Have you been molested or worse? [TW]

[hayley2003]

If you have, how has it effected you?

[Pultost]

Only once, and it's quite some time ago. This boy grabbed my crotch out of the blue. I promised him that I'd put him in a wheelchair if he ever did that again, and nothing like it has happened since, thankfully. I moved on quickly after that, so it's nothing that keeps me awake at night.

[EvaNL]

I've had body parts groped a few times, which resulted in me hitting them and telling their friends (and in one case their parents) what they had done. No-one molests me and gets away with it.

The weird thing is that they were surprised by my strong reaction. They apparently thought it was just a bit of fun, but they really have no clue what that can do (physically, but even more so mentally) to a woman or girl. I'm strong enough to defend myself in multiple ways and I can mentally handle it, but these idiots may have done it to other women who cannot defend themselves that well. And that is, for me, the biggest reason to let them know in no uncertain terms that their behaviour is completely unacceptable. Naming and shaming is very useful in most cases.

[Naturelover]

I got once by a boy from my class a pat on my butt. He immediately received a slap in his face from me

[Sailor Mars]

Puberty for Girls :arrow: Abuse

This is better suited here

Please keep in mind that some responses may be triggering, so be cautious when posting or reading.

[nadja]

I got once by a boy from my class a pat on my butt. He immediately received a slap in his face from me

Best you could do. Respect and applause!

[breaux]

Don't know what to call it, but a girl kept making out with me and pushing herself onto me while I was too drunk at a party to do anything about it. Couldn't remember it and I first found out when my friend showed me a video of it. Can't look at her the same way anymore. I don't know how it really has affected me, I definitely feel a bit more uneasy around some when I'm drunk.

[Ben7]

Yeah its happened to me numerous times in the past as a boy and early teens, mainly sexual abuse but sometimes physical abuse as well. For a good number of years I had to live in foster care system which is part of the reason why, I guess. I will also note here that stuff like this in general can happen to boys too, not only to girls. But thankfully all of that is in the past now. As for how it has affected me, I'd say it's difficult to forget my past completely and often I find myself having bad dreams about those experiences or otherwise have trouble sleeping in general and I've noticed that I'm often mistrustful of others. That said however, it has also given me a new perspective on life in general and has made me more grateful for the simpler details of life that many people take for granted. It is what it is I guess.

[Sheaman16]

Only once, and it's quite some time ago. This boy grabbed my crotch out of the blue. I promised him that I'd put him in a wheelchair if he ever did that again, and nothing like it has happened since, thankfully. I moved on quickly after that, so it's nothing that keeps me awake at night.

I am really sorry that happened to you! Boys really need to learn to respect girls.

[Sheaman16]

I got once by a boy from my class a pat on my butt. He immediately received a slap in his face from me

Punch him or tell an adult

[Pultost]

I am really sorry that happened to you! Boys really need to learn to respect girls.

Thanks. It's been a while, but I appreciate the support.

[Zandra]

Only once, and it's quite some time ago. This boy grabbed my crotch out of the blue. I promised him that I'd put him in a wheelchair if he ever did that again, and nothing like it has happened since, thankfully. I moved on quickly after that, so it's nothing that keeps me awake at night.

How old were you and how old was he?

[Pultost]

How old were you and how old was he?

We were both 12.

[Abhorrence]

I really hate calling my story "rape" because I didn't consider it that for the longest time, or truly realise the impact it had on me. When I was 17, I was an idiot. I'd drink probably 5 out of 7 days, didn't go to college and didn't have a job. I would also have unprotected sex with strangers a lot, do hard drugs and smoke weed everyday. During this time, I would use Grindr as the tool to let me meet strangers to fuck basically (classy, I know), anyways I met a guy on there that lived down my road. We never did anything sexual, to me we created a really cool friendship. He was around 28 I think, and me being 17 he "didn't want to have sex with me".

I felt like this guy was awesome, I'd go to his house sometimes just to chill and play games and shit. It was cool to me having both a gay friend and an older friend. So, this guy had a motorbike and sometimes when I got really drunk and missed the last bus home he would take me home since we lived on the same street. Like, he was super nice for doing it considering I would call him absolutely hammered and he would just come and pick me up.

Fast forward a while, I got super drunk and missed my last bus and ended up just chilling on the street with a bunch of homeless people. I blacked out at this point but remember this guy coming to pick me up on his motorbike. I ended up back at his house and I was completely fucked out of my face. He later told me that he was certain that someone had spiked me, whether this is the truth or I was just really drunk I do not know - I can't remember. What I do remember, however, is waking up to find this guy on top of me trying to stick his dick in me. I don't remember much else of what happened, I think I went back to sleep - like I said I was drunk/spiked.

It took me a few days to even remember it happened and I kept telling myself it didn't. I just assumed I dreamt it, he said nothing in the morning and nothing else was said. It wasn't until it kept playing on my mind that I realised that it probably did happen but I couldn't confirm it. This wasn't until I was talking to that same guy and he basically confirmed it. I can't really remember the conversation but he said something like "when we had sex" and I was like ?????? we deffo didn't have sex...

It took a while for me to fully comprehend everything, quite honestly. It wasn't aggressive and it wasn't how it "normally plays out", so to me it wasn't rape. It wasn't until I got a boyfriend and he tried it on with me that I realised how much I didn't want anybody touching me. In any way. I couldn't have sex with my boyfriend, it was fucked. It was at that point I think that I realised that this wasn't okay. I messaged that guy whilst I was off my tits on whatever drug and asked him if he knew he raped me. I still can't remember the response to this day but I blocked him after that. Maybe I never even waited for a response... I don't know.

But yeah, TL;DR I got raped by a guy I thought was my friend whilst I slept, and it made it very hard and still makes it hard to this day to have sex comfortably. It's definitely a lot better thanks to my boyfriend now but still, I can freak out very easily.

[Zachary G]

I was molested by an older female cousin when I was about 5-6 yrs old; and when I was 11 I was beaten and raped by 2 older boys in the woods. I remember both experiences very well, but I have learned to move past them and get on with my life with the help of years of therapy and medications.

[Nicole_0]

i was raped at a party this year at a frat house in college, a guy got me really drunk and forced himself on me. i was giving him a blowjob which i was okay with and then he wanted to have sex and i said no because i didn’t know him well enough. he then picked me up and slammed me on his bed and forced my clothes off and pushed himself in. i know there are some bad people out there but i won’t let a bad experience give me trust issues. not all guys are pigs like that and its sad that there is some bad ones out there

[Shiny Moon]

"Luckily" I've been only been gropped, nothing beyond that, but still it sucks and it happens everytime I go to a party, or a concert or a disco.

The worst one was probably last year, a guy gropped me many times during the night in a disco. I asked him to stop doing it but he pushed me and went away. I'm not physically strong enough to face him so I told a friend about it and when the molester came for another taste of my butt he ended up tasting my friend's shoe. :rolleyes:

[Emilyfox]

i was raped at a party this year at a frat house in college, a guy got me really drunk and forced himself on me. i was giving him a blowjob which i was okay with and then he wanted to have sex and i said no because i didn’t know him well enough. he then picked me up and slammed me on his bed and forced my clothes off and pushed himself in. i know there are some bad people out there but i won’t let a bad experience give me trust issues. not all guys are pigs like that and its sad that there is some bad ones out there

Did you go to the police?

[Nicole_0]

Did you go to the police?

no i didn’t want to ruin his life from him making a stupid mistake when he was drunk. so a bunch of friends and i confronted him about it and he said he didn’t remember and he cried and said sorry a hundred times. he was really genuine about it i still talk to him now he took me out to dinner last weekend. he brings it up a lot about how sorry he was and he tears up every time

[Pultost]

no i didn’t want to ruin his life from him making a stupid mistake when he was drunk. so a bunch of friends and i confronted him about it and he said he didn’t remember and he cried and said sorry a hundred times. he was really genuine about it i still talk to him now he took me out to dinner last weekend. he brings it up a lot about how sorry he was and he tears up every time

He would have had it coming. Don't believe his fake tears and "I'm sorrys". There's no excuse for rape.

