Casually suicidal? [TRIGGER WARNING]

[QuantT]

So I started wanting to die a couple months ago, but just shrugged it off... within a few weeks I got some advice from a friend that said writing some form of a suicide note can clear your mind. It helped, a lot, but over time I started thinking how much of an option suicide was to me. It’s an easy way out, and ever since it’s been encroaching on me, and it won’t leave me alone.

I say casually suicidal because I don’t feel like I deserve the attention I was given when it came out to my mum that I was slightly suicidal due to 2 friends reporting me to the well-being centre at school. That triggered me getting sent to A&E that day, almost being admitted to hospital, getting thrown to CAMHS, and now being put on the waiting list for RELATE councilling. The waiting list could be months, so far it’s been 4.

I’m prepared to die. I’ve got some envelopes, stamps, and paper to send to close friends when I go, and I found a station a few stops away where I can gain easy access to a car park with a sufficient height to guarantee death. But I don’t feel ready for death (?!), and I don’t know what to do. A lot of me is saying to just jump and forget about everything, and I’m leaning towards it, but today has been alright, hence why I’m writing here.

Thank you for ANY help, I’m getting desperate.

[ShineintheDark]

I know exactly how you feel to an extent. I've been in a really bad place mentally for almost a year now and I've had my ups and downs with it and, one night it culminated in me (admittedly whilst heavily under the influence of weed) walking along a train track and standing on the edge of the train bridge, pretty much reaching the very tip of the abyss. Clearly, I didn't do it but ever since I've entered this really weird phase where I think about how I felt in that ledge a lot and more than once have had the mindset that if I jumped, everything wouldn't really have been that bad. Hell, I've even considered going back a couple times.

It's really weird. I don't think about it often enough or intensely enough to consider myself 'suicidal' but at the same time I can't deny having times where I do genuinely, unexaggeratedly wanna jump off that train bridge. I'm aware I have helped your situation in no way with this response but I guess I can give solace in the simple knowledge that there are others like you out there: you're not alone in your mindset.

[QuantT]

I know exactly how you feel to an extent. I've been in a really bad place mentally for almost a year now and I've had my ups and downs with it and, one night it culminated in me (admittedly whilst heavily under the influence of weed) walking along a train track and standing on the edge of the train bridge, pretty much reaching the very tip of the abyss. Clearly, I didn't do it but ever since I've entered this really weird phase where I think about how I felt in that ledge a lot and more than once have had the mindset that if I jumped, everything wouldn't really have been that bad. Hell, I've even considered going back a couple times.

It's really weird. I don't think about it often enough or intensely enough to consider myself 'suicidal' but at the same time I can't deny having times where I do genuinely, unexaggeratedly wanna jump off that train bridge. I'm aware I have helped your situation in no way with this response but I guess I can give solace in the simple knowledge that there are others like you out there: you're not alone in your mindset.

No yeah thank you so much for the reply, even that’s given me just a bit more hope for myself, though I currently think my life’s end will be before September...

[Sailor Mars]

Trigger warning added. ~Mars

[swimjoey1]

Dude.. everything will get better. Try to keep yourself, you also have friends that care about you. That’s why they report you to the school. Can you go to the doctor to get check out.. what is depressing you.