Restarting something after loss

[Knightley]

I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar to this and how they dealt with it.

So I started playing violin when I was 10 because my mum also played since she was really young and loved it, it was something that was just for us, she taught me and we practised together 3 times a week in till when I was 13.
when I was 13 I was in a car accident that killed both my parents and my little brother.

Ever since I've not been able to play because it was something I did with my mum and every time I tried to play all I could think about was the accident and that fact that my mum dad and little brother wasn't there with me.

Its coming up on the 3 year anniversary of the accident and I think I'm ready to start playing again but I just cant get myself to play but really want to because I know my mum would want me to play again

Had anyone gone to with something similar or have any advice on how to you work through it ??

[Pultost]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I can't even imagine what you've been through. I haven't been in a similar situation myself, but all I can suggest is that you try focusing on that your mom would've wanted you to play on, although I know it must be easier said than done.

[Knightley]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I can't even imagine what you've been through. I haven't been in a similar situation myself, but all I can suggest is that you try focusing on that your mom would've wanted you to play on, although I know it must be easier said than done. Yea its really hard but I think I'm just going to keep trying every day and see how that works and see if anyone on here can help

[Barbara.]

I'm so sorry of your great loss . I would be in a mental institution if I lost my little brother as he is my rock,let alone both parents. When the time is right and only you will know when it time, I'm sure your beloved mother would want you continue and be the best you can be.
Your mom,dad and little brother is surrounding you with support. Your mom is right beside you as you play,just think of her as you play and she is with you.

[Adamant]

Got no clever ideas but I know it must be tough. My dad has no contact with me (court decision and I am pleased) and my mum died when I was little. All I know is that you will feel good about yourself if you manage to play again. Not just as a tribute to your mum but for you using a special talent.
Also if you can't bring yourself to play thats absolutely fine. Your mum wouldn't want you to beat yourself up about this so don't you either.

[Knightley]

I'm so sorry of your great loss . I would be in a mental institution if I lost my little brother as he is my rock,let alone both parents. When the time is right and only you will know when it time, I'm sure your beloved mother would want you continue and be the best you can be.
Your mom,dad and little brother is surrounding you with support.
Thanks that means a lot it was really hard but my big sister has really held me together :) Xx

[Knightley]

Your mum wouldn't want you to beat yourself up about this so don't you either. Yea Its not so much beating my self up as really wanting to play but just not being able to its a weird feeling:confused:

[Karalectric]

Awwww Knightley, i am so sorry. That must be so hard. :console: i think it is great that you are ready to pick it up again. Putting something beautiful out in the world like music is a wonderful way to honor them.

[Knightley]

Awwww Knightley, i am so sorry. That must be so hard. :console: i think it is great that you are ready to pick it up again. Putting something beautiful out in the world like music is a wonderful way to honor them.
Thanks for the hugs and kind words :hug3::hug3::hug3:

[Second Chance]

I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar to this and how they dealt with it.

So I started playing violin when I was 10 because my mum also played since she was really young and loved it, it was something that was just for us, she taught me and we practised together 3 times a week in till when I was 13.
when I was 13 I was in a car accident that killed both my parents and my little brother.

Ever since I've not been able to play because it was something I did with my mum and every time I tried to play all I could think about was the accident and that fact that my mum dad and little brother wasn't there with me.

Its coming up on the 3 year anniversary of the accident and I think I'm ready to start playing again but I just cant get myself to play but really want to because I know my mum would want me to play again

Had anyone gone to with something similar or have any advice on how to you work through it ??

I could never imagine going through the awful situation through which you had undergone, and the fact that you are functional and are trying to do something productive with your life is a credit to you.

While I can never say I have been through anything as traumatic as you by any stretch of the imagination I did give up playing the piano when something bad happened in my life. I did have a point when I wanted to start playing it again, but by then my family had given away the piano we had owned meaning I could never pick it up again.

In your case, if picking up a violin is something that is so traumatizing that you cannot bear the sight of one without breaking down, then I would not try to play it. However, I had a friend who also was a piano player who swore she would never play one again once she left home, but during her first two weeks of college after not playing a piano she was going crazy because the piano was so ingrained in her. She ended up walking in some random church nearby campus and started playing her heart out on the piano thinking no one was around. As it turned out, the choir master was somewhere in the church and heard her. The choir master ended up offering her a role in the church choir to play the piano during services.

I would say that if you feel music in your blood and that you honestly enjoy playing the violin, then you might want to take it step-by-step. I would not recommend that you play the violin alone but rather that you are with a group of people who know about your history and will be there to support you as you pick up the violin again. You might feel terribly the first time you play the violin again and have flashbacks to what had happened. On the other hand, you might be able to have warm memories of your parents and brother and be able to use the violin as a way to heal.

I would talk to your therapist and see what would work best for you. Just make sure that if you start playing again that you are around others who can be there to support you for those times when you are really down so that eventually through their support you can build yourself up to play the violin again.

[Xuan]

I can't even come close to express how sorry I am that this happened to you and that you have to deal with this sort of pain. I can't even imagine how hard this has to be for you. I have never been through anything like this in my life so giving you advice that really would make much sense I doubt I have that. All I can say to you is you have all 3 of them inside of you and you know them the best of anyone. You said it yourself in the post you posted above. Your moms wish would be for you to continue to play the violin. I can't even imagine how hard it would be for you to pick up that instrument and play, but know that your mom and your dad and brother would be so proud of and even if it takes you a long time to do it they are still proud of you no matter what. That is really the only advice I can give to you is that no matter what know that your brother and parents will always be proud of you.