[Nicole_0]

He would have had it coming. Don't believe his fake tears and "I'm sorrys". There's no excuse for rape.

he was truly sincere about it. he’s really a sweet heart. he was blacked out drunk

[Pultost]

he was truly sincere about it. he’s really a sweet heart. he was blacked out drunk

Still, it's no excuse. If he gets drunk again, he might try it again.

[Emilyfox]

You’re really generous
Hopefully he doesn’t do it to another girl because he got away with it before

He held you down and raped you
He should be in jail
Alcohol isn’t an excuse

[Nicole_0]

Still, it's no excuse. If he gets drunk again, he might try it again.

I’ve been drunk with him after it happened. he never tried anything. its sad it happened but he’s a really good guy

[ashleigh7]

I’ve been drunk with him after it happened. he never tried anything. its sad it happened but he’s a really good guy



Oh God I'm so sorry:( But you seem like a very strong girl!!!! With a awesome attitude toward a very tough situation. So good for you!! And happy you are bigger and better than that pos of a human!

[Lori]

I didn't realize I was being "abused" more than being kinda an idiot.. This guy introduced me to porn way young, WAY young. It was more curiosity from my side, he showed me and ask if I had seen stuff like that before and I said no, but I was kinda curious and asked to see more. So I always thought it was ME the one getting something from him.. he made it seem like he was doing it to be nice and comply to what I wanted and promised he wouldn't tell my parents.. He didn't molest me or did anything I didn't want, but now that I'm older and think about it, he was obviously playing me lol

[Zika]

I didn't realize I was being "abused" more than being kinda an idiot.. This guy introduced me to porn way young, WAY young. It was more curiosity from my side, he showed me and ask if I had seen stuff like that before and I said no, but I was kinda curious and asked to see more. So I always thought it was ME the one getting something from him.. he made it seem like he was doing it to be nice and comply to what I wanted and promised he wouldn't tell my parents.. He didn't molest me or did anything I didn't want, but now that I'm older and think about it, he was obviously playing me lol

How old were you and how old was he?

[Barbara.]

I didn't realize I was being "abused" more than being kinda an idiot.. This guy introduced me to porn way young, WAY young. It was more curiosity from my side, he showed me and ask if I had seen stuff like that before and I said no, but I was kinda curious and asked to see more. So I always thought it was ME the one getting something from him.. he made it seem like he was doing it to be nice and comply to what I wanted and promised he wouldn't tell my parents.. He didn't molest me or did anything I didn't want, but now that I'm older and think about it, he was obviously playing me lol
I'm so sorry that he abused you in that way and so young age. No child should be subjected to adult porn or graphic photos . Being prayed upon because of a child's curiosity is wrong on every level.

[Zika]

I’ve been drunk with him after it happened. he never tried anything. its sad it happened but he’s a really good guy

I have a great deal of respect for how you handled it and your ability to forgive.

Don't let others tell you you shouldn't forgive or that you're wrong to 'let him get away with it.'

[Zika]

I was molested by an older female cousin when I was about 5-6 yrs old;


I'm sorry that happened to you.
How old was your cousin?

[Zachary G]

I'm sorry that happened to you.
How old was your cousin?

Thanks. She was 12-13 at the time.

[Karkat]

I was in an abusive 'relationship' (Thought the guy was 16, he was actually 20) at 13. I was raped and beaten, and left for dead on the side of the road.

Then someone whom I let live with me (like a dumb fuck, he was dead weight) molested me in my sleep when I was 18, I woke up in the middle of it.

Which is disturbing bc he knew I'd been raped as a kid.

[Xuan]

I thankfully have never been abused, but my heart goes out to anyone who has had to go through any sort of abuse. There is no reason anyone should have to go through this and anyone who has should make their voices heard so these horrible people can be stopped so it won't continue to happen to others.

[Just JT]

After reading this thread it reaffirms my thought that guys/boys whatever don’t like to openly admit it’s happened to them so much. I’m not like that

Yeah I was molested and raped starting at a very young age into 'y teenage years. Mostly by family I no longer have contact with any longer.

How has it affected me?

It’s made me who I am now, a survivor.

A survivor who will prolly spend the rest of my life in therapy, not trusting adults or other people with authority, and having a really hard time establishing a solid relationship.

Not to mention my sporadic and random violent outbursts that haven’t got me locked up as an adult, yet....and hope that’s never happens

Aside from that, I live with a great adoptive family (still building trust) and go to a great school, and have some really chill friends. Some keep me in trouble, most keep me out

But it’s my choice and ,y life experiences that make me make those choices about shit I get myself into or out of

So to those who wana think about putting your hands on or something else inside of someone else, think twice, cause I might be behind ya

With a bat

[Zika]

Thanks. She was 12-13 at the time.

That's terrible. At that age she was old enough to know better.
Was she prosecuted?

[Zachary G]

That's terrible. At that age she was old enough to know better.
Was she prosecuted?

No, she wasnt prosecuted. I never told anyone about it.

[Zika]

No, she wasnt prosecuted. I never told anyone about it.

You've endured two very horrible events.
It's a testament to your strength that you've been able to move forward with your life.
I wish you all the best.

[cozoe]

About a year ago a boy from school tried to rape me at a party. I got away but didn't tell anyone, the boy was popular and I didn't think anyone would believe me. He raped a different girl a couple weeks later. When I heard about that I felt so guilty for having not said anything, maybe I could have kept her from getting raped. She reported the rape and I testified at the trial and the boy is now in jail but I still feel guilty and probably always will.

[Zachary G]

You've endured two very horrible events.
It's a testament to your strength that you've been able to move forward with your life.
I wish you all the best.

Thanks, it took a lot for it not to consume me, but thanks to therapy and meds, I can make it.

[nadja]

About a year ago a boy from school tried to rape me at a party. I got away but didn't tell anyone, the boy was popular and I didn't think anyone would believe me. He raped a different girl a couple weeks later. When I heard about that I felt so guilty for having not said anything, maybe I could have kept her from getting raped. She reported the rape and I testified at the trial and the boy is now in jail but I still feel guilty and probably always will.

Wow, I adore you. Testifying and helping to make this bastard go to jail is the best you could do... and you've been really strong. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

[cozoe]

Wow, I adore you. Testifying and helping to make this bastard go to jail is the best you could do... and you've been really strong. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm glad that he won't hurt anyone else.

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

I was touched by an older boy when I was 10. I wish I kicked him right then and there but I freezed. I told someone and he got in big trouble. The police were called and I think he got in trouble with the courts.

[Pultost]

I was touched by an older boy when I was 10. I wish I kicked him right then and there but I freezed. I told someone and he got in big trouble. The police were called and I think he got in trouble with the courts.

I'm glad he got in trouble for what he did. I have no sympathy for his kind.

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

I'm glad he got in trouble for what he did. I have no sympathy for his kind.

I am too. No one should be treated like that!

[Pultost]

I am too. No one should be treated like that!

I agree, no one should. People who do that deserve all the trouble coming their way.

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

I agree, no one should. People who do that deserve all the trouble coming their way.

If someone ever tries to do that to me again, I am kicking them in the balls. I am sad that I didn't.

[Pultost]

If someone ever tries to do that to me again, I am kicking them in the balls. I am sad that I didn't.

Some times it's hard to react because you get so surprised when it happens. I hope you won't get into any similar situation, but if it should happen, give the bastard your best shot. ;)

[Karalectric]

Wow, I adore you. Testifying and helping to make this bastard go to jail is the best you could do... and you've been really strong. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I'm glad that he won't hurt anyone else.

Yes yes!! Respect to you and other survivors on this thread for displaying such strength by even talking about it. That must be so scary, i am sure!

