Relationship Problems? First Gay Relationship

[Swimmer98]

Hi everyone, I feel kind of stuck currently in my relationship. the TLDR version is:
We are each other's firsts for just about everything lol. And we are studying abroad together, and idk if we should just go as friends or stay as a couple. It's not like anything is inherently wrong with our relationship but I realized there's no "fire"? Since it's my first relationship idk if there should be this fire over time. He's fragile and on meds since starting our relationship. I do think I love him and he loves me but it's just hard to tell. We've been apart lately due to winter break and we talk on snap daily but I guess I haven't felt a longing for him extremely bad. We are 7 months into our relationship and idk if I should let go to make it hurt less or keep going? All I know is I don't want to hurt him, I really care about him but IDK if we're the ones for eachother long term? I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality and it's been confusing.

Longer version:
We met on tinder over the summer and have now been dating for almost 7 months through college. I'm still in the closet with most friends and family, which is a problem in itself I'm trying to change. We've spent a lot of time together and I've spent a lot of time with his friend group and they've been great. My friends and my roommates have been a bit homophobic and I haven't felt comfortable being open around them.

he heard that I was going to study abroad and he really wanted to as well. Before he signed up with me I told him hey, don't go just because of me, we could break up etc and I don't want that to ruin the trip for you. He signed up. I was (and still am) struggling with my sexuality and what I want. I talked to him 3 months ago about it before we took off for break and got ready for our upcoming trip.

We have our problems like any couple but some things bother me. I'll tell him I love him and he'll always say that I don't etc. He says it's because he's insecure but it also makes me rethink like do I really love him or do I just have these feelings for him that aren't as strong? And he told me sometimes it makes him feel like I don't actually love him back the same way so he says it to pry something out of me that will make him believe it. He also told me that if we're together through our trip he wants that to be the road we go down, even if we do it slowly, because he wants me and he loves me but he cant keep questioning whether this is real or not.

Basically, I think I have strong feelings for him. But sometimes it's hard to understand what I'm feeling, and I wish I had more experience understanding what I want. He's fragile and I don't want to hurt him because I do think I love him, but I don't understand if it's a long term love or just because it's my first time. He wants me to fully come out to my family and be open about my relationship, or to be done. And I can't tell if he's the one or not. Do I breakup and go abroad with him and try to be friends? I'm the only one he knows going. Or do I stay with the relationship because there's nothing inherently wrong, just nothing that stands up to me that says YESSS HE'S THE ONE.

Sorry if it's a bit scrambled, I don't have anyone to talk to so thought I would just put my thoughts out there.

Very appreciated, drop comments and I'll reply+

[Spooky_Eli]

There isn't really anyway of knowing if it's "Long term love" until eather it dies, or it doesn't.

If you break it off with him and then still go abroad with him it's going to be awkward as F**k so proceed with cauction.

Here's the thing, if you feel like you don't really feel a deep longing for him, it's probubly because you talk every day, you can't miss something you always have.

As far as the "fire" goes, that shit dies pretty early on most of the time. A solid relationship is not a torch lit with fire, it's a house built on Bricks. and building a house takes time.

[Swimmer98]

There isn't really anyway of knowing if it's "Long term love" until eather it dies, or it doesn't.

If you break it off with him and then still go abroad with him it's going to be awkward as F**k so proceed with cauction.

Here's the thing, if you feel like you don't really feel a deep longing for him, it's probubly because you talk every day, you can't miss something you always have.

As far as the "fire" goes, that shit dies pretty early on most of the time. A solid relationship is not a torch lit with fire, it's a house built on Bricks. and building a house takes time.

Thanks for the advice, I think the best option is to go as a couple and play it by ear, if we part ways it happens. I've talked to him in the past about the only reason we'd really break up is because I'm trying to figure out my sexuality still and what I want, so he gets that. Sometimes I feel like because I'm in a relationship I'm missing out? Because college is the only time you can really mess around and meet different people? But maybe that's just a negative mindset to have about it.

