Advice for a friend

[LucaBaLuca]

Ok so my best friend is a girl, she is 14 and there is a chance she could be having sex with someone on Friday. I have practically lectured her and given her advice, but I wanna see if there is anything else I could add?

1) if you are going to have sex u are gonna use a condom, no questions asked
2) if you feel like u are being used for sex talk to him and tell him cause that isn’t right, u like him a lot and u want a relationship not to be used
3) if you don’t wanna do it say and don’t do it, he can’t force you to do anything u don’t want to do and if he does leave straight away and tell me immediately
4) if your nervous and anxious and scared that’s ok, take it slow and make sure u are comfortable and talk to him to let him know how u feel

The most important - 5) youll be ok, you’ll have fun and enjoy it 😂😉🙃

[pauly]

If I were you, I'd talk to her about feelings. e.g. How does she actually feel about the boy? How much does she know about him? Is he known to have sex with other girls and then forget them, or is he loyal?

In other words, make as sure as possible that she is not going to get hurt in any way, particularly emotionally.

Lecturing isn't quite the right way to go about this: gentle talking and reasoning is the best. Remember that 14 is considered by many to be on the young side to have sex, so she needs to be sure.

By the way - and I think this might be a question too far - do her parents know and approve of her having sex?

[Gazebo]

Jeez louise kids are having sex at 14 now?

[jamie_n5]

The advice sounds pretty good to me. I feel it should be more romantic and spontaneous instead planned though.

[NoLimitGuy]

She should be playing with dolls at age 14, not thinking about getting the D. Jeez, perverted youth...

[InternetTeen]

Jeez louise kids are having sex at 14 now?

Some girl in my school had it at 11..

[ska8er]

Depends how old is the "someone"?

[Gazebo]

Some girl in my school had it at 11..
:eek3:

[InternetTeen]

:eek3:

Should i also mention that she got pregnant and had an abortion...

[Gazebo]

Should i also mention that she got pregnant and had an abortion...
That is just irresponsible beyond comprehension:whip:

[LucaBaLuca]

If I were you, I'd talk to her about feelings. e.g. How does she actually feel about the boy? How much does she know about him? Is he known to have sex with other girls and then forget them, or is he loyal?

In other words, make as sure as possible that she is not going to get hurt in any way, particularly emotionally.

Lecturing isn't quite the right way to go about this: gentle talking and reasoning is the best. Remember that 14 is considered by many to be on the young side to have sex, so she needs to be sure.

By the way - and I think this might be a question too far - do her parents know and approve of her having sex?


Thanks, that’s a great idea.
Yeah it is young for some people but if she’s ready that her choice and I don’t think her parents know but I think my friend is mature enough to make smart choices especially when it comes to stuff like this.

[LucaBaLuca]

The advice sounds pretty good to me. I feel it should be more romantic and spontaneous instead planned though.

Thanks!
The sex isn’t planned, because we aren’t certain if it is going to happen but the fact that they are going to be meeting up and hooking was definitely planned and they guy said he may go for sex and my friend says that’s ok.

[LucaBaLuca]

Depends how old is the "someone"?


14 as well.

[LucaBaLuca]

Should i also mention that she got pregnant and had an abortion...


I’ve heard of teenage pregnancy and that’s specifically why my first point was to use a condom and she definitely agrees

[LucaBaLuca]

She should be playing with dolls at age 14, not thinking about getting the D. Jeez, perverted youth...

It isn’t perverted to be having sex at 14, and if you think about it everyone learns about sex around this age at school (in Australia)

[Second Chance]

Ok so my best friend is a girl, she is 14 and there is a chance she could be having sex with someone on Friday. I have practically lectured her and given her advice, but I wanna see if there is anything else I could add?

1) if you are going to have sex u are gonna use a condom, no questions asked
2) if you feel like u are being used for sex talk to him and tell him cause that isn’t right, u like him a lot and u want a relationship not to be used
3) if you don’t wanna do it say and don’t do it, he can’t force you to do anything u don’t want to do and if he does leave straight away and tell me immediately
4) if your nervous and anxious and scared that’s ok, take it slow and make sure u are comfortable and talk to him to let him know how u feel

The most important - 5) youll be ok, you’ll have fun and enjoy it 😂😉🙃

You have given good advice, and what you have advised your friend is fine. I would only add:

5) Make sure you are on birth control or know where to get Plan B if things go wrong.

