taboo relationships

[ashleigh7]

If a "taboo relationship" is consensual...and both enjoy being together...is a relationship of this kind ok?

Thanks Xoxo
Ash.

[Caycedilla]

Whether or not anyone thinks it’s ok, it’s probably no one else’s business if it’s consensual. Unless someone is being hurt or not mature enough to give consent

[ashleigh7]

Whether or not anyone thinks it’s ok, it’s probably no one else’s business if it’s consensual. Unless someone is being hurt or not mature enough to give consent

Thanks for sharing :) and that's kinda how I viewed it to :)

[Oscar-V3.0]

If a "taboo relationship" is consensual...and both enjoy being together...is a relationship of this kind ok?

Thanks Xoxo
Ash.

What do you mean 'taboo relationship'?

[ashleigh7]

What do you mean 'taboo relationship'?

Could mean..something like between 2 siblings.

[RileyX]

Could mean..something like between 2 siblings.

I guess its more than experimenting then, just be careful about it

[Bluegrass]

Could mean..something like between 2 siblings.

Yes this happens it can be okay at certain times in life.I had just a short taboo experience myself.I don't think parents will find it okay to know so be careful.

[ArfyMcPeesh]

Kind of strange but who says it’s taboo? The law or religion or just people? If both people want it who cares as long as it’s legal

[Katie2003]

If a "taboo relationship" is consensual...and both enjoy being together...is a relationship of this kind ok?

Thanks Xoxo
Ash.

Been there and done that, and it's taken several years of therapy to figure out it's one of the major contributing factors to my serious emotional issues and OCD. I fully enjoyed every minute of it and was typically the instigator who asked my older sis for sexual activity together.

Whether or not anyone thinks it’s ok, it’s probably no one else’s business if it’s consensual. Unless someone is being hurt or not mature enough to give consent


I totally agree that IF and only IF both of the people involved are mature enough to give consent, and understand the meaning of consensual, then it's fine and doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. In my case our mom knew and encouraged us to safely experiment together as long as we respected our bodies. Unfortunately it took several years to figure out that I wasn't mature enough at age 11 to give consent, nor was my sis mature enough at age 15 to stop my advances or realize that this might just NOT be a good idea. Neither of us understood what the effects of our intimacy could be. :(

Now there are hard, hurt feelings going on, it will take several more years of twice weekly therapy to even have any hope of fixing me, and my sis is in therapy as well as of a couple weeks ago. When she asked me to forgive her for not realizing she should have never let this start, one of my conditions for granting forgiveness was that she had to get into therapy too, to understand why she would let me do that.

At this point I wish mom would have said NO, don't go there until both of you are older and can fully understand your reasons for wanting this and be mature enough to actually understand consent.

[InternetTeen]

It's probably just experimenting, if between two siblings. If it's a parent and a child then I don't think that's okay.

[Adamant]

I guess some of them are taboo for a reason.
Ok sex between relatives might not lead to deformed kids these days because you can use contracepttives but I reckon it wil lead to some really confusing relationships.

[John02Sandler]

If both party want it, I don’t see any issues

[Oscar-V3.0]

I guess some of them are taboo for a reason.
Ok sex between relatives might not lead to deformed kids these days because you can use contracepttives but I reckon it wil lead to some really confusing relationships.

If both party want it, I don’t see any issues
Brrrr
I so just cant imagine me doing any thing with my brothers or sister... :eek:

[TaCoonaBiKe]

Thing is, sex between rekatives leads to offsprings being deformed, so there is rly no way in maintaining a solid clean bloodline

[ashleigh7]

Yes this happens it can be okay at certain times in life.I had just a short taboo experience myself.I don't think parents will find it okay to know so be careful.

Thanks for sharing:) and the advice:)

[ashleigh7]

Been there and done that, and it's taken several years of therapy to figure out it's one of the major contributing factors to my serious emotional issues and OCD. I fully enjoyed every minute of it and was typically the instigator who asked my older sis for sexual activity together.




I totally agree that IF and only IF both of the people involved are mature enough to give consent, and understand the meaning of consensual, then it's fine and doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. In my case our mom knew and encouraged us to safely experiment together as long as we respected our bodies. Unfortunately it took several years to figure out that I wasn't mature enough at age 11 to give consent, nor was my sis mature enough at age 15 to stop my advances or realize that this might just NOT be a good idea. Neither of us understood what the effects of our intimacy could be. :(

Now there are hard, hurt feelings going on, it will take several more years of twice weekly therapy to even have any hope of fixing me, and my sis is in therapy as well as of a couple weeks ago. When she asked me to forgive her for not realizing she should have never let this start, one of my conditions for granting forgiveness was that she had to get into therapy too, to understand why she would let me do that.

