Does race/ethnicity play a role for you online?

[Dalcourt]

I hope it's the right place to post this...

Recently I was very shocked by another persons remarks and this make me think about this topic for the first time and I would really like to hear other people's opinion about it.

I considered this person an online friend as I've been talking to him online for a year or so.

It was on some other forum where I am an active member for years now and have many friends. I met this guy over a year ago and besides taking part in the 'normal forum activities' we started to talk in private, too.

I always listened to his rants and problems, helped him as good as I could and anything. He was very much into make up and all those things and so he showed me lots of pics of him and we talked about them. Okay, I never showed him a pic of me, but well he didn't really ask for one and I'm not really comfortable with showing pics online anyway.

To make this long story short, I couple of days ago I made a comment about my hair and how it was awful at the moment. He told me something about just straighten it out as he does and I said something about this not being possible with my Afro hair. He was totally shocked as if having curly, Afro hair was some kind of disease or something.
I answered it's okay since I'm Afro American and well, that was too much for him then obviously.

I just received one message from him afterwards where he told me that he's freak out by black people and things they are creepy or whatever, it was basically a list of cliches I don't really want to repeat.

I was just like wtf !? I didn't creep you out for a whole year so why should I be creepy now?? But anyway we don't talk to each other anymore.

So what is other people's opinion on this? Does it make any difference to you what race/ethnicity someone you talk to online has?

I mean we had common interests, found a lot to talk about and were generally happy...so why would this change? He doesn't have to see me or anything. For me the great thing online is to get to know people without being biased because of what they look like as you might be IRL, so I really don't get it at all.

[Miserabilia]

Wow, that is insane.
Well, I guess when you're dealing with someone that crazily racist there's not much you can do; if he doesn't want to talk to you just because of your race he's not worth it anyway.
That's messed up dude.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I think he was a bit self obsessed and racist - but that is on line for you I guess.

[OrKing]

That's fucked up man. This is probably a very stupid question but are you sure he wasn't joking? Maybe I have a little too much faith in humanity but I like to think that there are very few people that dumb/narrow minded. It's a long shot, but maybe he just has a really screwy sense of humor? Either way I'm sorry, that's messed up. I hope it's not an experience that you will ever have again.

Oh, to answer the actual question; no, both in real life and online I treat such things with complete apathy. I don't care what your race or religion is, if you're cool, you're cool. Maybe apathy is the wrong word actually; race and religion can be a big part of who an individual is, I don't mean to sound like I disregard those parts of a person. I just mean that they don't matter to me as long as you as a person are likable.

[Dalcourt]

That's fucked up man. This is probably a very stupid question but are you sure he wasn't joking?

Nope, he wasn't joking at all...I've known him for over a year and I know his sense of humor.

[ScottishCanary]

Yeah to me this is totally racism. I mean I have heard some people won't date members of other races or certain races and saying that it's nothing racist. I really don't know what to think of that. However to say that you won't befriend someone/ chat online to them not because of their character but because they are a certain race, that's racism pure and simple! To me I would cherish the opportunity that being active online would bring to speak to people from all over the world and of all different races etc..

[Karkat]

Ugh, how awful! :mad:

That's so racist. It's upsetting to think that someone you've grown close to would treat you like that for a silly little think like how you look. :mad:

---

I don't judge based on race/ethnicity- WITH AN EXCEPTION.

If you're a POC (person of color, essentially non-caucasian) and you bash on white people, I'm going to look down on you, because that's not right.

That's really the only exception, because anyone can be racist, but when POC pick on white people because they're "not oppressed" and think there's nothing wrong with it, it makes me livid.


---

As far as people judging me, most people don't take my legitimate race seriously, most people immediately assume I'm racist, they bash me for having light skin, they bash me for cultural appropriation because apparently it's not possible for someone who looks like me to have grown up 'cultured', they constantly remind me how 'privileged' I am, and glaze over the struggles I have faced being a POC.

I get judged and excluded by pretty much every racial group tbh.

[everlong]

If you're sure it isn't a joke (Which quite honestly, it doesn't seem like it) that's fucked up. If that "friend" starts acting towards you differently because of it, it may just be best not to talk to them.

[Synyster Shadows]

That can happen anywhere. I'm not saying it's right or acceptable, as it is neither of those, but that's just life. No matter what efforts are made, judgmental people will always be around. It's good you don't talk to him anymore. He never deserved to talk to you, that racist ass.

[Cygnus]

Well, I've been discriminated against by mostly strangers online for being latino, even though I look american or european I've been called a poor mexican or a spick just for stating that I speak spanish or something like that. It usually isn't a huge issue however.

[Karkat]

Well, I've been discriminated against by mostly strangers online for being latino, even though I look american or european I've been called a poor mexican or a spick just for stating that I speak spanish or something like that. It usually isn't a huge issue however.

