Teacher

[averagegirl]

When does a teacher flirting with you cross the line?

[Jake445]

When does a teacher flirting with you cross the line?

When it bothers you even a little bit!

[ska8er]

When it makes u feel uncomfortable
then u use some common sense. Have
u been bothered?

[breaux]

when it's too much

[Pultost]

No teacher is supposed to flirt with the students. Ever. Just a little bit is too much.

[arnorway]

When it bothers you even a little bit!

No teacher is supposed to flirt with the students. Ever. Just a little bit is too much.

exactly

[Natacha]

I'm not saying any of you here is in the categori, I'm now mentioning:

But I know girls who think they are the center of the world and then expect everybody to like them. And say things like "The experience exceeded my limits, cause ALL the boys were in love with me". Yeah right!!
Those same girls might have thought a teacher was flirting with them, when they weren't.
Teachers have to look at the students to teach, and if all looks are interpreted to be flirtacious, it would be really very difficult to do their job.

[Pultost]

I'm not saying any of you here is in the categori, I'm now mentioning:

But I know girls who think they are the center of the world and then expect everybody to like them. And say things like "The experience exceeded my limits, cause ALL the boys were in love with me". Yeah right!!
Those same girls might have thought a teacher was flirting with them, when they weren't.
Teachers have to look at the students to teach, and if all looks are interpreted to be flirtacious, it would be really very difficult to do their job.

That's a good point, I'm sure it's easy to misunderstand if a teacher is handsome and acts friendly. Unfortunately, there are also a few teachers who should never have been let near a school.

[Natacha]

That's a good point, I'm sure it's easy to misunderstand if a teacher is handsome and acts friendly. Unfortunately, there are also a few teachers who should never have been let near a school.

You are right. Those teachers exist unfortunately.
To motivate students, teachers have to be interested in the students and their personality (NOT in a sexual way), to make the classroom work, and to make them want to study and learn.
I'm just saying it can be easy to misunderstand, if you think you are the center of everything. And we should be absolutely sure, before we start the trouble

[Pultost]

You are right. Those teachers exist unfortunately.
To motivate students, teachers have to be interested in the students and their personality (NOT in a sexual way), to make the classroom work, and to make them want to study and learn.
I'm just saying it can be easy to misunderstand, if you think you are the center of everything. And we should be absolutely sure, before we start the trouble

Yes, there are plenty who think they're irresistible, and probably think their teachers are flirting when they in reality are just helping.
One definitely have to be 100% sure before acting.

[EvaNL]

I agree. A teacher should never flirt with students. And students shouldn't misinterpret professional interest in the student, encouragement and helpfulness for flirting.

It's a fine line, and both sides have to be vigilant and careful to not cross that boundary.

[Karalectric]

I also agree. Never appropriate! And if a teacher says or does something that makes you feel least bit uncomfortable, best to report them! I am sure that most teachers are very conscious of this anyways and are careful with how they talk to us and may come off.

[Zika]

To answer the OP: yes.

I'm not saying any of you here is in the categori, I'm now mentioning:

But I know girls who think they are the center of the world and then expect everybody to like them. And say things like "The experience exceeded my limits, cause ALL the boys were in love with me". Yeah right!!
Those same girls might have thought a teacher was flirting with them, when they weren't.
Teachers have to look at the students to teach, and if all looks are interpreted to be flirtacious, it would be really very difficult to do their job.

You're absolutely right. And for some girls, it's a right of passage to let others know a teacher flirted with them, whether it's true or not.
I know some teachers suggest never being alone with a student. It's unfortunate they have to take those precautions. I'm friends with a couple teachers and have been to one's house and a few have given me a ride home.
I value those connections, but for some the risk of false accusations is such that they always need a witness around.


I also agree. Never appropriate! And if a teacher says or does something that makes you feel least bit uncomfortable, best to report them!