Thanks again :)

[Ethan19]

To me personally, you need to let him go. It's a toxic relationship because of him. From what you've said he does, it's not what you do in a relationship. It could be because of insecurities but you never impose yourself like that on someone you 'love. I could go on forever on this, because I actually do have a lot to say on him but I won't. I'll leave it at leave him.

As for you, as soon as you think you've been in love and then you question whether the feelings are there. You don't love them. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years almost, there's nothing that hurts more that I can't be by his side everyday. I think you know when you're in love, and by the sounds of it, you know you're not, but you're comparing it to what everyone has said they feel when they're in love.

I hope it makes sense, if you want me to elaborate on something just ask, and I hope you get the clarity you need to make a decision .

[Swimmer98]

To me personally, you need to let him go. It's a toxic relationship because of him. From what you've said he does, it's not what you do in a relationship. It could be because of insecurities but you never impose yourself like that on someone you 'love. I could go on forever on this, because I actually do have a lot to say on him but I won't. I'll leave it at leave him.

As for you, as soon as you think you've been in love and then you question whether the feelings are there. You don't love them. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years almost, there's nothing that hurts more that I can't be by his side everyday. I think you know when you're in love, and by the sounds of it, you know you're not, but you're comparing it to what everyone has said they feel when they're in love.

I hope it makes sense, if you want me to elaborate on something just ask, and I hope you get the clarity you need to make a decision .

Thanks for the comment, I think he's just kind of a sensitive soul. It does suck that he constantly doesn't think I like him when I try to tell him he's cute or something. But I also have my doubts about us I guess. I'm sexually attracted to him, and we bond relatively wrong. And in the beginning it was exciting and fun, and I always wanted to be around him or snapping him. But it's like lately I don't feel this urge to constantly be around him? I don't know if it's because I've been busy hanging out with my friends and family, or if I'm subconsciously trying to deny who I am with my sexual orientation.

[Spooky_Eli]

Thanks for the advice, I think the best option is to go as a couple and play it by ear, if we part ways it happens. I've talked to him in the past about the only reason we'd really break up is because I'm trying to figure out my sexuality still and what I want, so he gets that. Sometimes I feel like because I'm in a relationship I'm missing out? Because college is the only time you can really mess around and meet different people? But maybe that's just a negative mindset to have about it.

Thanks again :)
Well, if you feel like your missing out, i'd question why your still with him, i get that he's sensitive and stuff but, it's not good for eather of you to stay in a relationship where you both want different things.
And sure, it wont be the smoothest break-up in the world, and it'll probubly hurt a little to do it, hell, it'll probubly hurt a lot to do it, but in the long run, if it's the best thing for both of you (a big if mind you) then i'd recommend planing it at soonest conviniance..

[Ethan19]

Thanks for the comment, I think he's just kind of a sensitive soul. It does suck that he constantly doesn't think I like him when I try to tell him he's cute or something. But I also have my doubts about us I guess. I'm sexually attracted to him, and we bond relatively wrong. And in the beginning it was exciting and fun, and I always wanted to be around him or snapping him. But it's like lately I don't feel this urge to constantly be around him? I don't know if it's because I've been busy hanging out with my friends and family, or if I'm subconsciously trying to deny who I am with my sexual orientation.

There's like two ways to look at that: either you're hitting the stage where you're just drifting apart and having less and less interest in the other (more likely), or, what happens to most couples is you just don't have to be with someone 24/7 for everything they do to enjoy yourself or be happy. If you know you love them and they love you it's just what it is and you know it.

As for the sensitive soul thing, I think you give him too much not leniency but it kinda is it. You give him too much leeway and that's why where you say he's sensitive etc i would say he's toxic and manipulating you. But it is different points of view, obviously I don't know everything.

As for your sexual orientation, you don't need to decide it, what's the necessity that is causing you to decide exactly where you are on this scale now? Perhaps, it's your own curiosity or you feel you need to know it. But, trust me, you don't. I think that's something you more get used to and then finally realise. Or maybe some people really need a definitive answer to live their lives 🤔 however I don't think they should and nor should you !