How can I get over this

[skittlesh]

I have the issue that everyone who I speak to I have to analyse everything they do or say and always the same conclusion is oh they are just being civil and don’t scruskky care about me and now I’m all stressed out again as soon as I think I’ve found a good friend I get stressed and think they don’t really mean it, it’s such a big problem I wish there was some kind of test or subtle way to find out if I’m liked by people or just people being decent human being I see it all the time at school someone who thinks they’re best friends with the group then turns out no one likes them ugh I don’t even have anyone I can ask to subtly ask for me cause I only just started making friends at school ugh this is just torture. I’m getting it at least I think I’m getting closer to someone but he’s in a pretty strong group that idk most of the people in we talk b bit should I just bring up the issue like hey I got betrayed by a friend once and it kind of messed me up now I got this huge anxiety issue can I just ask ... or is that weird we’ve spoken about stuff like this before but always about him.

[Just JT]

There’s no test, if you feel you need to test your friendship, it’s not a friendship
Reality is, most people don’t have many real friends. If you have 2 or 3 true friends, your fucking lucky bro, cause that’s a lot
Most people are just people you know who maybe from school or a team and you have similar interests
Friendship, a true friendship, it’s something that comes in time, it evolves, and just happens
I think you may feel insecure about having friends or not, maybe some trust issues, do you have a hard time trusting people in general?

[Ben7]

Well something you could try doing is talking to them regularly and paying attention to how interested or well they listen to you on a day to day basis. Ask yourself these questions when considering whether someone is a friend or not. This is by no means a definitive "test" either, but at least I would say that these questions/checklist is a good place to start.

-Do they remember what you told them before?

-Do they make time for you when you want to talk to them?

-Do they listen to what you say? (Usually you can tell whether someone is paying attention or not to a certain extent. For example, if they are listening, then they will give you their undivided attention, not be on their phone or talking to someone else at the same time, they might ask questions as you are talking to better understand your points, they will reciprocate actively in the conversation. Alternatively, if they don't listen or they don't care then they may just change the subject or not comment on what you tell them, or they may be on your phone, or they may literally never ever remember anything from previous conversations or know what's going on in your life.)

-Do they hang out with you? As in, do you regularly spend time with them? Either you asking them to hang out or they asking you? If someone is your friend, then more often than not (though of course there are always exceptions), a friend will make time for you and will want to spend time with you unless he/she legitimately has something else going on that would prevent them from doing so.

-Do they have your back when you're having a hard time or are really stressed out for whatever reason? Do they ask what's the matter and try to help you?

- Do they ever lie to you or try to mislead you? Is there anything in their behavior or words or actions that would suggest that they do not respect you?

These are just some questions that you should try asking about whatever person you have in mind when considering whether they are your friend or not. There's definitely a lot more you can consider and ask yourself about someone to deepen an evaluation of this sort, but I think this is a good starting point.

If it turns out these are not truly your friends though, just move on and look for other people. Believe me, I don't have that many friends and I wish I did. And I hate being so lonely all the time, but at the same time it's not worth trying to force yourself to be with someone who doesn't truly value you as a friend. So if this is the case, just move on even if it's difficult and start looking for others. Best of luck.

[skittlesh]

Thanks really helpful ����

[jamie_n5]

You need to stop being paranoid and trying to look so deeply into friends you meet. You should know if a friend is a friend if they like hanging out with you and doing things together. Just be yourself and leave the analysis out of looking at friends and people. If you don't stop your going to drive yourself crazy. If you think that you are suffering from anxiety and depression you need to see your doctor for help. I did and am on antidepressants and it has helped me and my life significantly. Just do something and don't give up.