Worries about cadets

[Cadet65]

(uk based)
Sorry if wrong forum, this seemed best suited

I recently joined cadets and im loving it but i have a few worries which I fear may stop me participating in future activities. I am very self conscious about my looks, weight, chest size, spots etc.

I joined along with about 10 others a few months back and so far iv been away on a camp for the weekend, flying, first aid and air rifle training. During these activities, which I loved for the most part, I noticed how they are very comfortable with getting up close and personal at times.

What happened and why is im worried:
-Had to shower in a communal shower completely naked with 5 other girls. Im uncomfortable with being naked around others and i do not know what to do if im on my period (don't like tampons)
-I was weighed by a senior cadet infront of the 4/5 others who were going flying. They didn't try to keep this a secret
-During the first aid course had to practise "head to toe" exams on each other (involves touching/feeling almost everywhere including the breast bone and thighs)
-Had to line up with the 10 other newbies where they were measured for uniforms. This included chest, inside leg and they weren't discrete about it!
-Had to try on a swimsuit in the changing room with other girls, which involved removing underwear

Can anyone tell me how to cope with this or help me in any way? I'm quite worried that this will cause me to not do as many activities and miss out.

[ska8er]

Before u joined u should have had
an idea of what u were going to b up
against in regards to living closely with
a group of other girls. I would say the
only thing that I can say is to forget
bout how u look or anything else and
do ur best since u do like the group.
I'm sure the others have just the
same doubts of how they look even
tho u say they r comfortable. As for
showers or dressing or undressing
just do it and after awhile it will come
easy and no longer a problem. Trust
in what I say cause Ive been through
the same like everyone else. If u still
cant handle it then its best to leave-
but don't. Stick to it.

[skittlesh]

You have to remember this is a probably a tight group of people so it’s never going to be easy to infiltrate eventually you’ll be so close to these people when you go on enough camps and remember everyone probably has a little nervousness before they get in a communal shower your in the same position as them. Alternatively (bear in mind I would always advocate change your mind not your physical world first) if wait is in issue healthily loose some it would be obvs healthy but def try to change your thinking before your body (I know may not be a possibility ) or just quit (last resort)

[Just JT]

Take a look around at the other girls, watch their reactions to things, and how they look. Make friends with one of them you think might be most like yourself. Give it some time, maybe talk to her about it.

Many guys have the same anxieties about stuff like that, and in the end, we all figure out it’s no big deal, we all have the same stuff, issues, etc

You won’t be the first girl to need to take a private shower from time to time

[Stronk Serb]

Typical thing I noticed with some girls is that they are needlessly nervous about their looks. My girlfriend is very nervous regarding waist length, chest size, weight etc, even though she is beautiful. I had those problems too. Then I decided to kick the mirror out of the room.

Still, the cadets are a good way to learn some useful skills. Also it is a really tight and hermetical group. All of you are there by choice, so I suggest you socialize with them and keep this in mind, other girls might think of themselves the same way too. B

[SethfromMI]

Even though I am a guy who is comfortable about changing in front of others, I can say many guys and girls feel the same way you do. Going in, you had to have known you were not going to always get the privacy you wanted. I know the movies exaggerate things from time to time, but the military is very practical when it comes to a lot of things. they aren't going to spend a bunch of money to make sure everyone has privacy to be comfortable.

My best advice is do your best to try not to think about it. I know it can be hard, but the more you do it, the more you have to change and shower with the others, usually the easier it is going to become for you. I know it can be hard not to compare, I know it can be hard not to want something someone else has sometimes, but try to learn to be happy with your body the way it is.

I know for a lot of people, after they shower or change enough, they don't even think about it anymore, hopefully, that ends up being the same with you. because if you do go for it as a career, even if you end up living off base, there are going to be times where you are going to end up changing and showering with the rest.

I hope it gets easier for you.

[jamie_n5]

It's just one of the facts of life and being involved in activities. You somehow have to accept and adjust with changing and being naked around other girls. I can understand about your periods but all the other girls have them too. I know that our girls locker room in my high school had two private stalls that were for girls on their period to use. The regular showers were open. Just try to not worry about these things so much and I am sure that you will be okay.

[StacyD]

Yeah, as others have said, I cannot believe that you had no idea what you were getting into. Now you're surprised about it? Get over it. Come out of your shell and realize that (1) the others seriously have way more important stuff to worry about in their own lives than you and (2) they don't care and (3) you shouldn't either. Put on your big girl panties and have fun and enjoy the sense of community and belonging such groups and activities offer. You will get it of it only what you put in.

[Cadet65]

Since writing this i've been swimming. I had to wear the swimsuit they gave me and it's more than revealing! You can easily see my nipples through it and it rides up my ass, showing everything. I then showered with all the other girls naked.

I also got measured for more uniform in the changing rooms at my unit. This was much different from last time as they made me and the other girl newbies strip to our underwear then measure pretty much everywhere. I had measured my: height, head, neck, chest, underbreast, bra size (Taken from my bra), waist, hips, crotch length, girth and inside leg. Apparently these for "specialised" uniforms like sports kit.

I'm still not feeling confident at all and these really aren't helping things. Everyone else seems so confident.

Yeah, as others have said, I cannot believe that you had no idea what you were getting into. Now you're surprised about it? Get over it. Come out of your shell and realize that (1) the others seriously have way more important stuff to worry about in their own lives than you and (2) they don't care and (3) you shouldn't either. Put on your big girl panties and have fun and enjoy the sense of community and belonging such groups and activities offer. You will get it of it only what you put in.

No need to be rude. I know it's different in the US but in the UK cadets is a youth club with military links, but you are NOT part of the military. I don't know how I was meant to expect this.

[StacyD]

No need to be rude. I know it's different in the US but in the UK cadets is a youth club with military links, but you are NOT part of the military. I don't know how I was meant to expect this.

Apparently you regard someone speaking to you frankly/candidly as being rude. News flash: it isn't the same thing. Oh well. If that truly offended your sensibilities, then you should probably get out of your Cadets program now, because you will likely hear, and be spoken to, much worse.

And it is irrelevant whether it is US, UK or North Pole based. It is irrelevant whether it has military ties or ties to gummy bears and lollipops. What is relevant is the list of things you stated you were worried about in your first post. ALL of those things are things which any reasonable person should have anticipated, which you have also been told by some of these other responses. You should have expected such things. Simple. As for the latter part of my post, that people don't care and are not focused on you, so be the big girl and move onward?...Again, if that bothers you, you're far too much of a delicate hothouse flower to try to hang with the Cadets and you're better off somewhere else. The fact of the matter is it's all true. They don't care. They are not focusing on you. They truly have so many more things to worry about in their own lives, and in their own role as cadets, than your ass and nipples. They are forgetting about what they see, if they even pay attention at all. They are not coming on here (like you are) and talking all about it to anyone and everyone. So again, get over it. You're placing far too much emphasis on something these other girls could care less about. IF you are the one focusing on every other cadet, watching their every move, every curve, all the things they do or say, then maybe it's you with the problem. Because you can pretty much guarantee they're not doing the same to (or about) you. Unless your goal is to just come here and broadcast - in detail - to everyone what is apparently so traumatizing for you. No-one else would know about it had you not been going on and on about it. And yes, all those other cadets have already forgotten about your ass and nipples showing while you swam or showering with you. I certainly don't remember anything about the tons of times I've done such things with others. Yet, here you are. Anyway, good luck. It seems you're going to need it. Done.

[SethfromMI]

Since writing this i've been swimming. I had to wear the swimsuit they gave me and it's more than revealing! You can easily see my nipples through it and it rides up my ass, showing everything. I then showered with all the other girls naked.

I also got measured for more uniform in the changing rooms at my unit. This was much different from last time as they made me and the other girl newbies strip to our underwear then measure pretty much everywhere. I had measured my: height, head, neck, chest, underbreast, bra size (Taken from my bra), waist, hips, crotch length, girth and inside leg. Apparently these for "specialised" uniforms like sports kit.

I'm still not feeling confident at all and these really aren't helping things. Everyone else seems so confident.



No need to be rude. I know it's different in the US but in the UK cadets is a youth club with military links, but you are NOT part of the military. I don't know how I was meant to expect this.

I am sorry but what is everyone supposed to say? You joined a living/group/however you want to say it which is not known for it's privacy. Even if your not in the military, they have some connections to it right? I know there are sometimes similar programs over here and they often have to change together, shower together all of that. I had to shower after not only sports (which I choose to do) but PE as well.

Most of us here are trying to be sympathetic, but assuming you had a choice in the manner of doing this, did you really think you were going to be getting a lot of privacy?

At the end of the day, this is going to have to be something you either force yourself to get used to or quit. If you can't quit, then you def have to force yourself to get use to it. I am sorry it is not fun for you, but many times when you have large groups of people it is simply easier to have them change and shower together. If you are thinking about going into the military after the cadets, they are giving you a taste of the things to come. Seriously, I say this as gently as possible, if this really is an issue for you and you do not think you can handle it, then quit if you are able to do so.

I still say, as others have, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Most guys are shy about showering nude the first time with others guys (some never have the problem), but the more you do it, the more you don't think twice about it after awhile. Hopefully that will be the case for you too.