Im Hurting Bad

[ska8er]

I don't usually post many threads but right now I have a really
bad hurt. I wont go into a long detailed story but this centers on
one of my best friends who right now is in intensive care in the
hospital without of any resort of getting well. It was as auto
accident that happened last night. I got the word this morning
and right now im alone in my room trying to make all of this out.
He was my best friend since grade school and we were like Bros.
I cant believe Im posting this and even feeling this way when after
all these years Ive been reading and giving support to others and
now I cant even give myself support. I just want to vent to let it out.
I don't want to message or chat cause my head is running on empty.
Everyone says the hurt will go away but for now it Fkn sucks.

[KatieCO2003]

ska8er, it's ok to be the one needing the support once in a while. Hoping something happens to improve the situation. < hugs>

[Karalectric]

Ohh yikes. That is so scary!!! :( Yea if you are looking for permission to take a backseat from supporting others for just a minute so you can get all the support you in your pain then don't worry YOU GOT IT. *huggs*

[Kazuki-San]

It's perfectly normal to feel this way, you have been through a lot it seems. It's normal to feel confused or hurting. And I know it is annoying to hear but I truly believe things will get better with time. You could try different techniques to help cope now such as breathing, listening to music . Anything that makes you feel better.

[ska8er]

It's perfectly normal to feel this way, you have been through a lot it seems. It's normal to feel confused or hurting. And I know it is annoying to hear but I truly believe things will get better with time. You could try different techniques to help cope now such as breathing, listening to music . Anything that makes you feel better.

Thank you Kazuki-San-Tomodachi :)

[Adamant]

Nothing I can say will make it hurt less. I know we aren't buddies or anything but I know your posts always make sense so I like reading them so just wanted to say thinking of you.
btw you don't have to be all strong and feel you shouldn't cry or vent or shout or take time our of thinking about others.

[ska8er]

Nothing I can say will make it hurt less. I know we aren't buddies or anything but I know your posts always make sense so I like reading them so just wanted to say thinking of you.
btw you don't have to be all strong and feel you shouldn't cry or vent or shout or take time our of thinking about others.

We r Bros Adam. Thank u for ur concern. I appreciate it.
IDK when it was before this that I cried that much but Im
doing a good share right now. Those that think that their
life is going to last forever better give it a second thought.
Ur whole life can change in a second.

[WHATWOULDYOUDOFORLUV]

I had a buddy that we did everything together. From the boring to the daring. He was the true meaning of a wing man. He didn't die, he joined the army. But on that day I realized." You don't need a lot of friends in the world,you just need one GOOD one. " that sucked for me so I can only imagine how bad it is for you.
Sorry to hear that and best wishes.

[Uniquemind]

Ska8er, you have my support and ❤️ you’ll get through this. Try to eat a little something, chocolate might help a little too. It’s okay to grieve.

[Caycedilla]

It’s sad to see that a lot of times we forget that people need to help the helpers too. I’m hoping that everything will be better soon, and I’m here if you ever need someone to talk (or even complain) to. I’m happy to see all the positive posts above :) You do mean a lot to others, and I hope you can see that

[ska8er]

I had a buddy that we did everything together. From the boring to the daring. He was the true meaning of a wing man. He didn't die, he joined the army. But on that day I realized." You don't need a lot of friends in the world,you just need one GOOD one. " that sucked for me so I can only imagine how bad it is for you.
Sorry to hear that and best wishes.

Charles Im sorry I didn't get back to u here
since now. Its one thing to have a lot of
acquaintances but all u need is one GOOD
friend as u say and u say it "wisely". Its
very hard to let go but life goes on and u
have to start all over and form new friends.
Its tough to lose someone when u r young
cause the experience is so new and life seems
so cold.

[Max the Disenchanter]

sorry to hear, dude. that sucks =(

[ArfyMcPeesh]

It sucks but concentrate on being good yourself so he has someone to lean on once he needs to

[ska8er]

It sucks but concentrate on being good yourself so he has someone to lean on once he needs to

Thanks for ur concern Arfy but hes on life support.

[ArfyMcPeesh]

I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry.

Still you can’t just stop living yeah it’ll be a big hole in your life but the thing is that you’re still here and that shouldn’t change. No it won’t be easy but you have to go on.

You still have people who care about you and should do whatever it takes to not forget him and how you were and you don’t know what might happen in the future.

[ska8er]

I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry.

Still you can’t just stop living yeah it’ll be a big hole in your life but the thing is that you’re still here and that shouldn’t change. No it won’t be easy but you have to go on.

You still have people who care about you and should do whatever it takes to not forget him and how you were and you don’t know what might happen in the future.