At this point I wish mom would have said NO, don't go there until both of you are older and can fully understand your reasons for wanting this and be mature enough to actually understand consent.


Thank you for your honesty:) and advice:) it is most appreciated.

[tessa-]

Experimenting is a thing, relationships are another
Like it happens that siblings, first cousins etc fall in love or are infatuated and live/love as a couple or are just monogamously having sex long term like FWB’s

Apparently a lot of twins struggle with it at times

[tessa-]

I experimented but I wouldn’t want to have been in a relationship with him, I didn’t see it that way

[ashleigh7]

Experimenting is a thing, relationships are another
Like it happens that siblings, first cousins etc fall in love or are infatuated and live/love as a couple or are just monogamously having sex long term like FWB’s

Apparently a lot of twins struggle with it at times



Thanks :) you make a good point.

[Bri7]

Who says its Taboo ?
I think you answer your questions in the post , meaning if something is mutually consensual and mutually desired, what makes it Taboo ?
Who gets to decide that ?

[Katie2003]

Who says its Taboo ?
I think you answer your questions in the post , meaning if something is mutually consensual and mutually desired, what makes it Taboo ?
Who gets to decide that ?

Society says it is. In many places it's against the law. It's been that way for a long, long time and I don't think that will change any time soon.

[Zachary G]

I think as long as it remains consensual and you are bot aware of the consequences, then everything should be okay. What you do is really no ones business unless you make it their business.

[Katie2003]

I think as long as it remains consensual and you are bot aware of the consequences, then everything should be okay. What you do is really no ones business unless you make it their business.


Read my earlier reply which is #9 on the first page.

There is a major issue with being mature enough to even realize what "consensual" involves, and knowing what the consequences might be isn't intuitive either. Many people might THINK they know enough to give consent, but in reality they are still years too young to understand what they are doing.

There is a HUGE difference between 16-17-18 year olds and younger kids as far as giving consent and understanding consequences.

[ashleigh7]

Read my earlier reply which is #9 on the first page.

There is a major issue with being mature enough to even realize what "consensual" involves, and knowing what the consequences might be isn't intuitive either. Many people might THINK they know enough to give consent, but in reality they are still years too young to understand what they are doing.

There is a HUGE difference between 16-17-18 year olds and younger kids as far as giving consent and understanding consequences.

I absolutely agree with what you are saying. It also holds true with any relationship..I think. But yes a unique relationship like the one I mentioned above should be thought about, seriously. But I also believe sometimes the heart...wants what it wants.

[Katie2003]

I absolutely agree with what you are saying. It also holds true with any relationship..I think. But yes a unique relationship like the one I mentioned above should be thought about, seriously. But I also believe sometimes the heart...wants what it wants.

Yes, you won't get any disagreement from me about wanting........ been there done that........ my problems started with ME wanting something that I shouldn't have been allowed to do at 11.........with my sister who I loved dearly and trusted to know enough to teach me. But no one stopped me or told me it was a bad idea. And I enjoyed it, so did everyone else that I was involved with after getting my start with her, and I STILL wanted to do it with her at 15.

It's all so complex. Self control and learning NOT to regret comes with maturity, and my whole point of discussion is that most of us THINK we are way more mature than reality can support. And therein lies the problem.

Would I do it again?????? I think I know better now, however some really impulsive stuff that I've done just within the past few weeks tells me that I can't promise that I won't.

I just don't want to see someone else get messed up like I am, when it could have been avoided just by someone saying NO........

[ashleigh7]

Yes, you won't get any disagreement from me about wanting........ been there done that........ my problems started with ME wanting something that I shouldn't have been allowed to do at 11.........with my sister who I loved dearly and trusted to know enough to teach me. But no one stopped me or told me it was a bad idea. And I enjoyed it, so did everyone else that I was involved with after getting my start with her, and I STILL wanted to do it with her at 15.

It's all so complex. Self control and learning NOT to regret comes with maturity, and my whole point of discussion is that most of us THINK we are way more mature than reality can support. And therein lies the problem.

