Thinking of Other Boys.

[Abbeys]

Hi all.
I haven't been around for a while but I really need some help from my VT friends.
A few months ago I met a boy and we started seeing each other on regular basis.
Until him I hadn't done much sexual stuff and so it was all new and exiting.
But now I just don't feel the same way,I still really like him but when we do things I have to think about other boys to get me in the mood.

I feel so guilty and confused.

I don't know what to do.

I haven't go anybody I can talk to in real life about this.

Can anyone help me please?

Abbey

[Candy in CT]

You did what is called "Crossing the Line" when you have sex things change. You wonder what it will be like with another guy. If you like him stay with him or if not be fair and tell him you want to move on. Just really go with your feelings.

[Mollypop]

What you're going through is normal. There's a reason almost nobody spends the rest of their lives with a boy they started dating when they were teens. You haven't figured out who you are yet, so how could you know going into a relationship if he's the one for you forever?

Maybe you're just curious about other boys. Maybe once the excitement of a new relationship wore off you just figured out you weren't really as into him as you thought. Sometimes it's just exciting having someone want you that much, but that part doesn't last as long. And then you're left with a more empty feeling.

There's no answer here that won't hurt in some way. You sound like you need a break from him to figure out how you really feel about him. That will hurt him, and it's possible you'll want him back later but he'll be too hurt to take you back. It's also possible you'll be happier without him, but he'll still end up hurt.

But switch the roles around. If the only way he could have sex with you is if he's thinking about other girls, wouldn't you want to know? And wouldn't you want to move on?

[angelina]

sometimes it is not 100% possible for all the girls to live with the same boy with whom they dated first.Try to know what is his idea ? If you feel guilty...do not do....go by your conscience..

[Abbeys]

Thanks Candy,Molly and Angelina.

It seems like I've got a lot to learn.

[Anniebanannie]

If you like him, and you haven't already broken up with him, I'd say don't do anything rash. Take things slowly.

[Ashley2004]

It's normal to get bored if you don't change up your routine. You should try some new things and then you might not think about other guys.

[Nikki_1]

I may be wrong but I'm guessing that it could be that you like you want to know if it is the same with other boys. Thats not wrong but just be careful, it seems ok for boy's to move around with girls but, let us do it and we get labeled!!!!
Thats just my opinion though.

[KristenS]

Its just your mind wondering. As long as you dont get to carried away with the thoughts it shouldnt hurt anything

[Abbeys]

Thank You
Annie,
Ashley,
Nikki,
Krissten.

Thank you all for your advice.

I,m not that experienced with this sort of stuff this is my first serious relationship so it's all new.
I do like him,a lot!!!

Things have kinda settled and we are a bit more comfortable with each other and have started to talk about what we like.. and don't!!!
When we are doing stuff I do think about him mostly but my mind does wander but I don't feel so guilty and confused now.

From what I get here,it's normal.


Thanks all again and hope you are all ok.

Abbey.

[gurquenjen]

Minds wander. It's fine. It's not something to rip yourself apart about. I mean, you CAN rip yourself apart about it, but...try not to. It's not something I'd ask your boyfriend about, but I'm pretty willing to bet he also thinks of other girls while you're doing stuff, because, I've found this to be true, anyway, everyone thinks about other people, from time to time (or more than that), and that's...just how it is. If it truly bothers you, talk to him about it, but that can also screw things up in new and exciting ways, so, maybe if you talk to him about it don't get too detailed.

[Abbeys]

Minds wander. It's fine. It's not something to rip yourself apart about. I mean, you CAN rip yourself apart about it, but...try not to. It's not something I'd ask your boyfriend about, but I'm pretty willing to bet he also thinks of other girls while you're doing stuff, because, I've found this to be true, anyway, everyone thinks about other people, from time to time (or more than that), and that's...just how it is. If it truly bothers you, talk to him about it, but that can also screw things up in new and exciting ways, so, maybe if you talk to him about it don't get too detailed.

Thank you!

That's a major insight saying he's probably thinking about other girls while I'm thinking about other boys!
it was mentioned before but I thought it was unusual but it seems it's not.
So in a way,we are both cheating.:confused:

[Ashley2004]

I always get freakier in bed to change up my routine. Butt play, invite others, new positions, etc.

Nothing wrong with any of it.

[gurquenjen]

Thank you!

That's a major insight saying he's probably thinking about other girls while I'm thinking about other boys!
it was mentioned before but I thought it was unusual but it seems it's not.
So in a way,we are both cheating.:confused:

If you want to be very literal about it, yes, you are, but...
Try not to look at it that way. A lot of time it's not really deliberate thoughts, they just kind of pop into your head and you keep going because you can't really say stop and do something that makes me think of YOU to your partner, because that just kills the rhythm of things and can lead to further contention. It's sometimes just best if you hump through it, try to focus on what the person you're with is doing, how they are making you feel, etc. Intrusive thoughts, even ones that you casually entertain while screwing, are just thoughts. They aren't deep moral, personal, or relationship failings.

[Jordan99]

Nothing wrong with fantasy. I wouldn't trade in or change my BF for anyone else on earth but it is totally normal to fantasize about other guys (even girls if you lean that way) when having sex with your SO. I've wondered a few times what my BFF's BF would be like in bed but have never acted on it. Sometimes it just makes the sex better with the BF. I'm sure he's fantasized too. No harm in that.

[Abbeys]

If you want to be very literal about it, yes, you are, but...
Try not to look at it that way. A lot of time it's not really deliberate thoughts, they just kind of pop into your head and you keep going because you can't really say stop and do something that makes me think of YOU to your partner, because that just kills the rhythm of things and can lead to further contention. It's sometimes just best if you hump through it, try to focus on what the person you're with is doing, how they are making you feel, etc. Intrusive thoughts, even ones that you casually entertain while screwing, are just thoughts. They aren't deep moral, personal, or relationship failings.

Thanks Jenn.

That is so helpful you have thought of everything I have been worried about.

Abbey

XXX

[Stuckinohio]

You need to be straight up and honest with him. That's only fair. You shouldn't lead him on if your not interested anymore. And keep in mind there is nothing wrong with that. People's feelings change over time.

[camilaP]

It's ok for you to look at and feel sexually attracted to different guys, but I think if you're not interested in him anymore then you should just end it.

[Sevven]

Maybe it’s not the right time to commit to being with one steady bf?

[Bluebyrd]

You need to be straight up and honest with him. That's only fair. You shouldn't lead him on if your not interested anymore. And keep in mind there is nothing wrong with that. People's feelings change over time.

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