I can relate to that quite a bit. Except no one takes me seriously.

"Why don't you speak some Spanish for me, white girl? How about some Navajo?" (I'm Cherokee, smfh. People.)

"You don't LOOK ethnic."

"Naaah, you're just some stupid white bitch that's like 1/32 black or something" (Did I ever say I was black? No. I'm not.)

"You'll only ever be a white girl, stop being a poser."

"Stop wearing that. (Native American jewelry that are family heirlooms because my family is Native American.) That's cultural appropriation. You can't just wear stuff like that when you're white, you're making a mockery out of people with culture!" (Because I'm not cultured, apparently?)

"The only thing you've ever gotten discriminated for is being racist." (Because apparently being a light-skinned POC is racist?)

Which is why I avoid:
-Gaia
-Tumblr
-Some parts of Facebook
-People

[NeuroTiger]

We need to respect one another if we want to communicate to one another.
There's still a minority of hypocrites who will spoil things, though.

[ksdnfkfr]

One of the things have loved the most about having started discussion forums is the huge amount of diversity of people I interact with. Am happy when someone I get along with is different from me. The more different the more intriguing. Because there really seems to not be any significant difference at all.
That it's a small world thing. Do not understand discrimination of that kind at all.

[Karkat]

One of the things have loved the most about having started discussion forums is the huge amount of diversity of people I interact with. Am happy when someone I get along with is different than me. The more different the more intriguing. That it's a small world thing. Do not understand discrimination of that kind at all.

Me either :( Learning about different cultures/etc. is so neat!

I mean, even American culture. Sometimes 'American white people' things confuse me. (Sorry if that's a little offensive, I just have no idea how else to say that. It's not a 'caucasian' thing, just an AMERICAN caucasian thing. Like wearing shoes indoors. Why? Or should I say OUTDOOR shoes indoors. And indoor shoes outside????? WHY WHY WHY!!)

I also find it funny that there are cultural differences even within religion. I see hispanic/latino Catholics wearing saint bracelets (I have one of that style that has butterflies, because I like the style, but I'm not Catholic nor do I believe in saints) but never caucasian ones?

Also...What do they eat? They can't always be eating burgers, hotdogs and meatloaf...Can they??

It's funny how I grew up in America and still these things puzzle me. :P

I should really just ask someone. Maybe my boyfriend. Except he's not Catholic so he'd only be able to answer 2/3 I think.

Wow this is getting really off topic- point is, I'm curious about differences, not hateful. I don't get why you have to hate someone for like, I don't know, speaking a different language, or something petty like that.

[Dalcourt]

Ugh, how awful! :mad:

That's so racist. It's upsetting to think that someone you've grown close to would treat you like that for a silly little think like how you look. :mad:

---

I don't judge based on race/ethnicity- WITH AN EXCEPTION.

If you're a POC (person of color, essentially non-caucasian) and you bash on white people, I'm going to look down on you, because that's not right.

That's really the only exception, because anyone can be racist, but when POC pick on white people because they're "not oppressed" and think there's nothing wrong with it, it makes me livid.


---

As far as people judging me, most people don't take my legitimate race seriously, most people immediately assume I'm racist, they bash me for having light skin, they bash me for cultural appropriation because apparently it's not possible for someone who looks like me to have grown up 'cultured', they constantly remind me how 'privileged' I am, and glaze over the struggles I have faced being a POC.

I get judged and excluded by pretty much every racial group tbh.

Yeah, I know how that works. There are so many POC who are extremely racist and biased themselves, not just agains 'white people' but even within their ethnic groups.

I mean, for some I'm too light-skinned for others too dark-skinned, for some I've the wrong religion, for others the wrong language...

Some thought me crazy cuz I defended white people's opinions about blacks and so on...

Even if you think it shouldn't be like that in our times racism is still a big deal...Usually I don't let myself get bothered by it at all.

What I don't understand in my case here was that it bothered this person, what ethnicity I am when we never talked about sensitive topics at all.

We talked just about his sexuality and how his parents weren't okay with it and about make-up/fashion and cosplay, Japanese manga and Asian food.
So if I'd been some white guy what I guess he assumed I was or some fellow Asian it would have been okay but why not now?

One of the things have loved the most about having started discussion forums is the huge amount of diversity of people I interact with. Am happy when someone I get along with is different from me. The more different the more intriguing. Because there really seems to not be any significant difference at all.
That it's a small world thing. Do not understand discrimination of that kind at all.

That's what I feel like, too. This person I talked about is from Asia and for me being from the USA, learning about their culture and everything was totally interesting.



I mean, even American culture. Sometimes 'American white people' things confuse me. (Sorry if that's a little offensive, I just have no idea how else to say that. It's not a 'caucasian' thing, just an AMERICAN caucasian thing. Like wearing shoes indoors. Why? Or should I say OUTDOOR shoes indoors. And indoor shoes outside????? WHY WHY WHY!!)