[Zika]

About a year ago a boy from school tried to rape me at a party. I got away but didn't tell anyone, the boy was popular and I didn't think anyone would believe me. He raped a different girl a couple weeks later. When I heard about that I felt so guilty for having not said anything, maybe I could have kept her from getting raped. She reported the rape and I testified at the trial and the boy is now in jail but I still feel guilty and probably always will.

I was touched by an older boy when I was 10. I wish I kicked him right then and there but I freezed. I told someone and he got in big trouble. The police were called and I think he got in trouble with the courts.

In both cases, at the time, you did what you needed to do to survive. That's the most important thing.
And in both cases, each of you took some action which will help prevent those two guys from victimizing others. I hope you're proud of that and find some comfort in it.

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

In both cases, at the time, you did what you needed to do to survive. That's the most important thing.
And in both cases, each of you took some action which will help prevent those two guys from victimizing others. I hope you're proud of that and find some comfort in it.

I am proud! It sucked having to report and relive it each time I was asked to tell what happened.

[Zika]

I am proud! It sucked having to report and relive it each time I was asked to tell what happened.

Your strength came out in being able to do that.

[Zandra]

I was touched by an older boy when I was 10. I wish I kicked him right then and there but I freezed. I told someone and he got in big trouble. The police were called and I think he got in trouble with the courts.

If you want to share your story I’m here for you just email me. I’m sorry you had to go through that like you said nobody should have to go through that.

[nadja]

Yes yes!! Respect to you and other survivors on this thread for displaying such strength by even talking about it. That must be so scary, i am sure!

So true. I've been so lucky that I've never come into such a situation!

[kayin]

This happened to me on a bus. It is so crowded and a man just touched my dick for like 5 mins. I was too scared to stop him back then.

[Knightley]

I think its really sad that its so common in this world and that so little people report it then even when people are brave enough to come forward very little of the offendents are actually charged and most don't even see jail time. I can see why some people don't come forward because you her stories of everyone telling the victim it was there fault or if they didn't do this or that it wouldn't of happed. It would make me pause to report if I was ever molested or raped and that's just really sad. so well done to all you people out there who came forward and I hope people took you seriously.

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

I think its really sad that its so common in this world and that so little people report it then even when people are brave enough to come forward very little of the offendents are actually charged and most don't even see jail time. I can see why some people don't come forward because you her stories of everyone telling the victim it was there fault or if they didn't do this or that it wouldn't of happed. It would make me pause to report if I was ever molested or raped and that's just really sad. so well done to all you people out there who came forward and I hope people took you seriously.

I agree. I am glad I reported it. I think it depends on laws but also how victims are treated by police and school administrators

[Elise05]

I was touched by an older boy when I was 10. I wish I kicked him right then and there but I freezed. I told someone and he got in big trouble. The police were called and I think he got in trouble with the courts.

That sucks. I am so glad you reported him! You rock!!

[Cali_Dreamer_Girl]

That sucks. I am so glad you reported him! You rock!!

Thank you!! You are sweet :wub:

[Zika]

This happened to me on a bus. It is so crowded and a man just touched my dick for like 5 mins. I was too scared to stop him back then.

That must've been horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.
You said you were too scared to stop him 'back then.' I take it this was when you were younger. As we get closer to being adults, we have more control over what others do to us. Hopefully age and life's experiences will bring you comfort.

[Emilyfox]

I think its really sad that its so common in this world and that so little people report it then even when people are brave enough to come forward very little of the offendents are actually charged and most don't even see jail time. I can see why some people don't come forward because you her stories of everyone telling the victim it was there fault or if they didn't do this or that it wouldn't of happed. It would make me pause to report if I was ever molested or raped and that's just really sad. so well done to all you people out there who came forward and I hope people took you seriously.

Between victim shaming and the legal system not treating it seriously enough, people don’t report how much they should :(

[Zika]

Not to derail this thread, but it's glaring.
Of the 7 guys who have posted about being molested, some with stories of extreme cruelty, not one female has responded, offered support or any words of kindness. Not one.

What does this say about females?
How does this affect men's reluctance to talk about their experiences and their opportunity to heal through being open about it?
Is girls' refusal to acknowledge this a rejection of the guys' experience and pain?

Meanwhile, we have two posts above perpetuating myths about how most females are treated when they report.

[kayin]

That must've been horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.
You said you were too scared to stop him 'back then.' I take it this was when you were younger. As we get closer to being adults, we have more control over what others do to us. Hopefully age and life's experiences will bring you comfort.

Thanks

[KatieKat]

I used to a lot when I was younger - guys rubbing against me on the bus etc. Worst was when I got home and there was come on the back of my skirt - I was like 7 at the time and I was so grossed out I went off school sick for days.

Nowadays I just get catcalled, mainly cos I’m not as scared to stand up for myself if anyone does try anything. A guy ‘accidentally’ grabbed my boob on the tube and I screamed at him for ages. Was just glad there were other people there because if we were alone he could have gotten violent. Still shakes me up though, but I’m getting better at dealing.

Sorry kinda rambley. Stay safe people

[TessTheGreat]

I used to a lot when I was younger - guys rubbing against me on the bus etc. Worst was when I got home and there was come on the back of my skirt - I was like 7 at the time and I was so grossed out I went off school sick for days.

Nowadays I just get catcalled, mainly cos I’m not as scared to stand up for myself if anyone does try anything. A guy ‘accidentally’ grabbed my boob on the tube and I screamed at him for ages. Was just glad there were other people there because if we were alone he could have gotten violent. Still shakes me up though, but I’m getting better at dealing.

Sorry kinda rambley. Stay safe people
I can identify with boys rubbing against you. And on tubes they press against boobs too sometimes and if you are lucky enough to get a seat they look at legs. But I haven't had anything like boobs being grabbed. That's disgusting.

[Amy_n_Annie]

At the beach on vacation last year, not sure what to say really

[Just JT]

Not to derail this thread, but it's glaring.
Of the 7 guys who have posted about being molested, some with stories of extreme cruelty, not one female has responded, offered support or any words of kindness. Not one.

What does this say about females?
How does this affect men's reluctance to talk about their experiences and their opportunity to heal through being open about it?
Is girls' refusal to acknowledge this a rejection of the guys' experience and pain?

Meanwhile, we have two posts above perpetuating myths about how most females are treated when they report.

I agree, but also, imo, there’s a lot more guys who’ve been victims who don’t wana talk about it or face it for a variety of reasons

Not saying it pleasant cause it’s not, but it’s reality

[Zika]

I agree, but also, imo, there’s a lot more guys who’ve been victims who don’t wana talk about it or face it for a variety of reasons

Not saying it pleasant cause it’s not, but it’s reality

That's true, as you said in your previous post in this thread.
It was one to which I was referring as to the extreme cruelty you endured and how it affected your life. Your experience was more horrible than any of the ones presented by females, yet not one single female offered you support or words of encouragement, nor to any of the other guys who had the guts to disclose something which is so much more difficult for guys than girls to discuss.

It's absolutely disgusting. A true double standard. It's girls' behavior like this which contributes to toxic masculinity.

[Amy_n_Annie]

There definitely should be mutual support for boys and girls here
Obviously this thread started in the girls area and girls outnumber boys and there hasn’t been an outpouring from guys to girls either
But definitely
I’m here for anyone m or f whose been abused

My friends and siblings were there for me when I was

[Zika]

There definitely should be mutual support for boys and girls here
Obviously this thread started in the girls area and girls outnumber boys and there hasn’t been an outpouring from guys to girls either
But definitely
I’m here for anyone m or f whose been abused

My friends and siblings were there for me when I was

That this has been seen by more girls than boys further raises the question of why they haven't responded supportively to the guys.

Actually, guys have made supportive posts to at least five of the girls who've posted about incidents here. No girls have made supportive posts to any guys.

I'm glad to see you at least say you're willing to be supportive of guys, too.

