise, it just isn't very important to me. I don't care about sex, so I don't really feel the need to talk about it.

[From Chris]

Hi :)
So I have this friend we will call Lenny and he has known he was asexual for about 2 years now. Anyway his mum has actually been pressuring him to get a girlfriend but he always just said none were interested. At Christmas time she decided he was gay and was asking all of his friends whether he was or not (she is a proper psycho) so I convinced him to tell his mum he was asexual. So I was sat in the living room when he did but his place is pretty open plan so I could hear their conversation. Anyways her response was:

"that's not a real thing"

just wondering how other asexuals did coming out to there parents.
so if any of you guys read this and want to share be sure a brief account of your experience thanks :)

Although i'm not Asexual myself, i understand how they feel because at one point in my life i didn't feel attracted to boys or girls for a while. I think the reason she responded with that is she doesn't understand that people can simply not be attracted to people. For someone who is attracted to someone such as herself obviously having a husband and having a child and such. However on the other hand, just because your friend is not interested in girls does not mean he is exactly asexual. Unless he hasn't had sexual or romantic interests in anyone including both boys and girls, i wouldn't put a label on him like that and 'convince' him to come out to what sounds like something he doesn't even know if he is. Sometimes parents just don't understand and it's hard to explain to them, sort of how LGBT people may have trouble explaining their own sexuality to their straight parents because they may not understand the feeling of liking the same sex. :) Hope this helps!

-Chris <3

[ninja789]

Although i'm not Asexual myself, i understand how they feel because at one point in my life i didn't feel attracted to boys or girls for a while. I think the reason she responded with that is she doesn't understand that people can simply not be attracted to people. For someone who is attracted to someone such as herself obviously having a husband and having a child and such. However on the other hand, just because your friend is not interested in girls does not mean he is exactly asexual. Unless he hasn't had sexual or romantic interests in anyone including both boys and girls, i wouldn't put a label on him like that and 'convince' him to come out to what sounds like something he doesn't even know if he is. Sometimes parents just don't understand and it's hard to explain to them, sort of how LGBT people may have trouble explaining their own sexuality to their straight parents because they may not understand the feeling of liking the same sex. :) Hope this helps!

-Chris <3
Ive known him very well since I was 12. Believe me he is haha He is kinda embarrassed by it though which is a shame but he is pretty sure he is

[ninja789]

I'm not asexual but I have a friend (call him Matt) who is and he had quite a bad experience with his folks saying that "asexuality isn't real" and "youjust haven't met the right person yet" and "asexuality isn't natural as sexuality is natural". Those kinds of things.

Matt is now very active in the Scottish part of a site called AVEN, I'm sure you've heard of it or at least your friend will have. Tell him to look up the "Scottish meets" on the site if he wants to get together with other asexuals, I'm sure Matt will at least say hey to him :)

thanks so much I will tell him that stuff goes on :)

[plebble]

Asexual definitely is a real thing, it's just quite rare

[Bolwing]

I may be asexual, my family says I can't be since I don't know being a virgin and all.

That's about as dumb as telling a homosexual person that has never had any sexual intercourse with the opposite sex that they can't be sure that they aren't attracted to the opposite sex, because they haven't tried straight sex.

(Wow, this sentence is needlessly convoluted and hard to read. I suck at putting together coherent sentences.)

Anyway, if you don't like something, chances are that you're not going to try it.

[Karkat]

Well one thing I CAN say for sure is that I'm grey-asexual. Always have been. My mom or friends would go "isn't ___ cuuute?" (normally an actor, etc.) and I never saw it. The few 'crushes' I had were more like idols than real crushes. I just really looked up to them. So if I told my mom she'd probably go all weird on me.

My mom is exactly the OPPOSITE. (Accusing me of being with someone if I ever say a single thing about marriage, kids, pregnancy, dating, anything. Forbid me to be friends with boys. Told me that having feelings for boys was sinful. Blah blah blah.) So I don't see much need to come out to her, doubt that I ever will.

I'm probably not any help, sorry.

[Lovelife090994]

That's about as dumb as telling a homosexual person that has never had any sexual intercourse with the opposite sex that they can't be sure that they aren't attracted to the opposite sex, because they haven't tried straight sex.

(Wow, this sentence is needlessly convoluted and hard to read. I suck at putting together coherent sentences.)

Anyway, if you don't like something, chances are that you're not going to try it.

I am very gray, my sexuality changes on the day. I feel more asexual some days, gay on others, and bi on a few. I even question my gender. I'm queer I know. My mother would flip if she knew. So I act and look like the average boy. I like boy stuff but I like girl stuff too. I may be confused sometimes but I know what I want and what I want to lay with later. What you said did make sense.