I also find it funny that there are cultural differences even within religion. I see hispanic/latino Catholics wearing saint bracelets (I have one of that style that has butterflies, because I like the style, but I'm not Catholic nor do I believe in saints) but never caucasian ones?

Also...What do they eat? They can't always be eating burgers, hotdogs and meatloaf...Can they??

It's funny how I grew up in America and still these things puzzle me. :P



Lol, I know what you mean. But believe me I even tried asking about some of those things you mentioned above, but I never really got any satisfying answers just weird...'are you in your right mind!?' kind of looks.

[ksdnfkfr]

That's what I feel like, too. This person I talked about is from Asia and for me being from the USA, learning about their culture and everything was totally interesting.

I like that. Like one friend lives on a fantastic island very far away from me.
But what also like is forgetting about that and that person just being a friend.
The only time it seems someone being a different nationality comes up is when one of us posts a cultural reference the other does not get. But that is a good thing because it's like "oh yeah I forgot, you're not from here".

[Karkat]

Yeah, I know how that works. There are so many POC who are extremely racist and biased themselves, not just agains 'white people' but even within their ethnic groups.

I mean, for some I'm too light-skinned for others too dark-skinned, for some I've the wrong religion, for others the wrong language...

Some thought me crazy cuz I defended white people's opinions about blacks and so on...

Even if you think it shouldn't be like that in our times racism is still a big deal...Usually I don't let myself get bothered by it at all.

What I don't understand in my case here was that it bothered this person, what ethnicity I am when we never talked about sensitive topics at all.

We talked just about his sexuality and how his parents weren't okay with it and about make-up/fashion and cosplay, Japanese manga and Asian food.
So if I'd been some white guy what I guess he assumed I was or some fellow Asian it would have been okay but why not now?



That's what I feel like, too. This person I talked about is from Asia and for me being from the USA, learning about their culture and everything was totally interesting.



Lol, I know what you mean. But believe me I even tried asking about some of those things you mentioned above, but I never really got any satisfying answers just weird...'are you in your right mind!?' kind of looks.

That bothers me as well. Afro latinas being excluded for not being latina enough, or excluded for not being black enough. People in other countries sticking their nose up at those who are the same ethnicity they are, but were born in America, etc. (Though that's more nationalism- however they usually say "You're not really ____!")

People give me so much shit about not being fluent in Spanish. They do it because I'm lighter skinned/look fairly caucasian, and I know it. And I'm literally told I'm too light by white people...Which is funny because I tan while they burn. :P

That is strange... :what:

People assume because I look "white" that I must, I don't know, be in on white people stuff. They look at me strange when I say things about going barefoot in the house or wearing "indoor shoes". I look at them strange for wearing their outdoor shoes in the house!

Or like, I'll get told that I shouldn't wear my jewelry that are family heirlooms because it's "cultural appropriation" because I'm "white"...

Yeah, ok, explain that to my family. After all, the heirlooms ARE theirs...

I don't so much get blatant racism as I do exclusion and being mocked. I mean, I HAVE gotten racist remarks, etc. Part of the reason I was raped was actually because I was light-skinned, but not entirely white- which apparently made me some sort of trophy to my (then) boyfriend. That and he was abusive and disgusting to begin with.

I don't know. I don't think I'll ever feel like I 'belong' to any one culture, and it's kind of frustrating. Because everyone who looks like they belong to that culture yells at how I'm being offensive and disrespectful for doing what I've grown up with. I don't want to give up my culture, but it's such a struggle sometimes...

I don't even bother speaking Spanish because I just get nitpicked and mocked...Gave up on Japanese a long time ago as well...

[Dalcourt]

That bothers me as well. Afro latinas being excluded for not being latina enough, or excluded for not being black enough. People in other countries sticking their nose up at those who are the same ethnicity they are, but were born in America, etc. (Though that's more nationalism- however they usually say "You're not really ____!")

People give me so much shit about not being fluent in Spanish. They do it because I'm lighter skinned/look fairly caucasian, and I know it. And I'm literally told I'm too light by white people...Which is funny because I tan while they burn. :P

That is strange... :what:

People assume because I look "white" that I must, I don't know, be in on white people stuff. They look at me strange when I say things about going barefoot in the house or wearing "indoor shoes". I look at them strange for wearing their outdoor shoes in the house!

Or like, I'll get told that I shouldn't wear my jewelry that are family heirlooms because it's "cultural appropriation" because I'm "white"...

Yeah, ok, explain that to my family. After all, the heirlooms ARE theirs...

I don't so much get blatant racism as I do exclusion and being mocked. I mean, I HAVE gotten racist remarks, etc. Part of the reason I was raped was actually because I was light-skinned, but not entirely white- which apparently made me some sort of trophy to my (then) boyfriend. That and he was abusive and disgusting to begin with.