[Just JT]

That's true, as you said in your previous post in this thread.
It was one to which I was referring as to the extreme cruelty you endured and how it affected your life. Your experience was more horrible than any of the ones presented by females, yet not one single female offered you support or words of encouragement, nor to any of the other guys who had the guts to disclose something which is so much more difficult for guys than girls to discuss.

It's absolutely disgusting. A true double standard. It's girls' behavior like this which contributes to toxic masculinity.

Well I can see how you might feel that way after been through several years of therapy with issues around both males and females. But the reality is, I don’t think you can assign such a “toxic” label to girls in general, nor boys for that matter.

Many members choose not to read threads like this, and others, whether effected or not might feel uncomfortable talking or disclosing about it. And that’s life.....

Sexual abuse and rape is a violent crime, not about sex.....so it easily turns into anger, resentment, violent behavior and or hate. Right?

To assigned a blanket description to a general population without knowing that same population sounds a lot like being prejudice doesn’t it?

Doesn’t prejudice easily turn into the same anger rage and violence?

Yeah I kinda derailed this thread, and I’m sorry, maybe more for for another thread, I just wanted to reply to this, cause I’m not so sure it’s completely accurate.

It might be how you feel, and I totally understand that, and I support you in how you feel about this topic, for whatever reason. But the anger and rage you hold is gonna eat you up inside bro......let it go...

Feel free to PM or something if you wana chat about it

[Zika]

I understand what you're saying.

My comment was not directed at all women, but a casual observation of the females who posted in this thread and others who looked but didn't post. There's a difference between making an objective observation and prejudice. I absolutely don't make assumptions about all females' lack of empathy toward males who've been abused.

It's a well known double standard that men either shouldn't talk about these kind of things, or that it doesn't affect them as much. I should have put "toxic masculinity" in quotation marks, as I used that term mockingly.

I may come across strong, but I can assure you, I have no anger or rage about this topic. Just disappointment.

Thank you for your concern and insightfullness.

[Tayler]

Wow this thread makes me smile and breaks my heart all at once. For the ones who confronted your assailant, I commend you. I am sure that can’t be easy and I’m sorry that happened to you. Fortunately I’ve never been molested other than a stupid drunk friend slapping my butt at a party. He got the death stare and knew not to do it again.

[Knightsleepy]

I feel really lucky that I've not had any experience of anything worse than having my butt pated or having a boy snapping my bra strap in middle school. My friend was raped at a party last year it was really heartbreaking seeing my once really open outgoing friend change so much and who still hasn't been the same since and maybe never will. I may or may not have had my brothers pay him a visit when the police didn't do anything.

It's really sad that most girls have some experience of this and even a lot of guys, it shouldn't be something we expect to happen and not a rare event

Love out to all of you who where brave enough to share and continue on:hug3:

[Kari]

Oh wow I just found this thread right now. I agree there needs to be a support group

[Will..]

Wow, I'm really shocked about how many people have had these sorts of experiences. My story has left barely any mark on me, and I've never thought much of it but I will share it anyway.

I was 11 or 12 and in my class there was a guy two years older than me. He was seen as the sort of sexual guy in the class and I think I realised how to masturbate after seeing him making jokes (with water bottle etc). It got to a point where he was sort of slapping everyones butts and making comments, and pulling peoples pants down.

Everyone was used to it and I didn't care. I still don't really care. I think he was just joking around and is decent enough to not do anything worse.

Anyway the person we really needed to watch out for was the guy who seemed like he hadn't hit puberty who did some really weird stuff to girls at the pools on our school trip.

[thebestusname]

About a year ago a boy from school tried to rape me at a party. I got away but didn't tell anyone, the boy was popular and I didn't think anyone would believe me. He raped a different girl a couple weeks later. When I heard about that I felt so guilty for having not said anything, maybe I could have kept her from getting raped. She reported the rape and I testified at the trial and the boy is now in jail but I still feel guilty and probably always will.

You are my hero! Well done! I mean that you didn't let him to rape you

[Brandon.Stewart2003]

A few years ago, I went to my best friends house. His gay brother let me in and told me to wait in my friends room until my friend got back from work. While in there, his brother and his brothers boyfriend came in and attacked me, raping me.

[Surfergirl]

Between victim shaming and the legal system not treating it seriously enough, people don’t report how much they should :(

That’s a sad fact :(

[Zika]

A few years ago, I went to my best friends house. His gay brother let me in and told me to wait in my friends room until my friend got back from work. While in there, his brother and his brothers boyfriend came in and attacked me, raping me.

That's terrible. That was a gang rape. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's beyond criminal that your friend's brother set you up like that. That was truly evil.

I hope you're recovering and sought justice.

[Leilani22]

Personally I can’t relate to those horrible experiences myself. It’s sad reading what happened to some people. I can imagine it’s probably hard turning in someone who’s a brother of your friend or your parents know each other etc. But you gotta do it if you’re treated like that. Same for boys and girls. No one have a right to force you into sex.

[Surfergirl]

Personally I can’t relate to those horrible experiences myself. It’s sad reading what happened to some people. I can imagine it’s probably hard turning in someone who’s a brother of your friend or your parents know each other etc. But you gotta do it if you’re treated like that. Same for boys and girls. No one have a right to force you into sex.

Totally with you on that

[Zika]

Personally I can’t relate to those horrible experiences myself. It’s sad reading what happened to some people. I can imagine it’s probably hard turning in someone who’s a brother of your friend or your parents know each other etc. But you gotta do it if you’re treated like that. Same for boys and girls. No one have a right to force you into sex.

Congratulations on being the first girl to acknowledge there are male victims as well (sammi's post doesn't count as 'she' turned out to be a fake).

See my comments above about this issue.

[Leilani22]

Congratulations on being the first girl to acknowledge there are male victims as well (sammi's post doesn't count as 'she' turned out to be a fake).

See my comments above about this issue.

I’m surprised no one said that. :what:
Of course both boys and girls can be victims.

[Surfergirl]

I’m surprised no one said that. :what:
Of course both boys and girls can be victims.

Definitely and boys are far less likely to report it, so any who do share about it are really brave

[mellow]

I was sexually harassed and assaulted by my best friend. We were at a camp and we were making out and when I said stop he didn't listen. it was heartbreaking and traumatic. I quickly broke my self esteem and started to make bad decisions. I ended up dating the same boy and he abused me again and again but I didn't leave. finally I broke things off, and we remain on not speaking terms.

[Zika]

I was sexually harassed and assaulted by my best friend. We were at a camp and we were making out and when I said stop he didn't listen. it was heartbreaking and traumatic. I quickly broke my self esteem and started to make bad decisions. I ended up dating the same boy and he abused me again and again but I didn't leave. finally I broke things off, and we remain on not speaking terms.

Good for you for breaking things off and keeping him out of your life.

Scars build strength.

[CarrieOC]

Yes I have.

[Starkiller]

I have had been molested , at the time I didn’t know what it was , but now I do . I’ve moved on from it and know better now.

[Fun1898]

I guess you could say I was molested. It was one of my exes who was trying to progress things faster than I wanted. I was still young and "innocent" at the time. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

[Zika]

I guess you could say I was molested. It was one of my exes who was trying to progress things faster than I wanted. I was still young and "innocent" at the time. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.

I'm sorry to hear that.
It can be just as harmful when it happens to a guy than when it happens to a girl.
Be glad she's your ex.

[Xxx_Lilly_xxX]

Well idont have got raped but i get alot of touch in my butt when i go out wit hfreinds an didn know its an act of molesting or abuse ... i thought it was a silly move from the boys . And for the girls who comforted theri raper i slaute you and yo udeserve a metal. One thing i want to say is that life is hard and there wil be always hard times i n our life ( death...accidents break ups ) and the only thing for us to do is to stand up and coninue our lifes and learn from our mistakes

[Bostonian]

I don't like to use that word, but I have been touched in less than appropriate ways when I did not want to be touched by people who should not have wanted to touch me.

