Losing my best friend...

[Ineedyou]

I've been depressed for a long time (almost 5 years) ever since I switched schools and lost all my friends. I tried to make friends, but just couldn't because I'm shy. I sat alone at lunch and felt alone for the longest time. I was so sad I cried almost every night. At the same time my brother became a drug addict and was causing family fights as he was in and out of counseling. My parents started fighting more and more and soon got a divorce. I isolated myself from my family and just shut down. I didn't talk for so long that I became numb to everything. At family events everyone is laughing and having a good time and I just sit there faking a smile. At work my co workers would talk to me and make a joke or say something and I just don't know how to respond. I lost touch with people.

Then, I met this kid (let's call him jake). I met Jake and instantly we became best friends. We talked almost everyday for hours and hours and for once in 5 years I was happy again. He was my only friend, but I didn't care because he talked with me for hours about my depression and gave me hope that things would get better. He told me he cared a lot about me and didn't want me to do anything stupid to myself. This went on for two years, everything was perfect... but then he started getting into drugs. I felt him becoming distant with me and there was nothing I can do. He doesn't have fun anymore unless he's under some influence. We talk less and less everyday and I fear the day I will lose him. I don't want to go back to being alone, he means a lot to me and I don't know how to keep him in my life.

[countryplowboy]

Wow..man im so sorry to hear that..I've plowed some tough rows too but not on your level. Its tough to call in your situation...maybe if you make sure Jake understands you love and need him as a friend and express to him how much he has helped you and that he is very important in your life. Perhaps he would listen. I know drugs are super dangerous and deadly..I hope that if Jake won't listen you can find somebody that will leave the drugs alone. It may sound crazy but when I am really struggling..I pray.
I hope maybe this will help you. Good luck

[Ben7]

Though I hate to say it, more often than not, people who get into drugs seldom ever leave that. It's really unfortunate that this happened with the only real person you can call 'friend' right now. My opinion is that you should try to get him to hang out, do things you did before with him, or talk like before. Maybe even talk to him about him doing drugs and the changes you have noticed, and how unwise it is to get into drugs. He is unlikely to heed your lecture, but at least doing so will show that you care about him.

I hope also though that you don't see or even consider doing drugs yourself "to fit in" or to keep your friend or make more friends because that is just never a good idea.

If talking to your friend does not help and nothing works anymore, I'd say that maybe you should just move on. Try to reach out to him every once in a while to tell him about something you encountered, or to ask him about his day, just to show that you are still thinking about him even though you guys aren't "friends" in the same way. But at the same time, maybe start looking for other people who share common interests. Join clubs or groups, I know there are apps like Meetup (I think that's what it's called) where you can find groups based on the activities and interests that you have. Go to events in your community where you can meet people. Put yourself out there. It's easier said than done, believe me I know. Maybe you'll succeed but maybe you won't. At least you've got to try no matter what may or may not happen.

But one thing I know for sure is that you can't start doing drugs yourself and if your friend can't or won't change then you just have to let him be and move on, as hard and unfortunate as it may be.

Good luck man, I wish you all the best.

[jamie_n5]

That is all very sad. Is there any way you can talk him into going into rehab and getting away from drug use? Tell him you don't want to lose him and that drugs will only ruin his life. If things don't improve I am afraid that you will just have to let him go. For now show him you care and give him support and keep trying to talk some sense into him about kicking the drugs.

[StacyD]

There are two addicts here. You and your friend. Your codependence upon him can be just as damaging as his dependence on whatever drug he is doing. One of these things you can control: yourself. As for Jake, you can let him know that you will be there for him if ever needs help, wants to talk, whatever. You can tell him that what he's doing is no good, but you're not really going to be talking to him. You're going to be talking to the addict and the addict only hears what he/she wants to hear and disregards everything else. But the bottom line is that Jake is going to have to want to save himself from the destruction that awaits him by using drugs. You can't love him enough to save him. He has to love himself first. As for yourself, you have to realize that he is, for the time being, gone. Just as he needs to learn to love himself, so do you. Like I said, you can't control him or make him love himself, but you can control yourself. So do it. Learn that your happiness doesn't depend on anyone else. Not your friends, not your brother, not your parents, not your anything. Just you. So love you. Work on yourself. Realize that so much of the other things are just complete and total bullshit in the scheme of things and any amount of worry, sadness, depression, etc., about them won't change a damn thing. It only hurts you to go through such worry , sadness and depression. So don't give into it. Because in the end, friends come and go, but if you don't place value on yourself and you can't be happy on your own, you'll never find it on any healthy level with anyone else. If you need help with this, talk to someone who can get you the help you need. A teacher, one of your parents, a minister, whatever. Admitting it, rather than "faking a smile," can go a long way into helping yourself become whole again. Good luck.

[Wallky]

I think you need to talk to him. Explain to him your situation and then how drugs affect your relationship.