I don’t know what to do anymore

[ItsJustSomeone]

I’ve been depressed since... last August, perhaps. It started when someone important left my life (they weren’t a great influence to begin with, but I was very attached to them). I thought I would be okay after that. I was not. It got worse during the holidays— by that point, I was suicidal. I still am sometimes. It’s usually not as bad as it used to be. This weekend, the thoughts hit me pretty hard. I’ve been going to therapy, but it doesn’t seem to help.

I know I should consider medication at this point— but I really don’t want to. I’ve heard the side effects. I don’t want them. I wasn’t always depressed, this isn’t who I am. I’m afraid I’ll never find myself again. I’m losing hope in the idea of ever going back to my old life. I’m afraid my pain will last forever. I don’t want to live this way. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live this way.

I’ve lost interest in art, which I used to love. I lost all my friends. I want new ones but it’s too hard to try to maintain friendships at this point. Plus, most people think I’m weird. So, it isn’t worth trying. I have good grades. I used to want to go to college. Now, I don’t know what the future awaits me. I feel useless. I don’t think I can amount to much of anything. I just feel so ugly and unwanted. And I hate living with these thoughts every day. I want my old self back. But, I’m not sure where I can even begin to find the courage to believe anything will get better. Because it hasn’t.

[ska8er]

U have too many negative thoughts
about urself. I would continue to go
to therapy and I hope u r telling ur
therapist everything that u just said
here. At this point I think u Need to
b on some medication to get u out of
this funk that u r in. I hope u will try
medication and forget about the side
effects. It cant b worse than how u r
feeling now.

[OwlBlue]

To be on some medication is not good i think because anti-depressants are usually prescribe won't cure you of your psychological hurt. It makes you feel any better at the time. Just my opinion. You have try to work on yourself everyday. Write about everything you're feeling in a diary maybe in order to to calm your mind and purify your thoughts. It's not magic that's sure but it can help you a little bit. It washes away gradually all the bad things inside of you. I guess it's very hard. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, scream. Cure depression can take a long time anyway. You can always see a therapist if you need to talk about it.

[jenjen]

I was like this for a time and medication did not help. Im sorry you feeling this way. But getting out excerize , and doing stuff other than sitting thinking can help. But i know its hard :( it can get better though

[Glis25]

Please continue going to therapy, it may not seem like it helps but having someone to talk to about these things is something that youll miss if you stop going. Be sure to tell them about the things that you talked about in this post, and dont be afraid to ask for medication and talk to them about it. Be sure to exercise, go on walks, and eat right as it can be good for your mental health.

[Oscar-V3.0]

I guess therapy is the best solution. Medication might work, but if you dont cure the injury, the day you stop medication, your depression will come back.
I guess you should tell your therapist all you told us here ;)

Good luck

[bpk1234]

The feelings of being unwanted and ugly are all in your head. Your not weird, you are YOURSELF and that's what makes you special. Please keep seeking professional help. You are on this planet for a reason.

[rgconrad23]

Well, anyone that takes the initiative to expose their innermost thoughts to us on this forum should be applauded. I think you have created a cycle that continues to pull you down. I agree that you need to continue your therapy but I recommend that along with a diary you journal about what you like about yourself. Pick one thing each day. Also, write about what you used to like about yourself as well and aim to get that one thread of yourself back. Break that negative cycle and make it a routine to find, however small, that one positive thing and watch it start to grow. Also, surround yourself with people that support you. Being yourself and telling your story will attract folks that support you. You got this! Come back to update us please! Sending warm, loving thoughts and hugs your way!

[ImJulia]

If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me xoxo.