[BunniBoi]

to keep it short was groped and humped on by a "friend" in middle school in class and then was teased for it for a while and at the time I was questioning my sexuality so that was a lil weird for me it still bothers me and the thought makes me a bit sick but I don't think it left a huge wound hopefully

[kayenhere1]

I've had body parts groped a few times, which resulted in me hitting them and telling their friends (and in one case their parents) what they had done. No-one molests me and gets away with it.

The weird thing is that they were surprised by my strong reaction. They apparently thought it was just a bit of fun, but they really have no clue what that can do (physically, but even more so mentally) to a woman or girl. I'm strong enough to defend myself in multiple ways and I can mentally handle it, but these idiots may have done it to other women like best store (https://ninjamerchstore.com/) for ninja who cannot defend themselves that well. And that is, for me, the biggest reason to let them know in no uncertain terms that their behaviour is completely unacceptable. Naming and shaming is very useful in most cases.

I got once by a boy from my class a pat on my butt. He immediately received a slap in his face from me

[pahern0317]

Nothing like that ever happened to me. Thank goodness!

[veroda]

I guess we'd get more participants in here if we could post anonymously.

[Berlin]

It never happened to me but I know it happened to someone I know

[Katy_]

Most girls have in some way I expect
I don’t want to discuss here

[Just JT]

I guess we'd get more participants in here if we could post anonymously.

Why do you say that?
Being molested or sexually assaulted is nothing to be embarrassed about. By coming forward, reporting it, facing it and dealing with it is a sign of courage

Sad but true, most still wont come forward, even in an Anonymous forum

[xols]

It never happened to me but I know it happened to someone I know

Why do you say that?
Being molested or sexually assaulted is nothing to be embarrassed about. By coming forward, reporting it, facing it and dealing with it is a sign of courage

Sad but true, most still wont come forward, even in an Anonymous forum

I agree with what Berlin said. I was on a different forum and they allowed members to make specific posts anonymously (there was a limit of the anon posts per month I think).

People shouldn't be ashamed of having been molested, but many are embarrassed. Getting rid of the shame and embarrassment is the end goal of working through the trauma. Not everyone is there yet.

I do think more people would come forward, providing support just because of the numbers, and receive support, if they could post some things anon.

There's also this common conflation of 'embarrassment or shame' with 'privacy.'
People may not be embarrassed, but still want privacy about some issues in their life.

I would imagine we all have thoughts, feelings, experienced events, which we're not embarrassed about, but which we don't want to make public either.

[veroda]

Why do you say that?
Being molested or sexually assaulted is nothing to be embarrassed about. By coming forward, reporting it, facing it and dealing with it is a sign of courage

Sad but true, most still wont come forward, even in an Anonymous forum
The forum is anonymous-ish. I've said enough about myself for someone to be able to find me in real life. So yeah the average people in here won't just start recognizing me on the streets. But it took me quite some time to overcome the fear to be recognized IRL and to be annoyed by people using what I said in here. I’m sure plenty people feel the same.

[Phoebe_]

Yeah when I was 12
Lesson learned - always have a bathroom/shower buddy
We were camping and I went to shower and it’s all kinda rustic and open but male one side female the other and I was in the right one but this American guy came in
No one else was there, things happened then I could hear people talking on their way in and he said don’t say anything, grabbed his stuff and left the place
Could have been worse but left me so creeped out

[SandraK]

So sorry!

[ewan1]

Only once when i was super young, it was my fault for wondering off from my parents, we were in some shop (dont remember which), and i wondered into the bathroom, this was when i was like 6 or 7 and it was just me and a guy in there alone, and he overly-friendly asked me if i needed help using the bathroom and i dont remember what i said but he took us into the bathroom stall and pulled down my trousers and then pulled down his and asked me to watch him, then he grabbed me down there and was kind of explaining but not really explaining because he was more just having fun then actually helping me, im not sure in what way he touched me there but he was touching me, and im pretty sure a couple times he rubbed his own penis against me, then not sure what happened, either he was in a rush or had a sudden panic (maybe thinking someone was looking for me), pulled his trousers up then mine, and just left me in the stall, and that was it. I was just wondering around messing around before my dad found me in there, haven't told my parents about this, because it hasn't really affected me since it was so long ago and wasn't as bad as it could of been.

[Bluebyrd]

Only once when i was super young, it was my fault for wondering off from my parents, we were in some shop (dont remember which), and i wondered into the bathroom, this was when i was like 6 or 7 and it was just me and a guy in there alone, and he overly-friendly asked me if i needed help using the bathroom and i dont remember what i said but he took us into the bathroom stall and pulled down my trousers and then pulled down his and asked me to watch him, then he grabbed me down there and was kind of explaining but not really explaining because he was more just having fun then actually helping me, im not sure in what way he touched me there but he was touching me, and im pretty sure a couple times he rubbed his own penis against me, then not sure what happened, either he was in a rush or had a sudden panic (maybe thinking someone was looking for me), pulled his trousers up then mine, and just left me in the stall, and that was it. I was just wondering around messing around before my dad found me in there, haven't told my parents about this, because it hasn't really affected me since it was so long ago and wasn't as bad as it could of been.

Being assaulted is never your fault.

[cleverme]

when I was 6 years old I was raped and it affects me to this day.. I was 6 years old and I didn't ever think It was my fault bc of how young I was but I'm okay for the most part now, I get nightmares sometimes and I think about more than I should but it has made me a stronger woman.

[Spinder]

Yes. It took me many years to regain my trust in humanity, period, and most especially, to believe that not all men are perpetrators. Eventually, though, with help and support, I was able to pull through and become a survivor, not a victim.

[CarlaG]

Raped never. But have been gropped in my but and boobs sometimes. Nothing really bad...but unconfertable.

[HardCandyGirl]

When I was 7 or so a male cousin made me touching him and doing oral... I didn't really know what was happening at that moment. I wasn't really forced but I didn't like to do it. The sad thing was that I kind of get used to it, because it happened many times :(

2 or 3 years later, a girl show me some porn and I wasn't ready for that, neither.

Those things pushing me to think about sex way to young, when I shouldn't.

[Arianne]

Yes last summer
I avoid that part of the beach and those kinds of people now
I never told my parents because I didn’t want them to stop me from going to the beach alone

[Alexnbin]

Made me feel powerless and weak and scared for the future

[RoxasPup]

Is..is it rape if you kinda liked it but didnt ask for it? My cousin used to babysit me all the time and he would help bath me and he uhhh. do things but i liked when he did it so i never made a fuse about it. litterally didnt think about it till just now being possibly rape :o

[SouthernDude]

Is..is it rape if you kinda liked it but didnt ask for it? My cousin used to babysit me all the time and he would help bath me and he uhhh. do things but i liked when he did it so i never made a fuse about it. litterally didnt think about it till just now being possibly rape :o

If he engaged in sexual intercourse with you, then it'd be rape. If it was like touching and stuff, then that's sexual harassment. And it is one of those if you didn't say it was okay.

[RoxasPup]

If he engaged in sexual intercourse with you, then it'd be rape. If it was like touching and stuff, then that's sexual harassment. And it is one of those if you didn't say it was okay.

well he used to id say play with me down there when he bathed me but like i said i liked when he did it and it never bothered me. So thats apperently still wrong? I honestly didnt know that! i dont think i could say anything now though. that was like 4 years ago and when we lived on the other side of the country

[SouthernDude]

well he used to id say play with me down there when he bathed me but like i said i liked when he did it and it never bothered me. So thats apperently still wrong? I honestly didnt know that! i dont think i could say anything now though. that was like 4 years ago and when we lived on the other side of the country

That's kinda tough. How old was he?

[RoxasPup]

That's kinda tough. How old was he? like 13 or 14 i think. and i was maybe 9 or 10

[SouthernDude]

like 13 or 14 i think. and i was maybe 9 or 10

I'd still call it sexual assault. Even if you didn't really mind, he knew full well what he was doing when you had no clue.