I agree, it's never appropriate for a teacher to flirt with a student.
But perhaps before reporting someone for making them feel the 'least bit uncomfortable,' the person should take a second look at what happened and make sure the comment or action was actually inappropriate.
We all process interactions through our own filters and based on our experiences. It's important to realize that our interpretation of an event may not be what was meant.
People are often quick to make judgments about what someone says and often ignore context.
There's also the option of talking to the teacher directly, before reporting them.
Once an accusation has been made, it can NEVER be undone.

[Spaceforce1]

Definitely not, at least I’ve never noticed if any teacher has. I know I would be weirded out if one of my teachers flirted with me. It would be inappropriate if they did so.

[Karalectric]

You are right. Those teachers exist unfortunately.
To motivate students, teachers have to be interested in the students and their personality (NOT in a sexual way), to make the classroom work, and to make them want to study and learn.
I'm just saying it can be easy to misunderstand, if you think you are the center of everything. And we should be absolutely sure, before we start the trouble

Good point, Natacha. I can agree with that.

[Adamant]

If a teacher had flirted with me i don't think I would even be a tiny bit flattered...just weirded out.
Its just not right. Full stop.

[Karalectric]

Pultost has actual cred!!! Anita, that thread you made about that teacher you and other students got removed, i don't remember... was that teacher "flirting" would you say? Or just kinda being a creep??

[Pultost]

Pultost has actual cred!!! Anita, that thread you made about that teacher you and other students got removed, i don't remember... was that teacher "flirting" would you say? Or just kinda being a creep??

Huh, I wasn't aware it got removed. Doesn't matter, it was pretty much done, anyway. But no, he wasn't directly flirting with anyone, but he was definitely giving me and other girls "that" look, if you know what I mean, and it happened often. Good riddance.

[Karalectric]

Huh, I wasn't aware it got removed. Doesn't matter, it was pretty much done, anyway. But no, he wasn't directly flirting with anyone, but he was definitely giving me and other girls "that" look, if you know what I mean, and it happened often. Good riddance.

Oh no i was being confusing sorry. I meant you said the teacher himself got removed because of his behavior? But yeah i think a difference can be made between something that could be misunderstood as "flirting" and something more obvious that gives you the creeps? But yea i know what you mean. That was kinda more what i was thinking of when i made my post rather than the fine line behavior that Eva was talking about. Maybe a bit different than the OP was going at.

[Pultost]

Oh no i was being confusing sorry. I meant you said the teacher himself got removed because of his behavior? But yeah i think a difference can be made between something that could be misunderstood as "flirting" and something more obvious that gives you the creeps? But yea i know what you mean. That was kinda more what i was thinking of when i made my post rather than the fine line behavior that Eva was talking about.

Ah, no worries. Yeah, he got removed, thankfully. And it was definitely no doubt since so many others felt the same, but otherwise one should be careful with accusations straight away.

[Karalectric]

Ah, no worries. Yeah, he got removed, thankfully. And it was definitely no doubt since so many others felt the same, but otherwise one should be careful with accusations straight away.

Yea for sure! In that case lots of others had similar experience, so totally appropriate. :)

[Pultost]

Yea for sure! In that case lots of others had similar experiemce, so totally appropriate. :)

Yeah, it really was no doubt, and not just me imagining things. :)

[averagegirl]

When it makes u feel uncomfortable
then u use some common sense. Have
u been bothered?


I'm not really sure. My drama teacher used to say how good I looked in certain costumes and always spent extra time with me after practice. He's married but sometimes he would talk about the cute girls like me he hung out with when he was in high school. Sometimes it made me feel really weird. There's other stuff but I really don't want to talk about it.

[EvaNL]

I'm not really sure. My drama teacher used to say how good I looked in certain costumes and always spent extra time with me after practice. He's married but sometimes he would talk about the cute girls like me he hung out with when he was in high school. Sometimes it made me feel really weird. There's other stuff but I really don't want to talk about it.
I can understand that you don't really want to talk about things, but it might be a good idea to talk to someone.
I don't how it is at your school, but there may be a confidential advisor. Such a person is mandatory in Dutch schools. They will listen to what you have to say in a confidential setting. What you say will not leave that room unless you agree to further action. And even then your name will not be named.
You could talk to your parents too, or your doctor.
If you feel strong enough, you can also tell that teacher that you feel uncomfortable and that you want to have those kind of conversations anymore. That way you don't accuse him of anything, but you just set a boundary.