6) Make sure that her partner has had a STD test, and do not assume that the person is a virgin even if they tell her so.

7) That your friend can see a gynecologist or a doctor in case during or after sex some issue develops that would require medical attention.

[LucaBaLuca]

You have given good advice, and what you have advised your friend is fine. I would only add:

5) Make sure you are on birth control or know where to get Plan B if things go wrong.

6) Make sure that her partner has had a STD test, and do not assume that the person is a virgin even if they tell her so.

7) That your friend can see a gynecologist or a doctor in case during or after sex some issue develops that would require medical attention.


Yeah fair enough, thanks.

[pauly]

I bet you didn't realise you'd get so much good advice here!

I just hope all goes well and that they realise they're about to do something which is not just "fun" but serious too.

Good luck.

[LucaBaLuca]

I bet you didn't realise you'd get so much good advice here!

I just hope all goes well and that they realise they're about to do something which is not just "fun" but serious too.

Good luck.


No I didn’t but it has helped a lot.

I know my friend does but I’m not sure about the other person but whatever happens I’m sure they will be fine.

Thanks!

[NoLimitGuy]

It isn’t perverted to be having sex at 14, and if you think about it everyone learns about sex around this age at school (in Australia)

We jave quite different understanding of sex life and teens... Yes, you should be taught about sex early, so you didn't make mistakes but you should have have enough brains to understand that sex in early age is neither good nor right... And yes, youth is perverted...

[Cycler21]

That is just irresponsible beyond comprehension:whip:

IT ISN'T HER FAULT SHE GOT PREGNANT. AND IF PEOPLE FEEL READY TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH SOMEONE THEIR AGE THAT'S FINE. THE IMPORTANT THING IS SHE'S OK. You don't have the right to tell people when they're ready. Mind your own business.

[Cycler21]

We jave quite different understanding of sex life and teens... Yes, you should be taught about sex early, so you didn't make mistakes but you should have have enough brains to understand that sex in early age is neither good nor right... And yes, youth is perverted...

Sorry what. This is just incorrect.

[Spooky_Eli]

We jave quite different understanding of sex life and teens... Yes, you should be taught about sex early, so you didn't make mistakes but you should have have enough brains to understand that sex in early age is neither good nor right... And yes, youth is perverted...
errm im gonna throw your clearly religous crap out the window and as for that last bit.. what?

[Gazebo]

IT ISN'T HER FAULT SHE GOT PREGNANT. AND IF PEOPLE FEEL READY TO HAVE CONSENSUAL SEX WITH SOMEONE THEIR AGE THAT'S FINE. THE IMPORTANT THING IS SHE'S OK. You don't have the right to tell people when they're ready. Mind your own business.

“Oh yeah it’s totally okay for an 11 year old to have sex and abort a child befor she’s even a teenager”

[Cycler21]

“Oh yeah it’s totally okay for an 11 year old to have sex and abort a child befor she’s even a teenager”

Yes, you have to understand that people mature at different rates and some people feel sexual attraction that age. I know guys who started jerking at 9. If you are developed enough to have feelings of sexual attraction then consensual sex between two minors of similar age is fine. And for the abortion, would you have rather she carried it to term? Imagine what it would've been like for her. The financial burden and the social burden. Look at word through others point of view bud.

[Gazebo]

Yes, you have to understand that people mature at different rates and some people feel sexual attraction that age. I know guys who started jerking at 9. If you are developed enough to have feelings of sexual attraction then consensual sex between two minors of similar age is fine. And for the abortion, would you have rather she carried it to term? Imagine what it would've been like for her. The financial burden and the social burden. Look at word through others point of view bud.

