I am in love with my best friend.

[Croconaw]

I am 20 years old and am past my teen years but this site has helped me a lot. I hope we can give each other advice and help each other. :)

In short, I am in love with my best friend. I’ll explain...

I met this girl (Let’s call her Sophia, not her real name) online about a year ago. We shared a mutual interest of hockey. I am in kind of a weird situation because she is seventeen years old (She turns eighteen this month though) and has a girlfriend. We have talked every single day. It started on kik messenger, then I got her number.

I’m going to backtrack to last year. I sent her a message on kik. I was in a really bad and abusive relationship when I met this girl. About a few months after I met Sophia, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me. I told Sophia right as it happened and this is exactly how our conversation went down.

Me: I broke up with my girlfriend.
Sophia: That’s great! -pauses- I mean... Aw I’m so sorry :( You truly deserve someone who’s going to make you happy!

Later that day, she sends me a message. It says: “You are the kindest most genuine person I ever got to meet. You deserve happiness and the right person will see that.”

I was on the way back from a trip I went on to visit my now ex. (To keep it short... my ex dumped me on my train ride to Alabama to go see her.) So I couldn’t turn back. Okay, now I’m on my way home... I’m crying at 3:00 AM in the wee hours of the night on a Greyhound Bus. Nobody could tell because they were sleeping. The person that was keeping me from freaking out any more was Sophia. We were texting and our conversation went like this.

Me: It’s okay if you want to sleep, I know you have school in a few hours. I’ll be okay.
Sophia: No, it’s okay! I need to make sure you’re alright.

Sophia then proceeds to send me songs that would cheer me up and she sent me a picture of a rainbow and said things will get better.

A few weeks after the trip, we were texting and out of the blue, just randomly, she sends me a baby picture of her and says “Mini me!” I told her she was adorable and sent her my baby picture. She told me that I have a great smile. I said “Thank you” and told her I’m sure she has a great smile as well. That’s when Sophia says “Well honestly I have really bad teeth.” That was something we connected over because my teeth are also far from perfect. I told her about my teeth and my surgery for a tooth abscess (That just so happened to be her birthday. Yes, her birthday was the day of my surgery). I told her I was self conscious of my teeth and she says “I honestly think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

We talk literally every single day. I’m going to stop here on our conversations because I don’t want to make this too long, but our conversations are sometimes really deep and personal.

She is from the state of Nebraska. I’m going to explain what is weird to me and you can call me crazy but several signs have been reminding me of Sophia. In public, I would sometimes see a Nebraska license plate on a car. This happened on a few separate occasions. The first time was in Alabama. This was an Alabama license plate, but the plate was customized to say her name... it was parked where my ex and I went out to eat.

The second time was when I was on vacation in Erie. My family stopped to eat, and there was a Nebraska car that pulled in and parked next to my grandma’s car.

The third occasion was in California where I live. There was a Nebraska car just parked where I was going to eat at Taco Bell. Now, how common is Nebraska?

Another thing that is weird, as I was laying down on my bed on my first day in California... I recently moved. So, I lay down feeling lonely because it was late and everyone was sleeping. On the ceiling on the smoke alarm. It says her initials on the smoke alarm. The first letter of her first name and the first letter of her last name... it is written on the smoke alarm and I’m not even kidding.

I’m going to stop right here because I don’t want it to get too long. Sophia and I say we love each other. Something worth noting is that she called me her “best friend” one day after we met, so I think we connected pretty well.

I did tell her I had feelings for her, as well. Her response was basically:

“Aw I’m honestly really flattered you feel that way! I love you so much never forget that you deserve to be happy <3 me and my girlfriend probably won’t last forever!”

That is what threw me off... she said her and her girlfriend won’t last forever. Is that a way of saying she likes me? I was a little confused by her response. I truly love this girl.

I would love and appreciate any advice. I’m stuck on this situation and am looking for advice. Thank you! <3

[Ethan19]

Hey! I'm glad to hear you got out of a shitty relationship, it's always for the better, even though it hurts. The 'signs' to me just seem like you trying to dig for something to link to her. No offense, but if I was in love with someone I could literally find a million mundane things to link back to them (NB: it feels weird saying if, considering I'm in a relationship, but it's in the context of your positon).

