Problems in relationships

[BurntToast]

I was sexually abused when I was a child, and so I have issues with being touched and trusting people. It’s really bad when it comes to relationships. In all my relationships I have been described as distant and cold. I don’t like giving hugs and being cuddled and I don’t like kisses and being touched on my body and I don’t like expressing my feelings and opening up. I guess when I think about it there’s no point in me being in a relationship if I can’t do those things, right?
I feel angry about it. Because I want to be open and touchy but all of me is saying NO. I don’t want to change, I feel like I’ll be vulnerable and then I’ll be used all over again. I just want to feel safe and out of reach of being controlled and taken advantage of. But it’s like if I don’t change then I’ll never be happy in relationships. And currently I’m with this guy who is amazing but I can feel us not working out because of me.
I wonder if anyone else has the same problem? Or at least some advice?

[Gone Away]

I don't have that problem and really all I can tell you to do is get some professional help for this. I really think that is the only thing that is going to break this for you. I really have no answers on how to break that sort of anxiety and phobia you have of being touched because of the awful trauma you had to go through in your childhood. The only people I think that can help you with that sort of thing is people who are trained in that sort of thing.

[ska8er]

U have past experiences that troubles
u in getting close with people and starting
or getting into relationships. I would say
that try to make some kind of social contact
that would get u acquainted in making friends
which may lead to a relationship. Once u get
closer u can bring ur past and then tell them
that u need support cause things that happened
when u were small. If they like u as a friend they
will understand.

[Adamant]

I don't know how old you are or who you are living with now or what country yiou are fromso maybe what i say doesn't really relate to your situation but,,,
I was physically abused by my birth dad ( quite badly ) but not sexually. I have also had some messy foster placements but I am adopted now and its going well. My now dad is great but it tookk me about 3 years before I was able to let him hug me. Fortunately I could accept hugs from my now mum.
I am also a bit scared about relationships in real life.
So I guess I am saying that its not suprising you have those issues. Don't blame yourself for having them.
If you are under 18 in the uK find a school counsellor or someone you can trust.
Maybe a doctor can suggest some therapy or something.
All I can really say is good luck. For me things got better. Don't lose hope!

[ceto2]

I had a very horrible be who beated me up put a knife to my throat push me in the road and other stuff. I ended the relationship between us. Nearly killed my self as I was so hurt but doctors helped me so much.

[Ben7]

I was also abused quite a bit physically and sexually years ago so I definitely understand what you mean. My advice is to first try to talk to someone - be it a therapist/counselor or someone else that you trust in your life (i.e. a friend, or parent/guardian, a teacher, cousin, other relative, etc). Talking about it with someone can help a lot. It's probably not going to be easy to talk about it at first, perhaps you may need time - maybe months or a year or longer before you feel comfortable talking about it and that's fine. Just be patient with yourself. But at some point either in the near or distant future, talking about it will help a lot I think. In the meantime just take it one day at a time and just do your best when interacting with other people, always trying to keep in mind that they are probably not going to be jerks and that they probably aren't someone you need to be afraid of. Hope all goes well for you, good luck!