Again Thanks Arfy :)
Other than driving to school right now I don't go
out driving at night cause the whole accident is
bothering me still. Im here more so meeting new
friends and reading Forums that all these years I
never got into. I stay in my room cause I feel this
is the best place to b. I driven my quad today to
mainly haul wood in for the wood burner. :)

[Ian.Gallagher]

If you are really close with the family (ex. parents) maybe just send a text expressing your concern without asking questions. I would wait to get an invite to the hospital, wouldn't show up randomly. This has to be enormously stressful for the family, not discounting your feelings. Honestly, I would take a couple slow.... deep breaths. Ground yourself. If you know how to practice "Mindfulness" I would suggest it. (Good to check out in the future if you don't)

Although, finding something to occupy your time would be a good idea.
- Listen to some music (something that would put you in a decent mood)
- Write down how your feeling; what is going through your head.
-- This is a good way to organize your thoughts when your mind is all over the place.
- If you play an instrument, do it.
- Draw something, reflecting on the moment.
- Find a way to express yourself in a healthy way.
- Talk to someone! Make a phone call if you have to. (Parents, other friends, family)

While this is a difficult situation, you have to realize there is nothing you can do about it at the moment. This might make you feel somewhat helpless, but I assure you, your friends family is there for him.

I hope for the best for both you and your friend...

- Ian

[ska8er]

If you are really close with the family (ex. parents) maybe just send a text expressing your concern without asking questions. I would wait to get an invite to the hospital, wouldn't show up randomly. This has to be enormously stressful for the family, not discounting your feelings. Honestly, I would take a couple slow.... deep breaths. Ground yourself. If you know how to practice "Mindfulness" I would suggest it. (Good to check out in the future if you don't)

Although, finding something to occupy your time would be a good idea.
- Listen to some music (something that would put you in a decent mood)
- Write down how your feeling; what is going through your head.
-- This is a good way to organize your thoughts when your mind is all over the place.
- If you play an instrument, do it.
- Draw something, reflecting on the moment.
- Find a way to express yourself in a healthy way.
- Talk to someone! Make a phone call if you have to. (Parents, other friends, family)

While this is a difficult situation, you have to realize there is nothing you can do about it at the moment. This might make you feel somewhat helpless, but I assure you, your friends family is there for him.

I hope for the best for both you and your friend...

- Ian


Thank u for the list of all ideas to get my mind off of things
But I was to a wake service tonight for my friend and it was
the most sorrowful thing I have ever been through so far. Ive
been to a few wakes but not one to someone who is my age.
Im going to Mass tomorrow and this is going to b another
awakening. U know life is so delicate that u could b here one
minute and in a split second it can b all over. Really it is some
thing to think about and many of us think we will live forever
cause we r young but life does not always go the way we like. :(

[Second Chance]

I am so sorry that you had lost your friend, and it is never easy to see someone young die. I think the advice from the person above is a good start, and more than anything, you need to surround yourself with people who are supportive. It is going to be tough for the first year especially since this friend has been with you since childhood and knowing that he will not be around. I am sure the wake was difficult, and the funeral will not the easiest either.

If you are on good terms with your family, then make sure that they know you are hurting and that they know how you feel. Do not go to the funeral alone, and make sure that someone is there to support you whether it is a parent, sibling, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. If you were really close with the family, then it would not be a bad thing if you can ask to say a couple of words at your friend's funeral mass.

Beyond the funeral it is going to be tough the weeks and months afterwards which is why if you are on good terms with your friend's family, then stay close with them. Your friend's family and you can grieve together while gradually adjusting to the new normal. You might have days when you break down, and that is totally fine making sure that you have someone around to assist you when those times happen. Making use of therapy is also a good thing if you can do so because therapy can go a long way to accepting what has happened.

You can always do something to memorialize your friend by working with his family. What I have seen some people do is create scholarship funds, donate a tree in a public park, adopt a road in someone's name as part of a cleanup crew, and I have even seen people donate money to public libraries in their friend's names and get a memorial brick with their friend's name placed in the facility's courtyard.

More than anything know it is all right to be sad and hurt, and it is normal if you are down for a while. Talk things out, and do not be afraid of being sad. At least you had a friend about whom you cared deeply which many people in this world do not have.

[ska8er]

I am so sorry that you had lost your friend, and it is never easy to see someone young die. I think the advice from the person above is a good start, and more than anything, you need to surround yourself with people who are supportive. It is going to be tough for the first year especially since this friend has been with you since childhood and knowing that he will not be around. I am sure the wake was difficult, and the funeral will not the easiest either.

If you are on good terms with your family, then make sure that they know you are hurting and that they know how you feel. Do not go to the funeral alone, and make sure that someone is there to support you whether it is a parent, sibling, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. If you were really close with the family, then it would not be a bad thing if you can ask to say a couple of words at your friend's funeral mass.