No damn 11 year old knows enough about their bodies or sex or consent to be able to make appropriate sexual decisions, that’s how she got pregnant in the first place and now because of of her choices she had to abort a child that otherwise would have destroyed her still developing body. THIS IS WHY AGE OF CONSENT LAWS EXIST. And that is why in most Western nations it lies around 16. I’m saying she and who she did it with should know how to show some self-restraint and not succumb to their sexual desires, and this goes for ANYONE and it should be exercised by EVERYBODY, especially those who have the most to lose from an irresponsible sex life: those under the age of around 16. In this day and age it’s treated so commonplace and with such disregard that entire livelihoods are at risk here and it needs to be treated more seriously.

[LucaBaLuca]

We jave quite different understanding of sex life and teens... Yes, you should be taught about sex early, so you didn't make mistakes but you should have have enough brains to understand that sex in early age is neither good nor right... And yes, youth is perverted...


That’s ok that you have a different understanding of sex life and teens, but that doesn’t mean you can say to other people that know about it that it isn’t good or right and especially that youth is perverted.

[LucaBaLuca]

Yes, you have to understand that people mature at different rates and some people feel sexual attraction that age. I know guys who started jerking at 9. If you are developed enough to have feelings of sexual attraction then consensual sex between two minors of similar age is fine. And for the abortion, would you have rather she carried it to term? Imagine what it would've been like for her. The financial burden and the social burden. Look at word through others point of view bud.


I completely agree with you. In Australia we start to learn about our bodies and sex in years 5/6+ (age 10/11/12+) yet I know that other people had learnt it before this. I also know that I and others had started jerking at around 9 and it doesn’t matter, we were ready.
Yes it should be fine, if they like each other and they are around the same age then it’s their choice to be dealing with each other’s bodies. Ok, she got pregnant and that wasn’t good but like you said if she hadn’t aborted she would be struggling.

[LucaBaLuca]

No damn 11 year old knows enough about their bodies or sex or consent to be able to make appropriate sexual decisions, that’s how she got pregnant in the first place and now because of of her choices she had to abort a child that otherwise would have destroyed her still developing body. THIS IS WHY AGE OF CONSENT LAWS EXIST. And that is why in most Western nations it lies around 16. I’m saying she and who she did it with should know how to show some self-restraint and not succumb to their sexual desires, and this goes for ANYONE and it should be exercised by EVERYBODY, especially those who have the most to lose from an irresponsible sex life: those under the age of around 16. In this day and age it’s treated so commonplace and with such disregard that entire livelihoods are at risk here and it needs to be treated more seriously.


Like I just said in my most recent comment in Australia we start learning about it in year 5/6+ (age 10/11/12+) so 11 year olds do know about their bodies and sex etc. And how do you know that she didn’t know about her body and sex? I also believe that you don’t have the right to say how other people got pregnant because you dont know this person and you weren’t there. Yes laws exist but I’m sure 99% of people would have broken at least 1 law in their lifetime.
If people choose to succumb to their sexual desires it’s ok, it’s their choice and the only reason they would do it is because they would know about it so they have clearly learnt.

[pauly]

Luca,
Now it's after the weekend, can you tell us whether it happened or not? And if so, were there any regrets?

[LucaBaLuca]

Luca,
Now it's after the weekend, can you tell us whether it happened or not? And if so, were there any regrets?

Hey Pauly,
I know this is a week late, but no it didn’t happen because of high school drama, someone else said they liked him and it ruined everything for my friend. The only reason she said it though was because my friend liked him.

[pauly]

Well, at least you've received plenty of advice here, which is exactly what these forums are all about.

Hope all goes well in the future.

[BaileyWill]

Just remember , always wrap your silly. Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool. I’ve unfortunately broken that rule a couple times but been lucky. So don’t make that mistake.

Hope it happens for your friend.

[Reg__]

You could remind her that he will probably be scared/anxious as well so she could be a bit more comfortable in the situation

[ChrisA1998]

Ok so my best friend is a girl, she is 14 and there is a chance she could be having sex with someone on Friday

Jeez louise kids are having sex at 14 now?

I'm more amazed by the fact they actually plan on doing it on a certain day
wtf ? are they holding an agenda on when they gonna do it ?

[LucaBaLuca]

I'm more amazed by the fact they actually plan on doing it on a certain day
wtf ? are they holding an agenda on when they gonna do it ?


Well like being a young teenager your parents have more of a say when you get home and stuff so they sorta had to plan it

[roger.bait]

she a thot