[DarkDragon]

Is..is it rape if you kinda liked it but didnt ask for it? My cousin used to babysit me all the time and he would help bath me and he uhhh. do things but i liked when he did it so i never made a fuse about it. litterally didnt think about it till just now being possibly rape :o

Rape is having non-consensual sex, You need the person's consent to have sex before you start having sex with said person. it's no good asking midway as their body is most likely feeling pleasure and they arent thinking.


Molesting/sexual assault is being touched in places you didn't want to be touched and that being non-consensually (without clear permission or indication they're fine with doing it). private parts in general or being groped.

According to the law if you're under the law of consent (16 in UK, 18 in US) you cannot consent and it is regarded as statuary rape. Same with molesting/sexual assault.

It doesn't matter if you enjoyed it, when you're being sexually stimulated your body is feeling pleasure despite your mind screaming NO. Rape victims went through this, they'd feel guilty about feeling good and hate themselves/feel impure or they stop thinking of it as rape due to enjoying it.

He shouldn't have abused your trust or took advantage of you being so young. I'm sorry you went through that and i hope you realise, your body is yours alone. No one can touch you like that unless you're fine with it and people have to ask for consent.

[DarkDragon]

i kinda been molested (although according to the others it wasn't serious) and I never experienced worse luckily although online I been sent dick pics when I was younger and had people being very sexual towards me.

There was a girl in my class that made me very uncomfortable as I wasn't interested in girls or relationships, she'd get in my personal space and do things like pinch my butt and grabbed my dick once. There were cases where I pushed her away from me she'd say I grabbed her boobs. Maybe this was why I never liked females when I was younger.

it got to the point where i become emotionless to the "teasing" and threatened to break her if she tried molesting me and claiming self defense.

[RoxasPup]

Rape is having non-consensual sex, You need the person's consent to have sex before you start having sex with said person. it's no good asking midway as their body is most likely feeling pleasure and they arent thinking.


Molesting/sexual assault is being touched in places you didn't want to be touched and that being non-consensually (without clear permission or indication they're fine with doing it). private parts in general or being groped.

According to the law if you're under the law of consent (16 in UK, 18 in US) you cannot consent and it is regarded as statuary rape. Same with molesting/sexual assault.

It doesn't matter if you enjoyed it, when you're being sexually stimulated your body is feeling pleasure despite your mind screaming NO. Rape victims went through this, they'd feel guilty about feeling good and hate themselves/feel impure or they stop thinking of it as rape due to enjoying it.

He shouldn't have abused your trust or took advantage of you being so young. I'm sorry you went through that and i hope you realise, your body is yours alone. No one can touch you like that unless you're fine with it and people have to ask for consent.

Thats the thing that confounds me on wether or not it was though. my mind wasnt saying no. i wasnt tramatized on it either and look back on it as a good memory myself ( what ever that says about my mind) i never thought about it being rape because i mentally and physically wanted to do it. I obviously gave consent even though the law says i cant. Im more confused about wether or not if its considered rape rather then the actual act it self. I guess im just weird like that :( ive never had a sex negative bringing up. maybe that is why?

[DarkDragon]

Thats the thing that confounds me on wether or not it was though. my mind wasnt saying no. i wasnt tramatized on it either and look back on it as a good memory myself ( what ever that says about my mind) i never thought about it being rape because i mentally and physically wanted to do it. I obviously gave consent even though the law says i cant. Im more confused about wether or not if its considered rape rather then the actual act it self. I guess im just weird like that :( ive never had a sex negative bringing up. maybe that is why?



to be fair there's a difference between the law saying you cant consent (due to them believing you're not old enough to realise what you're consenting) and you actually consenting. also the thing is you said you was like 9 and I believe you didn't know anything about masturbation or those "touches". Your mind was a child and of course it'd say yes to feeling good.

If you did know about it and was completely fine, then I guess you can say it's sort of acceptable as you consent, he wasn't hurting you and he wasn't taking advantage of it (this is kind of iffy thing to be truthful). Do wanna state a 13-14-year-old shouldn't be doing that with someone 2 years younger than them and/or someone below 12.

I don't think you're weird mate. also, I think it's because you trust your cousin, they didn't "abuse" you, and that they did it to bring you pleasure rather than to make themselves feel good. Not having a sex-negative background could have helped.

[Cassi]

On vacation last year
Older like late teens / early 20s
Didn’t expect it, was so sudden from friendly to grabbing pulling at what I had on

Still wake up sweaty at night sometimes

[Valkyri]

This was a tragic read :(

[HighVamp913]

I mean yeah a lot happens in the system. More than others can imagine and realize.

[twirlgurl]

I have. And it's the raw source of my anger, my depression, my humiliation, and my PTSD.

I dont talk about it much because im still going through the therapy process. My abuse started when i was 9 and continued until i was about 11. The abuser was the husband of a trusted friend of my mothers named Karen. Ill call him Jeff for this post. You would never know the monster inside this person by looking at him, talking too him, or being around him. Jeff was like that super nice guy that makes you feel special and makes you laugh at all his stupid jokes. I wanted to be with him. I knew his touching and "tickling" was kind of naughty. I mean, who hasnt been taught in kindergarten about bad touching? but it made me feel special. It made me think that this was what "love" is. I was never raped, never penetrated by anything except his finger. It was mostly tickling, rubbing, "massages", lots of play spankings with pants down, modeling any new underwear i got, etc. etc. And yes, he also taught me what boys like too.

It only stopped because they moved away for work. I was shocked and sad that he left without saying good-bye. My mom kept in touch with email and email with Karen, his wife, her friend.

I never said a word. It was my "special secret". Since he never hurt me physically, i never made much of a deal about it. It did bother me later, like 13, when i learned about what a pedophile is, but i still never told.

When i was 16 my mom got a call. Jeff was arrested for raping an 10 yr old. Not molesting, but raping, destroying a young girls life. My mom asked if he ever touched me. I said no. I lied. I didnt want her or anybody to know my now ugly secret. It later dawned on me that if HAD told when i was little, if I DID tell my [parents like i new i should have -- That little girl probably wouldnt have been raped. Jeff would already be in jail or would be on a list of predators or something.

But he wasnt -- because I never told!!! A beautiful little girl suffered something unimaginable ALL because I didnt want to tell my secret.

I know it's not my fault. But it still hurts knowing "could have" prevented something horrible, but I didnt. I was stupid & selfish thinking that what Jeff did to me was "special"

.
The real truth: I wasnt "special". I was nothing more then a hairless / flat chested and overly trusting little girl to him. I eventually opened up to my mom after i had started therapy for self harming and depression. The root of which started with HIM!

He's still in prison, not able to hurt others. But those that he had hurt, the innocence murdered, and any self-confidence destroyed. WE are the ones that suffer and we will suffer LONG after he is release from jail.

This IS my nightmare.

Again, im getting help, and feel better about myself today. But if you HAVE been molested -- PLEASE PLEASE tell someone! It's NEVER too late to expose these people for who that are-- Monsters.

[Stuckinohio]

That is truly awful and disturbing. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That is horrible.

[BiYasmin]

Reading some of the things on here is heart breaking!

Thankfully I've only had some guys at school brush up against me a few times but nothing more than that. I'm glad too reading some of the stuff from here.

My heart goes out to you all

[Catrina]

I was going to say I’ve been felt up in line at a water slide and how that felt bad, but it’s nothing compared to what I’ve just read here
I’m so sorry for you all who have been wronged so badly

[pavement13]

I got felt up by my babysitter when I was like 6 or 7. Didn't really know what was happening at the time. I kind of enjoyed it I guess but I wouldn't really do it agian

[Ali.Cat]

My mom told me I was molested by our neighbours teenage son when I was 2. I don't remember it. I try not to think about it. He was charged right away and we moved soon after.

