Should I have to tell my parents about my mental illness?

[yeehaw]

Hey, y’all. I just wanted to grab some advice on a topic I seem to have floating around my mind right now.

Basically, if you’ve ever seen some of my threads in this section, I struggle a lot with my mental health. The last few years have been a rollercoaster and I’ve always shrugged off getting any sort of medical help for it, even though there have been times where I’ve felt like I’ve hit rock bottom.

Because my school was getting up my ass for my poor attendance to lessons due to my poor mental health I decided to go to a doctor, more just to get a doctors note and shove it in their face that I’m not lazy or just throwing tantrums instead of going to lessons. It was hard, definitely, but today I braved it and went to go and see my doctor. He diagnosed me with depression and prescribed me some antidepressants.

Now, where my family fit into all this. Well,
- my mum really doesn’t understand mental health at all, she can’t see the true extent of how bad I’m feeling and just shrugs it off as laziness. She just tells me to get a bath and an early night when I have panic attacks. Like, she really doesn’t get it.
- my dad doesn’t know anything’s wrong with me at all, because he and my mum are divorced I see him a couple times a week. I don’t tell him anything is wrong because he would worry a lot about me considering I’m his only child, etcetera.

Do you think I should have to tell them about how I went to the doctor? They didn’t even know about it and I booked it all myself. Because I’m over 16 now the GP doesn’t have a requirement to notify my family, so technically they’d never have to know. But then I feel extremely bad for keeping them in the dark, but I don’t know if that’s me being irrational. Ugh, I don’t know. What would you guys do in this scenario? Thank you so much. :heart:

[ska8er]

Ur 18 so u r more of an adult than
a child and u probably could b on ur
own without telling ur parents but if
ur Mum does not understand mental
issues I would discuss it with ur Dad.
Tell him u know he might worry but if
he can help u with the problems you r
experiencing it would be helping u with
how u r feeling. I think he would like to
know.

[Xuan]

I think you need to ask yourself this question. In telling them would it be a positive or negative on your mental health? From your post telling your Mom it seems like she doesn't have a good grasp on what Mental Health is at all and telling her could just make you even more upset if she doesn't take it serious. Telling your Dad it seems like you are not sure how he could react other than him worrying over you. If him worrying about you brings you more stress than it might be better to hold off at least for now. I hope this helps a bit.

[Karkat]

I guess it comes down to this:

-Is keeping it a secret stressing you out more than you think them knowing would?
-Would either of them be able to help you cope?

For instance, here's my experience. My dad SUPER does not get it, and has negative views of it from my mom, even though he has two nieces with bipolar disorder.
My mom is extremely empathetic, will do whatever she can to help, and doesn't view me any differently for it.

I don't talk to my dad about it- that would open up a HUGE can of worms. But keeping it from him also doesn't stress me out too much. I'm pretty open with my mom, but I'll hold back on some things so that she doesn't worry too much.

Hope that was helpful idk

[arnorway]

both my parents are helping me deal with my issues now, even though i still tend to go to my dad more as mom wasn't as supportive in the beginning (when i was little and my anxieties started/got worse, even though she is really supportive now)
like others said, it comes down to telling them adding or lessening your issues. maybe your mom would be more understanding when she sees the doctors note (like as proof you're not lazy), maybe she still doesn't get it. not knowing your mom makes it hard to say which way she would lean, you're the only one who knows, really

[yeehaw]

I feel maybe I didn’t really explain my dad very well - he is a very loving father but he can be slightly neurotic at times, similar to me to be honest in the sense that like something really small can just freak him out. And this is something pretty big. No one in my family has never really had mental health issues or at least diagnosed with anything.

I feel like keeping the secret is so much easier than having to tell them but I felt scared in myself that I have an obligation to tell them because I’m their child and I still love at home.

[Karalectric]

Hi Shanie!! Hey, first off yay for you in booking that dr appt. That is an important step. So brave! Everyone has given great thoughts so far. I guess i will just add that if you really want your mom to understand you more, i don't see how something like this could hurt? Like you said, this is big and her seeing that you felt you needed to see a doctor, and a note too even!, is enough to send the message that this is legit. Who knows, maybe she will surprise you. Can't know unless you take that step too.

[Xuan]

I feel maybe I didn’t really explain my dad very well - he is a very loving father but he can be slightly neurotic at times, similar to me to be honest in the sense that like something really small can just freak him out. And this is something pretty big. No one in my family has never really had mental health issues or at least diagnosed with anything.

I feel like keeping the secret is so much easier than having to tell them but I felt scared in myself that I have an obligation to tell them because I’m their child and I still love at home.
Like I said, the bottom line is how telling them or not telling them is going to effect your Mental Health. If it is going to add more stress to your life by telling them then by all means it seems the best choice is not to tell them both. It certainly seems like that is certainly the case with your mother. As for for father I never thought from your post that he was not a loving father to you, but what you said about him worrying about you if you told him could easily add stress on you because then you could be worrying about him worrying about you. That is a lot of worrying. I think you are correct in saying it is easier keeping this to yourself. You are an adult and maybe down the road when you have been in therapy for some time there might come a time when you are able to tell your parents of your issues.

[Just JT]

First, congrats on taking a great first step to advocate for yourself in difficult times when you feel alone. A brave and hard decision, but great none the less

Second, I do not feel you “need” to tell them. But if they understand what’s goi g on, it might help

If they aren’t all that seemingly easy to work with on that level, maybe just tell them your having some things going on, and want them to meet with someone with you to talk about it, and make an apt with your therapist or dr or whoever your seeing to talk about it in a group.

Someone in your corner will help, especially if they have some letters after their name.....

[RonCon]

Of course you should talk about your problem! One of the reasons for the worsening of depression is isolation from society and not understanding your problems. even if you don’t get the support that you’ve been expecting, you’ll still tell with a clear heart what’s bothering you and it will make you a little easier