Would I do it again?????? I think I know better now, however some really impulsive stuff that I've done just within the past few weeks tells me that I can't promise that I won't.

I just don't want to see someone else get messed up like I am, when it could have been avoided just by someone saying NO........


First:) thanks for being honest :) and I agree absolutely. Especially with a relationship like this. it is much more complicated than...I guess your typical crush...or something..It’s hard to explain, but I really appreciate your response:) and concerns. :)

[ashleigh7]

And oh!!! Don’t say that!!! Your not messed up..at all! :)
Xoxo
Ash:)

[Katie2003]

And oh!!! Don’t say that!!! Your not messed up..at all! :)
Xoxo
Ash:)


Thank you for being supportive of my healing process. I've only shared here on VT about 10% of what went on in my life.

Someday I will truthfully be able to say I'm no longer messed up. I'm feeling really positive about making changes and moving forward :)

One day at a time!!!!!!

[breaux]

Male-female family relationship is super wrong. Just thinking about all sorts of genetic effects that could come out of it. Such a selfish and disgusting way to risk like that. Gays can't really breed with each other so that isn't relevant.

[Katie2003]

Male-female family relationship is super wrong. Just thinking about all sorts of genetic effects that could come out of it. Such a selfish and disgusting way to risk like that. Gays can't really breed with each other so that isn't relevant.


I'm gonna go way out on a limb here........

Provided the tests of maturity and understanding the meaning of consensual are met, and appropriate birth control methods are used to positively assure there can be no pregnancy, then I'm honestly fine with a brother-sister relationship either as experimenting, or as a longer term. The question remains, WHEN are the two people able to responsibly meet those tests?

It's pretty common knowledge among psychologists that sibling relationships aren't unusual. A significantly high percentage of twins have sex with each other, whether they are same sex or opposite sex and some of those relationships are ongoing even after each marries and has their own partner.

Parent-child.......NO WAY for that to work, always inappropriate.

[breaux]

I'm gonna go way out on a limb here........

Provided the tests of maturity and understanding the meaning of consensual are met, and appropriate birth control methods are used to positively assure there can be no pregnancy, then I'm honestly fine with a brother-sister relationship either as experimenting, or as a longer term. The question remains, WHEN are the two people able to responsibly meet those tests?

It's pretty common knowledge among psychologists that sibling relationships aren't unusual. A significantly high percentage of twins have sex with each other, whether they are same sex or opposite sex and some of those relationships are ongoing even after each marries and has their own partner.

Parent-child.......NO WAY for that to work, always inappropriate.
I'm just gonna throw a wild guess out there and assume that a large portion if not the majority of people in brother-sister relationships are in the lower end if we are talking intelligence. Therefore, obviously not as responsible/caring as they should. I can see what you mean with the birth control stuff and I guess that it is fine, but inbred children will keep on coming because of ignorance etc.

[EmilySwimmer]

First:) thanks for being honest :) and I agree absolutely. Especially with a relationship like this. it is much more complicated than...I guess your typical crush...or something..It’s hard to explain, but I really appreciate your response:) and concerns. :)

I would think its okay as long as you guys are both at an understanding... as long as no birthing is involved lol

[ashleigh7]

I would think its okay as long as you guys are both at an understanding... as long as no birthing is involved lol


Thanks Emily:)

[melissa16]

As long as no one gets hurt. Then it could cause problems being around that person.

[ashleigh7]

As long as no one gets hurt. Then it could cause problems being around that person.

Thanks Melissa :) and I absolutely agree. Just like any relationship...got to be safe...and absolutely consensual.

[melissa16]

Thanks Melissa :) and I absolutely agree. Just like any relationship...got to be safe...and absolutely consensual.

People can't help on who they are attracted too are fall in love with.:)

[ashleigh7]

People can't help on who they are attracted too are fall in love with.:)

Yes!! I 100% agree! It's just like any other girl boy relationship...or really any relationship for that madder. If they care for each other and do right by each other..what's wrong with that?? :/

[ashleigh7]

People can't help on who they are attracted too are fall in love with.:)

And thanks for being nice about your post:)

[melissa16]

And thanks for being nice about your post:)

No problem.

[Uniquemind]

Who says its Taboo ?
I think you answer your questions in the post , meaning if something is mutually consensual and mutually desired, what makes it Taboo ?
Who gets to decide that ?

Science-based law gets to decide that, and while it’s possible you could be a statistical outlier, the burden is on that person to demonstrate maturity and responsibility if they want what they want and can justify why they’re special case. Most can’t do that justification.

