Clingy "Friend"

[IcyCool]

Alright. Here I am. I'm pretty sure that a friendship constitutes as a relationship, so, here I go.

I have this "friend" who never lets me go. Whenever I tell him that I don't want him near me, he just follows me around. Whenever it's lunch time, he always comes to my desk. I don't want him to. He's really mean to us, too. Sometimes he says insensitive things (including racially, and visually insensitive things) about people in our clique, and he never stops when we tell him to. I constantly have to assert my position, but he never listens.

I just want to know:
Have you ever been in a situation like this?
How in the world should I deal with this?

Also, I have to wait until Tuesday to talk to him in person, because Monday is Victoria Day. Thanks for the replies!

[Tim the Enchanter]

If he is mean but always follows you around, it could mean he actually likes to have you around, obviously haha. But Idk, maybe he has no other friends and so he views you as a very close one, even if he is mean.

[IcyCool]

If he is mean but always follows you around, it could mean he actually likes to have you around, obviously haha. But Idk, maybe he has no other friends and so he views you as a very close one, even if he is mean.

I'm pretty sure that you're exactly right about that. He doesn't seem to hang out with a lot of people.

[Dalcourt]

Relationships and Dating :arrow: Family and Friends

[Hideous]

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Yes, I have had past relations with people who were just annoying and rude, always trying to interject really offensive jokes at the wrong place and time.

How in the world should I deal with this? This is a situation that needs to be resolved. Being honest and upfront is the way to go. I would sit down with him and tell him how you really feel. Bring up his behavior in certain situations and hope that the least he can do is understand where you're coming from as his friend.

Good luck.

[Tim the Enchanter]

I'm pretty sure that you're exactly right about that. He doesn't seem to hang out with a lot of people.

Yah Idk man, but something tells me hed really be sad if you were to just up and tell him to get lost. I think I read somewhere that sometimes if friends are mean it really could mean they care about you. Idk though.

[IcyCool]

Yah Idk man, but something tells me hed really be sad if you were to just up and tell him to get lost. I think I read somewhere that sometimes if friends are mean it really could mean they care about you. Idk though.

I forgot to tell people this, but I already told him that I don't want to be friends over text, but that didn't work out. He said that he understood, but the next day, it was like he completely forgot.

[Tim the Enchanter]

I forgot to tell people this, but I already told him that I don't want to be friends over text, but that didn't work out. He said that he understood, but the next day, it was like he completely forgot.

He's in denial haha

[kro814]

He may need you as friend. You might tell him what socially acceptable behavior you will tolerate.

[IcyCool]

He may need you as friend. You might tell him what socially acceptable behavior you will tolerate.

Ive tried that but he just seems to completely disregard it like I never even told him.

[Leon2]

Then I'd stop being his friend

[Naters2000]

I think that I may be jumping to conclusions, but I think that the reason that he hangs around you is because you aren't as forceful as other people.

Essentially, he has probably had friends in the past, but they've dumped him because of his insensitive nature. I'm guessing that you aren't as forceful and demanding as they were so he is clingy as he doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

[Jordan99]

Well past time to set clear boundaries with this "friend". He'll end up better for it and so will you and your anxiety with it.

[pumpkineater34]

I'd say write a letter or send a text explaining your feelings. just DONT be harsh. they could be going through some tough stuff at home or just emotions and they could just be Wanting someone to talk to. I remember when I went through some stuff, I was never that clingy but I was sometimes over talkative and trusting to my friends. and sometimes it comes off as too much. ( I learned over time how not to do that).

[lliam]

I have had such encounters a few times, but never referred them as friends.

Also I never treated them very friendly, because I told them very clearly that I can't stand them under no circumstances. And I never had to repeat this a second time.

With such annoying folks, you have to be strict, I guess. Showing empathy isn't working here, even if there may be some reasons for it.

[ShineintheDark]

More likely than not he hasn't got many other people to hang around with and so wants to keep you as a friend for as long as possible. If they really do annoy you and you don't like having them around, you'll need to be more assertive in telling them to either change or go away since they won't go easily. I have a friend that most people dislike cos he's fairly clingy and creepy but I do my best to make him feel wanted and welcome since no one wants to be the one everyone rejects.