[Sevven]

Felt up but thats so common, nothing as terrible as some of these stories :(

[AlisaWe]

I have. And it's the raw source of my anger, my depression, my humiliation, and my PTSD.

I dont talk about it much because im still going through the therapy process. My abuse started when i was 9 and continued until i was about 11. The abuser was the husband of a trusted friend of my mothers named Karen. Ill call him Jeff for this post. You would never know the monster inside this person by looking at him, talking too him, or being around him. Jeff was like that super nice guy that makes you feel special and makes you laugh at all his stupid jokes. I wanted to be with him. I knew his touching and "tickling" was kind of naughty. I mean, who hasnt been taught in kindergarten about bad touching? but it made me feel special. It made me think that this was what "love" is. I was never raped, never penetrated by anything except his finger. It was mostly tickling, rubbing, "massages", lots of play spankings with pants down, modeling any new underwear i got, etc. etc. And yes, he also taught me what boys like too.

It only stopped because they moved away for work. I was shocked and sad that he left without saying good-bye. My mom kept in touch with email and email with Karen, his wife, her friend.

I never said a word. It was my "special secret". Since he never hurt me physically, i never made much of a deal about it. It did bother me later, like 13, when i learned about what a pedophile is, but i still never told.

When i was 16 my mom got a call. Jeff was arrested for raping an 10 yr old. Not molesting, but raping, destroying a young girls life. My mom asked if he ever touched me. I said no. I lied. I didnt want her or anybody to know my now ugly secret. It later dawned on me that if HAD told when i was little, if I DID tell my [parents like i new i should have -- That little girl probably wouldnt have been raped. Jeff would already be in jail or would be on a list of predators or something.

But he wasnt -- because I never told!!! A beautiful little girl suffered something unimaginable ALL because I didnt want to tell my secret.

I know it's not my fault. But it still hurts knowing "could have" prevented something horrible, but I didnt. I was stupid & selfish thinking that what Jeff did to me was "special"

.
The real truth: I wasnt "special". I was nothing more then a hairless / flat chested and overly trusting little girl to him. I eventually opened up to my mom after i had started therapy for self harming and depression. The root of which started with HIM!

He's still in prison, not able to hurt others. But those that he had hurt, the innocence murdered, and any self-confidence destroyed. WE are the ones that suffer and we will suffer LONG after he is release from jail.

This IS my nightmare.

Again, im getting help, and feel better about myself today. But if you HAVE been molested -- PLEASE PLEASE tell someone! It's NEVER too late to expose these people for who that are-- Monsters.

It may sound strange and monstrous to you, but what happened to you, and then the violence against another girl - this is your parents' fault. Don't rush to object right away, I'll explain why.

You see, there is such a thing as sex education, and normally it should start at the age of 4-5 with an explanation of how boys are different from girls. And parents are obliged to call the genitals by their proper names, and not "pistils", "stamens" and other allegories.

If your parents talked to you about this, if they built a trusting relationship with you, then you would not have a problem to say right away. Your parents had to explain to you that the touch of a stranger to your genitals is very bad and that you should immediately tell your mother about it as soon as it happened.

I can understand your parents. They didn’t want to tell you some terrible and unpleasant things, believing that you would avoid this. But no one is immune from this, and the obligation of parents is not only to give the child an education, but also to be a stronghold for their child, in which the child can find understanding, support, where the child can share everything that worries him/her.

[Hedda]

It may sound strange and monstrous to you, but what happened to you, and then the violence against another girl - this is your parents' fault. Don't rush to object right away, I'll explain why.

You see, there is such a thing as sex education, and normally it should start at the age of 4-5 with an explanation of how boys are different from girls. And parents are obliged to call the genitals by their proper names, and not "pistils", "stamens" and other allegories.

If your parents talked to you about this, if they built a trusting relationship with you, then you would not have a problem to say right away. Your parents had to explain to you that the touch of a stranger to your genitals is very bad and that you should immediately tell your mother about it as soon as it happened.

I can understand your parents. They didn’t want to tell you some terrible and unpleasant things, believing that you would avoid this. But no one is immune from this, and the obligation of parents is not only to give the child an education, but also to be a stronghold for their child, in which the child can find understanding, support, where the child can share everything that worries him/her.

It’s not the parents fault, it’s the abusers fault

They could have done more to prevent sure but it’s always the person who did it who is to blame

[Hedda]

Yes
I still hate being on my own especially when away from home
I just get so anxious

[katiecat]

Like most products of the foster care system, yes

[Caitlynn]

I have. And it's the raw source of my anger, my depression, my humiliation, and my PTSD.

I dont talk about it much because im still going through the therapy process. My abuse started when i was 9 and continued until i was about 11. The abuser was the husband of a trusted friend of my mothers named Karen. Ill call him Jeff for this post. You would never know the monster inside this person by looking at him, talking too him, or being around him. Jeff was like that super nice guy that makes you feel special and makes you laugh at all his stupid jokes. I wanted to be with him. I knew his touching and "tickling" was kind of naughty. I mean, who hasnt been taught in kindergarten about bad touching? but it made me feel special. It made me think that this was what "love" is. I was never raped, never penetrated by anything except his finger. It was mostly tickling, rubbing, "massages", lots of play spankings with pants down, modeling any new underwear i got, etc. etc. And yes, he also taught me what boys like too.

It only stopped because they moved away for work. I was shocked and sad that he left without saying good-bye. My mom kept in touch with email and email with Karen, his wife, her friend.

I never said a word. It was my "special secret". Since he never hurt me physically, i never made much of a deal about it. It did bother me later, like 13, when i learned about what a pedophile is, but i still never told.

When i was 16 my mom got a call. Jeff was arrested for raping an 10 yr old. Not molesting, but raping, destroying a young girls life. My mom asked if he ever touched me. I said no. I lied. I didnt want her or anybody to know my now ugly secret. It later dawned on me that if HAD told when i was little, if I DID tell my [parents like i new i should have -- That little girl probably wouldnt have been raped. Jeff would already be in jail or would be on a list of predators or something.

But he wasnt -- because I never told!!! A beautiful little girl suffered something unimaginable ALL because I didnt want to tell my secret.

I know it's not my fault. But it still hurts knowing "could have" prevented something horrible, but I didnt. I was stupid & selfish thinking that what Jeff did to me was "special"

.
The real truth: I wasnt "special". I was nothing more then a hairless / flat chested and overly trusting little girl to him. I eventually opened up to my mom after i had started therapy for self harming and depression. The root of which started with HIM!

He's still in prison, not able to hurt others. But those that he had hurt, the innocence murdered, and any self-confidence destroyed. WE are the ones that suffer and we will suffer LONG after he is release from jail.

This IS my nightmare.

Again, im getting help, and feel better about myself today. But if you HAVE been molested -- PLEASE PLEASE tell someone! It's NEVER too late to expose these people for who that are-- Monsters.


I’m so sorry :(
It’s definitely not your fault, it’s all him

But also society for making you feel like you couldn’t tell and also leaving you so uninformed

[tami666]

I’ve never been raped, but it’s sad and scary reading some people here experience that. I was touched and molested before, but it didn’t hurt me at least. It affected me for sure. I was later open to having sex very easily so i think that’s a affect (not with who molested me!). Sex was willing for me but definitely what I experience before affect me to being ok with sex. At least nothing really bad happened and I’m not hurt or depressed or anything like that!

[Eivor]

Yes and like some described
Those stories were so hard to read, I thought at the time it wouldnt happen to me
Nightmares still sometimes

[jordan0819]

I haven't and I can't even imagine what that would feel like or how that would impact me. I feel bad for those that have had this happen to them.

[Eivor]

I haven't and I can't even imagine what that would feel like or how that would impact me. I feel bad for those that have had this happen to them.