Beyond the funeral it is going to be tough the weeks and months afterwards which is why if you are on good terms with your friend's family, then stay close with them. Your friend's family and you can grieve together while gradually adjusting to the new normal. You might have days when you break down, and that is totally fine making sure that you have someone around to assist you when those times happen. Making use of therapy is also a good thing if you can do so because therapy can go a long way to accepting what has happened.

You can always do something to memorialize your friend by working with his family. What I have seen some people do is create scholarship funds, donate a tree in a public park, adopt a road in someone's name as part of a cleanup crew, and I have even seen people donate money to public libraries in their friend's names and get a memorial brick with their friend's name placed in the facility's courtyard.

More than anything know it is all right to be sad and hurt, and it is normal if you are down for a while. Talk things out, and do not be afraid of being sad. At least you had a friend about whom you cared deeply which many people in this world do not have.

Thank You for the good words and concern.
I have support but still hurting. :(

[Second Chance]

Thank You for the good words and concern.
I have support but still hurting. :(

Make use of your support because you will need it more than anything now and into the coming year.

You will be hurting for some time, and I will not lie to you by saying that you will feel normally right now. At this stage I agree with the poster above who had given you some advice on how to handle things. You have to take things one day at a time and remember that it is all right to have a breakdown and to feel badly. Especially if this is the first death you have experienced of someone your age, then it will feel rough going through the process.

Remember that you will be going through a process which is why having access to a professional be it at school/campus/or privately along with making use of your family and friends is all the more important.

You may feel numb for a while and wonder the meaning of many things. No one can explain to you why your friend had to die when he did and why he could not have had a long life. If you try to even figure that out, then your head will spin, and you will go nuts. Instead, what you should do is recognize that despite your loss you had something special that few people ever have in their lives.

Do not focus on what you will not have now because the reality is that using the good experiences you have had with your friend you should build upon your relationships with survivors around you. It is during this time you will realize who your real friends are.

I do not mean to sound patronizing in anyway, but in time when you recognize you and your friend are now in different planes of existence that you will eventually come to peace though you will always value the times you had with him. Perhaps his death was a concrete end of your childhood especially if he has been with you growing up. I do not mean to impose religious values here, but whatever your faith tradition, then it would be good to seek guidance from your spiritual advisor. If you do not have a faith tradition, then do not feel badly because you can still make use of counselors around you.

The feelings you currently have will take a while to accept. I am careful to avoid saying overcome because I do not want to imply that you will forget your friend. If you have a faith tradition, then my guess is that your friend has been reunited with His Maker and is in a place in which he has managed to earn a place at a young age. If you do not have a faith tradition, then know that you managed to connect with someone in a way that few manage to do so and that should motivate you to value those around you.

[Just JT]

Hey man I’m so sorry to hear about this. :hug:
I’d like to sit here and say all those thing I wanted people to say to me when my dad was killed in a car wreck a coup,e years ago, but I also know they often feel like empty words, other than knowing people are there for you

You had a great bro and a best, shared the best and worst of time....I know....
You and him had something special.....how many years?
Most of us don’t ever get that chance do we?
Reflect on those days and know you had something others will never have, a best bro like that you could say anything to.....anything....

I can’t bring yiur bro back but if I could I would, in a second, no matter what it takes, I know the pain, I get how yiur feeling, like it was yesterday I was told my dad was dead. I was alone, scared, fucking pissed off and really really sad, he was my best friend.....and Jean gone

Don’t, please do not blame yourself....god I hope you are not doing that....this is (sadly) almost nature taking it’s course, God has his reasons, and we’ll never know why he lets this fuckin bullshit happen, but he does....

My best to you bro, talk more, often, and listen, it help

:hug:

[ska8er]

Hey man I’m so sorry to hear about this. :hug:
I’d like to sit here and say all those thing I wanted people to say to me when my dad was killed in a car wreck a coup,e years ago, but I also know they often feel like empty words, other than knowing people are there for you

You had a great bro and a best, shared the best and worst of time....I know....
You and him had something special.....how many years?
Most of us don’t ever get that chance do we?
Reflect on those days and know you had something others will never have, a best bro like that you could say anything to.....anything....

I can’t bring yiur bro back but if I could I would, in a second, no matter what it takes, I know the pain, I get how yiur feeling, like it was yesterday I was told my dad was dead. I was alone, scared, fucking pissed off and really really sad, he was my best friend.....and Jean gone

Don’t, please do not blame yourself....god I hope you are not doing that....this is (sadly) almost nature taking it’s course, God has his reasons, and we’ll never know why he lets this fuckin bullshit happen, but he does....

My best to you bro, talk more, often, and listen, it help

:hug:

Thanks JT-Havent seen u around in along time. No Im
not blaming myself but Im still not the myself about
everything.

