This older friend...

[OrangeTulip]

Hello all,

I am new here so i will introduce myself a little here...

I am 14 years old and from Holland. I know for some time I am gay and am ok with this. I have this friend in the neighbourhood who has been my friend since i was very little (I live in a pretty scarsly populated area so there were not so many kids around thats why he is older). He's 22 now, but for some time I have been having feeling for him :wub: At first i thought it was just as friends, but as I got older now I know its more than just that... He knows I am gay (he says he is bi) and he teases me about it sometimes in a friendly way like asking if i already found a boyfriend. But it hurts me that I dont dare to talk to him as we trust each other with everything.

Should I try to tell him, or would it be stupid? Would it be useless anyway as some his age isnt supposed to hit on someone my age anyway? I just cant stop thinking about how it would be to be his boyfriend :confused:

[Ilove318]

I don’t have any idea how to respond to this since I’ve never had any experience in these situations (I’m a straight female). But maybe you should ask someone you know well and trust if it is a good idea to tell him. I think at least saying you have developed feelings for him would be healthy since you won’t have to keep it bottled up. But please, just remember, he may not see you in the same way ever again or in a worse case, may not want to maintain the friendship (unlikely). Also it’s important you remember he is much older than you, so weigh the pros and cons before you take action. Hope this helps.

[JustMyHumbleOpinion]

I think with the ages it really might strain it from ever working.
Furthermore i think with large age gaps it makes relationships kinda odd (especially at the young, tender age of 14.)

I know it sounds tough but maybe try to forget about him- or at least wait until you are 16 so it doesn't look weird.
I guess if you really, really, like him then talk to him and see if you can convince him to wait for you.

But sadly most likely you might have to wait for another guy- sadly sometimes things just can't work out/happen.

[Alumni]

Well, where I'm from, a 14 y/o dating a 22 y/o isn't acceptable and can get the older guy in trouble.

He sounds friendly and I think that's great, but I don't think you should push on it.
+ dating friends and having it possibly mess up really sucks.

[Jinglebottom]

I honestly doubt any 22 year old would take a 14 year old's declaration of love towards them seriously.. He would probably assume it's some silly little puppy crush. He would get in serious legal trouble if he tried anything anyway. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be known as a sex offender or a pedophile his whole life, so I suggest you just wait it out and get to know another guy your age, as harsh as that sounds.

[ska8er]

I think ur just starting puberty and u
have more of a fascination with him
than any romantic feelings. Hormones
rule during the first stages of puberty.
If u were 16 and he was 22 I would say
that maybe it would work but not at 14.
Just b careful u don't get hurt.

BTW Welcome

[CoryW]

He may just be a pedo wanting to hurt you please be careful

[NewLeafsFan]

At your age, dating someone that is 8 years older is inappropriate and likely illegal. Try to meet and connect with ppl your own age. I usually recommend asking ppl out but I would not recommend telling him because it sounds like it would only create an awkward situation.

[SeansLittleBro]

I think all the answers you've received so far are correct and mostly meant to let you think about what is happening. He hasn't made any move toward you and probably won't ...the age difference, most likely illegal in any country. is a concern, but mostly a concern due to the maturity that you lack ...not being mean just realistic...you have a lot of living and experiences to come into your life ....if he is a friend, keep him as a friend...the love you feel is most likely the hormones that are being released as you are entering full on puberty.

[OrangeTulip]

I guess you are right. it just feels so real. thanks for the help