Parent Abuse

[Ineedyou]

Hello,

I'm 19 years old and I need some serious advice, I think my parents are mentally abusing me and I don't know what to do.

Just some background, When I was a teen I was pretty depressed and sad most of the time. It just wasn't a good place in time for me. Now, at 19 I have a job doing what I love (video editing) and I'm making a good living on it, I'm genuinely happy with where I am now, but the problem comes with my parents.

My parents have always been super controlling over me, they monitor my bank account, have to always know where I am, and are always nosy about everything... but the past few months it's ramped up.

I've been going back and forth with my parents fighting for a few weeks now because I'm sick of them being so controlling. We fight almost non stop and it just go to the point where I try to avoid them because I don't want to deal with the stress and fighting anymore, because everytime we do fight they end up taking my computer which I need to work. (I've been late for work many times because they take my computer). So since avoiding them, they seem to have gotten more and more insane.

They told me I need to talk to them but I refuse. They have locked me in my room with them blocking the door, they took my car keys, they threatened to shut down my bank account, and they threaten to take all my stuff.

I'm at a loss of what I can do at this point, I think the only solution is moving out but I need some advice or other perspectives.

[BlackParadePixie]

You're 19....an adult...move out.
Your parents sound crazy, tbh... you're over 18 and should have control over your own finances/bank account. The first thing I would do would be to open up your own account and transfer everything over to the account that only YOU have access to...that way you then have the freedom to take your money and get your own place. Once you are gone, there is nothing they can legally do to have any control over you.

[ska8er]

Sorry to hear all of this But u can b or
r classified as an Adult at 19. U have a
job and the best thing would b to find
an apartment to go out on ur own if it is
impossible for u to live at home where u
don't have to answer to anyone. I don't
know what other perspectives there are
for u but if I was as controlling as u say
ur parents r doing to u I would get out
fast and don't look back. You can seek
some legal advice or a support group
but the best option is to move. Really
what reason r u staying?

[Just JT]

You're 19....an adult...move out.
Your parents sound crazy, tbh... you're over 18 and should have control over your own finances/bank account. The first thing I would do would be to open up your own account and transfer everything over to the account that only YOU have access to...that way you then have the freedom to take your money and get your own place. Once you are gone, there is nothing they can legally do to have any control over you.

I agree. And I’ll add if they take your personal belongings like your computer and car keys, that’s theft.
If locking you out of your room....different statuses have laws on that to

Look into it, it’s not a healthy living situation. I’d seek somewhere else to live bro

[Amy_n_Annie]

Maybe it’s time to show them who is in charge?
https://www.marines.com/becoming-a-marine/enlisted.html

[Ben7]

You'll just need to be financially independent. Presumably you still live at home - is this because you cannot afford to live on your own? But ultimately your problems will be solved by living on your own. And this might require you to have a steady source of income if you don't already.

[Riley2015]

Hello,

I'm 19 years old and I need some serious advice, I think my parents are mentally abusing me and I don't know what to do.

Just some background, When I was a teen I was pretty depressed and sad most of the time. It just wasn't a good place in time for me. Now, at 19 I have a job doing what I love (video editing) and I'm making a good living on it, I'm genuinely happy with where I am now, but the problem comes with my parents.

My parents have always been super controlling over me, they monitor my bank account, have to always know where I am, and are always nosy about everything... but the past few months it's ramped up.

I've been going back and forth with my parents fighting for a few weeks now because I'm sick of them being so controlling. We fight almost non stop and it just go to the point where I try to avoid them because I don't want to deal with the stress and fighting anymore, because everytime we do fight they end up taking my computer which I need to work. (I've been late for work many times because they take my computer). So since avoiding them, they seem to have gotten more and more insane.

They told me I need to talk to them but I refuse. They have locked me in my room with them blocking the door, they took my car keys, they threatened to shut down my bank account, and they threaten to take all my stuff.

I'm at a loss of what I can do at this point, I think the only solution is moving out but I need some advice or other perspectives.

My dad is still very controlling too but i am still only 17. But he told me that when i turn 18 nothing will change, he will still be controlling. I might try to leave when i am 18 but i am scared to do it because i know how mad he will be.

