My own mental problems are about to ruin my relationship

[Rjs2000]

Hi

Im 17 and im studying full time at college. I met my girlfriend over 14 months ago and everything was just amazing at the start. It was like it was meant to be. I’ve never been the same person that i was at the start for the last 9 months almost and this is why.

I constantly live in fear. Previously my girlfriend was very close to lots of other boys and i know she does enjoy social media. This makes me feel uncomfortable even though i know it shouldn’t.
My friends all left me. Im totally isolated in the sense that she still has her friends but i dont have mine. This then makes me feel down, upset and a touch jealous when she says she wants to go out with friends.

Recently these feelings have caused me to create arguments between us. We are growing apart and im at last hopes now.

I love my girlfriend and id be lost without her. However with the arguments, i feel she will go soon. Because, really why wouldnt she?

Im just looking for any advice on the situation and how i can make this better. Thanks

[StacyD]

Sounds like you already know what the problem is. Once you know what the problem is, it is easier to find a solution. I'm guessing that when you say you "constantly live in fear" you mean you're jealous and insecure. At least, that's what I took your statement to mean since you follow it up with how close she is to lots of boys and how active she is on social media. That suggests you have little self-confidence and are jealous and, perhaps if you took it further, controlling. I'd say it is far more than a "touch jealous" if you are now "totally isolated" and have no more friends. Those are awful traits and as you already stated, why would anyone want to stick with a person like that? I'm guessing you're creating arguments because you want her all to herself and you want to make her as isolated as you apparently are. That is not healthy and of course she's going to run away. 1, because she probably doesn't want to make that level of commitment to you where all she does eat, sleep and breathe you and nothing but you and, 2. because she shouldn't have to and it's completely unhealthy. So, how to make it better? Let her go. Either you have confidence in yourself and in your relationship that she'll be faithful and true to you and come back to you after she has her time with her friends, or you don't. If she is true to you, then you have nothing to worry about. If she isn't, and she's using her time with her friends to either get away from the controlling, no-self-confidence person you are or she's looking for other options and she's not that serious anymore, then you might as well just bring an end to things now and not wait for the inevitable. Either way, if not for her, for girlfriends in the future, you need to learn how to love yourself, have faith in yourself, and trust that the one you are with wants to be with you. If not, with your current behavior, you'll drive them away every single time.

[NewLeafsFan]

Your girlfriend is making friends and being social; not scouting for your replacement. Keep in mind that even if most of her friends are male, she might just connect better with males.

I don't think that you should look at this as a challenge, but rather an opportunity. Why not make friends out of your gf's friends? You sound like you really need a friend right now and it would be convenient for your gf and you to share one group of friends. The key to that working out is you meeting them with open arms, not as a detective that stands between her and them. If you do that you will push everyone away from you.

Good luck! And try to spend some time with your gf just the two of you. Sometimes when the intimacy isn't there a couple can easily forget why they're together.

[jamie_n5]

Why did you lose your friends? You need to trust your girlfriend and get off her back or you may indeed drive her away. Try apologizing for acting badly and have a good talk with her to find out where you two are with each other.

[Ethan19]

I mean, I feel as soon as you feel a rift and the arguments start, it's the beginning of the end. There's no real saving grace. By the sounds of it, you need to stop being so weird about her and her being social and need to get some friends of your own and do stuff. You're two separate people at the end of the day. One way I always looked at a relationship which might work for you is, they're with you when they could be with anyone else. They actually want to be with you.

So, take that for what it is and realise doing what you're doing is driving her away.