As for your friend, there's two approaches. Gawk over her for the rest of your life, hope she breaks it off with her girlfriend and gets with you. Notice in this case there are so many clauses and ifs that when you think about it realistically, it's not the right choice. Plus, in a way I'd find it sadistic and being a real shitty friend if you'd want her to break up with her gf ( not saying you do, again it's an if).

On the other hand, you can try and get over the love and realise you have a really great friend. And having a best friend can be immeasurably more valuable than having a gf. Sure they can't comfort you in the same ways necessarily, but, I'd rather keep a best friend for life than a relationship for a few years.

Finally, putting it bluntly her message to me seems like a pity message. Meaning she empathises with you and its a way to give you like happiness and hope. It's a message I've sent before as well. I think you need to try and change your perspective of the situation.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

[Croconaw]

Hey! I'm glad to hear you got out of a shitty relationship, it's always for the better, even though it hurts. The 'signs' to me just seem like you trying to dig for something to link to her. No offense, but if I was in love with someone I could literally find a million mundane things to link back to them (NB: it feels weird saying if, considering I'm in a relationship, but it's in the context of your positon).

As for your friend, there's two approaches. Gawk over her for the rest of your life, hope she breaks it off with her girlfriend and gets with you. Notice in this case there are so many clauses and ifs that when you think about it realistically, it's not the right choice. Plus, in a way I'd find it sadistic and being a real shitty friend if you'd want her to break up with her gf ( not saying you do, again it's an if).

On the other hand, you can try and get over the love and realise you have a really great friend. And having a best friend can be immeasurably more valuable than having a gf. Sure they can't comfort you in the same ways necessarily, but, I'd rather keep a best friend for life than a relationship for a few years.

Finally, putting it bluntly her message to me seems like a pity message. Meaning she empathises with you and its a way to give you like happiness and hope. It's a message I've sent before as well. I think you need to try and change your perspective of the situation.

Good luck with whatever you choose!I do appreciate her as a best friend and she knows that. I wouldn’t want her to dump her girlfriend. I told her on several occasions that I will support what she wants as long as she is happy.

It would hurt if she felt obligated to dump her girlfriend because of me. I would support whatever direction she chooses to go in. I was just a little confused by her messages.

[Ethan19]

I do appreciate her as a best friend and she knows that. I wouldn’t want her to dump her girlfriend. I told her on several occasions that I will support what she wants as long as she is happy.

And that's great. As for you being in love with her though, there's no way that anyone could give you to 'fall out of love'. It's different for everyone unfortunately. There is a thing in biology where people fall in love with their friends because they seem ideal lovers. Due to common interests, personality etc.

Not saying it is that, but, it's worth a thought.

[Croconaw]

And that's great. As for you being in love with her though, there's no way that anyone could give you to 'fall out of love'. It's different for everyone unfortunately. There is a thing in biology where people fall in love with their friends because they seem ideal lovers. Due to common interests, personality etc.

Not saying it is that, but, it's worth a thought.
Thank you though! That could be a scenario where she is just trying to be nice. That is what I honestly thought. Sometimes kindness can be mistaken as flirting, which I didn’t think she was flirting. I just thought she liked me a little.

What brought me to post this was the fact she said “Me and my girlfriend probably won’t last forever.” That threw me off because I thought why would she tell me that if she didn’t like me even a little.

And I didn’t say this, but I told her prior to telling her I liked her that she was my very best friend and I don’t want me telling her to ruin our friendship and the connection we have.

[Ethan19]

Thank you though! That could be a scenario where she is just trying to be nice. That is what I honestly thought. Sometimes kindness can be mistaken as flirting, which I didn’t think she was flirting. I just thought she liked me a little.

What brought me to post this was the fact she said “Me and my girlfriend probably won’t last forever.” That threw me off because I thought why would she tell me that if she didn’t like me even a little.

And I didn’t say this, but I told her prior to telling her I liked her that she was my very best friend and I don’t want me telling her to ruin our friendship and the connection we have.

I'm not saying she doesn't like you that way at all, I'm just saying it would be a shame for you to wait and wait and wait for nothing.

That latter part of the text is the bit I was saying I've sent before. I sent it in the context of trying to make the receiver happier because I knew if they dwelled on the fact that I was with someone, it just makes them upset.

I'm glad you told her that because it means you value the more important thing, which very few people do lately.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I am 20 years old and am past my teen years but this site has helped me a lot. I hope we can give each other advice and help each other. :)

In short, I am in love with my best friend. I’ll explain...

I met this girl (Let’s call her Sophia, not her real name) online about a year ago. We shared a mutual interest of hockey. I am in kind of a weird situation because she is seventeen years old (She turns eighteen this month though) and has a girlfriend. We have talked every single day. It started on kik messenger, then I got her number.

I’m going to backtrack to last year. I sent her a message on kik. I was in a really bad and abusive relationship when I met this girl. About a few months after I met Sophia, my now ex-girlfriend dumped me. I told Sophia right as it happened and this is exactly how our conversation went down.

Me: I broke up with my girlfriend.
Sophia: That’s great! -pauses- I mean... Aw I’m so sorry :( You truly deserve someone who’s going to make you happy!

Later that day, she sends me a message. It says: “You are the kindest most genuine person I ever got to meet. You deserve happiness and the right person will see that.”

I was on the way back from a trip I went on to visit my now ex. (To keep it short... my ex dumped me on my train ride to Alabama to go see her.) So I couldn’t turn back. Okay, now I’m on my way home... I’m crying at 3:00 AM in the wee hours of the night on a Greyhound Bus. Nobody could tell because they were sleeping. The person that was keeping me from freaking out any more was Sophia. We were texting and our conversation went like this.

Me: It’s okay if you want to sleep, I know you have school in a few hours. I’ll be okay.
Sophia: No, it’s okay! I need to make sure you’re alright.

Sophia then proceeds to send me songs that would cheer me up and she sent me a picture of a rainbow and said things will get better.

A few weeks after the trip, we were texting and out of the blue, just randomly, she sends me a baby picture of her and says “Mini me!” I told her she was adorable and sent her my baby picture. She told me that I have a great smile. I said “Thank you” and told her I’m sure she has a great smile as well. That’s when Sophia says “Well honestly I have really bad teeth.” That was something we connected over because my teeth are also far from perfect. I told her about my teeth and my surgery for a tooth abscess (That just so happened to be her birthday. Yes, her birthday was the day of my surgery). I told her I was self conscious of my teeth and she says “I honestly think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”

We talk literally every single day. I’m going to stop here on our conversations because I don’t want to make this too long, but our conversations are sometimes really deep and personal.

She is from the state of Nebraska. I’m going to explain what is weird to me and you can call me crazy but several signs have been reminding me of Sophia. In public, I would sometimes see a Nebraska license plate on a car. This happened on a few separate occasions. The first time was in Alabama. This was an Alabama license plate, but the plate was customized to say her name... it was parked where my ex and I went out to eat.

The second time was when I was on vacation in Erie. My family stopped to eat, and there was a Nebraska car that pulled in and parked next to my grandma’s car.

The third occasion was in California where I live. There was a Nebraska car just parked where I was going to eat at Taco Bell. Now, how common is Nebraska?

Another thing that is weird, as I was laying down on my bed on my first day in California... I recently moved. So, I lay down feeling lonely because it was late and everyone was sleeping. On the ceiling on the smoke alarm. It says her initials on the smoke alarm. The first letter of her first name and the first letter of her last name... it is written on the smoke alarm and I’m not even kidding.

I’m going to stop right here because I don’t want it to get too long. Sophia and I say we love each other. Something worth noting is that she called me her “best friend” one day after we met, so I think we connected pretty well.

I did tell her I had feelings for her, as well. Her response was basically:

“Aw I’m honestly really flattered you feel that way! I love you so much never forget that you deserve to be happy <3 me and my girlfriend probably won’t last forever!”

That is what threw me off... she said her and her girlfriend won’t last forever. Is that a way of saying she likes me? I was a little confused by her response. I truly love this girl.

I would love and appreciate any advice. I’m stuck on this situation and am looking for advice. Thank you! <3

As for the license plates and all, those coould have been coincidences that stood out to you because of the connections your mind made, which goes to show how deeply rooted her essence is in your heart. These could also be signs from God reminding you about "Sophia."

I really admire your bravery about sharing your feelings with her. She does have a girlfriend and her loyalty to the girlfriend is an admirable quality. There is that saying about If someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you.

If for whatever reason they don't work out, be supportive of her as she was with you (something, I'm sure you know and would do).

Now that she knows how you feel, I think you should not bring it up again. I doubt you'd want the friendship to be about how you feel or whatever. I'd reccomend continue to be the best friend to her that you are. She is super important (to you) and make sure she is reminded of that. Show her don't tell her.

What are her long term plans? Could you get her to go find you in Cali? I do not know if that is realistic or not.

Also, do you talk with this girl about her gf? How often does this gf come up in conversations if at all? Is it positive, is it negative?

Edit: I read your post and responded. I then read the whole thread. I would just add that whatevr goals you have, aspirations etc. that you go hard on all that. It will pay off for you in the long run Sophia/or no Sophia. Plus, her watching how kick ass you are doing will make you look more idealistic to her. What is meant be will be proven with time.

[Croconaw]

As for the license plates and all, those coould have been coincidences that stood out to you because of the connections your mind made, which goes to show how deeply rooted her essence is in your heart. These could also be signs from God reminding you about "Sophia."

I really admire your bravery about sharing your feelings with her. She does have a girlfriend and her loyalty to the girlfriend is an admirable quality. There is that saying about If someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you.

If for whatever reason they don't work out, be supportive of her as she was with you (something, I'm sure you know and would do).

Now that she knows how you feel, I think you should not bring it up again. I doubt you'd want the friendship to be about how you feel or whatever. I'd reccomend continue to be the best friend to her that you are. She is super important (to you) and make sure she is reminded of that. Show her don't tell her.

What are her long term plans? Could you get her to go find you in Cali? I do not know if that is realistic or not.

Also, do you talk with this girl about her gf? How often does this gf come up in conversations if at all? Is it positive, is it negative?
It gets interesting because she actually told me she was thinking of moving to the Sacramento area which isn’t far from where I am currently. The GF doesn’t come up too much but when she does it’s always about a fight they had or a negative comment.

Of course I would be supportive of her. I have comforted her when she came to me about problems with her current girlfriend. Thank you. It took a lot of courage to tell her my feelings. I’m glad I didn’t ruin our friendship.

[West Coast Sheriff]

It gets interesting because she actually told me she was thinking of moving to the Sacramento area which isn’t far from where I am currently. The GF doesn’t come up too much but when she does it’s always about a fight they had or a negative comment.

Of course I would be supportive of her. I have comforted her when she came to me about problems with her current girlfriend. Thank you. It took a lot of courage to tell her my feelings. I’m glad I didn’t ruin our friendship.

As far as the girlfriend situation, I think you are handling it well.
Like definitely don't create negativity with it, but I wouldn't give it much positivity either.

Just keep doing what you are doing and time will tell but you seem to be handling it all as well as possible. Good luck and keep us posted.

[jamie_n5]

I am glad you got out of a nowhere bad relationship.
I would guess your best friend has sensed that you love her more than just as a friend. My advice would be to be honest and come out and tell her you love her deeply and would like to have a relationship with her. This would open everything up and you will know how she feels and she knows how you feel. She could say yes or no and if it's no then tell her that you are okay with keeping things the way they are if that is what she wants. At least you let her know honestly how you feel and she knows the door is open if she decides she wants more. Good luck.

[Croconaw]

Thank you for the wonderful advice, everyone. I will continue to be a best friend to her and see where that leads. Maybe we are meant to be together, or maybe not, but I will enjoy being her best friend for the time being. Maybe this needs a little more time.