[Jedidom99]

You're 19....an adult...move out.
Your parents sound crazy, tbh... you're over 18 and should have control over your own finances/bank account. The first thing I would do would be to open up your own account and transfer everything over to the account that only YOU have access to...that way you then have the freedom to take your money and get your own place. Once you are gone, there is nothing they can legally do to have any control over you.

Yea , take back some control !

[Second Chance]

Hello,

I'm 19 years old and I need some serious advice, I think my parents are mentally abusing me and I don't know what to do.

Just some background, When I was a teen I was pretty depressed and sad most of the time. It just wasn't a good place in time for me. Now, at 19 I have a job doing what I love (video editing) and I'm making a good living on it, I'm genuinely happy with where I am now, but the problem comes with my parents.

My parents have always been super controlling over me, they monitor my bank account, have to always know where I am, and are always nosy about everything... but the past few months it's ramped up.

I've been going back and forth with my parents fighting for a few weeks now because I'm sick of them being so controlling. We fight almost non stop and it just go to the point where I try to avoid them because I don't want to deal with the stress and fighting anymore, because everytime we do fight they end up taking my computer which I need to work. (I've been late for work many times because they take my computer). So since avoiding them, they seem to have gotten more and more insane.

They told me I need to talk to them but I refuse. They have locked me in my room with them blocking the door, they took my car keys, they threatened to shut down my bank account, and they threaten to take all my stuff.

I'm at a loss of what I can do at this point, I think the only solution is moving out but I need some advice or other perspectives.

I agree with the others that what your parents are doing is outrageous and wrong, and they cannot continue treating you like this.

The others are right that moving out might be your only recourse, but if moving out is not possible, then I think you need to take control of your life in stages.

You had mentioned that you work, and my guess is that you must get a regular paycheck. I think your first order of business is to open up a new bank account on which you are the only person on it but to keep the old one open so that your parents do not get suspicious. From your next paycheck onwards the money that you earn should go into your own account. Chances are your parents might notice that money is not going into your old account, but by then you can hopefully empty it out and move it into the new bank account. Unless your bank account is something special like an inheritance that has to be managed by your parents until you become a certain age, then you should get a bank account that is not connected with your parents at all.

If you can financially afford to do this, then you might want to rent one of those storage units and gradually move your things to it. That way if your parents ever go off the deep end and deny you access to your bedroom or house you will be the winner since most of your things are out.

What I would do is get a very cheap laptop and use that as a decoy for what you normally use. I would leave your laptop in a safe place away from home, and if work is safe, then you might want to leave it there in a locked compartment. You should make a backup of your laptop updating the backup frequently and keeping that backup in a safe place away from home in case you cannot get access to your regular laptop. However, if you can get a cheap laptop and use it as a decoy, then if your parents take it away, then you can still go to work. You definitely do not want to lose your job because frequent tardiness can get you fired.

If you can, then making another set of your car keys might be a good option and keep them in a place only you know where they are so that if your parents take away your keys you can simply grab your emergency set. Again, you do not want to lose your job because you could not come into work due to a family problem. Otherwise, if public transportation is an option for you, then use it as a backup if your parents take away your vehicle.

I am not sure what is causing your parents to behave like this, and even if you had challenges in your life in the past that would have required you to have extra attention that still does not justify your parents micromanaging your life like if you are a toddler. If you have had mental health issues in the past that resulted in your needing extra help, then there is no shame in that. Perhaps in the past your parents might have needed to help you get back on your feet, but if you feel strong enough to handle given situations on your own, then your parents should let you. Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, then I do not see why your parents need to be this controlling because there comes a point where demanding that much control will only push you away.

The basic issue you need to figure out is what exactly your parents want and why their goals are? Do they demand you stay home all the time and never be on your own? Are they afraid about the current health crisis and want you to stay home as a result? Do they expect you to be a teenager for the rest of your life?

[minda015]

controlling at some level is a must that too for an younger teen like me..not speaking about the elder teens

[Atlantis]

this was bumped :locked: