Ilove318
April 21st, 2018, 04:40 AM
I know that feeling like this is part of depression, but my family, who know I'm depressed, keep making me feel like this. It's always, 'you don't study hard enough, people out there are wishing for the type of education we pay for you to get' or 'why don't you ever do anything without being told?'
I'm always tired and often feel horrible. I stopped myself from cutting for nearly a month because I was too lazy to do it, as stupid as it sounds, but a few nights ago, I can't remember what happened, but I relapsed very badly. I think it was something about not doing everything I was supposed to.
I really don't know what to do. The antidepressants don't work anymore, and I'm not telling anyone about that because my dad is the doctor prescribing them. If I say they're not working he will just get mad at me, and I'll feel worse. Besides, the words 'suicide' and 'depression' are taboo coming from me, since my suicide attempt. If I even hear them, I cringe. I know it's getting bad, but this is too much.
That week I relapsed, I was prepared to kill myself, and I really was going to, but the only things stopping me were the fact they had paid for my plane ticket for our family trip to Fiji and that I need to finish re watching Merlin. Those are really stupid reasons, but honestly, they are all I have left.
My little brother and all my cousins used to make me feel wanted, but now they have each other, and I have no one. I really feel like ending it all, but I don't think I will.
I'm always tired and often feel horrible. I stopped myself from cutting for nearly a month because I was too lazy to do it, as stupid as it sounds, but a few nights ago, I can't remember what happened, but I relapsed very badly. I think it was something about not doing everything I was supposed to.
I really don't know what to do. The antidepressants don't work anymore, and I'm not telling anyone about that because my dad is the doctor prescribing them. If I say they're not working he will just get mad at me, and I'll feel worse. Besides, the words 'suicide' and 'depression' are taboo coming from me, since my suicide attempt. If I even hear them, I cringe. I know it's getting bad, but this is too much.
That week I relapsed, I was prepared to kill myself, and I really was going to, but the only things stopping me were the fact they had paid for my plane ticket for our family trip to Fiji and that I need to finish re watching Merlin. Those are really stupid reasons, but honestly, they are all I have left.
My little brother and all my cousins used to make me feel wanted, but now they have each other, and I have no one. I really feel like ending it all, but I don't think I will.