I am extremely depressed and see no end in sight

[ZaneYates]

Hello. I’m Zane. I am very depressed and lonely and it was recomended to me by my parents that I join this forum to talk with people. I’m sixteen years old and live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where, as of this year, I am being homeschooled. For the last couple of years, I have struggled with OCD, which rendered my life completely joyless. However, I dedicated a large portion of my life to overcoming it during the last few years, and by now, I’m almost over it. Despite this, and partially because of this, I am now feeling more lonely and depressed than ever before. As I’ve undergone the process of liberating myself from my OCD thoughts, I have procedurally had to face more and more of my true feelings, which is where I am now. I have no friends at all and as such, I feel very lonely. I try to distract myself with various disciplines that I’ve picked up during the last through years, namely the study of the French and Arabic languages, working out, yoga, and kick boxing, but no matter how much of them I do, every day I wake up wanting so badly to cry, but I generally don’t do so until noon, when I come crying to my parents about how I feel; that is, unbearabley lonely and like my life has no meaning to it. I feel very suicidal. Yet, as a result of owning no fire arms amd living in a community with no tall buildings, there is no sure way for me to be able to end my life. If I did, however, have these things at my disposal, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have killed myself yesterday night, when I suffered a mental brake down during which I felt the worst feeling I’ve ever felt; a sense of grief so preposterously intense that it surpassed all my previous breakdowns, of which there have been countless, generally with one occurring once or twice a week. Another thing that I struggle with everyday is that I’m simply obsessed with the prospect of having a girl friend, which I don’t, despite my ongoing attempts to become friends with a girl, which have yielded no success as of yet. I’m only 5,3 and I’m done growing, which, naturally, only acts to reduce my confidence in this domain, but I know I can’t let it stop me. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you for looking at my post and I look forward to responding to yours.

[ImJulia]

If you ever need someone to talk to message me xoxo

[West Coast Sheriff]

What is it you want to do as an adult in life?

[NoLimitGuy]

I wonder, since when does everyone has become so attention-seeking? Being alone is not a curse nor something bad, being alone is quite a gift where you can dedicate yourself to things you like or would like to try. Obviously, you need to be sociable, but not too much, no... Today's society is so afraid from being lonely and left alone, we always crave for someone to be right next us, to have masses of friends etc. That's a bull, I'd say. And why does the youth is so sucicidal and depressive these days? I understand that life as a human is quite a crap and living in a society like ours is more less enjoyment, but still. Life is beautiful, yet it's unfair and stingy to everyone equally ( don't mind the word "stingy" with "cheap", or " mean". I meant it as life can sting like a bee pretty hard in your ass). Get your confidence up. You live for yourself, not for anyone. But l, if you can't just so it, maybe, you are right about ending it all. You have that right and yet, you will forever be regarded as weak. Suicide is not a quallity of a strong person, it's a quallity of a weak one. Life is about fight and everyone must fight for their right to exist, to live under the sun. Those, who fail doing that, well...they simply fell into the abyss of no-return. Doctors won't cure you, they can guide you, but the power of cure is in your head, alongisde all your problems. No drugs will help also, thou, I know how much doctors, especially, pshychiatrists like writing out new drugs. They may create illusional relief, but in reallity they make you more and more miserable, until you can reach the joy only through meds... Remember and repeat it to all your other friends - it's all in your head and you are the only ones who can make it all go away...

[naomi]

Hello. I’m Zane. I am very depressed and lonely and it was recomended to me by my parents that I join this forum to talk with people. I’m sixteen years old and live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where, as of this year, I am being homeschooled. For the last couple of years, I have struggled with OCD, which rendered my life completely joyless. However, I dedicated a large portion of my life to overcoming it during the last few years, and by now, I’m almost over it. Despite this, and partially because of this, I am now feeling more lonely and depressed than ever before. As I’ve undergone the process of liberating myself from my OCD thoughts, I have procedurally had to face more and more of my true feelings, which is where I am now. I have no friends at all and as such, I feel very lonely. I try to distract myself with various disciplines that I’ve picked up during the last through years, namely the study of the French and Arabic languages, working out, yoga, and kick boxing, but no matter how much of them I do, every day I wake up wanting so badly to cry, but I generally don’t do so until noon, when I come crying to my parents about how I feel; that is, unbearabley lonely and like my life has no meaning to it. I feel very suicidal. Yet, as a result of owning no fire arms amd living in a community with no tall buildings, there is no sure way for me to be able to end my life. If I did, however, have these things at my disposal, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have killed myself yesterday night, when I suffered a mental brake down during which I felt the worst feeling I’ve ever felt; a sense of grief so preposterously intense that it surpassed all my previous breakdowns, of which there have been countless, generally with one occurring once or twice a week. Another thing that I struggle with everyday is that I’m simply obsessed with the prospect of having a girl friend, which I don’t, despite my ongoing attempts to become friends with a girl, which have yielded no success as of yet. I’m only 5,3 and I’m done growing, which, naturally, only acts to reduce my confidence in this domain, but I know I can’t let it stop me. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you for looking at my post and I look forward to responding to yours. Hi Zane, I'm Naomi. First off, I just want to say I know where you're coming from. I'm currently 16, but when I was 15 I decided to do online school because of awful anxiety (I still do online school, but next year I'm planning on going back to public school because I've gotten over most of my anxiety and miss going to school with other kids.) I'm not sure if you're going to find this helpful, but I thought I would try telling you about the things that helped me :). I started going to therapy which I absolutely hated, but looking back, it helped me a lot. My therapist made me create some goals of things I wanted to be able to do, like talk to other people without getting super nervous, which I'm now proud to say I do on an everyday basis. So I recommend creating some goals and taking baby steps. EX: if you have trouble getting out of bed into public, try getting out once a week, and gradually make it 2 times, 3, etc. What helped me most though, was finding a hobby. From the looks of it, you have a ton, for me, it was spending time around horses. I didn't realize how much I loved being around them, till I was actually around them. It gave me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. It's helped in so many ways I can't even explain. So, if you like animals I really think you should try to volunteer or something to be around them and try to get your hands dirty while you're at it, maybe it will help with your OCD. Speaking of volunteering, it's a great way to interact with other people. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Best of luck.