[Emilyfox]

I don't usually post many threads but right now I have a really
bad hurt. I wont go into a long detailed story but this centers on
one of my best friends who right now is in intensive care in the
hospital without of any resort of getting well. It was as auto
accident that happened last night. I got the word this morning
and right now im alone in my room trying to make all of this out.
He was my best friend since grade school and we were like Bros.
I cant believe Im posting this and even feeling this way when after
all these years Ive been reading and giving support to others and
now I cant even give myself support. I just want to vent to let it out.
I don't want to message or chat cause my head is running on empty.
Everyone says the hurt will go away but for now it Fkn sucks.

Big hugs. I’m so sorry about your friend :(
You’re really cool so hang in there

[ska8er]

Big hugs. I’m so sorry about your friend :(
You’re really cool so hang in there

Thanks Emily for caring. :hug2:

[Keenan.]

I am so sorry for you

[ska8er]

This morning I hurt. I posted this
in another group also but there is
a service in church this morning for
my friend who passed away. Im
going to try and not get emotional
but it is going to b somber. Grieving
sucks. They say remember the good
times-Yes its true but sometimes to
remember the good times also hurts.

[drhalsey1]

This morning I hurt. I posted this
in another group also but there is
a service in church this morning for
my friend who passed away. Im
going to try and not get emotional
but it is going to b somber. Grieving
sucks. They say remember the good
times-Yes its true but sometimes to
remember the good times also hurts.

Hope it all goes well for you then, grieving and such does suck. And remembering good or bad can hurt for sure, I can relate to that. So hope it all goes well, for what it is.

[Pultost]

I'm so sorry for your loss. No one deserves this. *hugs*

[Karalectric]

Awwwww so sorry. Be strong and it is okay to let yourself be sad and cry even as you remember your friend. :console:

[ska8er]

Thank u everyone for caring.
The service was nice but I was
uncomfortable-still not over it
but Im Ok-Sucks

[ska8er]

Make use of your support because you will need it more than anything now and into the coming year.

You will be hurting for some time, and I will not lie to you by saying that you will feel normally right now. At this stage I agree with the poster above who had given you some advice on how to handle things. You have to take things one day at a time and remember that it is all right to have a breakdown and to feel badly. Especially if this is the first death you have experienced of someone your age, then it will feel rough going through the process.

Remember that you will be going through a process which is why having access to a professional be it at school/campus/or privately along with making use of your family and friends is all the more important.

You may feel numb for a while and wonder the meaning of many things. No one can explain to you why your friend had to die when he did and why he could not have had a long life. If you try to even figure that out, then your head will spin, and you will go nuts. Instead, what you should do is recognize that despite your loss you had something special that few people ever have in their lives.

Do not focus on what you will not have now because the reality is that using the good experiences you have had with your friend you should build upon your relationships with survivors around you. It is during this time you will realize who your real friends are.

I do not mean to sound patronizing in anyway, but in time when you recognize you and your friend are now in different planes of existence that you will eventually come to peace though you will always value the times you had with him. Perhaps his death was a concrete end of your childhood especially if he has been with you growing up. I do not mean to impose religious values here, but whatever your faith tradition, then it would be good to seek guidance from your spiritual advisor. If you do not have a faith tradition, then do not feel badly because you can still make use of counselors around you.

The feelings you currently have will take a while to accept. I am careful to avoid saying overcome because I do not want to imply that you will forget your friend. If you have a faith tradition, then my guess is that your friend has been reunited with His Maker and is in a place in which he has managed to earn a place at a young age. If you do not have a faith tradition, then know that you managed to connect with someone in a way that few manage to do so and that should motivate you to value those around you.

Faith is getting me through this.

[desertlizard]

I don't usually post many threads but right now I have a really
bad hurt. I wont go into a long detailed story but this centers on
one of my best friends who right now is in intensive care in the
hospital without of any resort of getting well. It was as auto
accident that happened last night. I got the word this morning
and right now im alone in my room trying to make all of this out.
He was my best friend since grade school and we were like Bros.
I cant believe Im posting this and even feeling this way when after
all these years Ive been reading and giving support to others and
now I cant even give myself support. I just want to vent to let it out.
I don't want to message or chat cause my head is running on empty.
Everyone says the hurt will go away but for now it Fkn sucks.

I'm so sorry that happened to you! :confused::eek: I couldn't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. For now, just know that it will get easier, and that your friend would want you to feel better! Again, so sorry!

[ska8er]

I'm so sorry that happened to you! :confused::eek: I couldn't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. For now, just know that it will get easier, and that your friend would want you to feel better! Again, so sorry!



Thanks for the support. Im trying to
get over this but its slow coming.

[rgconrad23]

Hey ska8er - just checking in on you man. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and listen, I totally get it - grieving does suck man. I lost a friend myself and was too young to figure it out but the grief has resurfaced over the course of the last few months and i have no idea why. Like you, I have the support but it just messes with your head. Hang in there and know we are thinking of you!