Adamant
January 8th, 2020, 04:40 PM
Not sure this is worth a whole thread but here goes....
My parents got me to watch a programme they recorded a while back about domestic abuse. It was a horrible watch but they were right it did help me understand a few things about my past ( before my adoption).
So I discovered
Its more common that you might think:(:(:(
It happens to men as well as women
it helped me to realise that the first tactic of an abuser is to cut off contact with the abused persons family.
I never knew anyone in my mum's family and I guess that's the reason why.
When I was first put in care I longed for a relative of my mum to come and find me and take me away and love me but nobody ever did. That made me feel really bad. I suppose that's just normal in that situation. It wasn't me being unlovable.
I know from all the anti-bullying lessons at school that nobody deserves to be bullied but it took this programme for me to realise that maybe my mum once was probably a happy , lovely and maybe popular person with lots going for her.. The guy in the programme who was abused was just an ordinary nice guy who was in love with the woman who almost killed him.
This is really important to me as I had/have messed up feelings about my birth mum. I have always loved her as I know she did her best for me but there is loads of hurt and sadness and a bit of anger and a lot of guilt too.
My birth dad is a violent bully ( maybe actually a sadist?) and a not very successful criminal and my mum couldn't cope when we ran away and she was drinking too much and when I was in care she committed suicide.
Now I can imagine my mum as once being someone completely different that I can be proud of. Of course I am desperately sad that she never got the help she needed to turn her life around like the guy in the programme so I have actually been very down in the last few days but...
This is going to sound really selfish but its given me hope. Maybe there are positive things I have inherited from my mum and I don't have to be so worried about turning out like my parents seemed to be. TBH I know its going to sound weird but I have been so worried about what I might end up like being based on my experience of my birth parents.
The programme was horrible (that's why I haven't given a link) but actually has given me some hope.
I guess I just need to add that I my now parents are really loving and great and I just hope I pick up some good stuff from them.
My parents got me to watch a programme they recorded a while back about domestic abuse. It was a horrible watch but they were right it did help me understand a few things about my past ( before my adoption).
So I discovered
Its more common that you might think:(:(:(
It happens to men as well as women
it helped me to realise that the first tactic of an abuser is to cut off contact with the abused persons family.
I never knew anyone in my mum's family and I guess that's the reason why.
When I was first put in care I longed for a relative of my mum to come and find me and take me away and love me but nobody ever did. That made me feel really bad. I suppose that's just normal in that situation. It wasn't me being unlovable.
I know from all the anti-bullying lessons at school that nobody deserves to be bullied but it took this programme for me to realise that maybe my mum once was probably a happy , lovely and maybe popular person with lots going for her.. The guy in the programme who was abused was just an ordinary nice guy who was in love with the woman who almost killed him.
This is really important to me as I had/have messed up feelings about my birth mum. I have always loved her as I know she did her best for me but there is loads of hurt and sadness and a bit of anger and a lot of guilt too.
My birth dad is a violent bully ( maybe actually a sadist?) and a not very successful criminal and my mum couldn't cope when we ran away and she was drinking too much and when I was in care she committed suicide.
Now I can imagine my mum as once being someone completely different that I can be proud of. Of course I am desperately sad that she never got the help she needed to turn her life around like the guy in the programme so I have actually been very down in the last few days but...
This is going to sound really selfish but its given me hope. Maybe there are positive things I have inherited from my mum and I don't have to be so worried about turning out like my parents seemed to be. TBH I know its going to sound weird but I have been so worried about what I might end up like being based on my experience of my birth parents.
The programme was horrible (that's why I haven't given a link) but actually has given me some hope.
I guess I just need to add that I my now parents are really loving and great and I just hope I pick up some good stuff from them.