Frightened without it

[lawliett]

I started to cut myself when I was 15,it got quite bad and I was very ill with another condition which landed me in a psychiatric hospital I was there for 5 months and couldn't cut because I was watched all the time.
ive been home for about 2 weeks and the scars I had have faded a bit and I feel frightened without them,i know that don't make sense but its like I felt safe when I could look at my arms and see the cuts.
has anyone else ever felt like this when they haven't cut for a while? or when they have stopped.
I feel like im going to end up cutting again or that I should because it feels like some kind of protection from things and its something that could stop me getting very ill again,but that's probably the kind of behaviour that could put me back in hospital.

maybe this does not make sense I don't know if ive explained it very well but wanted to see if anyone else understood in anyway.

thanks for reading this.

[Tarannosaurus]

I think I know what you mean, for some reason seeing my scars is comforting, even though they've faded a lot. I'm not sure what it is, maybe a reminder of how far you've come, or what you've gone through, because for me it doesn't feel real sometimes, my cutting, what I've gone through, etc.

[thatgothgirluknow]

i get what u mean i look at my arms everyday sometimes just staring at old scars somehow i find great comfort in looking at them