Is terrible
It changed you and it’s not fair

[littlemary]

Sexual abuse is so wrong :(

[Eivor]

Sexual abuse is so wrong :(

It’s the worst
Even after it’s done it never goes away

[Eivor]

Getting more comfortable talking about since coming here but yes
A friends dad
He doesn’t look at me and I avoid going to their house but I never told her

[Izabela]

Getting more comfortable talking about since coming here but yes
A friends dad
He doesn’t look at me and I avoid going to their house but I never told her

Omg that is horrible! You told anyone about it... to get this asshole punished?

[Eivor]

Omg that is horrible! You told anyone about it... to get this asshole punished?

No, only really opened up about with a friend here recently and got my head around it

It was over a year ago, I don’t think it’s something he’d do again to anyone

[Izabela]

No, only really opened up about with a friend here recently and got my head around it

It was over a year ago, I don’t think it’s something he’d do again to anyone

Well I hope so that you’re right. But most abusive assholes will always be what they are: Abusive assholes.

Good you opened up about it and hopefully can overcome this and not let it ruin your life.

[Eivor]

Well I hope so that you’re right. But most abusive assholes will always be what they are: Abusive assholes.

Good you opened up about it and hopefully can overcome this and not let it ruin your life.

I don’t want to destroy my besties life

[Izabela]

I don’t want to destroy my besties life

Youre an amazing friend. She can be soo happy to have you.

[Eivor]

Youre an amazing friend. She can be soo happy to have you.

I hate the secrecy and making excuses to avoid staying the night at her house, but so far so good, been over a year

[julia1234]

I hate the secrecy and making excuses to avoid staying the night at her house, but so far so good, been over a year

*hugs*

[Eivor]

*hugs*

Hugs are good <3

[Izabela]

I hate the secrecy and making excuses to avoid staying the night at her house, but so far so good, been over a year

That's so sad because staying the night at best friends house should be what you're keen on. I'm so sorry for you.

[Eivor]

That's so sad because staying the night at best friends house should be what you're keen on. I'm so sorry for you.

She comes to my house instead

[Izabela]

She comes to my house instead

Well that's not bad either then. A safe place...
My bestie always comes to my house, we're never at her house. Her parents are very stricht and don't like her being in touch with me.

[Eivor]

Well that's not bad either then. A safe place...
My bestie always comes to my house, we're never at her house. Her parents are very stricht and don't like her being in touch with me.

Why is that?

[tami666]

to be fair there's a difference between the law saying you cant consent (due to them believing you're not old enough to realise what you're consenting) and you actually consenting. also the thing is you said you was like 9 and I believe you didn't know anything about masturbation or those "touches". Your mind was a child and of course it'd say yes to feeling good.

If you did know about it and was completely fine, then I guess you can say it's sort of acceptable as you consent, he wasn't hurting you and he wasn't taking advantage of it (this is kind of iffy thing to be truthful). Do wanna state a 13-14-year-old shouldn't be doing that with someone 2 years younger than them and/or someone below 12.

I don't think you're weird mate. also, I think it's because you trust your cousin, they didn't "abuse" you, and that they did it to bring you pleasure rather than to make themselves feel good. Not having a sex-negative background could have helped.

this is a good point. sometimes it's hard to say whats abuse

[scotthouse]

I don’t want to destroy my besties lifeThats very understandable..... You are a good friend.....

[Eivor]

Thats very understandable..... You are a good friend.....

Thanks sometimes it feels right to say something but my stepdad would probably end up in jail if I did, he’s protective in the old way

[Uniquemind]

this is a good point. sometimes it's hard to say whats abuse

I think this is very true, and the reason for it is because to some level it is subjective upon both the offender and the recipient of whatever action that was then considered “weird, or boundary crossing”.


So this is kinda my closest experience to something like this.

As a little kid, I was almost kidnapped once, or at least I was propositioned at a random car dealership, it could have easily escalated but at least my “No” was respected.

I had wandered away from my parents to go into the dealership’s “lobby”, which was deserted with the lights turned off because the only employee there was the manager who was with my parents at the time browsing other vehicles because it was so hot (car greenhouse effect etc.) .

But I bring this up to point out, that the mental-emotional affects of knowing you’re “at the edge” of safety (i.e. aware of you’re vulnerability) is a scary feeling/thought.

It’s the sense of losing local control of oneself that I think when you break it down is both seen in society as either in the context of this topic either:

1. Sexual Trauma
OR
2. Sexual Ego boost (you’re desirable, you’re the focus of attention etc.)

For example, during my junior prom a few years back, my date squeezed my hips just spontaneously a bit and unprovoked by me. I as the recipient can classify that experience in 2 ways:

1. Non-consensual battery and a personal space-boundary cross

OR

2. A flirtatious move that I could accept as relatively harmless in the long run especially given the context that that was my date. I could also interpret it as a flirtation-romantic escalation que (should I take him privately to the side and flirt back or signal more hot-n-heavy stuff?)


But the way “consent” is discussed in all the relationship and health and law classes at school (both in K-12, and in college), doesn’t really talk about “consent” as something done after the fact, it can’t because it opens up a “ethical can of worms”.

But not discussing it in the way those thoughts are processed in the mind as they occur in practice, still leaves victims without a mental framework or pathway to ruminate on the feelings of whatever they experienced in a healthy way, it builds up into this tense anxiety and angst for most people, which is totally understandable, it’s a fear response. The brain is telling them to “never experience that again”.

I hypothesize this is part of why scientific literature on the psychological affects of those who undergo abuse do differ in outcome.

And this doesn’t just affect heterosexual type scenarios-environments, it affects ALL types of abuse survivors (gay, lesbian, non-binary) or those who even skirted close to experiencing abuse but mentally know they came close (but maybe technically the act of trauma wasn’t committed persay).

_

Part of the reason I think dating, flirting, sexual-potential scenarios, cross into ambiguous territory in our minds and in society is because there is no “clear cut or standardized” way in which human society conducts itself when meeting someone new and kinda bonding with them. There is a certain kind of give-n-take when it comes to flirtationship stuff. I don’t know if society can change that, or if society is better off if it hypothetically does so.

A lot of non-verbal body language and experiences are only clues, on if we like this or not, want it to continue or not. Was the use of [this is going to sound awkward] engaging “privacy” appropriate to further the romantic-atmosphere of said experience or not.

Often times we don’t know until after the fact but society enriches the idea of when being intimate, you create a private-atmosphere before you proceed further.



So I’ll close this post with this, my best advice for healing after experiencing something like this is to think about certain philosophical concepts after already accepting their trauma or feelings are valid:

1. What does consent mean to me?

2. What can I do to exert or maintain a sense of reasonable control over my own will knowing society will want fractions of control in return to engage in socializing with others? Where is that line for me and is there a middle-ground compromise?

3. If it does happen again, what’s my game plan? (Making a game plan will keep you feeling as if you have some sense of control in future scenarios, god forbid, if they present themselves in the future).


Also when it comes to advocating for others I found this question to be important to ask oneself as well before speaking up for someone else’s scenario:

1. Because I use one definition for “consent” in my own head, is it appropriate to project that same definition and use it upon someone else?

For me the answer is “no”, because I respect each individual person to make up their own mind and subjective life-values. But in so doing, I lose the ability to advocate for them, unless they request help in figuring out their own thoughts and lack the introspective skills to do so.


But this is why “what is abuse?” Is such a hard question to answer. It’s also why I didn’t post here for a while, because I had to figure out how to word this tactfully because of nuance.

[jaredcal]

If you have, how has it effected you?

No I haven't. Too ugly for anyone to do that to me.

[tfkbuggy]

No I haven't. Too ugly for anyone to do that to me.


What do you mean? :eek:

[joelle13]

I've only been groped now and then. Once actually inside my undies, at a very busy party. I always kind of freeze, I dont slap or punch or yell at the person doing it, even tho I probably should.

But I dont think it has affected me that much. I still go to parties or get on busy buses and subways. But then I do like standing against the wall with my butt.