New level of pain

[DragonflySphere]

A lot has happened in the last month and everything seems to be getting worse. The pain has reached an all time high and I don't know if I can face this situation.

Not long after my most recently started thread in "Depression, Loss, and Grief" was posted, I found myself properly considering suicide. In the past, it had felt like a brief flash of it happening but it was not enough to evoke emotions. That day, I forced myself to hold back the tears as I considered the option. Most of the day, the thought haunted me but I only started to break down once I was in my bedroom that night so nobody else could see me.

The next day, I worked up the courage to talk to my friend about the situation and I ended up bursting into tears. Fortunately, she was able to comfort me and she managed to convince me to see the school counsellor again with the intention of not letting my parents know.

In the counsellors office, I wasn't breaking down but I felt far from comfortable. The counsellor spoke to me about my depression, what occurred last time and my "anxiety" (I was shocked when she bought this up. It does seem possible but I can't imagine it being that serious in comparison to the depression). I was informed that they would be able to get someone into the school to help me but they would have to get my mum's approval for it to happen (dad's isn't necessary as he doesn't pay for schooling). I agreed on the condition that my situation had to appear better than what it was. After that, the same routine happened as last time. The counsellor talked to my mum and she talked to me when I got home.

Like last time, I felt happier after getting it off my chest. It was the best I'd felt in months. I was actually getting help and I might eventually be able to put this all behind me.

That was 3 weeks ago. No follow up from the counsellor or my mother and no mention of anyone coming in to help me. I felt broken inside even more after that. I ended up returning to cutting, using a bigger knife than last time and cutting deeper than last time too (probably still not considered very deep but I'd consider it a big difference compared to last time). While thoughts of suicide weren't as strong as that one day, they are still stronger than before.

What do I even do at this point? I don't know if I should confront my counsellor about it or if I should bite the bullet like I've done in the past. I'll take any advice possible.

[Uniquemind]

Stop, don’t do it it’s not worth it and it gets better.

[ska8er]

Talk to ur counsellor again and ask
where the help is. Suicide is not the
answer. Talking to someone or in a
support group can help. Ask the
counsellor if there r any groups in
ur area.

[cozoe]

Find a counselor, a friend, someone, anyone and talk. Please, things do get better. I've had some really bad times where I was close to suicide but I got help and things did get better. Just please, find someone to talk to.

[NoLimitGuy]

It's your life and you are free to do whatever you want with it... If you can't deal with this life and hard reality, why torture yourself and others?

[TheBlueDragon]

I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling, but understand that there are people who care about you, and who would be devastated. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.

I hope things get better for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Jrunner]

It's your life and you are free to do whatever you want with it... If you can't deal with this life and hard reality, why torture yourself and others?

Uhhh just wondering... What exactly are u suggesting he might do?

[TheBlueDragon]

Uhhh just wondering... What exactly are u suggesting he might do?

My thoughts exactly. What a horrible thing to say. If you're reading this DragonflySphere, please don't listen to this man. :(:eek:

[Jrunner]

My thoughts exactly. What a horrible thing to say. If you're reading this DragonflySphere, please don't listen to this man. :(:eek:

Yeah, that's the kinda shit ppl who have depression DONT need to hear, and I mean technically under the law no one has the "right" to check out since suicide is illegal and that's not even considering all the other bad things about it..

[NoLimitGuy]

Yeah, that's the kinda shit ppl who have depression DONT need to hear, and I mean technically under the law no one has the "right" to check out since suicide is illegal and that's not even considering all the other bad things about it..
Suicide is illegal? Hahaha.... What do you do with those who attempt to kill themselves - fine them, jail them? What do you do with those who succeed? Reach out in the Universe and fine their energy? And to answer to your earlier question - I suggest doing what the heart tells you to do. Clearly, man is not rational and builds hus life upon emotions and so he should do whatever his heart tells him to do and everyone else can go and hang themselves if they try to interfere or change that... That is called "freedom"... What you want to do is simply drive on his misery by making yourselves feeling better and making yourselves a better persons just out of your egoism... I wish I was the monster you think I am...

[Jrunner]

Suicide is illegal? Hahaha.... What do you do with those who attempt to kill themselves - fine them, jail them? What do you do with those who succeed? Reach out in the Universe and fine their energy? And to answer to your earlier question - I suggest doing what the heart tells you to do. Clearly, man is not rational and builds hus life upon emotions and so he should do whatever his heart tells him to do and everyone else can go and hang themselves if they try to interfere or change that... That is called "freedom"... What you want to do is simply drive on his misery by making yourselves feeling better and making yourselves a better persons just out of your egoism... I wish I was the monster you think I am...

Ok well, thing is it actually is illegal, I never said that makes sense or that it can be enforced (altho if u try and don't succeed u can be hospitalized against ur will for at least 72 hrs). Also in the real world, freedom has limits.

[NoLimitGuy]

Ok well, thing is it actually is illegal, I never said that makes sense or that it can be enforced (altho if u try and don't succeed u can be hospitalized against ur will for at least 72 hrs). Also in the real world, freedom has limits.
He is free to do whatever the hell he wants with his body and you have no right to stop him from doing that... That is your limit of your freedom...

[Allover Kelly]

Don't do it! I was so far at the bottom I had to fight to just feel fu*ked up. I came back with help. Don't give up.

[kro814]

Saying suicide is illegal may be true. But the legality of it won't stop anyone.


Dragon is there a clergy person/church that you can speak with? They can help with resources.

[DragonflySphere]

Talk to ur counsellor again and ask
where the help is. Suicide is not the
answer. Talking to someone or in a
support group can help. Ask the
counsellor if there r any groups in
ur area.

Find a counselor, a friend, someone, anyone and talk. Please, things do get better. I've had some really bad times where I was close to suicide but I got help and things did get better. Just please, find someone to talk to.

I’ve taken the advice of speaking to the counsellor again, with the help of my supportive friend. The purpose will be just to see if anything is actually being done, if there is something stopping it from happening or if they refuse to help me. If this fails, my friend has promised me she’ll help find me a specialist to help me with my situation and cover it up from my mother.

Saying suicide is illegal may be true. But the legality of it won't stop anyone.


Dragon is there a clergy person/church that you can speak with? They can help with resources.

I do live very close to a Catholic Church but I’m faced with the problem of my mother working there. If anything is going to happen there, she’ll find out. If you happen to know, what sort of resources would they give me? I might be able to look into it by myself.

To those who have supported me, thank you so much. I’ve decided to have one more go at solving this problem. If it fails again, at least I’ve gone out swinging. Once again, thank you. To the ones who have gone through or are currently going through what I’m experiencing, I wish you the best of luck.

[ska8er]

I’ve taken the advice of speaking to the counsellor again, with the help of my supportive friend. The purpose will be just to see if anything is actually being done, if there is something stopping it from happening or if they refuse to help me. If this fails, my friend has promised me she’ll help find me a specialist to help me with my situation and cover it up from my mother.



I do live very close to a Catholic Church but I’m faced with the problem of my mother working there. If anything is going to happen there, she’ll find out. If you happen to know, what sort of resources would they give me? I might be able to look into it by myself.

To those who have supported me, thank you so much. I’ve decided to have one more go at solving this problem. If it fails again, at least I’ve gone out swinging. Once again, thank you. To the ones who have gone through or are currently going through what I’m experiencing, I wish you the best of luck.

U have a good friend. Hope all goes well.