Should be happy, but I'm not

[eeee]

I have a great situation right now. I'm in a wonderful relationship, my home life is pretty decent, I have quite a few friends (not a ton, but a good many). Basically things are as great as I can hope for. But in the past 3 days, I've had major major major but relatively short "attacks" of depression (which is odd because depression doesn't "attack", it normally just continues) where I get really really down on myself.

I can list so so so many things that I see wrong with myself. For the longest time, I believed that it was just negativity speaking and that I was alright. But lately, especially after talking to friends, I'm starting to think that everything I see wrong about myself is true.

I can't deal with anything alone or I flip out, so I've been bugging the ever-living hell out of my friends and I can't keep doing that. So to be honest... I have no idea what to do.

[radsniper]

find a close friend and talk about everything and find a good way to vent other than that person in case they aren't there

[eeee]

I've vented to a few close friends. But I'm having trouble finding an alternative.

[eeee]

Ok I've had a good day today. If it comes back later in the week I'll talk to my parents about seeing a therapist. I'm just a little worried because money's tight right now.

[Tarannosaurus]

Ok I've had a good day today. If it comes back later in the week I'll talk to my parents about seeing a therapist. I'm just a little worried because money's tight right now.

Glad that you're feeling better today :) Depending on where you live you might be able to see a counsellor/therapist for free.

[eeee]

Ok it's starting to come back. Mainly I'm scared that what I have won't last next year. I'm scared that I'll never be happy again.

[Tarannosaurus]

Ok it's starting to come back. Mainly I'm scared that what I have won't last next year. I'm scared that I'll never be happy again.

It doesn't sound like your friends are being very helpful, is there anyone else you can talk to? Thinking about the future can be terrifying, but since we don't actually know what will happen, it's best to try not to think about it. The same goes for the past, take things one day at a time and don't look too far back or ahead. People always go on about the light at the end of the tunnel but it can be really hard to see it. So if at this time you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, try just focusing on the present.

[DeadEyes]

Depression does not necessarily need a reason to get you,
It's not because you have a fine life that you can't feel depressed since it's a state of mind and you can be that way no matter what is surrounding you.
The again it might be so because it's chemical and then nothing will do except meds prescribed by a therapist.
Don't even be worried about how it may cost, it's a question of life and death and your parents better not hesitate because as harsh as it may sound, they will end up finding you dead.
And regretting they didn't get the help you needed for as long as they live.

[ksdnfkfr]

Depression is an illness, not a just mood.

[imthomas]

I know the feeling. Sometimes I just feel like I can't be happy

[Fanta_Lover44]

Open up to some people and tell them problems, it will help and make you feel better once someone knows and then they can help you as best as the can. You got to keep your head up high, and forget about all your troubles. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[Stepney]

I have that, too. It especially happens when I can't do something. (I have bodily issues, and often am short of any sort of energy, honestly, there are times I can't stand up.) When I think like that, I often will find myself thinking about the entire opposite. Telling myself I'm ugly, which snaps me back to mad with myself, thus ending the thought. I always think back to a unseen in many years cartoon from my childhood. (Would write it... but I know haw I go on and on...) I, however, found it at greatest stress when I was tired, (Often.) I sometimes just sit for half an hour silently, helps clear my head. Wish you the best of luck, keep your head up!

[eeee]

Wow, I forgot to log on for a week and come back to this amazing sympathy! Thank you guys so much.

My friends actually have helped a LOT! I'm just being difficult.

I have therapy starting in about 10 days. I think the main problem is self-esteem. The problem is that instead of most people who have self-esteem issues because of abuse/bullying/chemical imbalance, but between what I've observed from other people or observed from myself or heard from other people, I think that my insecurities are real, not just something my brain has come up with.

[eeee]

It's gotten worse. The more and more I know about what other people think of me the less I like it. I've done something to make 2 of my friend's friends (who were also somewhat my friends) hate me and I don't even know what, and most other are just generally annoyed by me and dislike me.

And I know I must be bugging my friends to hell trying to get some support.