Well one thing I CAN say for sure is that I'm grey-asexual. Always have been. My mom or friends would go "isn't ___ cuuute?" (normally an actor, etc.) and I never saw it. The few 'crushes' I had were more like idols than real crushes. I just really looked up to them. So if I told my mom she'd probably go all weird on me.

My mom is exactly the OPPOSITE. (Accusing me of being with someone if I ever say a single thing about marriage, kids, pregnancy, dating, anything. Forbid me to be friends with boys. Told me that having feelings for boys was sinful. Blah blah blah.) So I don't see much need to come out to her, doubt that I ever will.

I'm probably not any help, sorry.

That's tough and I can get some of that. I am not sure if I want to get married, my deeply religious mother wants grandchildren. I do too, not sure how I'll have them... being gray, gay, bi-gender sometimes, not able to be me, but I know that much. I doubt I'll feel sexual to a girl ever but I don't hate girls or anything, just not my preference. I may be a virgin but my reason for staying one is my shyness and fears. I like guys more and I wish I could tell my mother. I've no one to really go to.

[Karkat]

That's tough and I can get some of that. I am not sure if I want to get married, my deeply religious mother wants grandchildren. I do too, not sure how I'll have them... being gray, gay, bi-gender sometimes, not able to be me, but I know that much. I doubt I'll feel sexual to a girl ever but I don't hate girls or anything, just not my preference. I may be a virgin but my reason for staying one is my shyness and fears. I like guys more and I wish I could tell my mother. I've no one to really go to.

That's really tough. I was so back and forth on marriage and having kids at one point in time. I felt so lost. Now that I'm with my current boyfriend, I feel much more stable, but it's still a struggle sometimes. I just remind myself that I don't have to deal with it yet.

Anyways, I know what you're going through to some extent. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. :)

[Lovelife090994]

That's really tough. I was so back and forth on marriage and having kids at one point in time. I felt so lost. Now that I'm with my current boyfriend, I feel much more stable, but it's still a struggle sometimes. I just remind myself that I don't have to deal with it yet.

Anyways, I know what you're going through to some extent. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. :)

Feeling lost is not a good feeling. Sometimes I combat mom with religious rhetoric and the words that "God loves us all. Let me and others live happily" and I still lose. I'll be in college soon as on my own, and more liberal than a bee. Not crazy, I'm still Christian and conservative but I can fight the misconceptions with love and reverse psychology; it silences many debates. Anyway, thanks and have a good day!

[Karkat]

Feeling lost is not a good feeling. Sometimes I combat mom with religious rhetoric and the words that "God loves us all. Let me and others live happily" and I still lose. I'll be in college soon as on my own, and more liberal than a bee. Not crazy, I'm still Christian and conservative but I can fight the misconceptions with love and reverse psychology; it silences many debates. Anyway, thanks and have a good day!

(Funny how religious people [especially parents] never want to hear that)

Good luck, you as well. :)

[Lovelife090994]

(Funny how religious people [especially parents] never want to hear that)

Good luck, you as well. :)

So true. Gosh people like you I can talk to for hours, but the Earth, Sol, and Luna never cease and my hours are running out for the night. Okay, good night, and thanks. We'll be in touch.

[Karkat]

So true. Gosh people like you I can talk to for hours, but the Earth, Sol, and Luna never cease and my hours are running out for the night. Okay, good night, and thanks. We'll be in touch.

XD Ok. Goodnight. :)

[ATOMICskittles]

I'm. It asexual (I'm gay) but she need to learn her fucking terminology of sexualities and STFU and accept him. Honestly she sounds like a bitch. Excuse my language guys :) but these are my feeling towards this scenario. Tell you friend that I reallllly hope all goes well with him.

[nklarke]

I don't know almost nothing about being asexual.

So, the asexuals have never masturbated?

[DiamondsGirl]

I don't know almost nothing about being asexual.

So, the asexuals have never masturbated?

I think I can answer that for you. Before I joined this forum and read through the P101 subforum, I've never masturbated. Then I felt like a boring old git and decided to try but I don't find it pleasurable. I only do it because I want the right to scream I'M OFFICIALLY A TEEN

[nklarke]

I think I can answer that for you. Before I joined this forum and read through the P101 subforum, I've never masturbated. Then I felt like a boring old git and decided to try but I don't find it pleasurable. I only do it because I want the right to scream I'M OFFICIALLY A TEEN

Thanks for answering.