[ska8er]

averagegirl Im trying to get a quote off to u but
im having trouble the last few days in posting. So
im going to tell u here that u should NOT stay alone
after practice with him again. Confide in someone in
authority just to make an observation bout him. He
may be doing it to others. If u r questioning his ways
then u know something is not right.

[averagegirl]

I don't have anyone to talk to anymore :confused: I graduated last year and now I'm just lost. It's so hard to find people to talk to and I feel like it's my fault anyways so why bother saying anything. It's just nice to talk to people here and have friends or something. I have a boyfriend and he's amazing but I'm so scared to even talk to him. I don't want him to think I'm like that you know? And I don't want to hurt my teacher. I think he was married and all of my friends loved him so much. They all say he was the best which made me feel so bad. I mean he even won like teacher of the year awards or something for drama or debate or something. Nobody would believe me and I soooo don't want anyone knowing about it. The other night my boyfriend had this amazing plan for our six month anniversary and it was so awesome but kept asking why I felt weird changing around him. It's so not him. He's perfect. I just still remember the things that happened and I just can't feel safe changing around someone. Thank you everyone for being so nice. This makes me feel safer and it helps so much.

[Zika]

I don't have anyone to talk to anymore :confused: I graduated last year and now I'm just lost. It's so hard to find people to talk to and I feel like it's my fault anyways so why bother saying anything. It's just nice to talk to people here and have friends or something. I have a boyfriend and he's amazing but I'm so scared to even talk to him. I don't want him to think I'm like that you know? And I don't want to hurt my teacher. I think he was married and all of my friends loved him so much. They all say he was the best which made me feel so bad. I mean he even won like teacher of the year awards or something for drama or debate or something. Nobody would believe me and I soooo don't want anyone knowing about it. The other night my boyfriend had this amazing plan for our six month anniversary and it was so awesome but kept asking why I felt weird changing around him. It's so not him. He's perfect. I just still remember the things that happened and I just can't feel safe changing around someone. Thank you everyone for being so nice. This makes me feel safer and it helps so much.

While we don't know what happened, I think we can infer it went much further than him complimenting you on your costume.

I know you're not in school anymore, but I'll say this for those who are, and anyone under 18. In the US, it's not as EvaNL described in her country. Here there is some level of confidentiality in therapy, but in some cases therapist can tell parents what the patient said and esp in school situations, they may have an obligation to report a teacher.

In any case, you're an adult and (most) anything you say to a therapist is confidential. You can always ask them if, in a hypothetical situation, they would be required to tell someone else. It's pretty rare that they do.

It sounds like this is affecting you significantly. I do hope you see a therapist.
You can contact various organizations to get referrals.
If you need help with this, pls pm me.

Good luck to you and I do hope you'll seek help. You deserve to have this off your back so you can enjoy life.

[Cgirl]

I agree, it is not right for a teacher to flirt ever with a student whatever there age is.

[Kastanis]

Well I actually like to flirt with some of the teachers a bit (so bit, that others would think its a pure humor)
I even like our native language and literature teacher as a women, but only my best friends know that.

I even like quite amount of my teachers generally and it goes on both sides

[Snowfox]

No teacher is supposed to flirt with the students. Ever. Just a little bit is too much.

Depends highly how old you are. If teacher is lets say 40 and you are 30 its ok

[Pultost]

Depends highly how old you are. If teacher is lets say 40 and you are 30 its ok

Of course, if they're both adults it's something else.

[Surfergirl]

Yeah it’s a flattering but creepy and I doubt anyone would believe it

[minda015]

When does a teacher flirting with you cross the line?
no such circumstances..if it happens i would diplomatically avoid it

[Atlantis]

this was bumped :locked: