Please Help, How Do You Cope?

[DiamondsGirl]

To put it (very) shortly, I'm living with bully parents. They always make me feel ugly and incapable hence my mini social anxiety and a handful other problems. But our family do have 'normal moments' when we laugh together, sit together and do all those family stuff. Problem arises when my parent wants me to do something I disagree with (e.g. joining them and my brother at the family pool, where I often get insulted and laughed at because I don't swim well) and I dared to say "no, I don't want to". That reply always set my parents off and they will start calling me names, yelling and shouting (I'm afraid of loud voices).

So could anyone please tell me what is the proper, polite, civil, CORRECT way of refusing an offer? The thing is I really don't know any other way to respond! Worse yet since they scared me so much I tend to reply while looking at my phone/laptop screen and I guess it only makes me look like a rude ignorant b*tch. Any suggestion is greatly appreciated x thank you!

[Jacobly]

If conversations dont always go very well why dont you try leaving a letter on there bed saying that sometimes you feel intimidated and dont know what to say. Ask them in the letter to talk to you calmly if you choose not to answer them?

[Karkat]

Your family sounds toxic and abusive. Honestly, even if they don't agree with you, there's no excuse for them to act that way.

Unfortunately, there's probably no way to fix it, however if you feel like they're being emotionally abusive and you feel like you need serious help, call an abuse hotline, or social services. I know I don't practice what I preach, but I do have my reasons for it, and ironically (it's extremely sad, actually), I will never blame or judge anyone for staying with abusive parents because they don't trust the foster system/etc.

Do what you feel is best for you. If you feel like you can do it safely, try explaining to them how you feel. If they still don't respond to you in a humane and caring manner, try your best to avoid them. Don't try to avoid conflict with them by giving in to them, just avoid them. Your well-being is more important than their selfish desires and actions.

[DiamondsGirl]

If conversations dont always go very well why dont you try leaving a letter on there bed saying that sometimes you feel intimidated and dont know what to say. Ask them in the letter to talk to you calmly if you choose not to answer them?
I might try that when I'm leaving for college. But right now I just don't see how it's going to work out... I believe too strongly that they do not care about me at all :( thank you for your suggestion though x

Your family sounds toxic and abusive. Honestly, even if they don't agree with you, there's no excuse for them to act that way.

Unfortunately, there's probably no way to fix it, however if you feel like they're being emotionally abusive and you feel like you need serious help, call an abuse hotline, or social services. I know I don't practice what I preach, but I do have my reasons for it, and ironically (it's extremely sad, actually), I will never blame or judge anyone for staying with abusive parents because they don't trust the foster system/etc.

Do what you feel is best for you. If you feel like you can do it safely, try explaining to them how you feel. If they still don't respond to you in a humane and caring manner, try your best to avoid them. Don't try to avoid conflict with them by giving in to them, just avoid them. Your well-being is more important than their selfish desires and actions.

Thank you for responding. That last paragraph answered another question I'm about to ask. I always give in to whatever they want because "hey it saves me from being yelled at". Now that I know it's not right I'll try to stop.. if I can. Avoiding them is a little difficult because they stay home a lot, but the good news is I'm going to study abroad in half a year. I don't think I would ever come back.

[Karkat]

I might try that when I'm leaving for college. But right now I just don't see how it's going to work out... I believe too strongly that they do not care about me at all :( thank you for your suggestion though x



Thank you for responding. That last paragraph answered another question I'm about to ask. I always give in to whatever they want because "hey it saves me from being yelled at". Now that I know it's not right I'll try to stop.. if I can. Avoiding them is a little difficult because they stay home a lot, but the good news is I'm going to study abroad in half a year. I don't think I would ever come back.

That's good. Yeah, if you can hold out half a year, you can get away from them, and after that, it's up to you if you choose to keep them in your life.

[Lisa R]

To put it (very) shortly, I'm living with bully parents. They always make me feel ugly and incapable hence my mini social anxiety and a handful other problems. But our family do have 'normal moments' when we laugh together, sit together and do all those family stuff. Problem arises when my parent wants me to do something I disagree with (e.g. joining them and my brother at the family pool, where I often get insulted and laughed at because I don't swim well) and I dared to say "no, I don't want to". That reply always set my parents off and they will start calling me names, yelling and shouting (I'm afraid of loud voices).

So could anyone please tell me what is the proper, polite, civil, CORRECT way of refusing an offer? The thing is I really don't know any other way to respond! Worse yet since they scared me so much I tend to reply while looking at my phone/laptop screen and I guess it only makes me look like a rude ignorant b*tch. Any suggestion is greatly appreciated x thank you!

I feel that you need to find time with your parents on alone time by themselfs with no interruptions . Tell them exactly what has been happening and exactly how you feel. Need to get out in the open with no yelling name calling.