I don't know. I don't think I'll ever feel like I 'belong' to any one culture, and it's kind of frustrating. Because everyone who looks like they belong to that culture yells at how I'm being offensive and disrespectful for doing what I've grown up with. I don't want to give up my culture, but it's such a struggle sometimes...

I don't even bother speaking Spanish because I just get nitpicked and mocked...Gave up on Japanese a long time ago as well...

Wow, that's really tough.

Usually, I feel like I belong. Where I live now most people are of a similar mixed background or at least know about it.

But I used to live in another state for some time and there it was terrible. They made fun of me calling me an Albino N..... I'm mixed, so my skin is sometimes kinda frecklish, I have a slight reddish tinge to my hair and my eyes aren't brown and mocked my religion.

It's sad, really...that people act like that.

[jayce_xt]

Interesting things said in this thread. Many of which are familiar to me. It sucks that people make such a big deal out of this thing.

Anyway, I personally don't care about appearance. At all. Behavior and belief are all that matter to me. Though, oddly enough, I find that there are some ethnicities/colors that I'm attracted to more/less than others. Purely aesthetic, but I've always wondered why that is. Or why I find certain body types more/less attractive than others.

Also, to the original poster: perhaps part of what got your friend weirded out was the idea that he was actually friends with a black person. Racist people always grow up being taught that people of other colors are nasty, mean, evil, etc. That they can never be befriended. Perhaps the idea that he did, in fact, befriend you just blew his mind. Shook his belief system to its core. Not at all a bad thing. Maybe someday he'll remember you and regret his actions. Decide someday that racism just isn't for him.

It's a saddening experience to lose a friend in such a way, but... perhaps it can be beneficial, in the long run.

[ninja789]

there are some real c*nts out there

just grow an afro
they are awesome :D

[Karkat]

Wow, that's really tough.

Usually, I feel like I belong. Where I live now most people are of a similar mixed background or at least know about it.

But I used to live in another state for some time and there it was terrible. They made fun of me calling me an Albino N..... I'm mixed, so my skin is sometimes kinda frecklish, I have a slight reddish tinge to my hair and my eyes aren't brown and mocked my religion.

It's sad, really...that people act like that.

It is really sad that people act like that. :( I'm sorry.

[backjruton]

I don't get bothered when I find out people are of other cultures or just from different places. As long as like Ren said, as long as they're not racist towards the people who aren't racist towards them. On RuneScape in the 6-7 years I've been playing I've only spoken to 1 person from Venezuela, 1 from India and the others are from different parts of Europe and in rare cases America but mostly just from the UK and around Amsterdam (whereever Dutch people are at), so obviously I'm not much help in a subject like this but I feel no problems towards most people. My Venezuelan friend is actually one of the best people I've ever met on the internet and although we don't talk as much now we have a lot in the past about helpful things, but mostly about the game :P

[radsniper]

i go to an international dinner for the students of SU and i love to talk to each of them

[Melodic]

Public or internet, race has never played a role for me. What plays a really big role to me is how the person is personality wise. But it's honestly really sad when Society has gotten really bad to the point people will ignore you because of 1 difference they have with someone or opinion that they believe, even if they got to know you and thought you were a good friend. I just wish irrational opinions and judgements would be put aside for once and people would actually get to know the person.

[Elvalight]

Ugh, I hate people like that >:(
The only thing that changes for me if a person is black/a different race is I try to avoid any sticky subjects that might offend the person. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a dirtbag and hope you meet some nicer and more respectful people who don't care about what race you are.

[Gamma Male]

I think one of the benefits of anonymous online discussions is that they prevent people from making unconscious judgments and inferences based on race and physical appearance.

[Rallo]

I can't say I've ever seen online racism on this scale..
I've seen the odd racial comment, though it's usually so out of context that it couldn't even be considered directed racism. (ie, on League of Legend's Australian server you see the odd person calling someone 'mexican' for example, despite the fact the server is only played by Australians.. Usually more as a joke, though still isn't politically correct)

Other then that, I've had a few comments on my Australian accent and that's about it personally. Mainly all I see is different accents being commented on; never any real racism.

[yviedarling]

Oooooh, this irks me. I am mixed myself, and i've actually had his happen to me multiple times. Even by black people who didn't like that I was half white. I'm sorry it happened to you.

[Remora]

Everyone could be lieeing about themselves, so i might aswell completely ignore whatever they say :)
Other than that in real life it doesn't play such a big role for me either, i do admit that if a black guy goes past the doors in my neighbourhood asking if peoples' parents are home i'm all paranoid, which i'm not if it's a nice old grandma...

[Luminous]

That is so racist, I can barely believe it. I don't care about skin color online or face to face. Who cares? It's just a container for our personalities.