13yr old brother playing sex games

[Ella...]

Alright, before y'all come for me and say "oh, but the boy needs to explore his sexuality" NO. please respect my opinion.
Okay, so, about a year ago I helped my brother create an email account, because he didn't have his own laptop, and that was all fine and dandy.
So, a month ago I saw that his account was still logged in as a subaccount (gmail does that thing) and I was like "I better delete this, no need for it to be on here" and oh boy. He had like 500 emails from these dating sites, with boobs and other naked parts everywhere. I was pretty terrified, and did not want to see that cus I am a straight lady, so I emailed him telling him that I saw it, and that he really is too young to be on those sites. He never replied, which is okay, I assume it was pretty embarrassing having your sister find that out.
I kinda forgot about it until a few days ago when I saw his laptop open. I am a very curious person, so I was like "hmm, I wonder if he listened to my advice" so I looked at his search history, and lo and behold it was a huge NOPE. The past weeks were full of "sex games, sex games, sex games, etc..."
Now, I've never been on those kind of sites, because I have no interest in them, but it's just not okay from my view to do that (I'm Christian), and our mom has the same view. And so, I've come to the conclusion that I could either tell our mom, and get in trouble for invading his privacy, but my mom could give him a little pep talk (I don't think she & my dad have even given him the birds and the bees talk). Or, I could just not do anything and nothing would happen. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

[lliam]

My older sis was same like you. As she found out me watching porns at age of 12, almost 13, she also came up with me being to young and yada yada yada. I didn't really listen to her, cause I found it kinda boring ...


When she didn't stop with her moral sermons, I insulted her to the utmost and forbade her strictly ever to enter my room without my permission. From then on, my room was always locked. Even my parents accepted that.

I made it clear I do what I want anyway, even if she informs our parents about it. In return, I would have blabbed out a few "secrets" of my sister.

That wasn't a nice thing that times, but it disappeared in time. Anyway, the porns got boring. So after a year I stopped watching porns and haven't watched them ever since.

That could be the case with your brother as well. But if I think of my buddies back then, you might have to give your brother a little more time. Probably until he turns 15 or 16.

[Uniquemind]

This is an awkward position to be in but ultimately (even from a Christian faith perspective) he has the freewill to do this, and he will as an individual. It’s not your job to be his parent nor can you really prevent him from making a new email or changing a password to then regain access to the adult content.

However, that being said, the internet is a dangerous place and there is a real risk of him sharing too much personal information and endangering the family.

If this is all occurring on your computer, that absolutely puts your digital security at risk, and that should be addressed in a diplomatic way to your parents so as enable parental controls.

Depending on the specific sites and services you saw he had subscriptions too, I’d customize my response depending on what I caught him doing.

Is it him just viewing images and videos? Or is it like where he’s accessing websites where he’s communicating with strangers? One is definitely more serious than the other.

[Jaffe]

Why do you care how he deals with sex and porn and feelings?
I understand that you care because you love him, but really, he needs to find his won way, and forcing someone to do it in the way that YOU think is best may not be best for HIM. Let him find his own way for a few years, it will work out. Caring about someone means letting them make mistakes and learning by experience, not forcing them to conform to your beliefs.

[ImagineRepublicCity]

It's actually illegal to watch, play, or look at porn before you hit the age of 18 in most countries. While people don't usually care about this, nor do police go knocking on everyone's doors to look at their search history. If I were you, I would tell your mum.

This is purely my belief, but I think that having a strong sex drive to look at a lot of porn at 13, probably isn't very good. Your mum should be able to talk it out with him, about what's happening and what is okay. It's okay to look at porn, but it shouldn't be an obsession.

[AussieChris]

I think looking up erotic videos/pictures is normal up to a point, but there is such a thing as too much, and some places would definitely be unsuitable for a 13 year old. And 500 is a loooottt! I looked at sexy things online every now and then when I was that age, but even back then the idea of looking at 500 would've made me be like "Nope! Too much!". I wish I could give you advice on what to do.

[Harrier]

So it's actually VERY common to like looking at naked people you find attractive. Whether you know this or not. I know you said you and your mom are Christian. That's cool. So am I. I try to be good. But I think it's still common to look at nakedness. Dont you like to? You COULD busy him and tell mom. But will that REALLY help? It will just embarrass him and possibly make it super awkward between all of you. He's getting older. Soon he will be 18 and an adult. Let him find his way.

[ska8er]

If u think he is going to listen to u
well think again. U could bring it up
to him that u understand that he is
starting puberty and he is curious but
that he has to b careful which sites he
goes on. No use getting ur parents in
on this unless he is in trouble. Let him
go but tell him its ur laptop and he is
accountable for whatever he does on it.

[mick01]

Busting him to your mom will not change his behavior. He's a kid going through puberty, that's what happens despite your own beliefs. So apart from getting your brother in trouble, and likely hurting whatever relationship you have with him now, what gets accomplished by you ratting him out?
You need to be a decent sister and just let him be.

[BlackParadePixie]

You could tell your mom...coming from a safety standpoint. I guarantee you that some of the sites he's visiting are not secure and he runs the risk of getting all sorts of viruses on his computer, especially if he's downloading anything. You should talk to your mom about possibly putting some sort of adult filter on your home router or modem.

He's 13...he's gonna look at porn. He may just have to start doing it at a friends house or something like that.

[Just JT]

He’s curious and that’s that. Maybe a little to active but....and that can be dangerous
You could, if you wanted to, being it’s a sub account, delete his email account
But that won’t change his behaviors at all
At 13, those feelings are pretty much uncontrollable tbh
It’ll pass
But I’d make sure he’s not meeting up with people on line in person

[jamie_n5]

I think that you have to let him be on his own and do his own thing. He has to learn by his own mistakes and ways. If this progresses into something like total bad behavior or a sexual perversion that he may do something sexually wrong to someone like rape or assault that would be a different matter. But for now leave him be and let him learn about life his way.

[kro814]

You should sever your account with him. That way he looks up what every 13 year old boy seeks under his own account.

[skittlesh]

One . What’s he does with his account and all that his but two I get all sorts of emails asking me if I wanna meet hot Russian babes they come so it may not even be what U think it is

[Ben7]

Well on one hand I understand that teen boys just entering or at the start of puberty are very curious and will want to explore a lot. On the other hand, I'd say at some point there may be a line. At least I don't remember that I ever did the stuff like you have described, or at least nowhere near that implied extent or implied frequency. Of course, I suppose everyone is different and there may be different "normals" based on the individual.

If it were my little brother, I wouldn't go to a parent as a first resort. I would first try to have a serious brother to brother (in your case sister to brother obviously) conversation where I try to hint that perhaps there should be certain limits or not to overdo it, or stuff like that. Leave it at that for a while. If he seems to be having problems elsewhere (i.e. school, friends, etc.) perhaps it may hint at him spending too much time on this computer being on weird sites, in which case you can try talking to him again or if you feel very strongly tell a parent. It's not an easy situation.

Short answer recap: boys at that age will be curious so to a certain extent it will be normal; talk to him in a serious sibling-sibling conversation but leave it at that, only if some other parts of his life start suffering like school or other stuff, then consider going further.

[NudistFun]

Porn can be destructive on the mind, especially at his age. It really depends on the relationship he has with your parents. If it is a very open relationship where they can talk about anything then maybe you should tell them. However, it may backfire if it only embarrasses him and makes it awkward between him and your parents. In that case, you may be better off sitting down with him yourself.

[EvaNL]

You could try to talk to him yourself. Not telling him he has to stop, because that's not gonna happen anyway.
Tell him about possible dangers of watching porn and being on dating sites as a minor, and that you do not want to see him get hurt in any way. Acknowledge that he has urges and that that is perfectly fine. Tell him he can come talk to you if he has questions. Win his trust.
Don't forbid it or threaten him; that will not give the result you hope for.
Also, don't tell your parents unless you are getting along really well. I mean, JUST punishing him has no practical use. He still has these urges. Talking to him will very probably yield much better results, but that takes a certain level of trust and understanding between all of you.

[heymynameis]

I think you should respect him and his privacy. at our age, we like to explore and get to know our bodies and sexually develop ourselves. if i were your brother it would be quite upsetting if you told your mum. i would leave him alone and maybe have a chat with him about being careful what you do. remember, he is just curious and his hormones are running wild, making him horny

[noah.whynot]

Ok, so first I'll assume you set up his email as a sub-account to yours by accident, instead of creating him an actual account of his own that's separate from yours. Fair enough. Wanting to remove it from your account is also fair, although you could've just given him a heads up first, instead of reading his email, so that he could create his own in case he had contacts, etc. that he'd want to keep. You only mention seeing dating site/porn related emails, but he may also be using it to email friends. I'm not sure if "500 emails" is an exaggeration on your part because you were shocked to see that or whether you literally went through his entire email inbox. He may or may not have seen an email from you, so it probably would've been better to say something to him in person.

You then say that you went into his room and purposely looked through his laptop. That's clearly overstepping your bounds as a sister. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and he went through your email? Or found a diary and read through that? Even if there's nothing of a sexual nature, I bet you'd have felt like that would've been a pretty huge violation and invasion of your privacy. Even worse if he'd seen something that in his opinion he should be telling your mom about.

It's also quite possible that many of these emails are spam if he's used his email address on one or two questionable sites. You might argue that if that was the case he could've deleted them. But whether you approve or not, a boy in puberty that's straight is going to look at boobs and whatever else might've been in there. Same goes for his internet history. He's curious and he will find ways to satisfy that curiosity. I can't speak for what it's like for girls going through puberty, but from personal experience as a boy, a growing sex drive is almost impossible to ignore.

Unless you have a clear reason to believe that he's intending to meet someone he's been talking to through the internet or that he's at risk of physical harm, I don't think you have anything to gain by spilling the beans to your mom.

It's really on your mom (you don't mention a dad) to have a conversation with him about being safe on the web, maybe set up parental controls or whatever she feels is right as his parent. And to me that's the key here: she's his parent, not you. If you tell your mom, it's quite possible she could react in a negative way and that probably wouldn't set the tone for having a productive conversation. And I imagine he'd be pretty upset with you. Not sure what your relationship is like, but setting yourself up as his adversary rather than an ally will probably just mean he'll never trust that he could go to you with something important that he's dealing with.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

[Ella...]

Okay thanks guys :) I think I'll just keep from saying anything. I guess it really is his decision in the end, and telling my parents isn't really going to make a huge difference. I'm not sure if he has virus protection or anything, so I'll check with him to see if he does.
And to answer some thing that were a bit unclear: he does have his own computer now, but didn't at the time he wanted an email address. I've unlinked his account from mine, and I forgot his password, so I'm never going to read his email again. Okay, 500 was just a guess, he had at lot, and the ones I saw were from hookup sites or something, I didn't look at all of them and I have no idea if he's actually contacting people on them. To expand on the email I sent when I first found out - I sent him a bunch of links to websites saying how porn can badly affect your mind and told him that maybe he shouldn't be going to those sites, he didn't listen, so I don't think me talking to him any further would do much anyways.

[Uniquemind]

Okay thanks guys :) I think I'll just keep from saying anything. I guess it really is his decision in the end, and telling my parents isn't really going to make a huge difference. I'm not sure if he has virus protection or anything, so I'll check with him to see if he does.
And to answer some thing that were a bit unclear: he does have his own computer now, but didn't at the time he wanted an email address. I've unlinked his account from mine, and I forgot his password, so I'm never going to read his email again. Okay, 500 was just a guess, he had at lot, and the ones I saw were from hookup sites or something, I didn't look at all of them and I have no idea if he's actually contacting people on them. To expand on the email I sent when I first found out - I sent him a bunch of links to websites saying how porn can badly affect your mind and told him that maybe he shouldn't be going to those sites, he didn't listen, so I don't think me talking to him any further would do much anyways.

He’s just gonna learn the hard way if those articles are true; bless your future sister in law if he develops premature ejaculation problems and warped body image expectations in women.

It’s definitely still a concern if he’s live chatting with strangers and some of those hookup sites are fraudulent or online scams. I’ve seen news reports where if that’s going on things can go really horribly wrong.

I think harm is minimized if your brother doesn’t have access to your parents credit card information as well....that could be problematic and don’t outright ask him either and it might give him ideas. But just be aware and balance that line of privacy for your sibling but also your duty as a daughter to protect the family safety.

If strange people start coming around in his social circle or if he starts hanging out with a rough-crowd, those are some warning signs.

[bouldghirl]

Okay thanks guys :) I think I'll just keep from saying anything. I guess it really is his decision in the end, and telling my parents isn't really going to make a huge difference. I'm not sure if he has virus protection or anything, so I'll check with him to see if he does.
And to answer some thing that were a bit unclear: he does have his own computer now, but didn't at the time he wanted an email address. I've unlinked his account from mine, and I forgot his password, so I'm never going to read his email again. Okay, 500 was just a guess, he had at lot, and the ones I saw were from hookup sites or something, I didn't look at all of them and I have no idea if he's actually contacting people on them. To expand on the email I sent when I first found out - I sent him a bunch of links to websites saying how porn can badly affect your mind and told him that maybe he shouldn't be going to those sites, he didn't listen, so I don't think me talking to him any further would do much anyways.

This seems the most sensible option to me. He’s going to be visiting these type of sites if he’s normal. You’ve done what you can. Just make sure he’s aware of basic computer security like anti-virus so his nice new laptop doesn’t get crashed.

[NewLeafsFan]

Keep in mind that as his sister, you are his equal in the relationship that the two of you have.