[Uniquemind]

Yes, you won't get any disagreement from me about wanting........ been there done that........ my problems started with ME wanting something that I shouldn't have been allowed to do at 11.........with my sister who I loved dearly and trusted to know enough to teach me. But no one stopped me or told me it was a bad idea. And I enjoyed it, so did everyone else that I was involved with after getting my start with her, and I STILL wanted to do it with her at 15.

It's all so complex. Self control and learning NOT to regret comes with maturity, and my whole point of discussion is that most of us THINK we are way more mature than reality can support. And therein lies the problem.

Would I do it again?????? I think I know better now, however some really impulsive stuff that I've done just within the past few weeks tells me that I can't promise that I won't.

I just don't want to see someone else get messed up like I am, when it could have been avoided just by someone saying NO........


Your situation though implies to me consent was violated at a certain point, either by yourself or by your sister in an attempt to “prove” something to her or to yourself. That’s a situation I find almost always results in negative trauma.

Part of maturity is knowing when to tell yourself “no” as well as others. And for me I can’t relate because even when I was little I’ve always had this ability.

[Allover Kelly]

If a "taboo relationship" is consensual...and both enjoy being together...is a relationship of this kind ok?

Thanks Xoxo
Ash.

This can cover so much, narrow it down some

[Katie2003]

Your situation though implies to me consent was violated at a certain point, either by yourself or by your sister in an attempt to “prove” something to her or to yourself. That’s a situation I find almost always results in negative trauma.

Part of maturity is knowing when to tell yourself “no” as well as others. And for me I can’t relate because even when I was little I’ve always had this ability.


So true! I don't think that we violated consent as both of us were having fun and enjoying what we were doing. We were just not mature enough to realize the potential issues that could result. I very well could have been trying to prove to her or myself that I was her equal in all things, and TBH from working with my therapist it seems that I saw Megan as a challenge, someone that I needed to outdo in order to be better. Unfortunately I've always been an overachiever and in that situation, I shouldn't have tried to. But I never once felt guilty about anything I'd done with her or other girls. The horrible guilt got transferred onto other things in life that I didn't do or that I felt were mistakes, and I totally didn't associate it with my sexual activity in any way until a couple months ago when my therapist figured it out for the first time.

[Uniquemind]

So true! I don't think that we violated consent as both of us were having fun and enjoying what we were doing. We were just not mature enough to realize the potential issues that could result. I very well could have been trying to prove to her or myself that I was her equal in all things, and TBH from working with my therapist it seems that I saw Megan as a challenge, someone that I needed to outdo in order to be better. Unfortunately I've always been an overachiever and in that situation, I shouldn't have tried to. But I never once felt guilty about anything I'd done with her or other girls. The horrible guilt got transferred onto other things in life that I didn't do or that I felt were mistakes, and I totally didn't associate it with my sexual activity in any way until a couple months ago when my therapist figured it out for the first time.


But guilt was generated in the mind nonetheless. Which is the point, and your therapist’s point as well.

For instance, if I compare my own growth and experiences, both what I’ve done and not done, there are contrasts to your situation.

1. There is no guilt generation at all

2. I did not mentally associate a context or game-like environment to sexual activity of any sort at any time.

And this second one is common, as it’s the model most youth use to explore the world, treat things like games or contexts, because they’re associated with having fun. Normally this is a fine way to explore the world to learn, but when it comes to sexual activity it can become harmful as it trivializes the necessary point of view shifting, and honest communication needed to mutually communicate boundaries to create positive sexual experiences.

But I’d argue even adults have problems in this area regarding to sex, hence why sexual therapists (who sometimes deal with sexual abuse trauma) exist for adults as well.

To me maturity is all about understanding the ebb and flow of yourself, your limits, The Who, what, when, where, and why, of your own will and how context like environment, the people you surround yourself with, can change those factors variably. Which limits are those to keep, and which limits to break so as to achieve individual growth of character through experiences. And if you decide to push a limit, how do you safely break that limitation on yourself?

[ashleigh7]

This can cover so much, narrow it down some

Like between brother and sister.

[Allover Kelly]

That would be a big nope.

[jss888]

Could mean..something like between 2 siblings.


I've been experimenting with this. I have no issue with it.

[Atlantis]

I've been experimenting with this. I have no issue with it.

please don't bump old threads, this one is over a year old :locked: